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Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 4:44:15 PM

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So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 5:17:37 PM

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Do you see the irony in how you phrased that? You can't make her want to be dominant; that would put you in control, not her. This has to be something she wants.

You could tell her honestly and openly how much you want to serve and submit to her. After that, it's really up to her. If she wants to explore her dominance, remember that it's on her terms. It won't necessarily correspond to your fantasies.

Good luck!
Spy

(in reply to Shawn4d)

RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 5:25:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn4d
So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

It is so common as to be a stereotype that once a male "sub" finds a woman who will dom him sometimes, he gets greedy and wants her to do it all the time, whether she wants it or not.

As is always true in life, you control nobody except yourself.

Therefore, if you want, you can strive to make yourself as submissive to her as possible. This might be a deal-breaker for her, of course. Maybe she wants an in-charge man, or a partner who is 50/50. So your relationship might not survive, because you are changing what you are bringing to it. But you could certainly start being as submissive to her as possible, and see what happens. Pick up after yourself, pick up after her, do all the dishes, rub her feet and back. Most women, even vanilla women, will be more sexual if their partner does things like that.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 6:46:47 PM

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Yeah, try really screwing up when you top her. She'll quit bottoming for you really quickly.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 7:15:50 PM

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ask her

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 7:21:10 PM

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What other people have said.

Conversation is not an optional extra to a BDSM relationship.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/23/2014 8:32:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ask her

It's amazing how many of these situations can be solved with just that advice.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 12:35:44 AM

ThePrincessKali

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Personally I wouldn't want to dom any submissive guy who wanted to "make" me do things to him sexually.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 2:47:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Be honest with her and tell her what you want.

Here's the thing though: what happens if she says 'yes, I will be in charge all the time in our relationship' and then you still spend most of the time NOT doing kinky stuff? Because even if she is the boss, her desire for vanilla things won't go away. Her orders might be 'make me dinner and then watch the soap operas with me'. That's how having a Mistress works. She makes the decisions, and she chooses the things SHE wants to do. Sometimes they will be things you don't want to do. Sometimes they will seem pretty vanilla. Sometimes she won't be in the mood to play, or she'll want a type of play that you don't care about.

It sounds like you are taking it in turns to top each other. So she's enjoying being the sub, too. How would you feel if she said to you tonight that she wants to be the sub all the time now, and you need to be the dom all the time? You'd be pretty upset, I guess, because you love being the bottom. So assume that she does too. If she was your Mistress, she might order you to tie her up and top her.

By all means ask her, but do not pressure her or sulk if she says no. You've found someone who is willing to act out your fantasies - you are way ahead of most male subs. Don't be selfish and expect her to take the hit so you can have what you want. You need to decide whether you can live with just being a couple who care enough about each other to scratch that itch, or if you need to leave this relationship and find a woman who wants to be dominant full time.

There is no way you can make her want something she doesn't want. You just work with what you have?

Edit to ask, in all seriousness: does she know you are looking for someone else? Is she 100% happy with this? Because until you decide how your relationship is going to work, bringing in another person is asking for trouble.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 1/24/2014 2:53:00 AM >

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 5:35:14 AM

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Apocalypso
for

Conversation is not an optional extra to a BDSM relationship.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4624990/tm.htm

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 6:35:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn4d

So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

Glad you asked. There has been intensive research in the past decade or so in the ways one can condition a gf to turn into a Full Blown Dominant (FBT). Despite some promising and more sophisticated recent breakthroughs in laboratory experiments, for someone like you who is primarily interested in seeing "quick and dirty" results, the best bet is probably still Classical Conditioning, aka Pavlovian Conditioning. Essentially you want to pair a Conditioned Stimulus (CS) with an Unconditioned Stimulus (US) in such a way as to provoke an Unconditioned Response (UR). Then, by frequently provoking the UR under the right conditions (remember, contrary to what early research on the topic suggested this is more art than science) the organism will begin to show the UR automatically in response to the CS autonomously without the need to apply the US. At this point, the UR has become a CR (Conditioned Response) for the CS.

