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Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 10:40:55 AM

Lec

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Do you think there are any differences?

I am by no means an expert, but I've noticed on forums that M/f (Male dominant and female submissive) relationships tend to be more seriously taken and more reality based. And also there seems to be more exchange in power.

On the other hand F/m tends to be more fantasy based, and more focused on some special areas of life, like chastity or orgasm control.

However, I may be terribly wrong, and this might be just a prejudice and generalization.

However, I'm curious to see your opinions and feelings on that topic of differences between M/f and F/m dynamics.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 10:49:00 AM

FriendlyMuppet

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I've been mostly involved in F/m relationships, and they're not fantasy based in my experience. They're as grounded as any other kind of relationship you might have.

I think what's getting confusing for you is the porn fantasy of each of these types of relationships, which is often extremely different than the reality based types of relationships. I've been in F/m relationships where in the same house there were M/f and F/f relationships going on and what you discover is that each and every one of them has its own nuance, and whenever you try to push your thoughts on a relationship that is not your own, you often end up causing more problems than anything else. I was once in a relationship where my mistress was my owner, and she was married to a male master who was not my master. But because he had so much experience, he kept trying to "instruct" her on how to best control me, and quite often it caused problems between the two of them. But that was just that ONE situation.

Where I think your premise needs some work is to understand that there are people who take these things seriously, people who just play at them, and then people who are all sorts of variations in between. No two people are the same, nor are two relationships. I've had interesting experiences with professional dominants (in personal relationships) who tried to instill some aspect of relationships they already knew from past experiences, only to realize they needed to go their own way to make things work out. Cookie cutter responses to relationships rarely works well, aside from scripts that last until a session is over.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 11:07:05 AM

Blonderfluff

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What a great thread to start! Best topic to be broached here in a few weeks. Well done.

I am a femsub, so keep that in mind when reading my response. I think both dynamics are taken seriously by those of us that actually live them in real life.

The online influence seems to mostly influence the male sides of the online community. Before everyone jumps all over me, I am speaking of the HNG's, married men, etc that we women are doused with in our inboxes. I love men, and in NO WAY am disparaging the entire gender.

From the male /s standpoint, I think that many many get their concept of WIITWD from FemDom porn. It seems to be a recurring theme that my friends who are Domme lament regularly.

From the male D/ standpoint, those males seem to be driven by either a notion that female submissives are an easy lay, or by the idea that if they sell themselves as a D, they are guaranteeing themselves blowjobs on demand, and a weak woman that they can smack around at will.

As to the online females contribution to the online only culture? Some female /s's are damaged. Some are looking to live in a way that allows them to take zero responsibility for a relationship. Some online F/ types are here just to reap the benefits of the over abundance of male /s's.

Anyone that truly identifies with either dynamic in a very real way will tell you that both type of relationships are respected, when lived within a healthy, realistic life.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 11:07:42 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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In my experience, Female dom/male sub encounters tend to feature highly in porn because men are big consumers of porn. As such, a lot of male subs come to forums having watched a lot of that sort of porn and have a skewed idea of what D/s relationships are really like on a day-to-day basis. Add to that there seem to be a heck of a lot of male subs in general, and not so many female dominants, so perhaps a lot of people who aren't getting the chance to experiment in real life are investing a lot of time in fantasy.

I think actual real life D/s relationships are just as reality based and taken just as seriously regardless of the combination of genders involved. I just think internet forums tend to see more male subs discussing highly fetish focused and fantasy fueled stuff because there are more of them, and they are constantly being sold this stuff on porn sites.

For the record, I've seen more than a few female subs come in here and post a lot of unrealistic fantasy type stuff, too. I think (huge generalization) women who are steeped in fantasy are more likely to turn to romance novel style cliches of submission as the ultimate gift and deep connections and passion, and the men are more likely to turn to video porn stereotypes of leather clad ice queens brandishing cock cages.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 11:17:22 AM

anniezz338

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I feel the gender difference will be the most difference. Men are more sexual than women as a rule and they will want to Lead/follow to reach the goal of sexual statisfaction. I also see topping from the bottom happening more in the F/m relationship, again to lead to the sexual satisfation of the male sub.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 12:47:14 PM

InHisHeart

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All relationships are different, there is no one way for any type of relationship. With real life couples I know, both M/f and F/m, the dynamics are different for each couple but I don't see it as being whether or not it's M/f or F/m, it has to do with the individuals involved and what they want for their relationship. Master is much stricter with me compared to very close friends of ours who are a F/m couple. In my own relationship the dynamics have changed over the years we've been together and it's a lot different than my previous M/f relationship.

Each couple needs to find what works best for them and not go into a relationship thinking they should be like this couple or that couple.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 5:31:12 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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I don't think F/m dynamics are necessarily more fantasy-based overall but I do see where some individuals are more fantasy-driven. As a Domme, I come across more than a few fantasy-driven male subs showing up in my cmail and fetmail inboxes. That's because, overall, I think more men than women watch porn and, consequently, as a group men are more influenced by it. I try to steer clear of the ones who need really extensive "de-programming." Thank god/dess there are some male subs out there who are well-grounded in reality.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/21/2014 6:08:23 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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One thing I have noticed in those couples who are in real relationships (as opposed to just online things)...the Dommes seem to be much rougher and have higher expectations than the Doms. The male Doms seem more willing to compromise and allow for some of their subs own personality.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/22/2014 1:32:49 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
...
That's because, overall, I think more men than women watch porn and, consequently, as a group men are more influenced by it. I try to steer clear of the ones who need really extensive "de-programming." Thank god/dess there are some male subs out there who are well-grounded in reality.

