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I know labels aren't everything... - 6/8/2014 5:17:44 PM   
dcis18


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/7/2014
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But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation.

I feel most natural when I'm a Dom.

However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me.

I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.

< Message edited by dcis18 -- 6/8/2014 5:22:03 PM >
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/8/2014 5:23:50 PM   
BossyKitten


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/6/2014
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Switches are not always Dom(me)/sub switches. Some are Dom(me)/bottom, Top/Bottom, Top/submissive, Sadist/Masochist, Owner/toy...and on and on and on. To be honest though, most Dommes are not looking for switches unless you're ok with being one of multiple subs. Since you have a dominant side that they can not fulfill for you, chances are that you're not going to find a Domme for a monogamous LTR. I'd suggest looking at switch women who'd be more open to swapping roles depending on mood. Good luck!

(in reply to dcis18)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/8/2014 6:24:31 PM   
preytolife


Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline
BossyKitten gives a good description.

There are no rules for how you have to be switches. IMO most people actually are switches in practice, they just find that other roles better fit the image they want to present publicly. I've seen a few well established and respected Dom(mes) get up on a cross. I know a LOT of subs/slaves/whathaveyous that are amazing tops, I have one friend in particular who's fucking amazing with using pressure points. Maybe focus on the image you want to present instead of trying to fit into somebody elses. The labels are there for you to define them.

And just because you're a switch doesn't mean you HAVE to have a dom or a sub either.

_____________________________

"No man is so good as to be free from all evil, nor so bad as to be worth nothing." - Norse Proverb

(in reply to BossyKitten)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/9/2014 9:02:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcis18

But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation.

I feel most natural when I'm a Dom.

However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me.

I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.


The stuff that you enjoy is not inherently sub or Dom - it's bottoming.

That said, you're learning and seeing what works and what doesn't. Keep it up. When you have a good idea, THEN look for a label. Don't try to fit yourself into one.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to dcis18)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/10/2014 12:13:37 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcis18

But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation.

I feel most natural when I'm a Dom.

However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me.

I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.


First, DarkSteven's advice to give yourself time to explore and not to try to fit yourself into a label, is both sound and wise.

I'm a Switch. My profile goes into specific detail about what I mean when I say it, and it also states that which I am curious about, open to learning or haven't gained much experience with yet. I say this not to invite traffic or because my profile would work for you. However, the "Switch" label does require some elaboration and clarification, as best you can provide it. I think that once I accepted my complexity, I was better able to set aside thoughts of "how many people could possibly fit with me?" and instead, focus on the belief that if I'm complex, someone else will be too. Any label needs specification, so don't let the "Switch" label put you off.

Some people use the term "switch" to describe topping and bottoming only, and they don't participate in a power exchange dynamic, such as D/s. For kinksters, for instance, it's about fetishes, or S/m... it's sensation play.

This causes some confusion with the term because many claim that the term, "switch" is about the power exchange in D/s, and not about actions such as "topping" or "bottoming." (IMO, "Switch" is a D/s term.) However, those who engage in Sadomasochism blur the line between Topping/bottoming and Dominance/submission. That depends...

Others use the term "switch" to describe their ability to fully inhabit both the Dominant and submissive roles. That means they can give over control or take control. It's about power.

If I were labeling the qualities as listed in your OP, I'd say, Switch with Dominant leanings. Sexual submissive only (and I say submissive, not bottom, because of the "forced" parts.) Although, you could also identify as a Dom, who is also a sexual bottom. I'm thinking that matches a submissive who is a sexual Top.

As you learn more about yourself, and keep reading, you'll find words which serve you best.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 6/10/2014 12:23:06 AM >

(in reply to dcis18)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/10/2014 6:28:18 AM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: dcis18

But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation.

I feel most natural when I'm a Dom.

However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me.

I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.


The stuff that you enjoy is not inherently sub or Dom - it's bottoming.

That said, you're learning and seeing what works and what doesn't. Keep it up. When you have a good idea, THEN look for a label. Don't try to fit yourself into one.


Going to back up DarkSteven here.

I'd also add... a lot of the definitions in BDSM seem to be very specific, but you should just treat them as ball park. Seriously, don't get worried about the labels.

It's very comforting at the start to want to know what "group" to put yourself in with. You may want to feel like you know yourself, you've pinned down what it was that's been eating at the back of your mind. You might want to find a label to make it easier to find someone you work well with.

We each spend some time working out who we are, what works for us, what we like and don't like, and realistically, you'll probably not fit in perfectly with any group. You're you. You're unique. Be that guy: you.

For the record, as BecomingV says, 'switch' is a very hazy term. Everyone has a very vague definition of it. For me, I'm a switch because I like power to switch between my partner and myself, depending on the occasion. Some would call me a top/bottom switch as it only happens in the bedroom and I'm not 'submissive' (read: forced and overpowered) and some would call me a D/s switch as I do actually engage in power shifts and want it that way.

