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RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:26:58 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		layla, please try to remind yourself that he is the crazy one, don't try to understand him (he is crazy, you can't, if you try you run yourself into the ground), he has a weird obsession with you and it is not your fault.

Get help from the police, get help from organizations, protect yourself and don't reply (any reply, even a "go away") will be a result for him, you need to make it clear to him ONE time and in a way that can't be misinterpreted that his contact his unwanted. Don't be surprised if you get a lot of comments like "what have you done to him?" or a stupid "just switch off you computer", as often the police will look for a reason why a person is doing it, even if there is no reason, just calmly tell them you have not encouraged him, his attentions are unwanted and you feel threatened and violated.

The fact that he does this from his own phone and not some prepaid phone he bought with cash, and that you know who he is should make it a lot easier. Show them the phone logs and emails and just keep on pushing that they do something as you feel threatened.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:32:26 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Don't open or answer texts, emails or answer phone calls.

And ask Yahoo to block him, not by your settings but have them do it, since the settings thing did not work.

No matter how angry/annoyed you feel do not feed him by answering/replying.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

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(in reply to laylaonherknees)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:36:59 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		LadyC,

This problem is bigger than people think. I'm sure for each story we've heard about this, there are a hundred we haven't. I've had to deal with this more than once, and one got very scary. Perhaps it's time to assemble a resource thread and sticky it somewhere.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:37:41 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
This kind of nut-job is why don't give out my address to anyone I have known less than a year. 
For future contacts with other potential partners try a burner phone
http://burnerapp.com/
And a disposable email
http://www.wikihow.com/Set-Up-a-Disposable-Email-Address



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:40:03 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

LadyC,

This problem is bigger than people think. I'm sure for each story we've heard about this, there are a hundred we haven't. I've had to deal with this more than once, and one got very scary. Perhaps it's time to assemble a resource thread and sticky it somewhere.

Jus sayin
Exiled



Actually, because of the nature of what it is that we are involved in, I think it behooves the site to be a bit more pro-active, also.

I think if a string of un-answered e-mails can be shown to the site administrators, the abusive party should be banished.

I think we, as a community, need to show that we won't tolerate that kind of behavior amongst us.





_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 8:42:23 AM   
ComeSitAndRelax


Posts: 7
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I assume you have made it clear that you don't want any more contact? If you spell out that you feel like he's stalking you and consider to take the appropriate legal steps, he might just stop.
In case that doesn't help, you might have to simply change your email and phone number and ditch your old profile here and make a new one. I hope he doesn't have your address.

Fingers crossed that he understands you aren't playing hard to get but that you really aren't interested, and that it's just an issue of miscommunication.


I don't understand why the OP didn't address this post. Being clear in your rejection is very important. Passive aggressively ignoring someone, as the OP seems to me that she's doing, leaves it up to the other party to decide themselves when they've been rejected. The other party will stop trying to be part of the OP's life when they have closure. If someone is insane and you ignore them, instead of trying to explain the reality of the situation, their only known perceptions of the situation are their deluded ones.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:01:55 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree. Stalkers want interaction *any* interaction will do, no matter how negative.

Stop giving the stalker a forum and they do stop in time.

I've had a real like stalker, which is a much scarier deal, though the same rules apply. Don't give the stalker any fuel for their fantasies.

I moved in with a friend and she literally accompanied me everywhere so we could get what I needed to file a restraining order. Another friend lent me her two large Great Danes. Of course he violated the restraining order (you should just expect that) but the dogs kept him in place until the police arrived. Once he was arrested, he stopped. Being in jail does that.

We learned later that this man had several warrants for harassment and violation of restraining orders. That is also very typical, stalking is their idea of a relationship, sad as that is.



_____________________________



(in reply to ComeSitAndRelax)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:14:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laylaonherknees
I have proof....incessant emails, texts and phone records. I am taking my phone up to verizon to see what they can do. he is calling me in the middle the night. What kind of nut does this? he texts, he calls, it's neverending.

