quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdmnOmicron

FR:
While having more than one account/nick is allowed, posting under more than one nick on a thread is not.

Kindly explain what are you talking about? I only have one account and one name.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdmnOmicron

FR:
While having more than one account/nick is allowed, posting under more than one nick on a thread is not.

Kindly explain what are you talking about? I only have one account and one name.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You are welcome. It takes some getting used to and you'll even find that, depending on what section you are posting in, folks do it differently. For example, if you dip your toe in the Politics and Religion section, folks who frequent those discussions are much more hard core about it.

Anyway, I appreciate you starting the topic. I think some good conversation came out of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

When I care that much for someone, it's impossible to keep them as slaves and think of them as slaves. And again, that's not because there isn't affection that I might share with a slave, but the intimacy and structure is different.

I agree with you that this is why I cannot think of my love partner as a slave either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
<Musingly>
Is that why there seem to be so many Domme/Dom couples? In some cases, they can't see their s-type(s) as partnership equals or marriage-worthy?
(See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4640085/tm.htm)

Since I'm not poly, I can't see this type of pairing for myself, and I question the viability of being paired with a switch as well, although I am open to that long-shot possibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

,
Do you feel that you got a range of opinions on this thread? Did it lead you to an understanding of how folks might do things differently? What is your personal conclusion?

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

~FR~

I don't experience emotions the same way as most people do, and I'm not even sure I'm capable of experiencing 'love' the way people usually think of the concept (there is both evidence for and against my ability to experience love in a traditional sense, so the matter is undecided).

Because of that I don't put too much importance on 'love' as an ideal. I can take it or leave it, depending on circumstances. The one thing I really do require from my primary relationship, especially a D/s one is security.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bachus

My being a newbie and all was thinking of just lurking around for a while, making a joke or two until you all get used to me, which can take a while. But this is a questions that touches some of my core believes in BDSM.

Every relationship is unique and D/s relationships are not different. Everybody has needs, sometimes we need pain, sometimes we need attention, some people need love, some humiliation and some need indifference. If you have a need to dominate or be dominated and it is not being met, however much you love a person it will simply not be enough. Most of us have made that mistake, me included. The same applies to the need to be loved, if love is an essential part of who you are and you need to be loved than without love your relationship is doomed.

For me both are needed, Dominance and love have to be an integral part of the relationship. If not, it is simply not a relationship for me. However love can grow, if there is trust, respect and chemistry it is my believe that in a D/s relationship love will grow, it will come naturally, if both parties want it. But not everybody wants it or needs it.

So although I am a hopeless romantic and I would wish i could answer by saying love is an essential part, I really believe it depends on the people involved in the relationship. For some love will actually be disastrous, and for some without love it will never be a relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80
A lot of people do need love, as it's typically described or at least close to it, to be happy in a relationship. Some experience love differently and their ideal relationship doesn't look quite the same as the stereotypical picture of a good relationship. And some don't need it at all, and prefer other characteristics of a relationship over feelings of deep emotional connection.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bachus

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80
A lot of people do need love, as it's typically described or at least close to it, to be happy in a relationship. Some experience love differently and their ideal relationship doesn't look quite the same as the stereotypical picture of a good relationship. And some don't need it at all, and prefer other characteristics of a relationship over feelings of deep emotional connection.

For D/s in general, I think that's quite true, though the only nit I'd have is with the potential liberty one might take in between the lines above that love and absence of deep emotional connection are mutually exclusive. There are ways of establishing deep emotional/psychological connections without requited love, I'm sure you agree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
<Musingly>
Is that why there seem to be so many Domme/Dom couples? In some cases, they can't see their s-type(s) as partnership equals or marriage-worthy?
(See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4640085/tm.htm)

Since I'm not poly, I can't see this type of pairing for myself, and I question the viability of being paired with a switch as well, although I am open to that long-shot possibility.

Nah. From My perspective, that's not it at all. Who you fall in love with isn't necessarily all about your kink/power imbalance side.

There are those who "need" their kink and/or authority structure and those who simply want it. As you may have surmised, I'm the latter. Unlike some, I don't sit and pine away when kink isn't a part of My life. Instead, I'm actually quite content because I have the person in My life that I'll grow old with.

One of the tenants of poly is that no one person has to be your everything. It's great when that happens, but it's not necessarily so. Not everybody out there is another person's 100%. What if you get 95% and you're ridiculously happy with that 95, but depending on your outlook, that last five percent weighs on you like a burden you can't shake?

Poly isn't about what you don't have. It's all about what you gain. I see it like I can have both dinner and desert. Having both compliments the other.

Before anyone misunderstands, I can promise you that I'm not trying to change any hard-wired monogamy people into trying to be poly. I'm not trying to convince anyone that they shouldn't be "in love" with the person on the other side of the kneel if that's what they want. Do what's right for you. Just accept that not everybody does it the same way.