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Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 2:26:24 AM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 6:15:49 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If you define a switch by a relationship role, then they're not that common. If you define them by play role, then I'd say maybe 25%-60% of players are switches. That's my take about play parties - if you are talking about people who do not attend parties, then you have people who either must be poly or must have a partner who switches, so it may be rarer.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 6:49:48 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Frankly, I think there are more switches than anything else. Some people don't label themselves as a switch, b/c it's a label that gets misunderstood, most especially online.

Do try and remember that the profile side is filled with newbies, fantasizers, etc. that don't necessarily have a good foundation in reality.

Get out into your local community.





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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 7:11:51 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		I tend to agree with Chatte, many don't know who they are one minute submissive and dominant the next. I believe once you evolve you become more comfortable in one or the other but I do believe most start out as Switches. For those like myself who stay a Switch it is usually because I enjoy both dynamics equally and want to be able to have a partner who does the same. So nope not rare a lot more than you think. Great question.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 1:58:24 PM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If you define a switch by a relationship role, then they're not that common. If you define them by play role, then I'd say maybe 25%-60% of players are switches. That's my take about play parties - if you are talking about people who do not attend parties, then you have people who either must be poly or must have a partner who switches, so it may be rarer.


Are you referring, by relationship role, to D/s?

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 2:02:58 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		I think that there are WAAAY more ACTUAL switches, than there are people who will readily admit to being a switch. They get pounced on, judged, and oft times passed over by "Twue" D and s's as potential partners. It's my guess that this keeps them in the closet.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 3:49:00 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

I think that there are WAAAY more ACTUAL switches, than there are people who will readily admit to being a switch. They get pounced on, judged, and oft times passed over by "Twue" D and s's as potential partners. It's my guess that this keeps them in the closet.

This sounds about right, and they might not even know it themselves. I think it was needlesandpins who spoke about how during play, she and her partner get so caught up in the moment that it doesn't matter who's doing what, when, how or why. (Hope I expressed that properly.)

Whether we want to admit it or not, Dominants get prestige points. Some may not want other Dominants to "look down" on them, get ousted from dominance peerage. I can get some switchy tendencies, but not so often that it would exceed 20%, and not on a regular basis. I could be fooling myself, but if I knew I didn't want to be dominant anywhere from 1/4th to 1/3rd of the time (25-33%), then I would call myself a Switch. That's just my own personal measuring stick.

Btw FightingChains, when DarkSteven referred to play, he meant BDSM (Top/bottom) play, not D/s interpersonal relationship power-exchange dynamics.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 4:08:20 PM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		Yes, but he said:

"If you define a switch by a relationship role, then they're not that common."

He then went on to discuss play switches separately. I was wondering if he was referring to D/s switches.

I happen to not be a D/s switch at all. Couldn't imagine that type of power over my SO, nor ceding that power. We are extremely comfortable as equals, and it is just right for us. Get us into the bedroom or garage or basement or dungeon () and that changes dramatically. But we leave that once the encounter ends (we hate the word scene - it's not acting)

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 5:24:59 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If you define a switch by a relationship role, then they're not that common. If you define them by play role, then I'd say maybe 25%-60% of players are switches. That's my take about play parties - if you are talking about people who do not attend parties, then you have people who either must be poly or must have a partner who switches, so it may be rarer.


Are you referring, by relationship role, to D/s?


Yes. A switch in a relationship is where the partner change places being Dom/me and sub. In play, it's Top/bottom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FightingChains)
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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 5:45:04 PM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		Of course. Yes, I'm a switch between top and bottom, not dom/me and sub. I would expect that would be far rarer. Just curious what you were meaning.

It seemed to me both was rare, just D/s were more rare.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/25/2014 6:42:31 PM   
errantgeek


Posts: 156
Joined: 6/20/2011
Status: offline 		There are dominants who occasionally like to bottom, and subs who occasionally like to top. That, on its own, doesn't make them switches. Not all switches are into role reversal, either -- the label simply means the person is open to, comfortable in, or enjoys, both roles. I'm a switch as I enjoy being dominant and submissive to partners, but I am not into role reversal. It's the person that interests me, and their role second.

That said, it's my belief switches are a clear minority in the BDSM community (but not a plurality) that goes underrepresented as many who would call themselves switches don't, due to misconceptions, misunderstandings, and plain old prejudice in the BDSM community. I, for a long time, did not dare refer to myself as switch out of fear of being ostracized or unable to find partners -- I would label myself dom or sub, depending on for what I desired more at any given time.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/27/2014 8:12:19 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I switch, but not with the same person.

My Dominant is always my dominant, he does not have a submissive or masochistic side at all
My boyfriend/play partner is sadomasochistic and tops/bottoms and also into wrestling/take down play so with us whoever wins normally ends up in control.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/28/2014 3:34:14 PM   
KeepCalmCreepOn


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/28/2013
Status: offline 		From the various people I've met on this site I'm going to say its not at all rare. I think the majority are switches that either don't realize it, or consider the title a hindrance in finding someone. So many Doms and subs want to find a one way or nothing kind of dynamic, so switches seemed to be brushed off. So to answer, I don't consider it rare at all.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 3/28/2014 7:07:47 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KeepCalmCreepOn

From the various people I've met on this site I'm going to say its not at all rare. I think the majority are switches that either don't realize it, or consider the title a hindrance in finding someone. So many Doms and subs want to find a one way or nothing kind of dynamic, so switches seemed to be brushed off. So to answer, I don't consider it rare at all.


