Dommes With No Real Clue

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NullHypothesis -> Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:27:37 PM)
I had the following conversation with a "Domme" who, I felt, had no idea what a D/s relationship entails. Please read the following Reader's Digest run down on our conversation and weigh in. Am I wrong in my closing email? (I've removed her name out of respect for a person who probably doesn't want her profile name published). Me on 11/17/13: Ms. Vxxxxx .... <Enter introduction from me to her here> DominaVxxxxx on 11/17/13: Hello null ....... When are you availabe to take Me to dinner? Ms. Vxxxxx Me on 11/18/13: Ma'am ... My schedule is tapped out throughout the first of the year .... can I get a rain check until Jan 15th? I know you're inundated with players, fakes, and wannabes .... please know that I am sincere. Warmly ... null DominaVxxxxx on 11/18/13: That's fine .... Let me know when you are available to pay proper respect. Ms. Vxxxxx Me on 11/20/13: Ma'am, I will certainly do that. Please travel safe. Warmly, null Me (again) on 11/21/13: Ma'am .... Respect is ... first given, then earned. Domme, Dominant, or submissive - respect is the birthright of every human being. The earning of that respect is a different story altogether. A submissive must earn the respect of his/her Dominant just as the Dominant must earn the respect of his/her submissive. Without respect there is no trust; Without trust there is no relationship - of any kind. If you've ever known a truly service-oriented submissive whose only interest was in your happiness (with no hidden agendas or 'wish lists' of his own) then you know that the quality of that relationship would only suffer from the bartering of the material for immaterial. If you've never known a truly service-oriented submissive, then I look forward to trading emails with you, then (hopefully) meeting in public, with the (hopefully) possible outcome of showing you what genuine submission truly looks like. As always, I look forward to hearing back from you. Warmly, and with all respect due you... null Me (Again) on 12/3/13 (following up to my previously unanswered email): Ma'am I trust you've been well and had a happy thanksgiving. Is it safe to assume that our definitions of "proper respect" differ? Warmly, null DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: I was going to ignore your attempt to "school" me. MY submissives don't try to tell Me what's what. Seems you want to top from the bottom which I do not tollerate on any level. Ms. Vxxxxx Me on 12/4/13: Ma'am, No disrespect intended .... But respect goes way beyond buying someone dinner. And being a submissive does not negate my experience - which I guarantee does NOT include topping from the bottom. My point was that the previous 3 Dommes I served involved a relationship that went far and beyond the materialistic façade of what I could provide for them. That, my dear lady, is what a true D/s relationship is all about. I fear that your submissives are merely lapdogs who are willing to sacrifice their dignity and respect in return for a few smacks on the ass. Best of luck in what you're searching for. Warmly, null DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: You don't know Me nor will you ever know Me. You make a lot of assumptions and are confusing respect with tribute. I don't appreciate any of that. Look elsewhere. Ms. Vxxxxx Me: (Shaking my head and sighing in amazement)

RedMagic1 -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:35:34 PM)
Why did you write on 11/21? You had already told her you'd get back to her in January, and she'd opened the door to a first meet.

littlewonder -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:36:16 PM)
I think you just wasted a lot of your time and energy. I would have deleted the first email and never responded at all. Not worth the effort. Was there some reason you felt you needed to "educate" her?

Missokyst -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:43:23 PM)
I am amazed that her response was "when are you available to take me to dinner?" For me that means she opened the door for face to face contact... WITHOUT asking for a tribute beyond dinner. Do you know how rare that is? And yet you chose to school her on what domination should be.

angelikaJ -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:49:31 PM)
Instead of trying to educate someone, perhaps you should take some time and identify what it is you are looking for, so that when you meet someone who is incompatible you can offer a polite "Thanks but no thanks." You were being given a lot, and you utterly failed to see it... and then disrespected the generosity. She will be a great catch for someone else.

