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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 2:04:16 PM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Or perhaps the OP is offended by the amount of animosity she's received for sticking to her monogamous guns, and further animosity on this board for talking about it?

Seriously, she posts that she's not the polyamorous type and the very first response attacks her for looking down on the poly crowd. Every time I've seen a monogamous person here or on Fet insist that they will remain monogamous, and could not be polyamorous because it's not who they are, there are poly folks who get up in arms it. They do the same thing they accuse monogamous society of doing to them.


She got hassled because she said anyone who is poly is casual and amoral. And that's pretty nasty.

But I've been here 7 or 8 years, totally mono, won't even play nonsexually with others, and no one's ever attacked me for it.


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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 2:06:49 PM   
Worldtravelerxo


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		Actually I wouldn't be opposed to meeting an awesome woman but she would have to be more submissive I'm very alpha with women. That would be fun and great for a while but to be honest, I'm more into men. Just wanted to give kudos for a great posting/response

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 2:09:06 PM   
Worldtravelerxo


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		I didn't call anyone immoral I just referred to my own morals in life. Try being a woman one here. 20-40 messages daily that are critical or crude or just phony.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 3:05:51 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldtravelerxo

I didn't call anyone immoral I just referred to my own morals in life. Try being a woman one here. 20-40 messages daily that are critical or crude or just phony.

She IS a woman on here.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 3:10:12 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
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From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldtravelerxo

Actually I wouldn't be opposed to meeting an awesome woman but she would have to be more submissive I'm very alpha with women. That would be fun and great for a while but to be honest, I'm more into men. Just wanted to give kudos for a great posting/response

That's what I hear most often with bisexuals, submissive to the other gender, but more dominant with their own. There's only one exception to that, an (on-line) lesbian friend of mine had two bisexual subs who were submissive to her but not submissive with men. I later found out these were with vanilla men they were dating, and that might have factored in. Not the same kind of relationship dynamic.

Btw, I didn't touch upon S/switches because there are varying combinations, those that don't switch with the same partner, and those that do; those who are straight and those who are non-hetero or hetero-flexible. Some would consider your orientation to be potentially switch-like. Guys get off on that sort of stuff, so just keep screening out the (obnoxious) horny dudes because they're not up to par for a relationship from what it sounds. Plus people, including those on this forum, read more into things than what might actually be taking place or have transpired; I'm guilty of doing that myself, even with the best of intentions. Your standards are your own and not up for negotiation unless and until you decide what your options are.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 6:21:00 PM   
RockaRolla


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From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She got hassled because she said anyone who is poly is casual and amoral. And that's pretty nasty.

But I've been here 7 or 8 years, totally mono, won't even play nonsexually with others, and no one's ever attacked me for it.

No, she stated her reasons for being monogamous. Doesn't make the opposite true.

Good for you. I'm sure that'll work out great until a poly-type wants to fuck you or your partner.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 7:53:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She got hassled because she said anyone who is poly is casual and amoral. And that's pretty nasty.

But I've been here 7 or 8 years, totally mono, won't even play nonsexually with others, and no one's ever attacked me for it.

No, she stated her reasons for being monogamous. Doesn't make the opposite true.

Good for you. I'm sure that'll work out great until a poly-type wants to fuck you or your partner.


If I get such an email on the other side, I'll delete it.
Just like I do with all the other unwanted mail from people who don't read profiles. It doesn't qualify as hassling me. We don't get hassled at the rope parties we attend either. Once some idiot insisted everyone should change partners. I said in that case I would leave and pick him up when he was done. That stopped her in her tracks and nobody bothered to switch partners, we all stayed with the ones we came with.


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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 7:57:06 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She got hassled because she said anyone who is poly is casual and amoral. And that's pretty nasty.

But I've been here 7 or 8 years, totally mono, won't even play nonsexually with others, and no one's ever attacked me for it.

No, she stated her reasons for being monogamous. Doesn't make the opposite true.

Good for you. I'm sure that'll work out great until a poly-type wants to fuck you or your partner.


If I get such an email on the other side, I'll delete it.
Just like I do with all the other unwanted mail from people who don't read profiles. It doesn't qualify as hassling me. We don't get hassled at the rope parties we attend either. Once some idiot insisted everyone should change partners. I said in that case I would leave and pick him up when he was done. That stopped her in her tracks and nobody bothered to switch partners, we all stayed with the ones we came with.

The OP described a situation that went beyond a simple annoying email.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 8:00:59 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time of it online dating here. Have you tried going to munches?

As for the hard time you're getting in this thread, it does seem like there's this weird collarchat tradition of hazing newer posters.

There's also the "good girl" and "not casual" bit you said which could be taken the wrong way (i.e. as the list of reasons why poly isn't for you) especially by members of an oppressed minority who might be understandably sensitive about that sort of thing.