My viewpoint is similar to yours. The intermingling of D/s & BDSM also muddies the waters. In terms of D/s, I'm not willing to submit and I hate being told what to do. Always have. Early in life, I found better ways to do things, problem-solve, and acquire expertise so that when someone was in a position of authority over me, I found ways to earn their respect or at least acknowledge that I had special talents they didn't possess. So with me, it's either I'm the Dominant one in charge or we're on equal footing, and I can't really give a percentage split on that because it's unquantifiable.

When it comes to BDSM, I don't consider that I'm bottoming when having intercourse or engaging in erotic activities that don't get edgy, so BDSM is really a small percentage of overall sexual activity. Therefore, with me, out of that slice of the pie, what percentage I'd choose to bottom is so low that it would be misleading to even assign 10-15-20%. It might be as low as 2%, which I could live without. Negligible, in other words, and when factoring in D/s, it can get complicated. Not to mention, my perception or ideological stance might not match that of a potential partner who has a divergent concept of how D/s & BDSM "play" out from his perspective.

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There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/9/2014 12:09:50 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?


I find most people are eclectic - whether they label themselves subs or dommes, they will dabble on the other end of the spectrum from time to time. I find most people are more kinky than truly devoted to some strict BDSM label.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/9/2014 12:12:06 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KeepCalmCreepOn

From the various people I've met on this site I'm going to say its not at all rare. I think the majority are switches that either don't realize it, or consider the title a hindrance in finding someone. So many Doms and subs want to find a one way or nothing kind of dynamic, so switches seemed to be brushed off. So to answer, I don't consider it rare at all.


I think a lot of it is marketing. It's easier, on a site like this, to advertising yourself as sub or dom. I suspect a good number of switches simply have both a sub and dom profile for that reason.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/9/2014 7:20:25 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: errantgeek

There are dominants who occasionally like to bottom, and subs who occasionally like to top. That, on its own, doesn't make them switches.


(Returning from the Void, in response to egern's missing post of 4/4/2014 9:43:15 AM...)

egern: "Of course it does. / My own experience through many years is that the number of switches (awful Word!) rise and rise with the trust in the Group."

(... Mine from 4/4/2014 12:07:26 PM:)

Not only the trust factor, but after a Dominant in particular has gained more experience under her/his belt s/he becomes more self-confident. With this confidence, the Dominant can be freer to find self-expression. I have also seen and heard of subs who gain self-confidence and want to explore Topping or who decide to become a switch. If the sub has an understanding Master-Mistress, these desires can be actualized; but if the sub belongs to a strict-protocol Master, then this option may never come to fruition unless and until such time they part ways.

It really does depend on how close their relationship is. I've noticed a marital bond or long-term bond of commitment can be more conducive to such developments, should they take place.

Not to set a rigid standard, I've already made reference to a Top/bottom split. In your opinion egern, do you believe that ANY degree of switching makes the Dominant and/or submissive a S/switch? Let's say 5-10-15%, or would you move the bar up to 20-25%? Personally, I would find it very misleading for those who rarely switch to say they are switches. It does make Switch-to-switch compatibility more complex to navigate.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/23/2014 7:28:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		But if you say you don't switch, then isn't that lying when six months later you announce you want to?
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to mention that once or twice a year you feel a need to top or bottom and ask if the potential partner would be okay with that?

Let's say that once or twice a year you have a hankering for same sex relations but you told your partner that you were totally het. Wouldn't that be unfair to then blindside them when you did announce you wanted to have sex with a same sex partner but it still shouldn't qualify as open or poly, that you're still monogamous?

Hell if your partner was a strict vegan and it was important to them that you be that also, announcing six months later that you're still a vegan except tonight you want to go to a steakhouse would come as one hell of a shock and probably would not be handled well.

The fact that lots of us aren't that flexible and therefore don't want a partner who is doesn't make us elitist bastards who believe we're the only true ones. It just means that we aren't compatible with those of you who are more flexible.

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/23/2014 7:44:48 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Of course full disclosure is necessary to any prospective partner of tendencies which affect various personal orientations, as well as personal circumstances. If I met someone who neglected to mention he goes out of town months at a time, this would affect my accessibility to him, and I would not be a happy camper.

I meant this in terms of self-appellation. The remark I'm referring to is one where IF a Dominant ever bottoms, this would make him/her a Switch. IF a submissive performs (service) Topping, this would make him/her a Switch. I happen to disagree, which is why I posed the question I did.

Plus out of curiosity, I wanted to get an inkling of just how broad a stroke switches use when determining their degree of "switchiness."

I should have probably been more specific as to where I was coming from, in order to try to be more objective in this matter.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/26/2014 1:09:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't know about the label but every time this subject has come up, lots of subs say that they would think differently about their dominant if they knew he/she bottomed. To the point of it breaking the relationship. So I think it is important to mention up front.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 4/26/2014 1:10:41 PM >

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