RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback....

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 9:23:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess Okay. Your original post made it sound like you were considering moving to FL to be with this man. But as the thread continues it sounds like you have wanted to move to FL long before you met this man, and this man just provides you with the opportunity to do so (which, I believe is why you are considering this even when you are not head over heels for him). The real issue as I read this thread is that you want to move to FL. I guess as long as you are up front with this guy in terms of negotiating how much actual financial assistance you will receive from this man, maybe this is an opportunity to get to FL. I just wouldn't rely on his financial assistance being there forever. As long as you have a game plan for how you will get on your own two feet down there, then this seems prudent. Your initial post just never made it sound like you were looking to move to FL independently of him. A little hard to give advice when your actual motives aren't made clear. If moving to FL is what you want to do, then figure out a way to make it happen, with or without this man. Just don't count on him being there forever because you haven't even started a full-fledged relationship yet, and as we all know, things sometimes just don't work out. And if things don't work out, you need to have already put things in place down there to enable you to stay in FL without his financial assistance. Otherwise seems like a lot of disruption for nothing if you end up just moving back home after the relationship ends. Again, if you are moving to be in FL, then the focus should be on how to successfully do that long term. At best, this man is likely only a stepping stone in that journey. [sm=2cents.gif] Yeah....I guess I didn't make that really clear. I was getting tired of making the original post so long and I didn't want to take more time to get into it. The thing about all of this that freaks me out and makes it so hard is the timing. I have been wanting to get out of Delaware and go to Florida for a couple fo years now, but until now the only way I was going to do it was if I hopped on a train with nothing but a backpack and a prayer. Then about a year ago I start talking to this guy, but since he is so far away I didn't pursue a relationship with him. I intentionally kept it as friendship, and I never thought of the possibility of moving down there for a relationship. Like I said....as much as I hate my job, it is secure, and I wasn't willing to risk that security simply for the sake of a relationship.....I know that risk is too high. But I do know that I will have to take some risks in order to further my career....and those are risks that I AM willing to take. That is what got me seriously thinking abou this....his offer of assistance to help me do things to further my career. And as someone else said....I've probably already made up my mind, but I wanted to do this to try to organize my thoughts and really try to weigh all my risks. I think the biggest thing that is really making it difficult for me to actually just say "I will do this....risks be damned" is the timing of it all. It would be a lot easier if I had 7 or 8 months to carefully think and plan, but I don't. My apartment lease is up at the end of April. If I don't sign another lease, my rent will be another $200 more a month than it is now (I just found that out Saturday). I can't afford to pay that for another 7 or 8 months. But if I sign another lease so that I have to wait until 2015 to move, I'm going to feel like I've just wasted another year of my life, and I'm going to feel miserable.

angelikaJ -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 9:34:57 AM)
Are you prepared for the probability that if you are without financial assistance that because wages are so low in FL that you will likely have to work 2 or possibly even 3 jobs just to make ends meet? How are you going to get the career you want when you have no time to do it? What is your Plan B if things with the guy fall apart?

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 9:47:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ Are you prepared for the probability that if you are without financial assistance that because wages are so low in FL that you will likely have to work 2 or possibly even 3 jobs just to make ends meet? How are you going to get the career you want when you have no time to do it? What is your Plan B if things with the guy fall apart? Like I said before....if he leaves me high and dry before I can get myself stable, my sister lives in Tampa so I do have her as a safety net. Working 2 jobs to make ends meet would definitely put a crimp in the possibility of going to school. But then that just means I would be exactly where I am now financially anyway.....except I would be in Florida instead of Delaware. At least in Florida I would be able to work 2 jobs. I can't do that here because I spend too much time out of my day riding the bus.

chatterbox24 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 10:20:27 AM)
I didn't read anything but the first post so I apologize if this was mentioned. He sounds in better financial shape then you, why cant he come for a visit FIRST before you go there. Or buy you a two way ticket, since he is so generous just to check things out, if you decide to go. Better safe then sorry.

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 10:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 I didn't read anything but the first post so I apologize if this was mentioned. He sounds in better financial shape then you, why cant he come for a visit FIRST before you go there. Or buy you a two way ticket, since he is so generous just to check things out, if you decide to go. Better safe then sorry. He is coming up here at the end of the month and then I'm going down there in mid-April.

