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Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 2:59:02 PM

HipPoindexter

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Hi. I'm from the internet. I came of age in the late 80s and early 90s and grew up on bbs'es and in irc rooms. This created an interesting tension in my development, in the sense that although I always knew I had kinky mega-weirdo urges (my first sexual fantasies were of being bound and beaten by both MTV's Julie Browns while they wore tight leather and dangerously high heeled boots) the first time I saw bondage imagery outside of my own head was on a computer monitor. Likewise, I had no idea there were people involved in kinky lifestyles (beyond the occasional girl at my school who liked tying me up) until I started posting on boards and hanging out in rooms.

So I was not around in Ye Good Olde Days of the American kink-scene and I"m always curious, for those of you who have been around since Hector was a pup, what are some ways (for good or for ill) that the internet has changed the way people approach kink?

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 3:54:06 PM

littlewonder

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It's brought out every single wanker in the universe.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 4:02:46 PM

AlphaFemsRule

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As an aside: I don't see how the subject line and body of your post correspond.

But anyway, I'd guess the internet has given a window into people's psyches that many individuals didn't have before. There's probably far less people going through their lives wondering "am I the only ones who feels this way?" and far more people exploring those feelings via community.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 5:21:37 PM

RedMagic1

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The internet created a belief in the existence of an abstract BDSM orthodoxy. Prior to that, BDSM was learned, passed down, in the US mostly through leather communities. There was no national, overarching Leather Council, so different local groups did things in different ways. For example, some used training collars, some did not. Some didn't have collars at all. After the rise of spottily accurate internet resources like Castle Realm and The Steel Door, people started to think that there was A WAY to do things. Previously, there had just been "our way."

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 6:54:39 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The internet created a belief in the existence of an abstract BDSM orthodoxy. Prior to that, BDSM was learned, passed down, in the US mostly through leather communities. There was no national, overarching Leather Council, so different local groups did things in different ways. For example, some used training collars, some did not. Some didn't have collars at all. After the rise of spottily accurate internet resources like Castle Realm and The Steel Door, people started to think that there was A WAY to do things. Previously, there had just been "our way."

People quoted CastleRealm like it was the book of Mormon. It spawned a virtual flood of "Ceremony of the Roses" and guys wearing puffy pirate shirts. It was probably responsible for 99% of the relationship mistakes in the late 90s.

I was so happy when that website finally closed down.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 7:55:50 PM

littlewonder

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You said it!

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 8:22:26 PM

DesFIP

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At the same time, the internet boom in bdsm is what fueled a sufficient audience for books about this. Back in the 60's there were no books. There was no way to ask questions.

People answered ads in newspapers to find a partner. Frequently showing up at someone's door with no idea what they looked liked or what would happen.

The internet allows you to find out so much more. Not just one person's idea of the way, but 20 different ways which quickly enforces the idea that there isn't one way, just the one that's right for you.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 8:31:46 PM

Arturas

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quote:

what are some ways (for good or for ill) that the internet has changed the way people approach kink?

An interesting question. For one, information is more freely available as well as the ability to find that special partner is enhanced since you can search state and even world wide. It's really amazing how one can grow and explore their "kinks" in more than a vacuum using internet resources. I found Star here as well as past wonderful women who shared and helped me grow in my vanilla as well as my kink life and could do so since we could now find people with the same interests using the internet in a short time whereas it would have taken years or not at all before the internet.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 8:34:23 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlphaFemsRule

As an aside: I don't see how the subject line and body of your post correspond.

But anyway, I'd guess the internet has given a window into people's psyches that many individuals didn't have before. There's probably far less people going through their lives wondering "am I the only ones who feels this way?" and far more people exploring those feelings via community.

For sure. I imagine if one lived outside of metro areas it was a situation where you likely did go through life always thinking that.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/26/2014 8:41:56 PM

Arturas

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quote:

For example, some used training collars, some did not. Some didn't have collars at all.

