Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please?

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Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/2/2014 6:32:01 AM

Submisquiz

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/14/2014
Status: offline

I have met a switch guy who has been in the scene for quite a while, I know he has tried a lot of things and I am very new. He has told me that he is a switch and I am naturally submissive in nature. I want to be able to dominate him at times, as I want to please him and make sure he is getting everything that he needs.
He is not really in to pain, but loves bondage.

My questions are:

1) can a switch be happy just being in one role? ie just Dominant.
2) if not, have you got any ideas of what I could do to Dominate him, to satisfy his submissive side?

Any answers greatly appreciated.

Smq xxx

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RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/2/2014 6:50:10 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

You're asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. The questions you need to be asking are to yourself. So this is going to require a great deal of introspection on your behalf, and once you've answered the questions you'll have a new battery of questions for our /s's (m&f). So let's tackle the questions you need to ask yourself:

1. Does tying up my parnter and pleasing/teasing him/her sexually appeal to me?
2. Is there any psychological pleasure I can receive from binding/tying him/her?
3. Can I abide by the rules of the scene, i.e. can I ignore his pleas for release as long as he/she doesn't safe word?

Being a submissive doesn't make you devoid of doing thngs for your pleasure... even if they seem to be things that a Top would do. Years ago I had a good friend, R.I.P., that was a dominant bottom with a maso streak a mile wide. One of his greatest sadistic pleasures was making his slave inflict physical pain on him. She would cry and apologize with every blow, this gave him a sado/maso high that you would not believe

After asking and answering yourself the above questions, you should be able to ask our /boys and /girls what Topping pleasures they have in their own dynamics, and ask our Ladies and Gentlemen how they liked to be Topped.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Submisquiz)

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RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/2/2014 8:09:07 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

First of all Submis, I can tell that you're a special woman because you have the desire to please your (Switch) partner to the extent that you would move outside of your comfort zone to service Top him. Whether he is the type of Switch who wants to be dominated on occasion is hard to tell. He may not actually want to be dominated per se. In other words, he may just be a kinky bastard!

Since I am not a S/switch, I can't really say whether any particular S/switch will feel fulfilled suppressing either his/her Dominant or submissive tendencies to play one role to the exclusion of the other. That would be up to the individual. I suppose the same would go for bisexuality as well.

There are bondage bottoms who may or may not be masochistic. Having a penchant for bondage doesn't necessarily make someone submissive. Like ExiledTyrant's masochistic Dom friend, being a masochist is not the same as being submissive. There are even Sadistic subs, although that is very rare. I know of just 3 (one is female, one is male - both straight - and the other is gay).

I have a male sub buddy who had done service Topping before with impact play. He told me that he never felt as submissive as when he did this because 1) He didn't enjoy it but wanted to please his partner, and 2) the whole time he was service Topping, he was wishing that it were he at the other (receiving) end.

Personally, I don't consider *regular* vanilla-ish sexual relations to be Topping/bottoming activities because it's just having sex, not BDSM. I may only want to get Topped once in a blue moon, and this is not uncommon with Dominants. Some of them want to get spanked, flogged, bound, participate in a take-down, what have you. There are Doms who enjoy strap-on play, other Dominants may have a fetish they want indulged. It is also problematic for some subs to serve their Dominant in this manner. The advantage that you have is that you are willing to do what it takes so that your partner doesn't have to seek gratification elsewhere.

As long as the two of you keep communicating openly, you'll do fine. If you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to discuss this with your partner or assume that it would make you less of a submissive to voice your concerns. Everybody is entitled to their limits, setting limits, redefining their preferences, or withdrawing consent at any time (either by safewording or on a permanent basis). It doesn't matter whether you are Dominant, submissive, S/switch, Top or bottom, each partner is entitled to be treated as equally important within their chosen dynamic.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Submisquiz)

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RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/2/2014 9:40:32 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Switch female here in a relationship with a switch male. We were both long time dominants in our individual lives, but coming together opened a brand new world for each of us. I'll try to answer as best I can, but ET asked you some really good questions to ask yourself as well.

Switch happiness really is very individualized. Some of us have to have two separate connections to satisfy both sides, while others (like my guy and I) are able to be happy with everything being in-house between the two of us. Can a switch be happy in just one role? I'm sure some can. But Im also sure some need both. I used to think Id only be happy being dominant, but have discovered I need both aspects for complete happiness.

As to what you can do when you top him...that really depends on him. Id suggest having him fill out a BDSM checklist. From there, you can identify activities he likes and compare it with what you are comfortable doing. The big thing is not to get too into your own head on this.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/3/2014 3:28:09 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submisquiz

My questions are:

1) can a switch be happy just being in one role? ie just Dominant.
2) if not, have you got any ideas of what I could do to Dominate him, to satisfy his submissive side?

Any answers greatly appreciated.

Smq xxx

As a switch who is in a predominantly Dom role, I feel like I am particularly adept at pleasing my sub because I understand what she likes, and why. Some of the pleasure I derive from dominating her is vicarious.

He may be telling you what he would like without you realizing it.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

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RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? - 10/27/2014 8:01:17 PM

ItalianStallion

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

I am finding as a switch I prefer one role rather than both. What makes me a switch, I feel, is the fact that I do have Dom fantasies, even if I haven't acted them out.

(in reply to Bhruic)

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Post #: 6