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What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 6:56:12 PM

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I've not experienced pain as part of a sexual/sensual experience. In conversations with some of the good folks on CS, it seems pain is part of the experience for a lot of people. I really want to understand. Can anyone explain this to me?

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:07:22 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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The endorphins are awesome, and pain can bring on subspace.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:09:18 PM

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Some pain totally shuts me down, other pain totally turns me on. There is the sense of complete vulnerability, of being in his hands and at his mercy. That turns me on. And yup those endorphins are happy things.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:29:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

The endorphins are awesome, and pain can bring on subspace.

huh. I've never associated pain and endorphins? And what is subspace?

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:31:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Some pain totally shuts me down, other pain totally turns me on. There is the sense of complete vulnerability, of being in his hands and at his mercy. That turns me on. And yup those endorphins are happy things.

I like the sense of vulnerability, but I don't think I want to be hurt to make that point clear. I know I am missing something cause this isn't making sense...

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:46:59 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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it's a very floaty relaxed and totally blissed out space after play. Well mine is. Others may describe theirs differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

The endorphins are awesome, and pain can bring on subspace.

huh. I've never associated pain and endorphins? And what is subspace?

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to xgender)

RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 7:52:09 PM

SweetnStormySub

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Fast reply ~

Hi x ((hugs))

I am with camille65 on this one. Some turns me on and takes me to subspace while other kinds just annoy and irks me. I don't like heavy pain, and I am not a masochist. It isn't pain that gives me subspace, so I am probably not the wise sage on this one, dear x.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:03:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

The endorphins are awesome, and pain can bring on subspace.

huh. I've never associated pain and endorphins? And what is subspace?

Think about super spicy food, super spicy chili peppers. You know how at first it is YOWCH that burns! Then as you eat more it becomes more like WHOA this is freaking awesome! Those are the endorphins surging. Sometimes 'bad' pain that shuts me down stays on that yowch level and doesn't hit the whoa. Good pain, pain that gets me going rarely is yowch and almost always is whoa. Hee.

For me subspace is hmmmm, haven't explained it in a long time but here goes. In a way the world retreats, like I'm actually floating. Like being high on good weed.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:05:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Some pain totally shuts me down, other pain totally turns me on. There is the sense of complete vulnerability, of being in his hands and at his mercy. That turns me on. And yup those endorphins are happy things.

I like the sense of vulnerability, but I don't think I want to be hurt to make that point clear. I know I am missing something cause this isn't making sense...

Hey there is nothing wrong with not being into pain, don't think otherwise please. Some people are into it, some are not. It is personal and not universal, but then few things are universal IMO.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:06:12 PM

Gauge

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This is a fast reply.

My slut and I talked about this just recently. Why she enjoys pain is a mystery to her, but she does. She explained to me that she finds that the pain tends to focus her on what is going on. It is something that is pure. She also said that it is an interesting sensation while experiencing something pleasurable because the two shouldn't mix normally. I pulled nipple clamps off of her in the middle of an orgasm she was having and she just about went through the roof in pure ecstasy.

Since I am a bit of a sadist, I like the way her breath catches in her throat when I am inflicting pain.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:10:13 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Hey there is nothing wrong with not being into pain, don't think otherwise please. Some people are into it, some are not. It is personal and not universal, but then few things are universal IMO.

This.

There are some people that do not use pain in their playtime, they enjoy other aspects of bondage. There is no etched in stone rule that your experience must include pain, if it doesn't resonate with you then it doesn't. If you want to explore it to find out if you might enjoy it, then go slowly and start small.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to camille65)

RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:12:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

huh. I've never associated pain and endorphins? And what is subspace?

Here's a previous thread on subspace. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4714487/mpage_1/tm.htm

Some forms of pain are a huge turn on for me, that pain is pleasure both physically and emotionally. Some forms of pain I'm indifferent to and some I don't like at all. Pain along with other forms of play often times sends me into subspace, a wonderful place to go.

