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RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 11:50:12 AM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

Thnaks Feline.

Yeah, I do feel grief, I do feel loss.

I have Hendricks, it will be OK.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

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Post #: 21

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 12:00:56 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I would take a good hard look at yourself and find out why you kind of rushed into this, falling for someone without seeing the waring signs all around you is problematic. I am sure you are hurt, but you need to find out why it happened and then protect yourself.

Best of luck to you.

I have just come out of a very long standing relationship which at times I was extremely unhappy in. My ex was emotionally cold. Not a loveless marriage but certainly one where I didn't feel I could open up to him.

What this 'Dom' was offering was the chance of potentially being part of a genuine relationship. Of course there were certain things about him which spoke to me. And that happens really quite rarely.

So yes, that is why I'm in this pickle. I do want to be loved and cared for and cherished but I don't need it THAT much as to risk this happening again.

(in reply to Gauge)

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Post #: 22

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 12:13:41 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

There are people out there who can sense a vulnerability...and then exploit it. On the flip side, there are good people out there too. If I can be honest, Id suggest going especially slow when getting into the next connection. No phone sex, no cyber sex, no sexting pics, etc. No insta-collars either. The first group of people I talked about will move on quickly because you aren't giving up the goods. The second group of people I talked about will understand why you are going slow...and will support and encourage you. The second group is the group you need in your life.

Everyone can have the potential to hurt you, but not everyone wants to. Best you can do is learn the lessons from this experience, but not let it ruin your search for what you deserve. As your self-esteem and confidence in yourself grows, you can learn to smell the bullshit of the undesirables a lot easier.

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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Post #: 23

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 12:20:15 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

No phone sex, no cyber sex, no sexting pics, etc. No insta-collars either.

Yup and yup! Insta-collars - love it!

Thanks, lovely words.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

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Post #: 24

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 12:38:34 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HurtandConfused

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I would take a good hard look at yourself and find out why you kind of rushed into this, falling for someone without seeing the waring signs all around you is problematic. I am sure you are hurt, but you need to find out why it happened and then protect yourself.

Best of luck to you.

I have just come out of a very long standing relationship which at times I was extremely unhappy in. My ex was emotionally cold. Not a loveless marriage but certainly one where I didn't feel I could open up to him.

What this 'Dom' was offering was the chance of potentially being part of a genuine relationship. Of course there were certain things about him which spoke to me. And that happens really quite rarely.

So yes, that is why I'm in this pickle. I do want to be loved and cared for and cherished but I don't need it THAT much as to risk this happening again.

So... why oh why did you invest soo much of your energies and attention to an 'online' person??
Although you did actually meet, it seems to be just the once and then he started back-pedalling rapidly.

We see this sort of thing time and time again on here; far too many people putting waay to much into an online fantasy. Let's face it, he got you emotionally hooked within a day.
Can you not see just how silly that was???

And... what you have to learn is to leave past baggage behind.
Don't let future common-sense get clouded by old experiences and blind your senses.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:18:12 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

Hey hey! Not fair I say.

Did you read the part about me leaving an extremely unhappy relationship behind. One that was emotionally lacking?

I've made a mistake. A big one. It sucks. Big time.

Yeah I know it was silly, it just didn't appear to me that way at the time.

I'm not the first and I certainly wont be the last. And by the way, leaving past baggage behind is much easier said than done.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

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Post #: 26

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:19:45 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

I can see that you have several thousand posts - you are probably very experienced.

I am not. I am very new to this. BDSM and on-line dating. My last relationship lasted 18 years.

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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Post #: 27

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:23:06 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HurtandConfused

I can see that you have several thousand posts - you are probably very experienced.

I am not. I am very new to this. BDSM and on-line dating. My last relationship lasted 18 years.

This forum is like the set of Cheers, filmed before a live studio audience, but instead of having the bar know it all, we have the forum curmudgeon.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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Post #: 28

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:29:53 PM

Xnawtyx

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline

Hurtandconfused

Masturbate with a hitachi wand....
Then pick yourself up, and just keep moving forward
Dwelling on negatives will only make you sour

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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Post #: 29

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:32:25 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
This forum is like the set of Cheers, filmed before a live studio audience, but instead of having the bar know it all, we have the forum curmudgeon.

