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FieryOpal -> RE: Does one believe you can have true love in the lifestyle ? (12/18/2013 2:33:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Nothing2SeeHere
I've always found the actual male submissive with a submissive nature to be rare - but the women looking for them to far outnumber the actual male submissives available. I have taken notice of a great many male fetishists who are more realistically bottoms (if that,) but very very rare and far between actual male submissives.
I am not sure if guys think that the label "submissive' applies to them because they want to lick toes or have objects penetrate their backends; or if the site simply doesn't allow for the option of listing themselves as fetishists.
All that to say, take heart. There are female dominants who are searching for the whole package and not simply a bottom to play with. If you search the phrase, "not a fetish delivery system' you may be able to narrow your search parameters down a bit. That is a common phrase among female dominants who express frustrations with the numerous fetishists who approach them as submissives, but are only focused on their fetish.
To answer the question. Yes, I believe one can have love in the lifestyle.
I think you have hit the nail on the head, but this works in both directions. Not only do fetishists and kinksters call themselves submissives or slaves when they truly aren't submissive, there are those who call themselves Dominants when they aren't truly dominant either. I don't know why this site doesn't have categories to check off for Top and bottom because those terms would be more accurate, for those who know how to tell the difference. That, in itself is a challenge, as is correctly identifying oneself as a switch. Adding fetishist to this checklist might not be a bad idea.
To answer the original question, yes there are Romanticists in every walk of life, BDSM included--but the available ones are few and far between. A lifestyle Domme may or may not be seeking a romantic D/s relationship. She may refer to herself as a Sensual Domme or Erotic Domme. My cousin is Mistress to her male sub partner, and they are very much in love (sickeningly so in some people's eyes). A Domme I know my same age (early 50's) in Florida is seeking a sub husband. I also seek a monogamous D/s relationship dynamic and not play partners.
We encounter the same problem with males who claim to be submissive, but who are just looking for a kinky play partner, for almost any woman to Top them, and this goes for not only submissives either. On this site and on others, there are male Dominants who contact us to get Topped as if we are in the BDSM delivery system business. I don't say that I am not a fetish delivery system, but I may need to update my profile. For now, I have things worded to convey the same message, and time will tell.
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