Rawni -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 11:58:24 AM)
I wouldn't do it without a bunch of money sitting in a bank account with my name on it. There are people that will assist with no strings... but they are few and far between and because you have a dream... that is the key to just about every scam or con artist out there. People lie. The thing is... you want something and rosy glasses will get you into trouble a lot of the time. Weighing things out helps, asking others helps, but bottom line, you decide and you get to live with what happens. Now, your mother. It is expected that you take over her care giving. If you leave, this leaves your sister to continue and you already said that her family doesn't have the time your mother needs. How will your sister and her family take you backing out on what you apparently agreed to? How will you feel if things turn out badly and you need to get back to your mother and cannot afford to or realize you walked away when SHE was in need? Take it from me... living between a bunch of rocks and not having a soft rock to hit up against, is something I know well. I am there now. However, I don't look at a thing in hand until it is in my hand and I wouldn't even accept a winter coat from someone. If I accept the help... I know I didn't get whatever I got on my own. People need a helping hand and I have given it many times, but I am very careful about who I would allow to help me. It would be very nice if someone in CA or CO offered me a helping hand to get back home and established... but you know, I doubt I would take up any offer. I will stick to my guns.. not dream about the fantasy of it happening magically for me and will work my way home, sick, broken and broke... because then I can look in the mirror and say... I wasn't a victim and I did it MY way without walking away from anyone that needed me. You gain strength personally... not by placing yourself as a dependent.

kalikshama -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 12:12:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 I didn't read anything but the first post so I apologize if this was mentioned. He sounds in better financial shape then you, why cant he come for a visit FIRST before you go there. Or buy you a two way ticket, since he is so generous just to check things out, if you decide to go. Better safe then sorry. He is coming up here at the end of the month and then I'm going down there in mid-April. He's been up with you. The logical next visit is down there, since you have a short time in which to make up your mind.

kalikshama -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 12:14:56 PM)
quote: It would be a lot easier if I had 7 or 8 months to carefully think and plan, but I don't. My apartment lease is up at the end of April. If I don't sign another lease, my rent will be another $200 more a month than it is now (I just found that out Saturday). I can't afford to pay that for another 7 or 8 months. But if I sign another lease so that I have to wait until 2015 to move, I'm going to feel like I've just wasted another year of my life, and I'm going to feel miserable. How about negotiating with your complex for a 6 month lease at a slightly increased rate, say $50/month?

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 12:50:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: It would be a lot easier if I had 7 or 8 months to carefully think and plan, but I don't. My apartment lease is up at the end of April. If I don't sign another lease, my rent will be another $200 more a month than it is now (I just found that out Saturday). I can't afford to pay that for another 7 or 8 months. But if I sign another lease so that I have to wait until 2015 to move, I'm going to feel like I've just wasted another year of my life, and I'm going to feel miserable. How about negotiating with your complex for a 6 month lease at a slightly increased rate, say $50/month? No....I tried that.....that's how I found out about the extra $200 it's going to cost me to go month-to-month. These guys are a big management company that has properties in several states and they are pretty hard-lined about their policies. I have a feeling that I am finally just going to end up staying here.....and torturing myself by wondering what might have really happened.

Rawni -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 1:01:41 PM)
A huge corp. lowered my rent after a deal with my garage and the renter of it, approved by them failed to do as contracted. They lowered it the amount of the rent for the garage. $100. I didn't think they would and didn't ask... they offered. What a cool manager that really liked me... that took the situation to them! No one can do anything unless they first know the situation.

kalikshama -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 1:58:56 PM)
Why don't you look for someplace closer to work that's an equivalent price and is month to month? This move will give you a chance to purge prior to your next move. Other than that...you wanted 7-8 months to think about it...what's an extra 4?

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 2:49:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Why don't you look for someplace closer to work that's an equivalent price and is month to month? This move will give you a chance to purge prior to your next move. Other than that...you wanted 7-8 months to think about it...what's an extra 4? Why don't you look for someplace closer to work that's an equivalent price and is month to month? This move will give you a chance to purge prior to your next move. I don't want go through moving just for the sake of 7 or 8 months...moving is too much of a huge pain in the ass. Other than that...you wanted 7-8 months to think about it...what's an extra 4? That extra 4 is called WINTER.....If I can get out of here I would like to do it before winter gets here.

kiwisub12 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 3:08:36 PM)
You said the man was willing to drive to your sister and hand over the car title and the keys. Let him do this. If nothing else it would be a sign of good faith.