In other words, the CR (which could be, for example, flogging sessions, golden showers, tickle torture, what have you) becomes a veritable reflex response to some stimuli (the sight of a whip, the sight of you lying spread eagle on the bed, or a simple command phrase like "Dominate me now, Mistress") which would have been neutral and provoked no response before the conditioning began.

I can't walk you through the whole process for free. Normally it involves candy pellets and Depeche Mode tracks and electrodes attached to her body (to deliver tiny but uncomfortable shocks when she does not perform optimally). Good luck!

Your pal,

HP

< Message edited by HipPoindexter -- 1/24/2014 6:36:38 AM >

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 6:45:10 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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In other words, she'll be your trained pet, and you'll be the one who is TRULY in charge.
W...T...F?

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn4d

So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

Glad you asked. There has been intensive research in the past decade or so in the ways one can condition a gf to turn into a Full Blown Dominant (FBT). Despite some promising and more sophisticated recent breakthroughs in laboratory experiments, for someone like you who is primarily interested in seeing "quick and dirty" results, the best bet is probably still Classical Conditioning, aka Pavlovian Conditioning. Essentially you want to pair a Conditioned Stimulus (CS) with an Unconditioned Stimulus (US) in such a way as to provoke an Unconditioned Response (UR). Then, by frequently provoking the UR under the right conditions (remember, contrary to what early research on the topic suggested this is more art than science) the organism will begin to show the UR automatically in response to the CS autonomously without the need to apply the US. At this point, the UR has become a CR (Conditioned Response) for the CS.

In other words, the CR (which could be, for example, flogging sessions, golden showers, tickle torture, what have you) becomes a veritable reflex response to some stimuli (the sight of a whip, the sight of you lying spread eagle on the bed, or a simple command phrase like "Dominate me now, Mistress") which would have been neutral and provoked no response before the conditioning began.

I can't walk you through the whole process for free. Normally it involves candy pellets and Depeche Mode tracks and electrodes attached to her body (to deliver tiny but uncomfortable shocks when she does not perform optimally). Good luck!

Your pal,

HP

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 6:57:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

In other words, she'll be your trained pet, and you'll be the one who is TRULY in charge.
W...T...F?

I strongly suspect that HP is somewhat lacking in the sincerity department with that post.

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Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 7:04:27 AM

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quote:

In other words, she'll be your trained pet, and you'll be the one who is TRULY in charge.
W...T...F?

Huh. I never thought of it that way. Something to consider!

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 7:04:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn4d

So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

Glad you asked. There has been intensive research in the past decade or so in the ways one can condition a gf to turn into a Full Blown Dominant (FBT). Despite some promising and more sophisticated recent breakthroughs in laboratory experiments, for someone like you who is primarily interested in seeing "quick and dirty" results, the best bet is probably still Classical Conditioning, aka Pavlovian Conditioning. Essentially you want to pair a Conditioned Stimulus (CS) with an Unconditioned Stimulus (US) in such a way as to provoke an Unconditioned Response (UR). Then, by frequently provoking the UR under the right conditions (remember, contrary to what early research on the topic suggested this is more art than science) the organism will begin to show the UR automatically in response to the CS autonomously without the need to apply the US. At this point, the UR has become a CR (Conditioned Response) for the CS.

In other words, the CR (which could be, for example, flogging sessions, golden showers, tickle torture, what have you) becomes a veritable reflex response to some stimuli (the sight of a whip, the sight of you lying spread eagle on the bed, or a simple command phrase like "Dominate me now, Mistress") which would have been neutral and provoked no response before the conditioning began.

I can't walk you through the whole process for free. Normally it involves candy pellets and Depeche Mode tracks and electrodes attached to her body (to deliver tiny but uncomfortable shocks when she does not perform optimally). Good luck!

Your pal,

HP

I LOVE ironic humor! thank you HP!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 8:05:13 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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This is the problem MOST males have when they think of a Dominant woman...they disregard the word "dominant" entirely, and classify a dominant woman right along with the rest of their idea of females' roles: that all women exist for the purpose of pleasuring males. Well, FUCK OFF to that mentality. I exist for MYSELF. I wasn't "made" by anyone, nor have I ever allowed Myself to be cowed into fitting into a stereotype that others expect Me to be.

