RE: Poverty hard limits? (Full Version)

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zubedangina -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 8:05:15 AM)

I wouldn't consider poverty a hard limit, I would look at lots of different reasons before I made my decision. I know a couple of people in my life, mainly my sister and her boyfriend who are perfectly capable of working, and despite their very poor job history, they manage to find jobs all the time. Then they work at them for a couple days to weeks, and decide to quit and go back to trying to borrow money from us for cigarettes and fake nails and things like that. Then I have people who I know are the hardest working people I've ever met, but through circumstances they're stuck working at WalMart, and I would choose any day to be with the second category, who is doing their best.

I worked in fast food for 7 years before I got the job I had. The hardest I ever worked was when I worked in fast food, and I really do think people in the service industry need to be making way more. So, I respect that. But I am tainted by my current relationship, my husband has a decent job, but that man loves to spend money, so I feel very financially insecure because he would rather spend his money on fun things like strippers and the like then pay the bills. That there, is more of a hard limit for me, rather than the poverty.

Sorry if I didn't explain that too well, it was a very long night.



DesFIP -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 1:51:38 PM)

If someone wants a partner of the same life stages, same earning abilities, then good for them to know what they want.
If the higher earning partner enjoys going to the theater, eating out, but begins to feel used when the other partner cannot reciprocate, then they have every right to say so.



OriginalRebel -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 2:26:37 PM)

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.




KnightofMists -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 3:42:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.




It's been my experience that those that have little to lose tend to have difficulty in appreciating those that do... Regardless if it's money or something else.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 5:52:20 PM)

I work hard for the money I make. I've done so my whole life and don't intend to quit. As I moved away from the debt of divorce and child support, some of my money has become more "mine" to have. I bought a motorcycle because of it. I am getting ready to close on a condo. This stuff I can afford whether I have a partner or not and I choose to always keep it that way so I am not dependant on my partner for financial support.

That said...I am not about to work my ass off while a partner sits at home. I know how to clean up after myself, I know how to do laundry, I am a pretty damn good cook and don't mind doing any of those things. Why would I want a partner who would sit home, not bringing in any money, just to do things I can do already? If I work, my submissive works.
Don't care whether she makes more than I do or less...but she works.



Killerangel -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/6/2014 6:49:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.




Why shouldn't people look for a potential partner based on qualities that appeal to them, and why shouldn't the ability to hold down a decent job be among those criteria? It's the same as any other quality like looks, race, religion, political beliefs, etc. Who is to say what is or isn't important to someone else? It's really up to the individual to decide for themselves what is a good match, why would anyone presume to judge what anyone else looks for?



OriginalRebel -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 1:46:09 AM)

Its an American thing.

Comparing earning potential to religion, to me at least seems ridiculous but if you live in a material world where the picket fence and curb appeal of your house is important, then of course you want to be with someone who can equally aspire to that material lifestyle.

I actually earn a lot more money than my partner does and in my previous long term relationship I earned a lot more money than he did but it was never an issue because neither of those people are lazy. If they work very hard but can't put the same money in the pot as I can, it doesn't take away the fact that they work as equally hard as I do. If that means we have to financially cut corners then that's what we do.

If someone working in a fast food outlet makes them unattractive then what does that say about us?




MercTech -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 6:23:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.




Marriages have always been about merging to form an independent household and the fiscal responsibilities thereof. The concept of marrying for other than a stable house is a rather late concept historically.



OriginalRebel -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 6:37:57 AM)

Marriage came out of religion and the need for marriage came from a necessity to reproduce. The coming together of male and female has been going on long before money was in circulation. The modern interpretation of that is very different. The class system where the maid marries the butler and the dentist marries his cousins daughter came along fairly recently if we look at history as a whole and now its all about wanting to be seen as middle class.

Traditionally, up until very recently, the woman stayed at home and the man went out to work. Her work was keeping house but she didn't bring in a salary. The old saying goes, "a womans work is never done", is a very apt saying if we go back to our grandparents, great grandparents days.

There is no romance left if judgement is made on the basis of what their job is and what they earn.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 9:25:52 AM)

Divorce lawyers country-wide appreciate people who approach marriage philosophically the way you do. Keep it up!



ClassAct2006 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 11:06:07 AM)

I earned 10x my ex and he fleeced me on the divorce. I am not too keen to repeat that. Am I that rare woman who didn't marry someone at income parity? Then look how I suffered for it. Where do I collect my medal or was I a fool?

