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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

WARNING, SPOILERS.
I finally started watching Nymphomaniac Volume II, and it's a good thing I skipped my morning coffee. The most fascinating character of the series finally emerged. He turned her away initially, just by a glance, she refused...twice. He made her stand, took her chair, put it before him, and told her "I'm going to slap you in the face twice, nothing special". He hit her twice so hard that both times she almost flew from her seat He gave her one rule, they would never have sex, and I smiled as she asked him "what do you get out of it?" He told her no safe word and he knew how to care for his riding crop and that worn leather is the best. He had her acquire it and said simply "not one from a sex shop, we're not going to a masquerade", and my heart started beating faster.
As he strapped her down to the couch, I could feel my body tremble, not only from excitement but fear. He had told her there would be no safe words and one of his prior....submissives, let's call them that, had permanent marks on her legs. As he pulled down her panties he said simply "no knickers next time", he examined her ass...said her ass wasn't high enough. He inserted his fingers beyond the labia minora and said "Thursday, let's see how it goes then".
He put her name on the riding crop as "Fido". He then released her, and my heart is still thumping outside my chest and I'm trembling slightly.
I'm sorry but while reading the posts of many here I feel rather apathetic so it matters not to me how they conduct their business unless they pique my interest in some way.Much like that other site of masqueraders, FL.
Here at least there is a veil of authenticity even though most enjoy only "play time" vs an actual way of life.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If you need to "keep them in line" then in my book, you are failing at the very core of what Dominance and Mastery are all about.

You need a "well cared for riding crop" to keep yours in line because you need fear, punishment, etc to force them to do what they don't want. Some of us skip that crap entirely and get ours to internalize our desires so they become theirs and no crop, no fear, no punishments are needed to gain obedience.

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That's a helluva lotta typing to show apathy.

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ORIGINAL: littleladybug
I bit my nails my entire life. After years of being with my Dom, and him getting frustrated with this on a regular basis, he came up with a "reward/punishment" system that actually worked. Certainly, its success had a lot to do with the nature of the underlying relationship (i.e. it probably wouldn't have worked if this was "just some Dom who wished to throw his 'Domly weight around' "). It also had a lot to do with my own motivation to change my behavior. But, fact is, that scheme became the "tipping point" that allowed me to finally change a life-long behavior. And, no, just the "joy of being with him" was not enough to change it.

I'm not suggesting that this is something that everyone should do, or would want to do. I'm just wondering if it's not a completely black and white issue.

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Or this:

Logout

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If you need to "keep them in line" then in my book, you are failing at the very core of what Dominance and Mastery are all about.

You need a "well cared for riding crop" to keep yours in line because you need fear, punishment, etc to force them to do what they don't want. Some of us skip that crap entirely and get ours to internalize our desires so they become theirs and no crop, no fear, no punishments are needed to gain obedience.

Ahhhh, I see, so when they do mistakes (and they will, they are human), you just LET IT GO, like the movie Frozen. *chuckle*
OK, gotcha, good to know. Keep on, keeping on.

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ORIGINAL: MariaB
<snip>
Of all my years on this scene I'm still hearing those words, "Punishment should only be administered in a serious fashion". I say bollocks to that. I've done the odd judicial caning on a willing and wanting submissive masochist. For it to be more pleasurable and feel more realistic, I came up with a reason for the 'punishment'... FFS how terribly awful is that!! Perhaps that makes me a newbie minded amateur in some peoples eyes. To add the shock horror, I've taken human puppies along to clubs. I've fed them dog biscuits, patted them on the head and said, "good doggie."

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Ahhhh, I see, so when they do mistakes (and they will, they are human), you just LET IT GO, like the movie Frozen. *chuckle*
OK, gotcha, good to know. Keep on, keeping on.



But we are all human, including dominants, aren't we? Who gets to smack you around when you screw up?
If it is an honest mistake, then a couple can certainly discuss what happened and ways to avoid those mistakes in the future, like adults!!! If it is a deliberate disobedience, then I don't think a whoopin is what is needed. This time the discussion should be about whether they are willing to submit to you as their dominant.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to GoddessManko)

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ORIGINAL: MariaB

Reward doesn’t necessarily work as a positive reinforcer. Neither does it necessarily influence the behavior we would like to improve or continue. Reward is given consciously, reinforcing is more often given subconsciously. Therefore, giving your submissive a chunk of chocolate or a dog biscuit as a reward won’t influence their future behaviour, unless of course it works in their head. We are all different and some of us, though not many by the sound of it, are here for the fun of it.

Every day life is different. In good long term relationships we tell our partner how proud we are of them or how good they look. Reinforces are good, they increase the probability of our partner looking for similar future responses. Its about making a person feel good about themselves. By complementing my partner, (who btw isn’t submissive), for the good man that he is, I continually, though subconsciously reinforce all of his good qualities. The result of that is a man who loves me without fear, trusts me without question and wants me without restriction.

Its the same with punishment. Who was it who said, "A person who has been punished is not thereby simply less inclined to behave in a given way; at best, he learns how to avoid punishment."? A disappointed look or being asked to look inwardly is far more likely to reinforce better behaviour in the future. Humans rarely want to disappoint the person they love and admire.

Of all my years on this scene I'm still hearing those words, "Punishment should only be administered in a serious fashion". I say bollocks to that. I've done the odd judicial caning on a willing and wanting submissive masochist. For it to be more pleasurable and feel more realistic, I came up with a reason for the 'punishment'... FFS how terribly awful is that!! Perhaps that makes me a newbie minded amateur in some peoples eyes. To add the shock horror, I've taken human puppies along to clubs. I've fed them dog biscuits, patted them on the head and said, "good doggie."

I know this is a competition for many but it really shouldn't be. I say, do your own thing and if your both happy with that, whatever stones others throw at you should just bounce right off.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
You are what I call a "gotcha dom" meaning you are sitting there looking to catch mistakes thinking that is how you change behavior.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

i said I was surprised you were NOT a finwhore...as your behavior and posts reek of how they market themselves.

And I base my opinions on your posts which are full of internet fluff and porn based views of dominance.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

i said I was surprised you were NOT a finwhore...as your behavior and posts reek of how they market themselves.

And I base my opinions on your posts which are full of internet fluff and porn based views of dominance.

If I may suggest something, get a hobby, I think you need something to you know, help your thoughts be less...amusing.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

if your dominance is as sharp as your wit, that would explain your results with your submissives.

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ORIGINAL: Miyani

DaddySatyr raised the point that punishment, when some submissives so thoroughly punish themselves, just feels like "piling on" sometimes. That's ringing pretty damned true to my situation as well. He beats himself up just fine. My job, the way I can be best for him, is to talk with him about ways to make sure it doesn't happen again, so he can feel like he's done something active to fix things, and then hugging the crap out of him.