LadyPact -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 7:59:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Why did you write on 11/21? You had already told her you'd get back to her in January, and she'd opened the door to a first meet. I was just about to ask the same question. To the OP, as a Dominant woman, I wouldn't have played this game with you at all. In the way I handle things, I really don't deal with anyone who can't meet for two months. I've been around the block a time or two, so if somebody I've never met tried to <cough> educate Me about their concept of respect or tried to throw that mess about "if you've never met a service submissive" kind of nonsense around, I'd have probably just blocked you at that point. (Hint, just about anybody who has been involved in their local BDSM community has probably met a service submissive.) There was no reason for you to keep writing to this person if they were no longer responding to you. Orientation aside, most people get annoyed as heck with that. If they wanted to talk to you, they would have responded. A piece of advice. If you can't meet somebody for two months, wait to contact them until that time period is finished. It will save you, and them, the time and trouble.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 8:05:34 PM)
Null, you blew it from 11/21 on. She said she'd join you for dinner when you were available after the first of the year. Why did you feel the need to blab on and on about what she should think a submissive is to her and what you thought you knew about her partners? If someone came at me with 'my last 3 dommes blah blah blah' I would have shut you down right there. If I want to know about your past relationships, I will ask. Everybody's a virgin when developing a new partnership. What was expected of you from past partners would have absolutely no bearing on any new relationship you'd have with me. She finished with: 'you don't know me nor will you ever know me.' She's telling you she will not give you a do-over. Frankly, you earned that in every exchange from 11/21 on.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 8:11:31 PM)
And 'my dear lady' in the context you used reads in a very condescending tone to my eyes. She's not 'your dear lady', she's a dominant person being barraged uninvited by a 'holier than thou' know-it-all. That she was as restrained and polite as she was speaks volumes about her. Also, as LadyPact mentioned, service subs are not that difficult to come by. They really, really aren't. Fortunately, there are many absolutely wonderful folks who serve devotedly without tooting their own horn. As their dominant, it is MY job to toot their horn when they please me. The title of your post could just as easily read "subs with no real clue".

DarkSteven -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 8:17:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NullHypothesis Me on 11/17/13: Ms. Vxxxxx .... <Enter introduction from me to her here> DominaVxxxxx on 11/17/13: Hello null ....... When are you availabe to take Me to dinner? Ms. Vxxxxx IMO, rude and presumptuous. Had she phrased it "Would you be open to taking me to dinner?", it's be more polite. quote: Me on 11/18/13: Ma'am ... My schedule is tapped out throughout the first of the year .... can I get a rain check until Jan 15th? I know you're inundated with players, fakes, and wannabes .... please know that I am sincere. Warmly ... null Nice and polite, but that statement about the players, fakes, and wannabees is kinda smug and arrogant. quote: DominaVxxxxx on 11/18/13: That's fine .... Let me know when you are available to pay proper respect. Ms. Vxxxxx Me on 11/20/13: Ma'am, I will certainly do that. Please travel safe. Warmly, null Me (again) on 11/21/13: Ma'am .... Respect is ... first given, then earned. Domme, Dominant, or submissive - respect is the birthright of every human being. The earning of that respect is a different story altogether. A submissive must earn the respect of his/her Dominant just as the Dominant must earn the respect of his/her submissive. Without respect there is no trust; Without trust there is no relationship - of any kind. If you've ever known a truly service-oriented submissive whose only interest was in your happiness (with no hidden agendas or 'wish lists' of his own) then you know that the quality of that relationship would only suffer from the bartering of the material for immaterial. If you've never known a truly service-oriented submissive, then I look forward to trading emails with you, then (hopefully) meeting in public, with the (hopefully) possible outcome of showing you what genuine submission truly looks like. As always, I look forward to hearing back from you. Warmly, and with all respect due you... null And here is where you blew it big time. The proper answer was to ask her what her idea of "respect" was and see if it was compatible with yours. Second best would be to give your own take, while clarifying that it was your opinion, not fact. quote: Me (Again) on 12/3/13 (following up to my previously unanswered email): Ma'am I trust you've been well and had a happy thanksgiving. Is it safe to assume that our definitions of "proper respect" differ? Warmly, null Now, you're pestering her. She hasn't answered, but since the meeting is over a month away, that's understandable. You're sending her a gratuitous message and pessimistically assuming she's not compatible with you. quote: DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: I was going to ignore your attempt to "school" me. MY submissives don't try to tell Me what's what. Seems you want to top from the bottom which I do not tollerate on any level. Ms. Vxxxxx Cute. She's baring her fangs, but not slamming the door shut just yet. With some clever footwork, you might be able to salvage this. quote: Me on 12/4/13: Ma'am, No disrespect intended .... But respect goes way beyond buying someone dinner. And being a submissive does not negate my experience - which I guarantee does NOT include topping from the bottom. My point was that the previous 3 Dommes I served involved a relationship that went far and beyond the materialistic façade of what I could provide for them. That, my dear lady, is what a true D/s relationship is all about. I fear that your submissives are merely lapdogs who are willing to sacrifice their dignity and respect in return for a few smacks on the ass. Best of luck in what you're searching for. Warmly, null And now you struck out again. You insisted on stating that you were right, without even ascertaining whether her views meshed with your own. quote: DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: You don't know Me nor will you ever know Me. You make a lot of assumptions and are confusing respect with tribute. I don't appreciate any of that. Look elsewhere. Ms. Vxxxxx Me: (Shaking my head and sighing in amazement) Three strikes. You're out. And I just noted that in your title, you're claiming that Dommes have no clue. You made three separate mistakes, and still think she was in the wrong. Even after she told you what the issue was.

