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You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you expected - 10/25/2014 12:51:48 PM

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So the pictures don't match up? Even after you exchanged them or did some skyping. Now what?

Male subs especially I think have some pretty wild expectations, but I have learned to be very good (read: strict) about managing this.

Here's a good example I use. Many subs, especially new ones testing the online market, envision their potential femdom on the other end of the Internet to look like one of the ladies from "BRIDESMAIDS":

http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/bridesmaids.jpg

Sure, that's all good. To be honest, a great many of the femdoms that roam the wild look like Melissa McCarthy (nothing with that), au natural,
http://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/melissa-mccarthy-bridesmaids__120218072654.jpg

Question for subs: All things considered, would you be sexually attracted to Melissa McCarthy enough to submit to her?

And certainly it can be turned around for femdoms.

Ladies are like, oh yeah:

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/10700000/Bradley-Cooper-The-Hangover-bradley-cooper-10750258-1280-536.jpg

And then this is the sub they have been conversing with online for three months that shows up at coffee:

http://coolspotters.com/files/photos/91693/zach-galifianakis-and-the-hangover-gallery.jpg

What say you about the perception before you meet, physical appearance and attraction?

I am mostly interested in male subs who have an idealized visual sense of beauty.

Akasha

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:04:22 PM

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I'm not quite sure what you're hinting at?
If you've skyped with someone and shared a few pictures, how can you get it that wrong?

On a general note I think that one should attempt to be healthy and at the same time people should take in account age and vocation. Some people go for looks more , for some it's less important?

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:08:17 PM

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I don't think I would meet anyone without pictures first...

I do have particular body types I'm interested in. It's a wide range, but still.

For example, the husband is tall dark and muscular, while pet (Found my unicorn!) is a tiny petite thing with a glorious mohawk. Would *any* of us met had we not first exchanged photos? Doubtful.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 10/25/2014 1:28:06 PM >

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:21:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
For example, the husband is tall dark in muscular, while pet (Found my unicorn!) is a tiny petite thing with a glorious mohawk. Would *any* of us met had we not first exchanged photos? Doubtful.

Congratulations on both of those! That post really made me smile.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:21:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

I'm not quite sure what you're hinting at?
If you've skyped with someone and shared a few pictures, how can you get it that wrong?

On a general note I think that one should attempt to be healthy and at the same time people should take in account age and vocation. Some people go for looks more , for some it's less important?

How can you get it wrong?

Well-- take a look at how Melissa McCarthy looks when she is "done up" for the wedding pictures vs. how she presents herself (including her personality and behavior) - it's quite dramatic in difference. People can present an entirely different persona.

A lot of sub men really desire a quite feminine, seductive, sensual package. I know many femdoms who could give a shit about makeup, dressing feminine, don't exercise, are quite happy with their weight (more power to them), never worn a high heel or boot in their life (ie, the character Melissa McCarthy plays - button down shirts and ill fitting jeans, no makeup). And hey- that's awesome! But the amount of feminine sensuality they "ooze" is zero.

If these ladies get "done up" for their pics or camming - well, they are presenting a different package. That's the point.

In emails and exchange though they may be presenting an absolutely mind blowing grip (pun intended) on female domination. In bed, in intimacy, though, there's nothing feminine in their approach. They are masculine. Do subs get over that?

Akasha

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:30:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
For example, the husband is tall dark in muscular, while pet (Found my unicorn!) is a tiny petite thing with a glorious mohawk. Would *any* of us met had we not first exchanged photos? Doubtful.

Congratulations on both of those! That post really made me smile.

Thanks! I am the luckiest bitch in the world. ^_^

_____________________________

HBIC

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/25/2014 1:30:44 PM

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Hum...well If you're going on a first date with someone I'm sure you get *dressed up* ...who ever you are. So Melissa probably looks Close to that promo if she does that. Then you have to accept that people don't look their best when out of bed at 7 am :)

I would guess that some people are into that look...and some might feel tricked if the person is completely off-base compared to the pictures. Just like in any relationship?