You can save yourself the trip on this. Verizon has customer support online that allows you to block numbers and email addresses. I had to do the very same thing and the benefit of doing it online is that you can save the chat text with the customer representative if you need it to substantiate the proof of harassment. (Yes, I've done it.) From there, don't answer any phone numbers that aren't already programmed into your phone's address book. Temporarily shut off your voice mail so the person can not leave messages if he uses a different number than the ones you have blocked.

Save the paper copy of your phone bill and the electronic chat log with the Verizon representative. Like I said, I've done this and I've had to use the files on two occasions. Having the paper trail helps.

All of those emails that you are getting? Save them in a file, too. For your peace of mind, open a different yahoo and start primarily working from that one. Heck, I've even got copies of My stalker threatening legal action against a particular kink group up here because they banned him from events. (He still attends private events up here but that's the vindictiveness of the person holding them.)

We've had to do a lot of this stuff over the past year. Yes, some people absolutely are this crazy.

ETA - Here is the link to get you started. http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/myverizonlp/




< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/19/2014 9:17:41 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to laylaonherknees)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:28:37 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ComeSitAndRelax


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I assume you have made it clear that you don't want any more contact? If you spell out that you feel like he's stalking you and consider to take the appropriate legal steps, he might just stop.
In case that doesn't help, you might have to simply change your email and phone number and ditch your old profile here and make a new one. I hope he doesn't have your address.

Fingers crossed that he understands you aren't playing hard to get but that you really aren't interested, and that it's just an issue of miscommunication.


I don't understand why the OP didn't address this post. Being clear in your rejection is very important. Passive aggressively ignoring someone, as the OP seems to me that she's doing, leaves it up to the other party to decide themselves when they've been rejected. The other party will stop trying to be part of the OP's life when they have closure. If someone is insane and you ignore them, instead of trying to explain the reality of the situation, their only known perceptions of the situation are their deluded ones.


The thing is, they want interaction, even getting a reaction from you keeps them going. If you keep on telling them to leave you alone, you are actually encouraging them, it's very very important to tell them ONCE, and to keep a copy or make a note when and what you told them. Stalkers don't work on "normal" parameters, the last 4 or 5 years have been very "enlightening".

While a stalker will eventually stop when there is no reaction, the average time for one to do so is about 7 years...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ComeSitAndRelax)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:29:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ComeSitAndRelax
I don't understand why the OP didn't address this post. Being clear in your rejection is very important. Passive aggressively ignoring someone, as the OP seems to me that she's doing, leaves it up to the other party to decide themselves when they've been rejected. The other party will stop trying to be part of the OP's life when they have closure. If someone is insane and you ignore them, instead of trying to explain the reality of the situation, their only known perceptions of the situation are their deluded ones.

I can promise you that this isn't the case for everyone. You're new here. I can tell you that most of these posters and some of the Moderating staff got a taste of exactly what a nut job did (and in some cases still attempts to do) over the past summer when I dealt with harassment, outing, and false allegations of abuse. There are some vindictive f^cking pricks out there who will do all kinds of things when rejected or put out of a person's life.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ComeSitAndRelax)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:40:04 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Well, if it's that bad and nothing else works, change your damn phone number and then message all your other contacts with the new number. Change your email as well.

I own My cell phone, it doesn't own ME.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:46:41 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		It is really easy to change your number with Verizon. It can be done online in a matter of minutes.

I don't go to the trouble of burn phones. Googlevoice will provide you with a phone number that can forward anonymously to whatever phone you assign to it, or it will simply screen calls and email you a text of the voice message.

Having someone know your work number is an entirely different matter. I think she said he was calling her at work. That is logistically a no win situation for her there. Unless she has really understanding employers.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 7:37:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You can also have your lawyer get involved. Cease & desist letters. Requests to pay for damages incurred. Most people get frightened when a lawyer says they'll sue the pants off them.