Jus sayin

You make it sound like there's just the one, seems more like there's a clique to me.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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Post #: 30

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:42:00 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

I've got me Hitatchi!

I'll be fine. Its all an education at the end of the day isn't it?

Could've been worse.. might have been 2 or 6 months. Or even a year as one poor sub I know got sucked into an on-line thing with a woman pretending to be a man.

(in reply to GotSteel)

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Post #: 31

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:44:40 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
This forum is like the set of Cheers, filmed before a live studio audience, but instead of having the bar know it all, we have the forum curmudgeon.

Jus sayin

You make it sound like there's just the one, seems more like there's a clique to me.

Shhhhhh.... You know this sites position on cliques; there are no cliques, no Easter bunny, no Santa clause, and no queen of England.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to GotSteel)

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Post #: 32

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:46:13 PM

Xnawtyx

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline

Yeah I bet everyone has horror stories ..I know I do..I stripped off on cam to find out a couple of days later the 35 year old guy I thought I was talking to...was a 15 year old kid

Lol....

So my main advice for you now is like I said remain positive and don't let crappy experiences drag you down..

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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Post #: 33

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:51:22 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

Yeah I bet everyone has horror stories ..I know I do..I stripped off on cam to find out a couple of days later the 35 year old guy I thought I was talking to...was a 15 year old kid

Lol....

So my main advice for you now is like I said remain positive and don't let crappy experiences drag you down..

Hey! Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, hey... What is that cam link?

Jus wunnerun

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Xnawtyx)

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Post #: 34

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 1:56:18 PM

Xnawtyx

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
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Haha

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 2:06:27 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
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Thanks Xnawtx. That wasn't a great experience for you.

(in reply to Xnawtyx)

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Post #: 36

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 2:08:39 PM

xxxo

Posts: 7
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

Yeah I bet everyone has horror stories ..I know I do..I stripped off on cam to find out a couple of days later the 35 year old guy I thought I was talking to...was a 15 year old kid

That is terrifying. That's like my worst nightmare. Imagine Chris Hanson knocking on your door! :-0

(in reply to Xnawtyx)

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Post #: 37

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 2:14:26 PM

Xnawtyx

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline

I know!!!

i was mortified .....I love block and delete

Luckily I can laugh about it now

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Post #: 38

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 2:45:25 PM

HurtandConfused

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2014
Status: offline

Jesus that is seriously crappy. Karma will out you know, you cannot go on making these kind of decisions in life and expect everything will be a bed of roses.

Fort example, the 'Dom' I met on-line knew people that I also knew in real life. A coincidence certainly but it just shows how interconnected we are. Especially in the small small world of BDSM.

(in reply to Xnawtyx)

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Post #: 39

RE: Master abandoned me - 9/6/2014 7:16:07 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HurtandConfused

Thanks Anna. I think that's the thing I'm struggling with. Because of really quite serious stuff from the past - which he knew - I have massive trust issues. I'm not as bothered about the pictures I sent him as opposed to my writings. That hurts, the thought of him asking me to do all thinking, pour out about my stuff, for what? To essentially use me for whatever game he had.

He talked, a lot about trust within the context of TPE. I trusted him.

Its not having resolution that's driving me crazy. But, I will very very probably never know for certain.

It's horrible. I'm never going to let this happen again. But you are right, for the sake of my sanity I need to let this go.

Your feelings are completely understandable. To me, the worst possible thing a D can do is abandon his s. Yes, sometimes things happen. But can you imagine someone tying you up,caging you and going on a 3 day vacation? He is not a Master or a D and I know it's not true consolation but be happy you found out sooner than later. You seem to have been vulnerable to begin with from an abusive relationship that left you feeling helpless. You wanted a protector. I understand the initial intent and it seems pleasant in theory but it leaves you very open to "the wolves" as I call them.
Honestly he took advantage of that and he's a complete shit for doing it, you deserve better. Allow yourself time to heal, time, jetskis, margaritas, skinny dipping, hiking trails, new friends (I once did naked karaoke, lol...what was I thinking?). Find local meetup groups and do something random. I know at this time you must want to be alone, maybe even reclusive, get that out of your system, get out there and enjoy the sunset on a lake. It's spectacular.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to HurtandConfused)

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