RE: submission training for a proud woman

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: submission training for a proud woman

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: submission training for a proud woman

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 11/25/2013 9:25:15 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

How much are you really suffering from (or possibly secretly enjoying) your ambivalence?

Was this struggle with the leash and collar down to genuine resistance or more part of your own unique couple's sweet psychodrama of fighting off/giving in?

My off the top of my head, know-fuck-all-about-you internet diagnosis is that you give plenty of clues here (the "strong willed woman" trope, the dream of "completely" submitting), that reluctance and ambivalence are big turn ons for you.

If that's true, you should be working towards milking that quirk for maximum hotness rather than trying to shut it down to no useful avail.

In our deal, her submission is never "done", it's something we continually gently buff and prod as our ongoing sex and intimacy product.

And: In MY experience (mine alone, blah, blah, blah), tasking a submissive partner with drafting make-her-more-submissive-plans is always a non-starter. Sub partners want top down direction, period.

Up the road, with discussion, you can amend or augment the big dom-plan to fit the situational realities, but having the sub draw up the big blueprint always goes nowhere -as your sketchy example seems to prove.

(in reply to zushi)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 11/25/2013 2:10:56 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zushi
Does anyone have experience with strong-willed women and how to get rid of the last reluctance to completely submit? Any help and ideas are appreciated...

Yeah, I'd tell her to apply this alleged "strong will" that she has to her own goal of submitting. I'd also inquire why she felt I wasn't a credible dom/leader/boss/whatever.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to zushi)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 11/25/2013 8:12:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: zushi
Does anyone have experience with strong-willed women and how to get rid of the last reluctance to completely submit? Any help and ideas are appreciated...

Yeah, I'd tell her to apply this alleged "strong will" that she has to her own goal of submitting. I'd also inquire why she felt I wasn't a credible dom/leader/boss/whatever.

Exactly!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 11/26/2013 2:58:02 PM

TearCollector

Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

littlewonder says almost exactly what I was thinking. Why would someone fight against their own personality? Whats the purpose. Not everyone was cut out to be a slave or a Master although many find it arousing to wish they were. You cant turn a crane operator into a baker unless its who he really is. In which case he was faking being a crane operator to begin with. LOL. But lets be honest, sometimes it takes people a while to find their way in life. Not everyone knows what they are best at with out trying many things first. But forcing a personality change that is against the grain probably wont last or work out for anyone. Just my two cents and the long version of agreeing with someones response to this.

< Message edited by TearCollector -- 11/26/2013 3:00:31 PM >

_____________________________

BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 12/2/2013 6:09:20 AM

AaNiMaLl

Posts: 78
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

This question has actually been on my mind. I remembered about self cutting or whatever it is called. My girlfriend used to do that to herself. Now I am the only one that is allowed to cut her. I suppose that is a form of solo submission.

I asked my mate and he just looked at me with an incredulous expression and said, 'what like buying a dildo?' He said, 'I don't get what she is trying to achieve.' Now that I think about it, maybe he has a point. If you learn how to submit to yourself, what are you really achieving? I don't think that it is really beneficial to the soul. It would be like a kind of empty emotional masturbation.

(in reply to TearCollector)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 12/2/2013 5:31:04 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zushi

In my normal life I'm a proud, intelligent, confident and strong-willed woman.

However, in private with my partner I am submissive and with patience he taught me to accept this role... I can be pretty stubborn.
I need to be reminded constantly of my position. I was taught to accept collar and leash so he can train me - I struggled a lot but finally accepted these tools for my obedience training. I'm doing more or less progress... Basic positions and commandos like: sit, heel, down, as well as walking on a leash is working fine.

The problem is, I need more (different?) training to deepen my submission. I was given the task to figure out new techniques that help me to find my way to obedience.

Does anyone have experience with strong-willed women and how to get rid of the last reluctance to completely submit?
Any help and ideas are appreciated...

Hmmm....it sounds like the dilemma of a strong willed (male) sub (whom I may know) who finds it difficult to follow (anyone's) lead.

Ain't it a bitch?

:)

I don't think you need more training.

I suspect you don't even need "different" training.

I think you need to listen more.

(in reply to zushi)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 12/3/2013 6:58:49 AM

kajirarainn

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/29/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I enjoy your wise words. I have contracts of "surrender" with my slaves because the word more accurately describes what they have done. They surrendered their life to me.

My slave is not yet of zen mind so she stands outside herself occasionally in self-judgement. She talks to me about this when it happens and I explain to her that she is a good slave, and she is good enough for me because she has willingness. I also believe that slavehood and/or submission is a process.

It is nice to see I am not the only one with this problem. I am my own worst judge as well and my own worst critic. My Master has often told me that I am fine He is happy with my progress and to quit worrying so much, it is His job to worry and wonder about it.

_____________________________

He is Master i am slave. He orders me and i obey.

He is He and she is she. We don't know any other way to be.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: submission training for a proud woman - 12/4/2013 10:45:54 AM

obedientnwilling

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/19/2013
Status: offline

It sounds to me like that very reason you're drawn to BDSM is that you find it to be a strain to keep up the exterior image of strength, intelligence and willfulness. Your apparent "pride" is really something that you are using as a cover for an inner vulnerability that you are perhaps afraid of. Maybe you are afraid, on some level, that a stranger who saw this hidden vulnerability in your make-up would selfishly take advantage of you.

Therefore, the answer to your question goes back to a central principle of BDSM, which is trust. Trust your husband. Trust him totally. Trust him enough that you would bare your soul to him. Trust him enough that you would let him tie you up and beat you until you cry. Trust him enough to curl up in his arms like a little kitten when he is giving you "aftercare." You can do this. You just have to find enough trust, deep in your heart, to truly expose yourself to this man.

Of course you aren't submissive with strangers. It would be not only foolish, but I would even call it vulgar. Your husband, though, is someone that you once made a commitment to from deep down in your soul. Let yourself fall, knowing he would be there to catch you. Let yourself be weak, knowing he would be your strength. You don't have to sell yourself to this man as "intelligent" or "strong" or "competent." He accepts you for who you are. He loves you for your beautiful soul.

In the arms of the person you love, just let go.

< Message edited by obedientnwilling -- 12/4/2013 10:47:29 AM >

(in reply to kajirarainn)

Profile

Post #: 48