peppermint -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 8:41:01 PM)
You blew it. Lecturing a dominant lady is just not smart on your part.

DesFIP -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 9:34:00 PM)
I'd take the 'pay proper respect' to mean she's a fin domme. And was interested in a lavish dinner first thing where she would tell you what else you need to buy. In any case, obviously you folks aren't compatible. She expects to be treated as though she already was your dominant of long standing and you want a different kind of relationship. Be glad you found out that you aren't compatible before wasting more time.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 9:55:45 PM)
~FRing it~ I've got to admit that I too was confused as to the note written by you to her on 11/21. That seemed to come completely out of left field based on the way the conversation prior to that. Why did you feel the need to go there in that manner?

seekingreality -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 10:14:12 PM)
Dude, you use a lot of phrases like "a truly service-oriented submissive," "genuine submission," and "a true D/s relationship." These phrases have the connotation of: "The way I think is the only right way to think, and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong." You'll do better by just stating, I am seeking X, Y, Z, without the lecturing tone.

DommeDanielle27 -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/4/2013 10:38:15 PM)
null, I would love to weigh in, but there is an epically important piece of this puzzle missing....what exactly did u say to her, (can u copy and paste) in the FIRST email? In this thread you have put (insert introduction here), as if to say it isnt important. but it IS.

Arturas -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 4:41:04 AM)
fr A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive? Arturas

obedientnwilling -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 4:43:27 AM)
@OP Also a sub. It seems like what got you aggravated was "proper respect." Understandable, I guess. However, if that be the case, then why didn't you move on? Obviously, if you thought it was worthwhile to try to "educate" her, then there must have been something that you saw in her. There are millions of fish in the sea. Why did you devote so much energy to this one in particular? I can tell you why she answered your e-mail from the 3rd. You bothered to ask her if she had had a happy Thanksgiving, which was thoughtful. You catch more flies with honey, as the saying goes. I could tell you a few places on the net you could go where you'd be in a buyer's market...hmmm, flops

DarkSteven -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 4:54:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas fr A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive? Arturas Arturas, I'm not sure which message you're referring to - he had several. Also, I did note that I considered her first message to be presumptuous. It's a sad fact that a malesub will be expected to pay for a Domme's meal on a first date, and a femsub will be expected to be paid for, or go Dutch on a first date. That's one reason why she could get away with that demand, while a male Dom couldn't.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 4:54:11 AM)
I agree with the others, you made assumptions and blew it badly. If you're not willing to take a female out to dinner to get to know her, then perhaps you shouldn't be dating.

thishereboi -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 4:54:50 AM)
Well from what you posted I would have to say yes, you made a lot of assumptions.

kalikshama -> RE: Dommes With No Real Clue (12/5/2013 5:20:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas fr A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive? Arturas I'm a fem sub and I wouldn't have lectured a male dom about respect. If I thought we had different expectations, I would have clarified mine and asked him his. If I thought we were incompatible, I would have politely told him so and moved on. I agree with DS that the OP blew this himself.

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