FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013 From: Maryland Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rawni For the first year after my first diagnosis, I refused to let anyone join my party. I was going to a party that wouldn't be any fun and I didn't want anyone else to have to go through it. I still go through times when I don't think it is fair to ask someone to love me when I could die or go down, leaving them hurt and alone. It was a struggle, because at the very time you need support, you are denying yourself as well as anyone that does make the choice to love you anyway. I can see it being real easy to send mixed messages to someone with all that going on. I also know the Knights that wished to take care of me... many that I pushed away. In fact, I wrote one of my poem-songs about it for one special guy. Part of it is: My heart's not for love'n, its just keeping me alive, till my heart's reflection has eased my weary mind. Another time, another place, my heart would gladly take you in, give you loves wonder to dwell in and keep you safely tucked within, but babe I'm in a sorrowful state, my heart has no love to give. Don't put hope in me babe, don't dream about my love. I'm not the one for you. As a parent and a partner, I would try to protect everyone. My children would need someone, so would my partner. I would try to make arrangements for others in their lives, to pick up somehow where I left off. Others that would be known to them, that already had a bond, so they wouldn't be so lost. A man or woman that was a close family friend or another dominant that could assist. I was always preparing to leave, in some way. It can be a very confusing time and I can understand the feeling of her being skittish for more than the reason of being hurt by someone else. That can play into it too. It just may mean concentrating on too many overwhelming things and you simply need to only focus on a few. A stand by you friend, would be most welcome, but more, may be too much. She doesn't need pressure and even knowing you love her and she can't respond can be a mighty big pressure. Thus the writing of my poem-song. Good luck to the both of you! Beautifully expressed, Rawni. Dwn2EarthDom, that's wonderful news and thank you for sharing. I still get the feeling though that being a loyal, devoted friend is what this lady needs, not a lover. The last thing you want to do is chase her away with your romantic notions or by not allowing her to have the space she needs during her recovery period. Right now she respects you, and you wouldn't want to lose her respect. There's a thin line between having romantic aspirations and becoming that creepy dude.
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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