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Harassment - 12/21/2013 6:59:56 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/10/2012
Status: offline

Greetings,

I would like to get some advice and suggestions outside of what I have already done, in regards to reporting two users on Collarme that have been harassing My girl.

Last night My girl received an email from a guy who first called her cute (fine by Me) but then tried to get her to meet Him for dinner (her profile CLEARLY states she is spoken for an only on here to talk). I recognized the name immediately from the same user who spent the last 4 weeks harassing My good friend who is also on this site. She made the critical error of giving Him her cell number; so for weeks He blew up her phone, emailed her, attempted to get her to meet (He says He's a truck driver) to the point she was frightened. We have all those emails saved and printed.

I have called the police and will be filing a report today about this.

I am wondering if anyone else went through a similar experience and how they proceeded with it.

Thank you.
Chris

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 7:27:36 AM

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Have you reported them: both the cmails and the users?
Blocked them?

And had a discussion with the ladies in your life about internet safety?

It really isn't harassment if the other party is willing.
If your girl had blocked him after he asked for a meet, then she wouldn't be in this predicament.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Raizzor)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 7:28:57 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything more that you could have done. There are asshats everywhere, and the Internet allows them a further reach. My sympathies. I would have given him a direct message to cease communications, or be turned in for harassment.

Ya know, if I were you, no way would I cap the guy's pronouns.

Welcome to the forum side, and I wish your first post could have been on a happier topic.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Raizzor)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 7:55:09 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

When someone sends me email messages I don't want, I block and delete. That's always worked for me.

Doesn't her cell phone have a way to block? If he's really being that much of a nuisance, she can contact her provider.

Perhaps you don't know if this site:

https://www.privacyrights.org/are-you-being-stalked

They've been around for a long time.

Reasons not to give out your phone number or location to people you don't really know.

_____________________________

(in reply to Raizzor)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 9:49:14 AM

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

The others have given good advice. First thing would be to just block the guy so that he cannot send more messages. If he creates another account and starts up again, don't engage him and block him. It's a pretty easy thing to do from the CM side. You can also just hover over a message (if you are using a regular computer...my iPad won't do it though) and get a snippet of what is bring said. You can then delete it unread. If you don't engage the guy, it's not going to be very enjoyable and he'd likely move on to harass someone else.

As for the giving out of cell phone information, this is unfortunately one of those lesson learned situations. She may need to talk to her carrier about the possibility of blocking his number. Id also recommend just ignoring the calls when he tries blowing up the phone. Another situation to just not engage the guy in any way.

I haven't been through this situation myself because I utilize the option I talked about in my first paragraph. I'm also extremely picky about who I give my number to. I just don't feel comfortable doing it any other way because I completely agree with what DS was saying...the Internet is filled with great people and flaming asshats. It's up to me to try to figure out which one a person is before giving out my number.

Good luck and I hope the situation get resolved.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 10:07:58 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here. How can an unrelated party to the harassment, file a police report? Especially, when the one related, handed out their phone number from an online meeting, which resulted in a number of calls that could be blocked by other means and no home address was given to warrant an actual fear?

The one incident, of someone trying to hook up with a taken woman, isn't even report worthy on any level I can think of.

If we adults cannot use good common sense, evaluate situations and helplessly do not use the tools provided to protect ourselves and then expect the police to get involved... maybe we ought to rethink being online and taking part in activities that might come with a little risk.

Block... carry on... I am sure you and the police have far better things to do.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 12/21/2013 10:26:20 AM >

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 10:23:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fr

Am I understanding this right?

-Your girlfriend got some online messages from a guy. She didn't like them. You are reporting this to the police.
-Another friend previously gave her cell number to the same guy and he spent four weeks bombarding her with phone calls.
-All contact between your girlfriend and this guy has been one night and online

I don't know about your area, but here in the UK it can be considered harassment and become a police matter if there is repeated unwanted contact, regardless of whether he knows your address etc. So your friend may well have a case if the same applies there - assuming she hasn't been replying, returning his calls etc.

HOWEVER in your girlfriend's case, the police would not be interested. One evening of messages, the first of which she replied to, would only count as one incident. You would also have to demonstrate that she experiences 'harassment, alarm and distress' as a result of this. Generally speaking, you will have a hard sell if it's just collar me messages - it doesn't intrude into your life in the way constant phone calls or visits can, I assume he hasn't attempted to contact her work or family, and there are easy ways to make it stop.

By all means, make a record and keep a copy. I think in this case the police aren't likely to take action.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Rawni)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 10:44:56 AM

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/8/2013
Status: offline

I just want to say that if someone shows interest, and then just blocks someone or starts behaving erratically on here, I think it's fair game to give it a shot or two to try and see if you can mend the fence. Blocking someone isn't exactly a total deterrent--you're not resolving anything and clearly stating your lack of interest or dismay. It's a cold gesture, and not a magical button.