Damn. That is a problem. We need an overreaching central Leather council on training collar usage. Like a neighborhood association except it's for BDSM de-abstraction and orthodoxy stabilization.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 6:14:57 AM

HipPoindexter

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The internet created a belief in the existence of an abstract BDSM orthodoxy. Prior to that, BDSM was learned, passed down, in the US mostly through leather communities. There was no national, overarching Leather Council, so different local groups did things in different ways. For example, some used training collars, some did not. Some didn't have collars at all. After the rise of spottily accurate internet resources like Castle Realm and The Steel Door, people started to think that there was A WAY to do things. Previously, there had just been "our way."

Yes, this is one of the things I was thinking of, though I was not thinking of the Leather Community in particular because I don't know from Leather.

There was a period in the late 80s when it seemed reasonable to anticipate the opposite effect on the sundry subcultures that were beginning to organize via the internet. For a brief shining moment it seemed like the world was going to get weirder and more fractured as every wonderful weirdo in the world would be able to talk to each other through their magical computer machines. The opposite happened and there was a move toward orthodoxy and homogeneity and the real fringe personalities with their bizarre interests had to either adapt to the emerging orthodoxy or just slink away to god-knows-where.

There is still room for idiosyncratic urges, natch, but there are also so many people with very bland, Community Sanctioned Fantasy Scenarios they're hellbent on living out over and over with whomever will go through the motions with them. It makes sense that the internet gave rise to the One True Way school of thought, and I would also bet that the orthodoxy became more intense with the death of bbs'es and chatrooms and the ascendancy of networking sites.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 6:19:30 AM

HipPoindexter

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Yeah, that's the other side of the coin. There is more information, there is more opportunity for connection and there are amazing possibilities for people who are proactive and creative and who also get lucky and connect with the right person.

The striking thing, to me, is how boring and bland most people's fantasy lives are, and how dull their understandings of their own psyches and psychosexual predilections seem to be. Centuries of literature on every perversion imaginable at the fingertips and so many dudes never get deeper than "Hi Mistress I liek feet I can suck on ur toes now plz?" spammed to 50 women a day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

what are some ways (for good or for ill) that the internet has changed the way people approach kink?

An interesting question. For one, information is more freely available as well as the ability to find that special partner is enhanced since you can search state and even world wide. It's really amazing how one can grow and explore their "kinks" in more than a vacuum using internet resources. I found Star here as well as past wonderful women who shared and helped me grow in my vanilla as well as my kink life and could do so since we could now find people with the same interests using the internet in a short time whereas it would have taken years or not at all before the internet.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 6:34:12 AM

GoddessManko

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Hmm...I never had training of any kind or mentorship.
My first bondage sub was apparently a boyscout (kind of a jack of all trades) and was able to show me in a matter of seconds how to properly bind someone and even a bit about suspension.
Thankfully he didn't scoff at my questions and honesty (of lack of knowledge) and was more than happy to oblige.
Everything else is pretty much instinctive.
I never really believed in "training to become" an alpha, I had the belief you either are or aren't. The one dynamic I find oft difficult to understand is "Switch" types, maybe
someone else can elaborate on how it all works.
Also I don't see any separation of my lifestyle and myself from the vanilla world and vanilla people. I believe even vanillas (of course, like most organisms) have their Dominants and submissives.
It just REALLY is to varying degrees.
I am far more sadistic than when I first started out but my first bondage sub was hogtied and etc...and I was fascinated with his grimaces and reactions to my touch.
I can't remember thinking past my enjoyment of just that to a "One True Way" or even about being essentially a part of this community or that.
I'm pretty sure on many occasions I have reached "Domme space" and that's all that really matters to me.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 6:46:11 AM

MasterCaneman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

For example, some used training collars, some did not. Some didn't have collars at all.

Damn. That is a problem. We need an overreaching central Leather council on training collar usage. Like a neighborhood association except it's for BDSM de-abstraction and orthodoxy stabilization.

Well, you know, there is that secretive "BDSM committee" that someone said was "investigating" them to see if they were "real" a while back. Y'know, since CM does bill itself as the "world's largest BDSM community", doesn't that technically make us the committee? Since on this side, there is a lot of discussion as to what's "good or bad" and all.

