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Not yet ANOTHER profile question! - 8/29/2014 11:33:52 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I've been told on more than one occasion by guys on the other side that my profile is lacking in information. That I don't talk enough about what I'm into, and it confuses them.

My response in the past was to write them off as having short attention spans. I like to think I've been quite clear in what I want and don't want, and when I ask what specifically needs more information or what questions they have, they tend to draw blanks.

But considering this has happened more than once, I am curious as to whether their complaints have merit. What if I have been vague and can't see it? Or do people just get confused, like a hipster customer denied their organic soy latte because the cafe is out of fair-trade milk, when they don't get the answer that they want?

Thoughts?

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RE: Not yet ANOTHER profile question! - 8/29/2014 2:35:50 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Your profile has a good bit of information. Here's what I get from the content:

-- You say you've already found a poly primary partner, gender unknown.
-- Being bisexual, you seem to be Actively Seeking just about anybody (other than couples).
-- You identify more as a bottom. You do mention learning more about ropes in a Topping capacity.
-- You list many vanilla interests, yet you give no indication that any of this would actually be of any relevance to a secondary or tertiary play partner.
-- Since the word steady relationship doesn't come up, it is unclear what you seek that your primary partner isn't providing for you.
-- Those viewing your profile, knowing that you're looking for somebody on the side will assume you only want NSA casual play; therefore,
-- They really don't care about all your outside interests, just the brass tacks.
-- Your kinks appear to be centered around bondage, penetrative sex toys, and wearing fetish gear. If this is not correct, then you should explain whatever else you're into in a couple sentences.
-- The fact that they cannot be attached but that you are poly comes across as hypocritical. In other words, you want to play on the side but you don't want to be just their side piece.
(You should perhaps clarify how you see the delineation of your relationship dynamics and how a new partner would fit into the picture, how this might differ whether this person is male or female.)

Basically, being a bisexual switch is confusing to anyone who isn't, and it isn't clear what role you want your non-primary partner to play besides not wanting to enter into a D/s relationship dynamic.
Men usually more so than women need to grasp specifics. It sounds as if you might be a 25/75 or 30/70 Top/bottom ratio, and perhaps you can indicate so, unless this fluctuates or is subject to change dramatically in the near future.
Availability-wise, do you want your non-primary to see you once a week or once biweekly? Are you committed every weekend to your primary and only available weekday evenings? (Info like that would be helpful.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to RockaRolla)

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RE: Not yet ANOTHER profile question! - 8/29/2014 2:47:38 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

It would appear that extensive editing is in order, but for other reasons.

Mainly, I was looking for confusion in a fetish context, but you've pointed out quite a few other problems. So thanks for that.

Some clarification: no longer looking, indications that I am are remnants of previous profile text that said I was looking for a primary.

As for the "can't be attached" rule, I'd meant that I wanted to be someone's primary rather than their side piece. I'd come out of a relationship with a married couple, first as their unicorn and later as his side piece, and decided I didn't want that again.

So brb, editing profile. This will actually render much of this thread irrelevant, so I have nothing to worry about after all.

< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 8/29/2014 2:51:57 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: Not yet ANOTHER profile question! - 8/29/2014 3:32:58 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I've been told on more than one occasion by guys on the other side that my profile is lacking in information. That I don't talk enough about what I'm into, and it confuses them.

My response in the past was to write them off as having short attention spans. I like to think I've been quite clear in what I want and don't want, and when I ask what specifically needs more information or what questions they have, they tend to draw blanks.

But considering this has happened more than once, I am curious as to whether their complaints have merit. What if I have been vague and can't see it? Or do people just get confused, like a hipster customer denied their organic soy latte because the cafe is out of fair-trade milk, when they don't get the answer that they want?

Thoughts?

Your profile is crystal clear.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

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Post #: 4