Plus the police will take you more seriously if the lawyer is involved.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/19/2014 9:00:57 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		OP, do NOT follow your instinct to out him at work. It will only fuel a defense for him that you are equally after him. Certainly, should he approach you defend yourself.

It shouldn't be difficult to change your home and cell number or to block him from email, here and any other mail server you use. Don't send him to bulk, block. Here you can hover over unopened mail and see if it is him using different address. Then delete unread. I think you have to open here to report the message, I'm not sure.

Most outside email servers allow a preview pane so you can quickly view qithout opening. Set it up.

You seem to be getting all your ducks in a row, just gather your documentation and go to police. Here is the thing though...do you have his real name? They can't go to a judge with a screen name or one he uses at events.

I realize you probably won't want to or feel you should have to, but changing your profile, the part about your master allowing you to play with others could possibly keep you from going through this again. It will attract some nuts. Stick with finding others at events where you can check the reputations and vette them a bit better. Just a though.

Good luck.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 12:32:41 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laylaonherknees

What kind of advice can you give to deal with predatory stalkers? This site does not allow blacklisting and I get rid of a AA DOM that I have no interest in. I have tried blocking features on my offline email and phone and am contacting my local sheriff's dept to get a restraining order.


One of THE best books on the subject is "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Read it and it will confirm what LC said about no more contact ever. I recommended this book before and another poster in Law Enforcement said he couldn't recommend it highly enough either.

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to laylaonherknees)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 1:48:56 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

OP, do NOT follow your instinct to out him at work. It will only fuel a defense for him that you are equally after him. Certainly, should he approach you defend yourself.



Very much so, in case layla outs him, he might lose his job, he's already a crazy person, at the moment he has a job, which might keep him a bit stable, if he loses that, he will most likely be a person with nothing to lose, and that's a very dangerous person.

I'd also encourage everybody to keep your private emails guarded, learned the hard way about xobni, a little program that gives the user all the social networks an email addy is attached to, somebody having your LinkedIn, FB and all other info is definitely not fun and enables somebody who doesn't have your best intent at heart to do a lot of damage. It's pretty easy to have a 2nd email that you only use for kink related purposes.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 6:18:20 AM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laylaonherknees

Blocked him on email on YM and he got through filters. Contacted sheriff's dept already. Tried to block him unsuccessfully through Verizon which is why I am going up there today At first, I thought hell in a day he will just give up and go away. But he hasn't at all. I dont understand the attraction.


Verizon can block every phone he uses to contact you and you can delete or store his emails without reading them. As long as he doesn't know your name or address, your safe from physical harm.

If you want to stop him and the cops and Verizon doesn't work, try posting every email he sends you here and let the bloggers have at him. If he has any pride he will go away. As a last resort change your number and email

(in reply to laylaonherknees)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 6:23:43 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

If you want to stop him and the cops and Verizon doesn't work, try posting every email he sends you here and let the bloggers have at him. If he has any pride he will go away. As a last resort change your number and email [/color]


I wouldn't recommend it, it's getting a reaction and might just encourage him, to be a stalker, you have to be pretty effed up mentally, normal reactions, reason and logic don't apply. If he's getting attacked by a number of people, chances are that he will think she is responsible and things can escalate, since she knows who he is and he stepped over the line, authorities are her best bet, it won't keep her safe, but any violation she can then report and time behind bars and a good chat with friendly cops might just cool him off sufficiently.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Blueswordsman)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 10:51:17 AM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline 		Good Advise

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Predatory Stalkers - 2/20/2014 11:01:31 AM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman




If you want to stop him and the cops and Verizon doesn't work, try posting every email he sends you here and let the bloggers have at him.


Posting private correspondence to bring negative attention to a member is against the guidelines of the forums.

(in reply to Blueswordsman)
Profile   Post #: 40
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