Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is good too

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is good too

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Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is goo... - 7/7/2014 10:59:15 AM

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
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A complaint I hear from a lot of sub women (don't know any sub guys) is that prospective dom partners are quick to agree to anything just to have a partner.

You want pain, he's not into it, oh, OK now he is.

He wants pain, you don't, well, shit can pain then.

Horsetrading and negotiation is what BDSM is all about, obviously, but what about to thine own self be true?

Subs, have you encountered this? How does it make you feel?

Doms, have you ever put on a happy face to get laid?

Full disclosure, I have. But not in recent years.

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 11:07:45 AM

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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When I first dipped my toe into this lifestyle, I was beset with "if you're dominant, you're sadistic" types; people that defined the two words as being synonymous.

I've never been a sadist and I never will be. It took me a while to reason out that no matter what box others tried to fit me into, I needed to refuse to "fall in lock stop".

Before I made that stand, there were a couple of ladies who didn't get what they expected from me. There were a couple with whom I made some concessions but I can honestly say it wasn't just to get laid; it was because they were pretty terrific ladies that I really wanted to have in my orbit. I did compromise.

Having said that, I still compromise on some issues (what color to paint the walls, which restaurant to go to on a Friday) but, I no longer compromise - even a little bit - on the things that are important to me.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 7/7/2014 11:08:19 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 11:08:49 AM

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Oh good grief.

Tell them to hang out with people who aren't desperate to get laid.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 12:07:52 PM

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Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
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I've been on the receiving end of this phenomena before, with guys who initially claim to be into X while I'm into Y. When confronted with the difference they say they'll try anything and everything.

However, that's mostly by more submissive guys who I can definitely believe are in it solely to get laid.

My experience with dominant males is that they pretend not to see that I'm into Y when they really want X. And when I bring it up their response is that they didn't want me anyway.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 12:17:55 PM

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I agree with Rockarolla...

Lots of guys try to ignore that I am not into X but more Y, then when I point out they get all butt hurt about it.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 1:25:09 PM

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I've gotten that "I can do anything you want". To be fair, there are people who are only about the response they want and aren't wedded to doing only one thing to achieve that.
But it's equal in number with guys who ignore what you want and don't want because they figure that sub means passive and will accept anything.

I've had guys tell me the first thing they would do is break a hard limit because they thought it was a stupid thing to have as a limit. Never asked why I had it, just assumed that they get to set limits for strangers.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SinFix)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 1:26:55 PM

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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I've been on the receiving end of this phenomena before, with guys who initially claim to be into X while I'm into Y. When confronted with the difference they say they'll try anything and everything.

However, that's mostly by more submissive guys who I can definitely believe are in it solely to get laid.
<snip>

Actually RR, if you've been running into male subs who could possibly be any good in the sack, send them over my way!

Seriously, practically all I run into are ones who want to get squashed by a BBW, and that's not likely to happen with me...or else caged up in one form or another and treated like a junkyard dog.

A couple didn't let on that they are masochists, and like DaddySatyr, S&M doesn't register on my radar and I don't want a pain slut.

As for the Doms who'll say anything (and who have no business contacting me in the first place), there are those who believe every Domme is a Top-crazed fool who'll believe they're genuinely considering turning into a sub.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 4:53:59 PM

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If a sub woman and I were 100% compatible before we discussed kinks, I'd expect flexibility on both our parts when it came to kinks. Practically, my needs are pretty basic - spanking, sex, and a little breast/nipple play. I've found very few female subs that weren't amenable to that.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/7/2014 6:47:47 PM

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have you ever put on a happy face to get laid?

When one can rent from a professional why would he lie to an amature.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/8/2014 5:14:47 AM

CloakedProtector

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Joined: 1/5/2007
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Yes, what you describe is 100% reality.

Actually it is the case in the MAJORITY of the negotiations, sad to say but that is what it is.

The Internet kind of reshaped the BDSM community and pulled it out of a quite anonymous, hidden almost secret existence with private evenings and limited access into today's public scene whereby fetish and S/M has captured Hollywoods imagination and dungeons are for rent in many cities :)

With more then 100 BDSM disciplines and a large offer of sexual-submissives (those that extend their sexuality into play-submissive and as such enhance their vanilla sex-life without any need for permanent submissiveness) and a lack of sufficient trained Dominants a new market came into existence. This resulted in a new type of pseudo-role-play-(d)ominants that were needed to match the demand with the offer which then resulted in more new subs arising due to the visibility of the lifestyle, etc.