See? Everyone's definitions are really mucked up. Just be yourself and find what works for you. Maybe find a label that most suits you, but it's not a big deal.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 6/10/2014 6:33:15 AM >


_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/15/2014 6:13:23 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
Stop getting hung up on labels. And by that I mean, stop treating labels as if they're evil things meant to force you to act in ways you don't want. Labels are how we organize people, places, things, whatever in our heads. people don't get points for pretending that these don't exist.

From what you've described, switch seems accurate. Anything further (your likes/dislikes, limits, etc) can be elaborated upon in your profile or a conversation with a domme.

Yes, there are dom/mes who don't like playing with switches. But that's no reason to scrap the label entirely. Just don't play with them and don't lie to get in their pants.

(in reply to dcis18)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 6/20/2014 4:22:51 AM   
piggylez


Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2013
From: City of Fallen Angels
Status: offline
As being a Switch Female just going about my ways, yes.. Some Dommes do not wish to play with Switches, but you shouldn't take it personal... unless you've made a very personal statement about yourself and what you represent...

On the other hand, I have had "labeled" Doms/Dommes approach me in a submissive manner. And most of them have stated their reasons being that, a Switch still knows what it is like to be Submissive and Dominant. Maybe like a 60/40 split, or however you want to look at it. I enjoy being Submissive to those that have qualities to Dominate me, and to them, Vise Versa. All in all, I think that it's all about self perception.

I am mainly bringing this perspective up to give light that "labeled" Switches are not the only ones that experience their own personal "shift in roles". It's about how you identify and know yourself, along with how you go about your business. Just do what you do, but mainly do what is You and whatever feels right will come to you.

_____________________________

~A student in the Rite of Life. One day, I will truly know the Virtues.- Respectfully, Miss Piggy~
"Now here you must leave all distrust behind; let all your cowardice die on this spot" -Dante

(in reply to RockaRolla)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 7/3/2014 1:58:04 AM   
ansger


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/25/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: preytolife

BossyKitten gives a good description.

There are no rules for how you have to be switches. IMO most people actually are switches in practice, they just find that other roles better fit the image they want to present publicly. I've seen a few well established and respected Dom(mes) get up on a cross. I know a LOT of subs/slaves/whathaveyous that are amazing tops, I have one friend in particular who's fucking amazing with using pressure points. Maybe focus on the image you want to present instead of trying to fit into somebody elses. The labels are there for you to define them.

And just because you're a switch doesn't mean you HAVE to have a dom or a sub either.


You are right, some Subs are great as Dom(me)s and vice versa.

I'm very interested in pressure points. What does your friend know and practice exactely?

(in reply to preytolife)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 7/13/2014 10:42:38 AM   
Marlenalove


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/13/2014
Status: offline
Why do you need to "decide" anything? Just be...you. After all, we are, every last one of us, unique. Trying to squinch everyone into a few definitions is soooo limiting.

Find out what you love. Find out what you need. Find someone whose wants and needs match yours. Simple, but incredibly difficult. Take the long road, not the easy path.

(in reply to ansger)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 8/30/2014 12:43:26 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyKitten

To be honest though, most Dommes are not looking for switches unless you're ok with being one of multiple subs.

Isn't that the truth, not unless a Domme only wants a play partner bottom and not a sub. I tried to keep an open mind since last year about considering a switch with a very low Top ratio. Even then, I knew that 20% couldn't be in certain categories of Topping that I happen to find personally offensive. What I've run into only as far as exchanging messages, though, are men who cop laissez-faire attitudes toward D/s (since their interest doesn't extend beyond BDSM kinks & fetishes) and have bratty dispositions. Other Dommes' mileage may vary, but with the sole exception of my Domme cousin, none of my Domme friends will touch a male switch with a ten-foot pole (and they all say "I told you so").

OP, IMHO calling yourself a Switch would be the most accurate category for you, because you aren't exclusively a Top or a bottom. What you attribute to Dominance is probably your primary desire to Top, with secondary desires to bottom. Although you don't want to assign yourself a rigid label, oftentimes it's helpful to come up with a ballpark ratio of T/b. I consider 90/10 the same as being Top-Dominant and 10/90 the same as being bottom-submissive (whichever the case may be). You can play around with these options for starters: 80/20, 75/25, 70/30, 60/40, 50/50, 40/60, 30/70, 25/75 or 20/80.

Good luck in your journey of self-discovery.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to BossyKitten)
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RE: I know labels aren't everything... - 10/3/2014 3:35:23 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcis18

I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.


Labels aren't anything, so don't worry about it.

All kink play is a unique, negotiated experience between two unique individuals. No label is ever going to inform anyone of exactly what to expect.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to dcis18)
Profile   Post #: 12
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