Does one believe you can have true love in the lifestyle ?

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Does one believe you can have true love in the lifestyle ? - 12/18/2013 12:52:03 PM

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I am starting to think I am looking for something too rare to be true. I noticed many (I didn't say all) mistresses want men to use as a door mat. Is there mistresses that believe they can actually fall in love with their slave, have passion and true loyalty to one another ?

I believe some people are wired to be dominant, and other are wired to be submissive. As a submissive I believe the best way to show my love is through my submissive traits.

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:10:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xLionHeartx
I am starting to think I am looking for something too rare to be true. I noticed many (I didn't say all) mistresses want men to use as a door mat. Is there mistresses that believe they can actually fall in love with their slave, have passion and true loyalty to one another ?

I believe some people are wired to be dominant, and other are wired to be submissive. As a submissive I believe the best way to show my love is through my submissive traits.

How many kinky people have you met in real life?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:20:29 PM

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Ive met quite a few. Most of them seemed to just want to focus on "kink" but not really something solid.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:22:28 PM

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I'm married to the love of my life. We've been together for 15 years.

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(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:26:20 PM

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~FRing it~

My guy and I genuinely love each other. We even have a friendship outside of our activities together. I personally am not able to engage in activities with someone I don't have any feelings for. For me, my kink is linked with my emotions and feelings.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:27:53 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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I'm polyamorous, so I don't believe in the idea of "one true love" in the first place. However, I can and have loved my former subs. In fact, I don't engage in casual play. I need to have an emotional connection before I can engage in D/s or BDSM.

That doesn't mean some random schmoe who makes a profile on a kinky website is going to be compatible with me. In fact, I'd say less than 1% of the people on CM are compatible with me. Finding a person who is compatible with you is going to take work, time, patience, and more work. Did I mention work? That's how it is for everyone. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually you'll find the right person. While you're waiting, brush up on your communication skills and polish your presentation. Read the FAQ for pointers on how to craft an introductory email that will make women sit up and take notice and a profile that will make them want to get to know you.

Welcome to the message boards.

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(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:31:58 PM

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Thank you for the input. I really appreciate it. I am glad to be here.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:35:37 PM

Nothing2SeeHere

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I've always found the actual male submissive with a submissive nature to be rare - but the women looking for them to far outnumber the actual male submissives available. I have taken notice of a great many male fetishists who are more realistically bottoms (if that,) but very very rare and far between actual male submissives.

I am not sure if guys think that the label "submissive' applies to them because they want to lick toes or have objects penetrate their backends; or if the site simply doesn't allow for the option of listing themselves as fetishists.

All that to say, take heart. There are female dominants who are searching for the whole package and not simply a bottom to play with. If you search the phrase, "not a fetish delivery system' you may be able to narrow your search parameters down a bit. That is a common phrase among female dominants who express frustrations with the numerous fetishists who approach them as submissives, but are only focused on their fetish.

To answer the question. Yes, I believe one can have love in the lifestyle.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:54:13 PM

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Nothing2SeeHere: thank you for that, I never knew the odds was in my favor. Also I am going to take your advice on letting people know I am not a fetish delivery system.

(in reply to Nothing2SeeHere)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 1:54:24 PM

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If it helps any, OP, while I am one of those who doesn't do "in love" with a submissive, I tend to think I am very much in the minority on that. In fact, even I've said on a number of occasions if I was *only* going to have a D/s or M/s relationship, I probably would seek the whole package and wouldn't be willing to have that element missing in My life. I'm one half of a D/D couple and the romantic element is met in that relationship. Heck, I'm even in the minority from the poly angle because some poly folks include a romantic element for each person they are involved with.

I do want to add that not "in love" doesn't mean devoid of emotion. I've actually been surprised at how quickly I've become attached to the person who has become more significant in roughly these past seven weeks. (Almost embarrassing to admit being forty-five years old, but there it is.) There's no lack of passion or loyalty. Certainly not on My end, at any rate.

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(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:10:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xLionHeartx

Nothing2SeeHere: thank you for that, I never knew the odds was in my favor. Also I am going to take your advice on letting people know I am not a fetish delivery system.

Actually, what YOU want to be saying is "I am not LOOKING FOR a fetish delivery system" :)

(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:11:10 PM

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Oh yes of course haha !