< Message edited by YouName -- 10/25/2014 1:35:52 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 2:59:49 AM

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I guess I'm not understanding what you're getting at, exactly.

Early on, I made a few huge blunders by not cam-verifying. But if you've Skyped with somebody, then you should have a pretty good idea what they will look like in person. Unless they have modified their surroundings to make them appear taller, for instance, than what they really are. If somebody gets herself all dolled up for cam, then she's more than likely going to be dolled up for a first meeting. More than likely a man can't do much with himself except to get cleaned up, shave, or wear a baseball cap. Have him take that cap off and do a 360 turnabout. (I used to respect modesty until I got burned a couple of times by guys who'd egregiously lied about their height and age, were under-endowed, etc. My cam-verification is quite comprehensive nowadays.)

Then you ask submissives whether they expect a Domme to present herself as a glamour puss. Some might, the same as in vanilla life. Do you want a man who is shallow and superficial about looks?

Or do you want to be with somebody with whom you can be yourself with and let your hair down? That would be up to you. Unless you are a pro and this is a job for you, then you aren't catering to a client's requests. Yes, there are men who would like to engage with a Domme while she's decked out in fetish gear. There are vanilla men who are fetishy about high heeled fuck-me shoes/boots, garters, stockings, corsets, you name it--who would get more turned on by seeing a woman made up and groomed (including waxed or shaved)

, in a sheer, skimpy negligée with thong/G-string panties than wearing flannel pajamas and grandma underwear to bed. This isn't really a BDSM thang.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 3:11:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

[snip]Hum...well If you're going on a first date with someone I'm sure you get *dressed up* ...who ever you are. [/snip]

Actually, I specifically don't "dress up" to go out on a first meeting. I think "putting one's best foot forward" is a form of dishonesty, which I abhor.

Since most of my "first dates" are nothing more than a quick coffee, adult beverage, or some form of regional beverage, I will turn up in whatever I happen to be wearing, when it's time to go.

True enough, if the "date" is shortly after my last class, I'm likely to be in slacks and a polo shirt (or a sweater). If it's scheduled for a Saturday afternoon, I'm just as likely to be in my sweats and Abalama Football baseball cap (ROLL, TIDE, ROLL!). If it's after Sunday services, I might be in a suit and tie. However, I refuse to "put on airs" to impress anyone.

Second dates matter a bit more, based upon the venue. I'm not likely to show up to a club, wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt nor am I likely to wear a suit to go horseback riding.

As an aside; to me, it's funny to hear people automatically equate Skype with video chat since I started using it before it supported video. I damn-near insist upon it since I despise typing, when trying to get to know someone.

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 5:16:12 AM

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First impressions.... you use some of your best pictures, doesn't everyone.
I do notice that some use pictures of what they wish their appearance was. Heck, My main profile is a cartoon showing a bit of how I see myself.

After messaging back and forth for a week; I'd think you would share a recent face shot to show the real you. <snicker> I have one of me in a t-shirt all sweaty from yard work sporting a two day growth of beard. If they keep talking after that; they are serious. But the people that want to chat and set up a meeting but never ever will show what they look like..... suspicious. Either it is a person with a massive paranoid bump or a set up for something.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 10:29:33 AM

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Well, can't say I agree there DaddyStar. Generally when meeting new people I try to put my "best foot forward" as you call it. It's a form of courtesy IMO, showing that you care about your meeting.

(in reply to MercTech)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 11:45:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

Well, can't say I agree there DaddyStar. Generally when meeting new people I try to put my "best foot forward" as you call it. It's a form of courtesy IMO, showing that you care about your meeting.

I'm not talking about showing up with hands all greasy from working on my car, etc. I gave examples of what a lady can expect from me on a day-to-day basis. It's not about not caring about a meeting. It's about: "This is who Michael is. Can you handle it?"; kind of like what Merctech was talking about (sort of).

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to YouName)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 12:22:52 PM

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Dude first of all I have no idea what you mean by Screen Captures still rule o.O

And pissing on shadows, isn't that like backtalking someone? Everything has its place and time but I don't get the context here.
Edit: Ah, it's like a semi signature of some sort?