A third possibility for someone being unpleasant to you is that they may just be an unpleasant person. I can remember a thread where a number of posters spoke of their battles with depression. We used to have one that would talk about going off his court ordered medications and still have a poster who believes in unicorns and cannot possibly rant enough about how circumcision alters a persons DNA turning them evil.

I guess what I'm getting at as general advice is consider hitting the hide button sometimes, at least temporarily. It's likely to save you some stress and some wine.

(in reply to Worldtravelerxo)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 8:04:54 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel
.

I guess what I'm getting at as general advice is consider hitting the hide button sometimes, at least temporarily. It's likely to save you some stress and some wHine

Fixed it for ya!

< Message edited by catize -- 5/30/2014 8:06:31 PM >

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/30/2014 9:09:02 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldtravelerxo

I've come across a lot of negativity/intolerance towards being monogamous in the BDSM community.


What exactly are you referring to when you say "BDSM Community"

I been in around various events and social gatherings in the BDSM community and I wouldn't say I been coming across a lot of negativity or intolerance as a whole. Let alone something of a specific nature that you describe.

Makes me wonder.. Are you referring to your online interactions?

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 5:13:53 AM   
GotSteel


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Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldtravelerxo
I've come across a lot of negativity/intolerance towards being monogamous in the BDSM community.

What exactly are you referring to when you say "BDSM Community"

World, that's something to keep in mind, we're a bit diverse, a different places different communities sort of thing. Sure there's overlap but a munch will be different from this site, which will be different from one of your local kinky clubs which will be different from going to a play party with the Boston Invaders.

So if you're feeling like you're in the wrong place, maybe try something different to find where you click.



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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 6:27:43 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Seems to me a bad experience on the very occasional occurrence happens to most everyone. But if it is happening a lot a person ..... I tend to question the person that is having them and their choices than the fact their is something wrong with the whole world.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 8:47:54 AM   
Moderator7


Posts: 346
Status: offline 		Just a kind reminder to attack the post and not the poster this keeps the conversation flowing and enjoyable for all. Please continue to discuss and have fun. Thanks.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 2:59:31 PM   
Worldtravelerxo


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/14/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator7

Just a kind reminder to attack the post and not the poster this keeps the conversation flowing and enjoyable for all. Please continue to discuss and have fun. Thanks.


Yes attaining a poster isn't good

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 4:55:32 PM   
Worldtravelerxo


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		Attaining = attacking

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 4:57:44 PM   
Worldtravelerxo


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		For the record the super NEGATIVE and dare I say Rape-positive Boston scene is why I'm searching here.

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 5/31/2014 5:31:27 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldtravelerxo

I've come across a lot of negativity/intolerance towards being monogamous in the BDSM community.


What exactly are you referring to when you say "BDSM Community"

I been in around various events and social gatherings in the BDSM community and I wouldn't say I been coming across a lot of negativity or intolerance as a whole. Let alone something of a specific nature that you describe.

Makes me wonder.. Are you referring to your online interactions?
I dunno, the poly scene where I am can be pretty disrespectful toward monogamous people. ESPECIALLY the ones they want to sleep with but can't because they "caught mono."

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 6/1/2014 8:34:47 AM   
eliseobeys


Posts: 68
Joined: 5/5/2014
From: Born in Lebanon but raised all over.
Status: offline 		I have noticed and been guilty myself of saying bad things about monos

Just like you often see people say things about 'nillas"..(vanillas) or switches or Goreans.

The list really does go on.

My form of poly fetish being centered more on M+/f group play I would often get a mono-dom's or poly harem style dom's goast by saying things like "it's ok Sir, Not every one is secure enough in their dominion to share" But I know when I do it its wrong, mean and unnecessary. I sometimes loose my cool (just like any other human being) when rebuffing those who refuse to try and understand I dont like what they are wanting from me any more then what I would want of them. But in any regard isnt how I should do it. I shouldn't be mean like that. It is counter productive to providing understanding and a poor reflection on my submission.

As for attacking the poster. Very poor taste peeps, especially when everything we type here represents the community.

I am sure the OP didnt intend anything derogatory.

I think we can all agree that regardless of our respective kinks we dont need to be negative with each other or nit pick the meaning of every single word we use to communicate right?

Like isnt it enough the rest of the world often miss judges us?



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The pride of the slave girl is the pride of the girl who knows that no other woman is the equal of herself.' "

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RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? - 6/3/2014 3:28:12 AM   
AntiS0cial


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/29/2014
Status: offline 		I think we can safely ignore 99% of what's been said and focus on one, single thing - you want to be in a monogamous relationship.

End of story.

Just being a Sub does not mean you drop all standards and cater to your Doms will; it means you two find your common ground including things like hard limits.

If a Dom is worth your time, then they're willing to take the time to establish what each sides ground-rules are. If they're trying to push you into something that you're not OK with simply to satisfy themselves, then they're not worth your time. End of story.

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Profile   Post #: 60
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