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:24:13 PM

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Say both, at least philosophically. If you want a healthy woman to fall in love with you, you need to value yourself.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:33:24 PM

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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nothing2SeeHere

I've always found the actual male submissive with a submissive nature to be rare - but the women looking for them to far outnumber the actual male submissives available. I have taken notice of a great many male fetishists who are more realistically bottoms (if that,) but very very rare and far between actual male submissives.

I am not sure if guys think that the label "submissive' applies to them because they want to lick toes or have objects penetrate their backends; or if the site simply doesn't allow for the option of listing themselves as fetishists.

All that to say, take heart. There are female dominants who are searching for the whole package and not simply a bottom to play with. If you search the phrase, "not a fetish delivery system' you may be able to narrow your search parameters down a bit. That is a common phrase among female dominants who express frustrations with the numerous fetishists who approach them as submissives, but are only focused on their fetish.

To answer the question. Yes, I believe one can have love in the lifestyle.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, but this works in both directions. Not only do fetishists and kinksters call themselves submissives or slaves when they truly aren't submissive, there are those who call themselves Dominants when they aren't truly dominant either. I don't know why this site doesn't have categories to check off for Top and bottom because those terms would be more accurate, for those who know how to tell the difference. That, in itself is a challenge, as is correctly identifying oneself as a switch. Adding fetishist to this checklist might not be a bad idea.

To answer the original question, yes there are Romanticists in every walk of life, BDSM included--but the available ones are few and far between. A lifestyle Domme may or may not be seeking a romantic D/s relationship. She may refer to herself as a Sensual Domme or Erotic Domme. My cousin is Mistress to her male sub partner, and they are very much in love (sickeningly so in some people's eyes). A Domme I know my same age (early 50's) in Florida is seeking a sub husband. I also seek a monogamous D/s relationship dynamic and not play partners.

We encounter the same problem with males who claim to be submissive, but who are just looking for a kinky play partner, for almost any woman to Top them, and this goes for not only submissives either. On this site and on others, there are male Dominants who contact us to get Topped as if we are in the BDSM delivery system business. I don't say that I am not a fetish delivery system, but I may need to update my profile. For now, I have things worded to convey the same message, and time will tell.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Nothing2SeeHere)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:34:47 PM

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Why wouldn't people into all this not fall in love, get married, and have children? We're really not that different from other people, we just add a bit of kink to the mixture. Personally I have been 24/7 with Gary for 8 years and we love each other very much. We'd probably get married but I would lose my medical benefits it we did. I know of dominants, both male and female who have married their subs and they are also very happy. Falling in love often happens when people are having a long term relationship.

Kinky people want many of the same things vanilla people want. This could include the house with a white picket fence, big back yard for a dog, cat in the window, garage for the car, two bathrooms, etc.

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(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:41:59 PM

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Questions that are 'are there other people like me out there' gradually start to bug me after a while. Of course there are. There's just a ton of other people in the kink lifestyle too. As said up there, less than 1% of the people out there are probably compatible with me, so it'll take a while to find that special someone--if that's what you're looking for.

Myself, I'm rather in the all or nothing catagory. Either I'm going to play just to play... that "fetish delivery system" might very well apply if I happen to be in the mood for delivering that fetish and getting my own blood flowing in the process. Or, I need, want a really deep connection so that I can truly screw with a person's head. Maybe that = love.

I don't think I believe in "true" love, though. Just love. And that certainly can exist in the context of kink.

Funny, I meet a lot of men who want ME to use them as doormats. Or fetish scratching posts. Their fetishes, of course. Not mine. It's a big messy world out there. Even as picky as I am, I've found some people who fit with me. You'll find her. :D

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(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:56:35 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xLionHeartx
Is there mistresses that believe they can actually fall in love with their slave, have passion and true loyalty to one another ?

Yes. I am one.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to xLionHeartx)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 2:57:42 PM

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To the OP, I believe you can find true love anywhere. You have to make sure your profile states clearly what you're seeking and what you are not. You also have to know what your dealbreakers are and what are you expectations for yourself and your future Domme. Take every experience as a life lesson...learn from the mistakes and celebrate the victories.

(in reply to Dreamless)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 9:21:37 PM

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I am in love with my sub, and she with me. However, we do have nonsexual, non-love sessions with others.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SweetAnise)

RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the life... - 12/18/2013 11:33:43 PM

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I'm so glad I decided to check out this message board, I have been on CM since 2007 and never once gotten on here. I missed out on all these REAL people.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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