Oh, and for the one aspect of BDSM that bled out, just go to the mall and look around at all the bondage-themed clothes and shoes out there.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 6:52:27 AM

Apocalypso

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Too many mainstreamers on the Internets now anyway. I liked it when it was a niche geek hobby. Way less advertising, spam etc. And way less moral panics in the tabloids.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 7:09:17 AM

MasterCaneman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

Too many mainstreamers on the Internets now anyway. I liked it when it was a niche geek hobby. Way less advertising, spam etc. And way less moral panics in the tabloids.

I agree. It was more fun when it was still a "dirty little secret". The club I worked in used a password at the door, and zero advertising. Strictly word of mouth and you didn't get in unless you with a member, period. Even the other venues I worked at that would be termed 'kink-friendly' today didn't promote it as such. Now, they book conventions at the Holiday Inn. There was another thread I compared this to the biker culture and how it's gone too mainstream.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 9:11:49 AM

orgasmdenial12

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I think it's had a fantastic effect.

Kink is widespread, information is freely and easily available, health and safety aspects can be researched, like-minded contacts can be found, there's an event every night of the week, networking has gone through the roof - it seems wonderful to me.

The only downside, imo, is that when I started with BDSM, when the internet kink scene was in its early stages, you could go to play parties in very low key gear - you might, at a push, have some leather or some black underwear. Now there is more pressure to be young, beautiful and wearing a £200 rubber dress.

The other downside is that the UK scene, which was more queer, fet, s&m is slowly evolving into an Americanised heteronormative D/s or M/s scene that emphasises service, traditional gender relations and no limits slavery, and I think that's a step backwards in terms of the politics of the scene.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 1:24:57 PM

LadyPact

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Hello from the other side of it. I got into kink before I ever owned a computer. Not that I think I'm going to be of much help because that internet thing was going on during the same time period. I just wasn't a part of it on the electronic side. I'm sure some of it was already in there by that time.

Let's see....... My first munch, I was brought by somebody, rather than an open cattle call. I was given book recommendations if I wanted to learn about things, rather than supplied internet links. I had to go through a vetting process to be put on the phone list, rather than contacting everyone by email. More than a few times, I was the only female in the room that wasn't a submissive or switch. I didn't have to have a Fet account to find gatherings.

There have always been pluses and minuses to the net. I've read about more groups across the country having problems in the last year than I think I ever encountered in My first decade. To this day, I remember the first person that had to be banned from the local group because they had outed someone (his former submissive) and it was a no brainer that the guy was no longer welcome, not just at his home group, but at any of the groups that had reciprocal rights as well.

A number of groups across the country have had problems because anybody and everybody can show up to play events. Some have gone back to stricter vetting policies in response. One group that I'm grandfathered into (that means I was a member of it in good standing that I don't have to keep attendance requirements because I moved away and can attend play events any time) went back to sponsor memberships because too many new folks were causing problems. You can't play there at all without going through vetting and orientation. After that, it's a ninety day probationary period before you are a full member.

I still see TNG as a need that was sprung from the net. Without the net access, I don't know if the wave of 18-20 year old folks would have had such a strong presence. That one is a leather thing because most leather events were held in places that served alcohol or the place you went to before playing you could have a beer with dinner before you hit the club. People will raise hell if you do that now.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 4:54:36 PM

Pyramus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's brought out every single wanker in the universe.

Naah. Testosterone brought out every wanker.
The Internet just alphabetized the whole thing into a nice lookup table.
Porn has existed since time immemorial (ever take a look at Emperor Tiberius' castle on the Isle of Capri?).
The walls were covered in "instructional" porn for the slaves (including young'uns, unfortunately) who had to obey his perversities.

Just as man created sex toys, testosterone created porn.

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RE: Aspects of internet BDSM that bled out into real life. - 1/27/2014 5:54:22 PM

mummyman321

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

People answered ads in newspapers to find a partner. Frequently showing up at someone's door with no idea what they looked liked or what would happen.

Ah, the good ole days of snail mail! Many of ads I wrote to. Sometimes the snail mail would last for months before setting up a real life meet. But there were BDSM magazines that had personals in them.

Would you believe I drove from Ohio to Utah and spent the summer with a Domme after 6 months of snail mail? That was one hell of great summer!

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