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 3:54:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 You said the man was willing to drive to your sister and hand over the car title and the keys. Let him do this. If nothing else it would be a sign of good faith. Yeah....and in last night's marathon phone call I was telling him about how I'm going to need to pay an extra $200 for May's rent...and he told me to give him my mailing address so he can send it to me. He originally misunderstood and thought I said I was going to need TWO months worth....so at first he said he was going to send me $400. I told him not to....I can handle it for one month. That just freaked me out too much.

kalikshama -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 4:31:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Other than that...you wanted 7-8 months to think about it...what's an extra 4? quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 That extra 4 is called WINTER.....If I can get out of here I would like to do it before winter gets here. I slept in a tent in upstate New York for two years (including winters) before I moved to Florida so your puny indoor Delaware winter excuse is rejected [8D] BTW, I found the summers in FL to be worse than the winters in NY and MA. Perhaps you should spend a week with him in August?

fucktoyprincess -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 4:52:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama BTW, I found the summers in FL to be worse than the winters in NY and MA. Perhaps you should spend a week with him in August? Extremely true this!

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 5:47:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Other than that...you wanted 7-8 months to think about it...what's an extra 4? quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 That extra 4 is called WINTER.....If I can get out of here I would like to do it before winter gets here. I slept in a tent in upstate New York for two years (including winters) before I moved to Florida so your puny indoor Delaware winter excuse is rejected [8D] BTW, I found the summers in FL to be worse than the winters in NY and MA. Perhaps you should spend a week with him in August? Some people just prefer heat over cold. I would rather be hot than cold. In my current situation, I'm not sleeping in a tent, but I have to stand out at the bus stops and what has been an especially big pain in the ass this winter is that they don't clear any of the snow from areas for pedestrians. I'm more frustrated with not having a safe place to stand or walk. I've fallen on my ass on ice 4 times this winter, and I'm not looking forward breaking a bone in the future. If I'm not going to have a car to drive....I want to be WARM!!

VeryMercurial -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 5:57:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni I wouldn't do it without a bunch of money sitting in a bank account with my name on it. There are people that will assist with no strings... but they are few and far between and because you have a dream... that is the key to just about every scam or con artist out there. People lie. The thing is... you want something and rosy glasses will get you into trouble a lot of the time. Weighing things out helps, asking others helps, but bottom line, you decide and you get to live with what happens. Now, your mother. It is expected that you take over her care giving. If you leave, this leaves your sister to continue and you already said that her family doesn't have the time your mother needs. How will your sister and her family take you backing out on what you apparently agreed to? How will you feel if things turn out badly and you need to get back to your mother and cannot afford to or realize you walked away when SHE was in need? You gain strength personally... not by placing yourself as a dependent. This is what I am wondering about? Will this gentlemen be willing to pay for you to come home often and help with your mother? Will you be in a position to come back often and assist with your mother?

LadyPact -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 6:07:53 PM)
More or less of a fast reply to the OP....... Hon, you present as someone who has basically, more or less, already decided that you are going to do this thing. I haven't read all of the comments and replies, but it seems to Me that you are fighting a lot of good advice. Some of this, at least from one angle, is about you being willing to let someone rescue you.

smileforme50 -> RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and would like some feedback.... (3/4/2014 6:08:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni I wouldn't do it without a bunch of money sitting in a bank account with my name on it. There are people that will assist with no strings... but they are few and far between and because you have a dream... that is the key to just about every scam or con artist out there. People lie. The thing is... you want something and rosy glasses will get you into trouble a lot of the time. Weighing things out helps, asking others helps, but bottom line, you decide and you get to live with what happens. Now, your mother. It is expected that you take over her care giving. If you leave, this leaves your sister to continue and you already said that her family doesn't have the time your mother needs. How will your sister and her family take you backing out on what you apparently agreed to? How will you feel if things turn out badly and you need to get back to your mother and cannot afford to or realize you walked away when SHE was in need? You gain strength personally... not by placing yourself as a dependent. This is what I am wondering about? Will this gentlemen be willing to pay for you to come home often and help with your mother? Will you be in a position to come back often and assist with your mother? He has offered to provide a place for me to live and let me have one of his cars. If/when I want to get my own place, I can get my own place. Other than that, I'm not going to be totally financially dependent on him. I am going to have a job and my own money, and credit cards. I seriously don't think he's going to hold me prisoner and tell me I can't ever leave Florida.

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