I'm not advocating that anyone harasses anyone else; but if you just get blocked, a guy let's a girl walk away from the table. Can you blame him for calling the next day, or the next week to see if things simmer down? But I'm talking once or twice, not like this. (That was to address the whole, "I'll just disappear now with this button," philosophy.)

That said, this case seems like too much. Police usually want to see a threat with a cellular communication, and precedents on what is and isn't online stalking/harassment aren't going to garner a lot of interest with legal authorities. It's too grey still legally; however, the phone is a bit more concerning. Still, the police are a business, and if they bring the DA a bunch of cases that can't be worked, they're told to stop that kind of "marketing".

My advice under these circumstances is to call and have the cell phone number changed. Most carriers will do it for free if it's because of harassment. Yeah it's a pain to notify everyone, but it solves the issue at hand. Or do some digging and find out everything about the guy. You must have his phone number by now, and if you take the right avenues, you can find every last detail about him from that. Just showing them that you have that information is usually enough to send a message.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 10:50:52 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here. How can an unrelated party to the harassment, file a police report? Especially, when the one related, handed out their phone number from an online meeting, which resulted in a number of calls that could be blocked by other means and no home address was given to warrant an actual fear?

Yeah, something isn't adding up here.

You can't make a police report unless you're victim.

Unless the friend files a police report, it's just hearsay and it will have no weight to the issues of your GF.

Your GF was in a medium where she had the ability to block the sender and report him to the site. (And I would think that if he sent email after email without getting responses, she either would have reported it to the site so they can disable his account or the guy would have given up. So, she reported him to Site Support right?) It was also was not ongoing beyond the one night.

I think what you're upset about is that some HNG had the nerve to hit on your GF.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rawni)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:27:24 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DauphinDior
I just want to say that if someone shows interest, and then just blocks someone or starts behaving erratically on here, I think it's fair game to give it a shot or two to try and see if you can mend the fence. Blocking someone isn't exactly a total deterrent--you're not resolving anything and clearly stating your lack of interest or dismay. It's a cold gesture, and not a magical button.

I'm not advocating that anyone harasses anyone else; but if you just get blocked, a guy let's a girl walk away from the table. Can you blame him for calling the next day, or the next week to see if things simmer down?

Ummmmm.... Yeah. I can. There's no entitlement here. If a person says "I don't want to hear from you anymore," that's what they mean. Not, "hey, call tomorrow" so you can see if I still don't want to hear from you. "Leave Me alone" does not translate into call next week.

quote:

My advice under these circumstances is to call and have the cell phone number changed. Most carriers will do it for free if it's because of harassment. Yeah it's a pain to notify everyone, but it solves the issue at hand. Or do some digging and find out everything about the guy. You must have his phone number by now, and if you take the right avenues, you can find every last detail about him from that. Just showing them that you have that information is usually enough to send a message.

Personally, I find this to be bad advice.

When I had this problem, I had to ask the same question right here on CM. (I'm a technology idiot.) All of the major carriers can help you block numbers, IM/email addresses to prevent receiving texts, etc, and you can actually do it with a customer service representative online so that you can print it for your records. This is the difference between hearsay of "I asked that person to leave Me alone" and having to use extenuating methods to make a person leave someone alone.

OP, I've been there. Not because I gave My number to somebody from the net, but for other reasons. I'm very familiar with a person attempting to continue contact when you don't want anything to do with them. It can be a royal PITA when they continue to harass you. I can't encourage you enough to read the link that CP offered.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DauphinDior)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:31:33 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DauphinDior
Blocking someone isn't exactly a total deterrent

How many new profiles do you think it's appropriate to email a woman with, after she blocks you the first time?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DauphinDior)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:37:29 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

Am I understanding this right?

-Your girlfriend got some online messages from a guy. She didn't like them. You are reporting this to the police.
-Another friend previously gave her cell number to the same guy and he spent four weeks bombarding her with phone calls.
-All contact between your girlfriend and this guy has been one night and online

My take was that his gf was the one who got bothered for four weeks, not the previous woman. It could be taken either way from his writing.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:38:37 AM

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/8/2013
Status: offline

Look, I simply think that you do owe someone some explanation. Poor communication creates a lot of these issues in the first place, and while it's certainly not an entitlement, it would prevent a lot of chaos.

If you want to argue semantics, go ahead. People don't want to be accountable, and there are reasonable consequences. We're inquisitive creatures by nature. Don't lead someone on and then go away like a "gunshot" went off in the car. If you slam on the brakes and throw someone through a windshield, they're going to want answers.

A million people will argue against this viewpoint, but if there was better communication, I don't think there would be nearly as many sociopaths on Earth as some of you would have us believe.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:39:44 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

Am I understanding this right?

