Sticky Labels

Sticky Labels (Full Version)

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Xnawtyx -> Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:32:45 AM)
I'm curious as to what other people think about labelling someone? 'Youre not a real sub'...'you're not a Dom' Really? Is there a bdsm manual somewhere which defines exactly how someone who is on either side should act? Cause I've been under the misguided illusion that everyone is unique and individual, in and out of bdsm.... Urgh labels 'shudders'

DarkSteven -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:43:11 AM)
I'm easy. I'm a straight Dom cismale. But I know plenty of others who careen all over the scales of switchiness and bi-ness. I know a few women that are attracted to individuals, and will adjust their orientations to match those individuals. I use labels when I think they apply.

stef -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:43:51 AM)
I think I really don't give a shit what random people think.

Xnawtyx -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:49:14 AM)
Where did I say I gave a shit? I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-)

PandoraFoxxx -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:54:17 AM)
Labels are funny things. You can say "ugh labels" but we all label people. We all judge people. We label and judge ourselves, and hold others to our standards. I think those who say "you're not a real ____" are somehow trying to validate their own label of themselves. Whether or not they're right is irrelevant, because perception is reality for the beholder. When in doubt, stef's got the right idea. Just don't give a rat's ass [:D]

stef -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:55:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx Where did I say I gave a shit? Where did I say you did? You asked "I'm curious as to what other people think about labelling someone? " and I answered. Easy peasy.

FieryOpal -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:55:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx 'Youre not a real sub'...'you're not a Dom' If this has happened to you, then it could mean that a Dom is trying to get you to prove something because he doesn't think you know any better than to question his supposed authority, or that you both are not compatible with one another, and he has no right to expect instant submission from you or any other submissive. In many cases, you're dealing with an inexperienced Dominant. Nobody has said that I'm not a Dominant. One surly messager left me a nastygram once that I shouldn't be lecturing about BDSM in my profile. It is my profile, and I'll damn well say what I please in it, which is to outline what I expect in a D/s relationship dynamic, not about BDSM per se. I think it boils down to whether a sub feels someone is Dominant enough for her/him individually. In either event, some people want high protocol, others medium or low protocol. There are harder and softer styles of Domination, so there has to be a good fit between both partners. ETA: Don't let it bother you too much. [:)]

DarkSteven -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:57:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx Where did I say I gave a shit? I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-) Depends. Sometimes it's an attempt to manipulate. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." Sometimes it's an attempt to figure out whattheheck. I find that it's much easier to understand a person if I can slap an applicable label on them. Unforutnately, there are so many that are unlabelable that I can't do it and stay confused.

Xnawtyx -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:57:11 AM)
@stef...fair enough I read it wrong :-)

shiftyw -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 9:22:25 AM)
I have difficulty labeling myself. I totally wish labels were easier. Instead- I think everything falls on a spectrum. I'm a straight leaning bisexual, who is mostly submissive- but do occasionally feel domish over other women. I like both monogamy and poly (fuckery and amory). I've just decided that I should do what makes me happy and stop giving a flying fuck over anything else.

smileforme50 -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 9:24:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx Where did I say I gave a shit? I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-) Depends. Sometimes it's an attempt to manipulate. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." Sometimes it's an attempt to figure out whattheheck. I find that it's much easier to understand a person if I can slap an applicable label on them. Unforutnately, there are so many that are unlabelable that I can't do it and stay confused. I'm in the same camp as DS. I don't use hard and fast labels on people, but I think it's kconvenient to give myself a label to help people understand me. I call myself a sub.... But I might decide someday that I'm a slave. I don't really get myself worked up over the difference between a sub and a slave, and if I call myself a slave but someone else says "no you're not....you're a sub", I won't argue with them. If that's what they think, it's no big deal for me. But I DO think that labels are good so that at least you have SOME idea of where another person is coming from. I don't care if people call me a sub, slave or bottom.....as long as they know what side of the slashing consider myself to be on and they don't mistake me for a Dominant. ETA.... I like what swiftyw said about it being a "spectrum" and how that affects using labels

GoddessManko -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 9:38:45 AM)
OP, it's something we all tend to do, we judge. Judgements are a necessary part of life and so, we like to make up our minds about something, usually in a detached way (meaning no self analyzing applied) and then we can sort of have it "make sense" so we can move on, it's a form of closure. Sometimes we're right, sometimes wrong. Either way,most people have a hard time looking at themselves even though a lot of their problems can be solved this way. Instead they would like to imagine that there is no room for improvement within themselves and that other people who have an issue are the problem. I've done it, you've done it, we all have. I'm not going to sit here and pretend otherwise, but the important thing is recognizing when you have fucked up and learning from it. It enables personal growth.

RockaRolla -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 10:04:30 AM)
I see nothing wrong with labeling by itself. And honestly, being able to sort people into boxes that describe them and their interests makes certain parts of my brain happy. It's how I'm wired. The problem comes with judging based on that label, or forcing a label/expectations on a certain person. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." is an example of this and, like DS said, a way to manipulate someone into doing what you want.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 11:17:14 AM)
I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part. e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight. I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 11:23:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part. e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight. I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front? That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue. I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different.

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 12:04:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla I see nothing wrong with labeling by itself. And honestly, being able to sort people into boxes that describe them and their interests makes certain parts of my brain happy. It's how I'm wired. The problem comes with judging based on that label, or forcing a label/expectations on a certain person. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." is an example of this and, like DS said, a way to manipulate someone into doing what you want. I think labeling can be helpful at times. I may make my own judgements but I try--try--to keep them to myself and not impose them on the general population. A certain young man has a profile on here that states how much he wishes he could meet a good domme, that he "really wants to submit." I met this gentleman in person and chatted over coffee. It turned out he would never be available during football games or any night when his buddies were having a party. When I asked him if he had any questions for me, he only asked, "Do you have a dungeon?" I'll admit that I said to myself, "That's not a real submissive." According to my definition, he's more of a bottom than a sub. So yes, I guess I put a label on him. But that's just for my own internal navigation. I'd never say, "If you were a real sub, you'd..." If it makes him happy to call himself a sub, far be it for me to stop him. But he'd never be my sub, that's for sure. Spy

Redhusky -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 1:37:18 PM)
Labels can be useful sometimes, but that dosent describes a person. Just because of a person laber himself sub,dom,slave,pet,master,misters might not be the one your looking for. In your opinion it might be that the person dosent deserve that laber , but for some , that person does. Lets say an example of a person who labed himself as a dom. Because he dosent chain the sub to the bed or who know where and whips the sub ass , they dont see him as a dom. Because he dosent grab the sub collar and then push the sub to the kneel in fron of peoples, giving bj, they dont see him as a dom. For sub... if you dont kneel in the mall naked then your not a sub. if you dont drink my piss, then your not my sub (had this happened to me, just because i didnt drink his piss fast enough, it was my first time drinking piss) and so on

CreativeDominant -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 2:25:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part. e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight. I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front? That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue. I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different. But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck?

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 2:28:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part. e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight. I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front? That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue. I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different. But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck? I see you have your copy of the "Great BDSM Handbook" on hand, you were jus messin with me, weren't ya?

CreativeDominant -> RE: Sticky Labels (9/24/2014 2:39:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part. e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight. I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front? That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue. I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different. But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck? I see you have your copy of the "Great BDSM Handbook" on hand, you were jus messin with me, weren't ya? [&:][;)][8D]

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