RE: Dom-Domme relationships

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/17/2014 7:10:24 PM

DesFIP

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Or you can divvy up responsibilities and agree who makes decisions about car repairs, and who gets the final say on household decorating. With my ex, in a vanilla marriage, some stuff we just agreed on. He made all the car decisions. I did all the house stuff. Other things we asked each other how strongly we felt. So if I was dead set against seeing a horror movie, we'd pick a different one and he'd see it with someone else.

Somebody asked about a sub/sub couple. They can work anyway you want to structure it. I had an online friend years ago who had been in one happily for 20some years. They would service top each other, with the aim of giving each other pleasure. Other times, they would each be in an outside dom/sub relationship. Or went to play parties together, played separately and went home together.

They never served the same dominant and they had rules set to protect the marriage. So a dominant couldn't declare that they couldn't have sex with their spouse unless the spouse agreed to that. And they had veto rights on the others outside relationship if they felt it was negatively impacting their marriage.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 12:32:25 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

I've heard a bit recently about Doms and Dommes getting into relationships. I found this really curious. Has anyone seen a relationship like this, and if so, how did it work?

Very curious.

I know a couple of them. They both have open relationships. She has her own subs and he has his own and both are completely aware of each other's relationships.

From time to time, they even might share a sub together.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 12:36:03 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

What I don't get are the sub/sub couples. How does that work without one of them being a switch?

I know one couple like this. They have an open relationship and they have a Dom who owns both of them together. Both of the male subs are bisexual so it works out and from what I've heard, he orders both of them to have sex together while he watches so this seems to satisfy their marriage sexuality. Otherwise daily decisions are made equally between themselves or the Dom decides for them.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 1:07:34 PM

GoddessManko

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I'm honestly really astonished! I would never ever in my wildest dreams imagine that D/D relationships that are actually long standing would be so common.
I only had one Dominant partner in all of my years of dating/ being a pat of the lifestyle, and for me, honestly, it was an extremely huge deal.
I had never trusted someone with such a role in my life and he was the head of the relationship though it was Dom/vanilla and kink play was limited.
The amazing part of it was the "letting go". I have no idea if the other Dommes on here know what I mean, but you know when you are THE only responsible, go to matrichal person to peers and family members alike and you're the only one kind of holding everything together. You kind of automatically get into that "problem solving" or "crisis management" or "decision maker" mindset, where you make sure all the T's are crossed and all the i's are dotted. Trusting someone else with something like that is a HUGE deal in my mind. Kind of like easing the VICE GRIP off your bull whip.

I would think a typical D/D relationship would be rare and hard to come by just because of the type of woman it is who usually is Dominant, and the mindsets, expectations and comforts that come with that role. Same as with a sub, the relinquishing of power and knowing that you are in the hands of someone who will take their role (hopefully) as seriously as it implies and the responsibilities attached.

I always tried to fight against the expectations of my society, going to all girls Catholic school and being barked at by nuns "young ladies should be seen and not heard", "a good housewife wastes nothing" and "walk swiftly on your feet and lightly on you heels". Women hold marriage and being a "kept woman" as the pinnacle of their existence, most of my friends married young, post pictures of their married picket fence lives all over facebook etc etc. So I was always so far removed from that and was happy to kind of walk to the beat of my own drum.

Relinquishing power to someone did teach me to love openly and honestly, I saw a different, softer and more nurturing side of me emerge and I was for the first time in my entire life, actually becoming REALLY attached to someone and considering their feelings before my own.

However, when it ended, withdrawing from that was almost like having an identity crisis, haha. It was just "Ok, who am I now? What do I want? Am I Dom/sub?"
I really have no idea how a switch can convert from either role so easily.

It was also my first time laying with a man in 10 years so that in itself had some interesting repercussions, LOL.

It definitely taught me more about myself than I bargained for since 2 months before meeting this person I said "I would never have the rope turned on me, it would be like divine retribution", LOL. And so it was... :)

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 1:46:55 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Yes... we friggin tore that china shop up!

Never again! Tempting with some of the dominant's I know... but I know better.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 2:05:39 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Yes... we friggin tore that china shop up!

Never again! Tempting with some of the dominant's I know... but I know better.

I did say some were tempting! Give an old, attitude filled dominant woman a break now... she knows her limits.

Then again... one of you could consider... *looks both ways* accepting me as I am and going poly!

The thing is... when life happens, push comes to shove... I have found dominant men don't readily accept that they can't dominate me. Sooner or later they expect me to submit. That's when the china shop thing occurs.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 2:12:46 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Yes... we friggin tore that china shop up!

Never again! Tempting with some of the dominant's I know... but I know better.

I did say some were tempting! Give an old, attitude filled dominant woman a break now... she knows her limits. Then again... one of you could consider... *looks both ways* accepting me as I am and going poly!