I tend to prefer parity - someone similar. It's how most matchmakers work for a reason. I will not be handing a massive divorce settlement out to any other man no matter how submissive I am to him.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 11:28:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

I earned 10x my ex and he fleeced me on the divorce. I am not too keen to repeat that. Am I that rare woman who didn't marry someone at income parity? Then look how I suffered for it. Where do I collect my medal or was I a fool?

I tend to prefer parity - someone similar. It's how most matchmakers work for a reason. I will not be handing a massive divorce settlement out to any other man no matter how submissive I am to him.

No, you're not rare in that regard; these days lots of women make more than their husbands. And *in my experience* most women are shocked and furious to know that the support and property division laws are gender-neutral and they have to pay out to him in the divorce.

This is true in no fault states even if, for example, the divorce is because the lower-earner dumped or cheated on the higher earner. I had several women clients who were the primary breadwinners in their marriages, their husbands acquired girlfriends on the side and the marriages ended, and the wives had to pay their cheating husbands alimony, half of their assets, and half of their retirement account! Oh boy, hell hath no fury.

Even income parity is no protection. People over the course of a long marriage experience change: disability, loss of job and income, etc. The lower earning spouse at the beginning of a marriage might be the higher earning spouse over time. Marriage is one of the ultimate gambles.



ClassAct2006 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 12:14:10 PM)

I'm a lawyer and a feminist so I wasn't shocked, but England is the divorce capital of Europe because if favours the lower earner more than most - more than half the assets often , spousal support for life etc. Wives of rich men seek a base in London to seize jurisdiction here.

In the UK 4 in 5 women earn less than their husband still. I'd be more than happy if that were reversed but we don't have binding pre nups here so I suppose the moral is just live together but not marry. As a lot of men and some women say always rent rather than buy whether it's a car, boat or sexual partner.....

What I don't find attractive is men without ambition. i have never been kept by a man and don't look for that but I will work for 20 more year at least and I need a man whose career impresses me not all these retired ones who seem to spend the day looking at the field out back with no plans or interesting lives.



submissionholly -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 4:10:32 PM)

I like free spirits, but free spirits tend to be broke. I think every single partner I have had has earned less money than me, or none at all. Fool me once...



DesFIP -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 4:45:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.




Nobody said that's the only thing people look for.
But if someone wants not to be used by a gold digger, good for them.

Do you not want someone of a certain age range? A height range? Cultural background?

So why are you allowed to have preferences but someone else isn't?



mistressneon -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/7/2014 6:16:22 PM)

I feel for you. I had no idea when I made minimum wage working at a national known home improvement center making minimum wage that I needed a prenup!!! Well we are all survivors!!! Happy hunting everyone!!!



Greta75 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/8/2014 9:14:31 AM)

FR

If a dom is living in poverty and his sub is alot more successful in career wise than him, I don't know, as a sub, it would be pretty difficult to look up to him as a dom. And if the sub is the one nurturing and guiding him to improve in his career to make a better earnings for himself, it's just all weird. It feels like she is dominant and not the sub.



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/8/2014 9:15:39 AM)

To be honest, I hate the concept of money. I hate everything about it. I'm not rich, but I'm not struggling either. I'm intelligent enough that I'll do well regardless of what I end up doing. So I became a full time writer and it does okay for me.

But I can't tell you anything beyond the idea of someone being obsessed with money that is such a turn off for me. I know others are happy in that world, and I give them that, but whenever I find someone obsessed with it, I run away as quickly as possible.



eulero83 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/8/2014 9:27:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

FR

If a dom is living in poverty and his sub is alot more successful in career wise than him, I don't know, as a sub, it would be pretty difficult to look up to him as a dom. And if the sub is the one nurturing and guiding him to improve in his career to make a better earnings for himself, it's just all weird. It feels like she is dominant and not the sub.


Just a curiosity, what if the man is fine with what he has and doesn't want to improve his career, would you still find it difficoult to look up to him as dom?



Greta75 -> RE: Poverty hard limits? (5/8/2014 9:39:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83
Just a curiosity, what if the man is fine with what he has and doesn't want to improve his career, would you still find it difficoult to look up to him as dom?

The topic is talking about poverty here. Nobody is fine with poverty. I don't think poverty is a choice by many. So if this dom is fine staying at the poverty line, then yea, I cannot look up to him as a dom.



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