Here, here NBMG, and how clever of you.

If I had a dollar for every male (sub) who needs to be de-programmed,.. I'd be an obscenely wealthy woman.

TieMeInKnottss, your post is tying my brain in a knot right now. *deep breath, stop over-analyzing*

I might have to return to it later on.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/22/2014 9:46:37 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Lec, I have to ask....how many F/m couples do you know irl. No to disparage the internet and all but online you aren't seeing the whole story. People tend to peacock for a lot of silly reasons rather than just flat out let others know how things work. I also have to admit that I would like to know where you formed the opinion that F/m relationships have more to do with things like chastity, denial, etc. Those are games a fem may play for her partner but they would be male fueled not female. Female fantasies tend to run more along the lines of....I would to be with two men. I would love to watch while one of them cooks and the other cleans. Sex is fun but errr yeah not all there is to being in a real FLR.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/22/2014 9:48:33 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Tie, I like you, would you be offended if I admitted my brain read this as...Men are more willing to put up with things they don't like to get laid than women are?

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/22/2014 12:54:17 PM

ClassAct2006

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I'm a femsub so only know that. I have that impression too but only by what I see on line so impossible for me to know if that is so in real life.I've never switched and never dominated a man.

There is certainly a difference between those who want some kind of on line fantasy - the men who only want to know about the colour of your knickers and nothing about the real person and those who are after a relationship. I think people divide more into that distinction than the male/female divide.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 12

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/22/2014 11:20:32 PM

Coupleator

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Differences in Sexuality

Attachment (1)

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/23/2014 4:59:37 PM

asanaambitions

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My take on it is this...almost all of the representation you see out there of female dominance or female led relationships comes from some sort of erotica, whether that be stories, videos, pictures, etc. Unless you know a lot of D/s couples in real life of course. FemDom porn makes me laugh because it's just women paid to dress up in the most fetisistic outfits possible and act like a stereotypical alpha male would given the circumstances. I think that F/m relationships in real life look so different (and dominant women!!) that most self-identified submissive males wouldn't know them if they got bitten on the ass. I get told I don't look like a Domme 80% of the time on coffee meet-ups because I'm not wearing heels and a hoochy dress. If submissive men were really smart, they'd stop watching the FemDom porn and actually start talking to real women about what makes us amazingly happy or how to distract us when we're having a terrible day or how to organize stuff so you can pursue more of your passions. Perhaps M/f online looks more realistic because females go into a relationship understanding that their partner is a multi-dimensional whole being who's needs and wants, as a whole, have to be taken care of and they're posting stuff to that effect all over the place. There's lots of lovely, snuggly M/f porn but it's damn hard to find F/m without some sort of fetishistic twist. There's no doubt the different portrayals influence sub male's expectations for a D/s relationship, you can see it plastered all over the profiles on the other side. And as a dominant woman who's a far cry from a porno dominatrix it's a frustrating state of affairs.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 4/23/2014 5:42:09 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Tie, I like you, would you be offended if I admitted my brain read this as...Men are more willing to put up with things they don't like to get laid than women are?

I was trying to be diplomatic!!!!

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/4/2014 5:16:42 PM

cloudboy

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What do "easily distracted" and "difficult to distract" mean under SEXUAL RESPONSE?

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/4/2014 5:35:17 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Tie, I like you, would you be offended if I admitted my brain read this as...Men are more willing to put up with things they don't like to get laid than women are?

I was trying to be diplomatic!!!!

quote:

The male Doms seem more willing to compromise and allow for some of their subs own personality.

I think you were speaking your mind earlier when you wrote this. I value that. Star, whom you have perhaps corresponded with before she stopped logging on here, was successful in finding a Dom here (on the other side) by looking for one who values her for reasons other than sex. You also know very well that Doms in offline couples do value their other half's desires, thoughts and personalities and do so because they care. In short, we don't Dom for sex nor are we that shallow. I believe you were truthful rather than diplomatic.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/4/2014 7:59:38 PM

Rheea

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I definitions blame porn for the distortions of real F/m, FemDom and FLR situations. (Same goes for cuckolding porn.) There's a lot of crap out there that is watched by men, who then in turn try to make these extreme fantasies into reality. Unfortunately, thus is not what most of us that live in reality can and will offer.

I've been in 4 FL/cuckolding relationships and they all had issues with fantasies that needed to be adjusted to reality. Now that I'm looking for another, my inbox fills with messages from male subs and switches that are looking for fantasy fulfillment or a fetish delivery, purely based on THEIR needs. Most have never been in a real F/s relationship and have no idea what is realistic.

@TieMeInKnotts: We dommes are just as willing to compromise and to take the subs personalities into account.

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/4/2014 9:01:54 PM

LadyPact

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Oh, for fuck's sake....

When in the hell did this place become the blind leading the blind?

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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/5/2014 2:53:51 AM

DesFIP

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I don't think men are more willing to compromise. I think they care less about certain things. I've known men to say that after the army, it doesn't matter what they eat, if it's overdone or whatever. Women are a lot more likely to be competent in daily life things and therefore won't abide incompetence in areas they are competent in.

Expanding on that, when a man is more competent in certain arenas I think he gets proud to display it and therefore has a vested interest in the woman being less competent. But a woman isn't going to feel like that when it comes to doing laundry even though a man feels like that when it comes to car repairs.

You can tell by my examples that work here goes along traditional gender lines :)

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