The thing is... when life happens, push comes to shove... I have found dominant men don't readily accept that they can't dominate me. Sooner or later they expect me to submit. That's when the china shop thing occurs.
[/quote}
You KNOW you'll give in to that temptation someday...and......who can blame you. After all...I am...Me.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/18/2014 3:01:59 PM

ladynlord

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When my youngest child asked me a similar question about gay/lesbian couples...right down to the "how does that work", I gave a very simple answer. "If you love the other person, I mean really love them, then it doesn't matter who or what they are, because you love them and want to be with them."
And it is that simple.....and that complicated!
As a Dom/Domme couple who have been together for 18 years I can tell you there have been some GLORIOUS head butting contests, but we are each the others equal and we are mature and love each other, so the head butting is temporary and logic and love win out every time. One of us usually has a better idea or better approach and after a bit of discussion, that is the plan we go with. Everything from auto repair to home interior to what sub/slave serves in our home. It requires the maturity to give and take! Yes, we have owned slaves and Dominated subs TOGETHER. That is the greatest, simply because we are sharing that along with everything else.
But I admit, we are unique. We work together in our business, we live together, we enjoy vanilla activities together. We each have independent vanilla hobbies, but we make an effort to share those with the other too. Most vanilla male/female married couples could not handle that much togetherness. We do because we love each other and WANT to be with each other. Jeff used the words "team play" and that is what couples do no matter what their orientation isn't it? Or as RS said, "you find a way" and are happy to do so.
BTW, in case you are wondering, neither of us switch EVER!!!
If you're curious about the nuts and bolts of two Dominants owning a slave or dominating a sub, I will happily answer, but it will be very vague due to the venue. But if there is a burning question OP (or anyone who commented) we can answer it off of the message boards.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/20/2014 8:41:12 PM

FluidFlame

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Joined: 2/19/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladynlord

When my youngest child asked me a similar question about gay/lesbian couples...right down to the "how does that work", I gave a very simple answer. "If you love the other person, I mean really love them, then it doesn't matter who or what they are, because you love them and want to be with them."
And it is that simple.....and that complicated!
As a Dom/Domme couple who have been together for 18 years I can tell you there have been some GLORIOUS head butting contests, but we are each the others equal and we are mature and love each other, so the head butting is temporary and logic and love win out every time. One of us usually has a better idea or better approach and after a bit of discussion, that is the plan we go with. Everything from auto repair to home interior to what sub/slave serves in our home. It requires the maturity to give and take! Yes, we have owned slaves and Dominated subs TOGETHER. That is the greatest, simply because we are sharing that along with everything else.
But I admit, we are unique. We work together in our business, we live together, we enjoy vanilla activities together. We each have independent vanilla hobbies, but we make an effort to share those with the other too. Most vanilla male/female married couples could not handle that much togetherness. We do because we love each other and WANT to be with each other. Jeff used the words "team play" and that is what couples do no matter what their orientation isn't it? Or as RS said, "you find a way" and are happy to do so.
BTW, in case you are wondering, neither of us switch EVER!!!
If you're curious about the nuts and bolts of two Dominants owning a slave or dominating a sub, I will happily answer, but it will be very vague due to the venue. But if there is a burning question OP (or anyone who commented) we can answer it off of the message boards.

We're pretty much the same, we're at 2 difference experience levels and one of us is a little more kinky than the other. Neither one of us has an outside sub/slave right now but we have learned to share and not stick people in between us. We butt heads in private so that other relationships don't have to suffer.

~Flame

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/21/2014 2:01:07 AM

MissAsylum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I suspect that strong-willed people are attracted to other strong-willed persons instinctively, regardless of their orientation -- which in some cases turns out to be a Dominant with another Dominant.

Quoted for truth.

I'm not in a Dom/Domme relationship, but my partner is equally as strong-willed as I am. I love it, and at times I feel I could do without it since when we inevitably bump heads, we REALLY bump heads.

Wouldn't change anything to be honest. We both had to learn how to properly communicate. We had to learn how to speak as to not give the impression that we are attempting to challenge one another.

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 2/21/2014 2:06:57 AM >

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/21/2014 2:12:50 AM

pg4g

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I'm like that, to be honest. Strong willed switch. I am most attracted to other strong-willed switches.

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/21/2014 5:06:40 PM

FluidFlame

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Strong willed is the nice way to describe us. We like the term "more stubborn than an Ass"

~Fluid

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RE: Dom-Domme relationships - 2/23/2014 1:57:06 PM

LadyMondenschein

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Well, I missed this thread a few days ago, because I was talking with my fiance, & a Dominant as well (tho' I am the more experienced & I'm sure he'll learn a lot from Me), but a lot of what I read was interesting and I'm sure it will apply to us. Except for the playing around part. We are both monogamous. We might own a couple of slaves together, but they will be for service only and/or whippings. Neither of us wants to be intimate with anyone but each other.

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Post #: 33