RE: Poverty hard limits?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Poverty hard limits?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Poverty hard limits?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 8:05:15 AM

zubedangina

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline

I wouldn't consider poverty a hard limit, I would look at lots of different reasons before I made my decision. I know a couple of people in my life, mainly my sister and her boyfriend who are perfectly capable of working, and despite their very poor job history, they manage to find jobs all the time. Then they work at them for a couple days to weeks, and decide to quit and go back to trying to borrow money from us for cigarettes and fake nails and things like that. Then I have people who I know are the hardest working people I've ever met, but through circumstances they're stuck working at WalMart, and I would choose any day to be with the second category, who is doing their best.

I worked in fast food for 7 years before I got the job I had. The hardest I ever worked was when I worked in fast food, and I really do think people in the service industry need to be making way more. So, I respect that. But I am tainted by my current relationship, my husband has a decent job, but that man loves to spend money, so I feel very financially insecure because he would rather spend his money on fun things like strippers and the like then pay the bills. That there, is more of a hard limit for me, rather than the poverty.

Sorry if I didn't explain that too well, it was a very long night.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 21

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 1:51:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If someone wants a partner of the same life stages, same earning abilities, then good for them to know what they want.
If the higher earning partner enjoys going to the theater, eating out, but begins to feel used when the other partner cannot reciprocate, then they have every right to say so.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to zubedangina)

Post #: 22

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 2:26:37 PM

OriginalRebel

Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 23

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 3:42:19 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.

It's been my experience that those that have little to lose tend to have difficulty in appreciating those that do... Regardless if it's money or something else.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 5/6/2014 3:43:11 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 24

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 5:52:20 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I work hard for the money I make. I've done so my whole life and don't intend to quit. As I moved away from the debt of divorce and child support, some of my money has become more "mine" to have. I bought a motorcycle because of it. I am getting ready to close on a condo. This stuff I can afford whether I have a partner or not and I choose to always keep it that way so I am not dependant on my partner for financial support.

That said...I am not about to work my ass off while a partner sits at home. I know how to clean up after myself, I know how to do laundry, I am a pretty damn good cook and don't mind doing any of those things. Why would I want a partner who would sit home, not bringing in any money, just to do things I can do already? If I work, my submissive works.
Don't care whether she makes more than I do or less...but she works.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/6/2014 6:49:23 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.

Why shouldn't people look for a potential partner based on qualities that appeal to them, and why shouldn't the ability to hold down a decent job be among those criteria? It's the same as any other quality like looks, race, religion, political beliefs, etc. Who is to say what is or isn't important to someone else? It's really up to the individual to decide for themselves what is a good match, why would anyone presume to judge what anyone else looks for?

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 26

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 1:46:09 AM

OriginalRebel

Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline

Its an American thing.

Comparing earning potential to religion, to me at least seems ridiculous but if you live in a material world where the picket fence and curb appeal of your house is important, then of course you want to be with someone who can equally aspire to that material lifestyle.

I actually earn a lot more money than my partner does and in my previous long term relationship I earned a lot more money than he did but it was never an issue because neither of those people are lazy. If they work very hard but can't put the same money in the pot as I can, it doesn't take away the fact that they work as equally hard as I do. If that means we have to financially cut corners then that's what we do.

If someone working in a fast food outlet makes them unattractive then what does that say about us?

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 27

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 6:23:16 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.

Marriages have always been about merging to form an independent household and the fiscal responsibilities thereof. The concept of marrying for other than a stable house is a rather late concept historically.

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 28

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 6:37:57 AM

OriginalRebel

Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline

Marriage came out of religion and the need for marriage came from a necessity to reproduce. The coming together of male and female has been going on long before money was in circulation. The modern interpretation of that is very different. The class system where the maid marries the butler and the dentist marries his cousins daughter came along fairly recently if we look at history as a whole and now its all about wanting to be seen as middle class.

Traditionally, up until very recently, the woman stayed at home and the man went out to work. Her work was keeping house but she didn't bring in a salary. The old saying goes, "a womans work is never done", is a very apt saying if we go back to our grandparents, great grandparents days.

There is no romance left if judgement is made on the basis of what their job is and what they earn.

< Message edited by OriginalRebel -- 5/7/2014 6:40:00 AM >

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 29

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 9:25:52 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

Divorce lawyers country-wide appreciate people who approach marriage philosophically the way you do. Keep it up!

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 30

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 11:06:07 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

I earned 10x my ex and he fleeced me on the divorce. I am not too keen to repeat that. Am I that rare woman who didn't marry someone at income parity? Then look how I suffered for it. Where do I collect my medal or was I a fool?