About that main stuff though, yeah I feel you. If you're out to get something permanent and really want to see if it will be a good fit then lay it all out there, in measured doses!
But that doesn't prohibit me from spicing things up.

It depends on the situation I guess.
If I'm meeting a mate for a film and we're semi-flirting then I won't be that serious neither.
But if I'm meeting someone I haven't seen in a long time, a possible business partner, a date from half way around the planet or a friend I'm going to see for the first time then I'm probably going to try and impress them to some degree or just basically engange "pleasant mode". Not that there's a mode to be engaged in those situations, you're meeting someone important to you, it's on anyway.

At least for me.

< Message edited by YouName -- 10/26/2014 12:34:55 PM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 1:16:48 PM

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

Dude first of all I have no idea what you mean by Screen Captures still rule o.O

And pissing on shadows, isn't that like backtalking someone? Everything has its place and time but I don't get the context here.
Edit: Ah, it's like a semi signature of some sort?

Yeah, there's not enough room in the signature for all of my wisdom!

quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

About that main stuff though, yeah I feel you. If you're out to get something permanent and really want to see if it will be a good fit then lay it all out there, in measured doses!
But that doesn't prohibit me from spicing things up.

It depends on the situation I guess.
At least for me.

Yep. That's pretty much where I was at; situations matter.

If I'm at home, in my sweats and some lady I've been talking to calls and says: "Whatcha doin'? Ya wanna grab a coffee or something? I'm in your neck of the woods!", I calculate my travel time to the coffee shop and add ten minutes so I can put on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. I don't add 30-40 minutes so I can shave, shower and put on the "Sunday-go-to-meetin'-clothes".

I think we, agree, essentially. If after a first meeting that same lady calls me up and says: "I have tickets to the opera. Would you like to go?" Not only would I not dress "special"; I would graciously decline the offer because I won't "tell the lie" of pretending I like opera. I would probably say something like: "Opera really isn't my thing but if you'd like to meet for a drink, afterwards ...". In that situation, I would shit, shave, shower and put on the suit and tie (she'll probably be dressed so I wouldn't want either of us to appear incongruent).

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to YouName)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/26/2014 1:18:48 PM

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Yeup!

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/27/2014 1:50:32 AM

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I try to stay open minded and focused on the craft unless someone is real hideous on looks or hygiene. I'm very selective though which seems like a contradiction. However people can really spice up your life even if they are not so appealing in the looks department. I'm trying to keep and open mind.

(in reply to YouName)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/28/2014 5:10:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Would you be sexually attracted to Melissa McCarthy enough to submit to her?

What say you about the perception before you meet, physical appearance and attraction?

I am mostly interested in male subs who have an idealized visual sense of beauty.

Akasha

For me personally, it's fairly important - but then again I have very strong visual triggers for arousal and submission. Does that require a 2 dress size and a D cup? No. But heels, painted nails and a low-cut top definitely get the motor going better than sneakers and 50 lbs of excess weight.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/28/2014 5:22:14 PM

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I had a inverse experience. Flew across the country to meet someone, first thing out of her mouth "wow, you're short."

I'm the exact height my profile states, Apparently some people don't bother to pay attention to that.

I love e-mails asking if I'm really 5'4". Like I'd lie about that.

(in reply to Damacis)

RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/28/2014 6:08:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I'm not talking about showing up with hands all greasy from working on my car, etc. I gave examples of what a lady can expect from me on a day-to-day basis. It's not about not caring about a meeting. It's about: "This is who Michael is. Can you handle it?"; kind of like what Merctech was talking about (sort of).

Interesting. I think that's generally how I show up, too, though I've never put it in so many words. My golden rule: it absolutely *must* not feel 'formal'.

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RE: You met your online sub: Errr...ok? NOT what you ex... - 10/28/2014 6:09:14 PM

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Did you wind up hooking up anyway or was that the deal breaker? Quite an expensive endeavor nonetheless.

(in reply to SWDesertDom)

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