-Your girlfriend got some online messages from a guy. She didn't like them. You are reporting this to the police.
-Another friend previously gave her cell number to the same guy and he spent four weeks bombarding her with phone calls.
-All contact between your girlfriend and this guy has been one night and online

My take was that his gf was the one who got bothered for four weeks, not the previous woman. It could be taken either way from his writing.

DS, I take it the same way Athena does:

quote:

I recognized the name immediately from the same user who spent the last 4 weeks harassing My good friend who is also on this site. She made the critical error of giving Him her cell number; so for weeks He blew up her phone, emailed her, attempted to get her to meet (He says He's a truck driver) to the point she was frightened. We have all those emails saved and printed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:41:11 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here. How can an unrelated party to the harassment, file a police report? Especially, when the one related, handed out their phone number from an online meeting, which resulted in a number of calls that could be blocked by other means and no home address was given to warrant an actual fear?

Yeah, something isn't adding up here.

You can't make a police report unless you're victim.

Unless the friend files a police report, it's just hearsay and it will have no weight to the issues of your GF.

Your GF was in a medium where she had the ability to block the sender and report him to the site. (And I would think that if he sent email after email without getting responses, she either would have reported it to the site so they can disable his account or the guy would have given up. So, she reported him to Site Support right?) It was also was not ongoing beyond the one night.

I think what you're upset about is that some HNG had the nerve to hit on your GF.

If the cell phone is billed to his name, or he is the primary on the account with the phone carrier, he actually can.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:47:57 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DauphinDior
People don't want to be accountable, and there are reasonable consequences. We're inquisitive creatures by nature. Don't lead someone on and then go away like a "gunshot" went off in the car. If you slam on the brakes and throw someone through a windshield, they're going to want answers.

Are you talking about email contacts between two people who have never met each other in real life?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DauphinDior)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:49:43 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DauphinDior
Look, I simply think that you do owe someone some explanation. Poor communication creates a lot of these issues in the first place, and while it's certainly not an entitlement, it would prevent a lot of chaos.

If you want to argue semantics, go ahead. People don't want to be accountable, and there are reasonable consequences. We're inquisitive creatures by nature. Don't lead someone on and then go away like a "gunshot" went off in the car. If you slam on the brakes and throw someone through a windshield, they're going to want answers.

A million people will argue against this viewpoint, but if there was better communication, I don't think there would be nearly as many sociopaths on Earth as some of you would have us believe.

No. Believe it or not, you don't. If you tell a person to get out of your life, that really should be all they need to know.

Nobody has the right to demand they remain in your life. Every person has the right not to be contacted, stalked, or harassed. People end associations and relationships every day. If a person is happier without someone in their life than they were when that person was in it, they have every right to have that happiness.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DauphinDior)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:55:18 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here. How can an unrelated party to the harassment, file a police report? Especially, when the one related, handed out their phone number from an online meeting, which resulted in a number of calls that could be blocked by other means and no home address was given to warrant an actual fear?

Yeah, something isn't adding up here.

You can't make a police report unless you're victim.

Unless the friend files a police report, it's just hearsay and it will have no weight to the issues of your GF.

Your GF was in a medium where she had the ability to block the sender and report him to the site. (And I would think that if he sent email after email without getting responses, she either would have reported it to the site so they can disable his account or the guy would have given up. So, she reported him to Site Support right?) It was also was not ongoing beyond the one night.

I think what you're upset about is that some HNG had the nerve to hit on your GF.

If the cell phone is billed to his name, or he is the primary on the account with the phone carrier, he actually can.

It was his friend, not his GF that was getting phone calls, so I would think that his friend's cell phone wouldn't be in his name.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 11:59:21 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

This is when I recommend throw away phones for those making contact with strangers. Yes, it can add up to a bit of money sometimes, especially if you use that as your only deterrent to stupid, but they cannot know your name or anything else. You have a problem... toss it, change it and learn so it doesn't cost you more money.

You have to think what a DA will take on. Just because someone is ringing you... doesn't actually become unlawful until something unlawful happens. That would mean threats, clear case of stalking, etc.

I had a two year stalker from online. I do get the seriousness of something like this... but even with all I had, the threats of a year in chains, rape by multiple people and six computers being ruined... the FBI said.. no go.. local police said go to a computer place and get an ip and we will do something. Yup... that's going to work with a computer expert with many, many systems to hide behind.

As for communicating with someone bothering you... it is ill advised by every group that works in the system.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 12/21/2013 12:03:21 PM >

(in reply to wanderingjew)

RE: Harassment - 12/21/2013 12:08:52 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DauphinDior

Look, I simply think that you do owe someone some explanation.

Ahh, entitlement. Someone who doesn't want to communicate with you doesn't owe you ANYTHING.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to DauphinDior)

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