Personally I have also indeed adapted negotiations in a number of cases but I just tell them. It is not hard to say, I am not into, say, candle-wax but I have the skills and I'll do it, but I'll also do other things and you'll do them too.
It mostly works and honesty is appreciated. And yes, I do it when I find a candidate attractive or if she wakes some other aspects in me that I like. So it is win-win. In the end this is mostly, if not always, in T/b or D/s, never in M/s relationships.

Another variation of this are men/women in a Dominant role-play or vanilla extension that want their partners trained or request themselves for training to surprise their partner (because he talked about it for instance). Mostly this is in the light BDSM area's such as having her behave a certain way, dress a certain way and follow rules, accept extended vanilla sexual activity (be sexually available in swinging or group activities were only the Dominant role partner makes the choices, etc), or initiation in same-sex which is perceived facilitated when you are ordered by someone, etc, etc, etc . In general the people you get to train are quite attractive, which kind of is in line with the activities they request trained for and the sex-life activities they aspire.

So for all those more sexual oriented things I don't really need my Dominant demeanor very much the more that all those parties are very eager and willing.
And although in those cases you mostly cannot extend the play to your own interest field I do accept them for the sexual attractiveness they hold and I will in my case not say 'although it is a long time ago' because I am not sure I would be able to resist.

So, I plead guilty up to a certain extend, which I am fine with myself and which is my main criteria to do it.

(in reply to thompsonx)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/9/2014 2:13:09 PM

CreativeDominant

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I used to, when I was just starting. In a lot of ways, it gave me insight into what I liked and what I did not...what worked and what did not. Life within a relationship taught me also. I learned a couple of things about myself and vulnerability that I did not like and...in the long run...did not do me any good. (One reason I am a bit more har-added now).
I am sadistic...physically and mentally. I enjoy humiliation but not degradation. I have become more strict but have also adapted a position somewhat similar to others...depending on what you say no to and your reasoning, I just may wind up single again. But...as I've said before, I'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable because the compromises are not really that.

(in reply to CloakedProtector)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/9/2014 3:50:31 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2011
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I do nothing to get laid; but for the right woman, I do what I can to make her happy.

(Which may possibly be the defining line between partnership, and ownership.)

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/10/2014 6:16:04 PM

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Well CP I have to agree that many negotiations are full of lies.

I point to your boasting of deliberately not mentioning that you will force bisexuality on your partner as case in point.

Lying by omission, but it's one hell of a lie.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CloakedProtector)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/11/2014 3:00:53 AM

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As a reminder, any poster can reply to any post.

Also, please could posters focus on the topic that is being discussed, rather than each other.

Thanks for participating on the boards.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too--or not, "not" is... - 7/11/2014 6:57:11 AM

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We are locking this one too, until we can catch up with you all. You are keeping us rather busy this morning.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too--or not, "not" is... - 7/11/2014 8:51:53 AM

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You had also been given the official word on the requirement to focus on the topic and not other posters.

This will be the last reminder

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too--or not, "not" is... - 7/11/2014 10:21:31 AM

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I'm unlocking this thread, but at this point, I am asking those of you that have gone from thread to thread, debating, to chill. While we want to allow you all to have a good healthy debate, getting personal, attacking someone, insulting and such is allowed on other areas of the message board, but not in all areas. If you wish to get feisty, please go to the Feisty Sections of the forum.

A number of posts have been removed and you won't be getting an email for each post, as we have a number of threads to work through on a very busy day. Please temper yourselves, allow for differences and consider not engaging or using the hide feature, if you cannot temper yourselves.

When a moderator posts a request, we shouldn't have to come back and take further action.

Thank you

(in reply to Moderator12)

RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is... - 7/11/2014 11:24:00 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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Let me point out that it isn't only Doms who waffle back and forth in a desperate attempt to acquire subs. There are proportionally many more (male) submissives who put up a smokescreen of falsehoods in a desperate attempt not to lose the interest of a prospective Domme.

I won't say this disingenuousness is limited to the male of the species, however, since offering to make untenable compromises can apply to either gender.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

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