A dominant personality cannot be "MADE". A person has either a TAKE-CHARGE personality, or a TAKE ORDERS personality (yes, switches exist, but they still orient more toward one pole or the other). You can train a submissive being to ACT at being dominant, but in the end they are going to default back to their natural state of being.

Back to the OP: I think what you are looking for is how to teach your submissively vanilla GF how to "TOP" you in the bedroom...and perhaps develop some D/s role Play once she's gained interest. Now, since it is "role play", THAT is entirely do-able. I recommend giving her complete power over you, give her the reins, a paddle, your paycheck for the week (with the prior agreement that you have to ASK PERMISSION to spend any of it), and the key to your chastity cage. I've seen some reluctant wives & GF's gain interest when they realize how fun it can be.

Good luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

quote:

In other words, she'll be your trained pet, and you'll be the one who is TRULY in charge.
W...T...F?

Huh. I never thought of it that way. Something to consider!

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 1/24/2014 8:08:49 AM >

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 8:15:18 AM

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Making her want to be dominant all the time is about as easy as making her change her gender identity. You'll need some electrodes, a car battery and a series of films specifically designed to work with the elctroshock torture. I'm pretty sure that in the months it will take you to force enough negative association on her with torture, by the time she does want to be dominant, she'll want to be dominant with anyone but you.

Do you really not see the personality your stepford request shows about you? You're not teaching a dog a trick. You're talking about a core personality change . . . you know, brainwashing, torture etc. So your OP basically tells me you are OK with brainwashing your GF so you will get more CBT or whatever. Holy shit . . . the attitude and perspective your OP reveals just astounds me. I guess you just don't see yourself as being totally self centered on scale with a sociopathic moron for wanting to fuck with your girlfriends core personality and desire just to get your rocks off.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 8:16:51 AM

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I say learn to appreciate what you have, and let time take its course in your relationship. And the phrase "be careful what you ask for, you may get it" also seems appropriate here.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 1:43:57 PM

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First I want to apologize for my original reply and that whole Stepford wives thing. I believe I may have misread your intent. Had I looked at your profile, considered your age and given more weight to your switching comment, I might have replied more along the lines of this:

You can make someone submit, like prisoners have to submit to their captors but, you can't make them a submissive. At least not without extreme conditioning, brainwashing. Well, the same is true with being a Dominant. These are core attributes of someone's nature, their identity.

You can nurture someone's preexisting Dominant tendencies and help a Dominant grow more dominant. You can seduce their Dominance by enticing them with your own submission. Reading up on the topic may provide fertile grounds to explore for both of you.

There are some informative replies in your thread and I would point to MasterCaneman's advices "be careful what you ask for, you may get it." In the past 43 years, I have watched many submissives in the leather community turn into Dominants. But I can't think of even one Dominant that decide to turn into a submissive. If you enjoy your girlfriend as she is and your switchy play, if she goes down the Dominant road, she may not ever come back. When I started, I tried everything. When I found myself as a Dominant, I never tried submission again.

Good luck in your explorations and self discoveries.

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RE: Making my gf my mistress - 1/24/2014 5:43:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn4d

So me and my gf have been dating for about 6 months now and having some bondage fun and control play. Usually we switch off a few times a night before finishing up. Would anybody have any hints and/or tips on how to make her want to be dominant all the time instead of switching off?

Ahhhh....the inevitable conundrum.

Sorry to hijack but, related....

Since I know that someone would probably require medical assistance, cracking a rib if I were ever to switch (yeah....I know...you all think I'm Dom....)....here's the Q?

How many guys are sub....why? How many chics are Domme....(?) is it because that's where the gig is? Or is it because that's what you are?

Chics....are you Domme because you are or....because that's what guys are interested in?

I find it curious that (I know I'm in a venue where the Domme chic is at a premium) posts (posted) are more in favor of chics being dominant....so....are more women dominant because that's where the demand is?

Because women control the game? (And....that's what the game is?).

(That gets into a whole 'nother bigger Q? doesn't it?)

Gawwwd.....this could get into a conundrum!

(in reply to Shawn4d)

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