I tend to prefer parity - someone similar. It's how most matchmakers work for a reason. I will not be handing a massive divorce settlement out to any other man no matter how submissive I am to him.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 31

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 11:28:49 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

I earned 10x my ex and he fleeced me on the divorce. I am not too keen to repeat that. Am I that rare woman who didn't marry someone at income parity? Then look how I suffered for it. Where do I collect my medal or was I a fool?

I tend to prefer parity - someone similar. It's how most matchmakers work for a reason. I will not be handing a massive divorce settlement out to any other man no matter how submissive I am to him.

No, you're not rare in that regard; these days lots of women make more than their husbands. And *in my experience* most women are shocked and furious to know that the support and property division laws are gender-neutral and they have to pay out to him in the divorce.

This is true in no fault states even if, for example, the divorce is because the lower-earner dumped or cheated on the higher earner. I had several women clients who were the primary breadwinners in their marriages, their husbands acquired girlfriends on the side and the marriages ended, and the wives had to pay their cheating husbands alimony, half of their assets, and half of their retirement account! Oh boy, hell hath no fury.

Even income parity is no protection. People over the course of a long marriage experience change: disability, loss of job and income, etc. The lower earning spouse at the beginning of a marriage might be the higher earning spouse over time. Marriage is one of the ultimate gambles.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 32

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 12:14:10 PM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

I'm a lawyer and a feminist so I wasn't shocked, but England is the divorce capital of Europe because if favours the lower earner more than most - more than half the assets often , spousal support for life etc. Wives of rich men seek a base in London to seize jurisdiction here.

In the UK 4 in 5 women earn less than their husband still. I'd be more than happy if that were reversed but we don't have binding pre nups here so I suppose the moral is just live together but not marry. As a lot of men and some women say always rent rather than buy whether it's a car, boat or sexual partner.....

What I don't find attractive is men without ambition. i have never been kept by a man and don't look for that but I will work for 20 more year at least and I need a man whose career impresses me not all these retired ones who seem to spend the day looking at the field out back with no plans or interesting lives.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 33

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 4:10:32 PM

submissionholly

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/20/2012
Status: offline

I like free spirits, but free spirits tend to be broke. I think every single partner I have had has earned less money than me, or none at all. Fool me once...

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 34

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 4:45:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Wow, since when did relationships become so money focussed. Personally I don't get people who deliberately look for partners with the same earning abilities but then I've never been that money focused. What a sad, sad world we live in if a relationship can only start to take shape if its based on each others potential earnings.

Nobody said that's the only thing people look for.
But if someone wants not to be used by a gold digger, good for them.

Do you not want someone of a certain age range? A height range? Cultural background?

So why are you allowed to have preferences but someone else isn't?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 35

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/7/2014 6:16:22 PM

mistressneon

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/9/2012
Status: offline

I feel for you. I had no idea when I made minimum wage working at a national known home improvement center making minimum wage that I needed a prenup!!! Well we are all survivors!!! Happy hunting everyone!!!

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 36

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/8/2014 9:14:31 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

FR

If a dom is living in poverty and his sub is alot more successful in career wise than him, I don't know, as a sub, it would be pretty difficult to look up to him as a dom. And if the sub is the one nurturing and guiding him to improve in his career to make a better earnings for himself, it's just all weird. It feels like she is dominant and not the sub.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/8/2014 9:15:07 AM >

(in reply to mistressneon)

Post #: 37

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/8/2014 9:15:39 AM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

To be honest, I hate the concept of money. I hate everything about it. I'm not rich, but I'm not struggling either. I'm intelligent enough that I'll do well regardless of what I end up doing. So I became a full time writer and it does okay for me.

But I can't tell you anything beyond the idea of someone being obsessed with money that is such a turn off for me. I know others are happy in that world, and I give them that, but whenever I find someone obsessed with it, I run away as quickly as possible.

_____________________________

My Novels:
The Cell's Door: http://amzn.to/19I6VA1
Forced to Serve: http://amzn.to/108DByv

(in reply to mistressneon)

Post #: 38

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/8/2014 9:27:54 AM

eulero83

Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

FR

If a dom is living in poverty and his sub is alot more successful in career wise than him, I don't know, as a sub, it would be pretty difficult to look up to him as a dom. And if the sub is the one nurturing and guiding him to improve in his career to make a better earnings for himself, it's just all weird. It feels like she is dominant and not the sub.

Just a curiosity, what if the man is fine with what he has and doesn't want to improve his career, would you still find it difficoult to look up to him as dom?

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 39

RE: Poverty hard limits? - 5/8/2014 9:39:30 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83
Just a curiosity, what if the man is fine with what he has and doesn't want to improve his career, would you still find it difficoult to look up to him as dom?

The topic is talking about poverty here. Nobody is fine with poverty. I don't think poverty is a choice by many. So if this dom is fine staying at the poverty line, then yea, I cannot look up to him as a dom.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/8/2014 9:40:12 AM >

(in reply to eulero83)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Poverty hard limits?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109