As the others said, the endorphins released give me feel good feelings.

Pain, pleasure, to me there's a very fine line between the two and within the right setting, pain and pleasure combine into one.

It's hard to explain the feelings because it can be so different from one person to the next.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 8:24:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

I like the sense of vulnerability, but I don't think I want to be hurt to make that point clear.

You don't have to be hurt to feel vulnerable. As the others said, pain is something some people enjoy, some people don't. I enjoy pain, I have a high pain tolerance level but I don't need pain inflicted for me to feel vulnerable to him. I'm always vulnerable to him whether we're having our morning coffee or if he has me cuffed to the wall.

As Gauge said, if you want to try it to see if it's something for you, go slow with it.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to xgender)

RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/6/2014 9:46:30 PM

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I don't float from pain. I float from bondage, sensory deprivation and intensity so that I stop thinking and just feel.

I like very light pain and far prefer thud to sting. Think a heavy hairbrush vs a crop. Other people hate thud and love sting. Good thud doesn't translate to painful for me, just deep and warm sensations.

Subspace is like runner's high.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 1:00:57 AM

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There are mild forms of Sado-masochism which can be combined in an erotic context, which I think can (safely) combine elements of pain & pleasure with couples. Like the others have advised, if this is an area you wish to explore further, then start out small and go slowly.
I've noticed that (pain) sensation play can be embraced by those who do not consider themselves masochists, and as part of their submission, there are subs who tolerate pain for their Master or Mistress' sake. I personally do not consider myself a Sadist, but I will skirt the border between B&D and S&M. In other words, my end goal is not inflicting pain; if I don't find a practice to be erotically charged or feel that it has aesthetically erotic merit, then it doesn't interest me.

Here are a few starters you may already be engaging in which can be practiced mildly:
-- Hair Pulling (tugging is more effective for calmly exerting control; yanking is more primal play-oriented)
-- Biting & Scratching (without breaking skin)
-- Face Slapping (Be careful with this--can cause damage to the jaw, ear, etc. I do this in short intervals, 1-2 light slaps at a time.)
-- Light swats with a Riding Crop (more stingy--also for exerting directional control & guidance)
-- Light Spanking (more thuddy, as with a wooden hairbrush; you can incorporate erotic/sensual-sexual elements into this play. Some spankees can experience subspace with long, rhythmic and heavier impact-play spanking sessions that I am not keen on doing--gets boring to me.)
-- Nipple Clamps or Wooden Clothespins on Nipples and/or Male Genitalia (My husband was not a masochist, but liked mild forms of CBT w/clothespins & riding crop. Nipple play would send him into subspace.)
-- Humbler (CBT-ish. My last sub constructed his own wooden one - you can buy the metal kind on line - but we only scened with it once because it was painful for me to see him immobilized in it. He said it only hurt when he moved.)
-- Wax play can be done on a more intense level. I combine it with a limited degree of Ice play, which alternates hot/cold sensations.

Other than using restraints for practical purposes, I don't get into bondage, so I don't have suggestions there for incorporating sensation play. The only sort of sensory deprivation I will use are blindfold eye masks and cleave gags. I would prefer that my sub not check out and that he remain interactive with me, unless I specifically intend for him to experience subspace.

Another thread on "Subspace" http://www.collarchat.com/m_4656248/tm.htm
Plus this on "subdrop" http://www.collarchat.com/m_4680458/tm.htm

ETA: There is also light Flogging, but like longer than a 15-minute spanking session, I get bored with this.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 11/7/2014 1:09:31 AM >

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 7:35:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

The endorphins are awesome, and pain can bring on subspace.

huh. I've never associated pain and endorphins? And what is subspace?

Think about super spicy food, super spicy chili peppers. You know how at first it is YOWCH that burns! Then as you eat more it becomes more like WHOA this is freaking awesome! Those are the endorphins surging. Sometimes 'bad' pain that shuts me down stays on that yowch level and doesn't hit the whoa. Good pain, pain that gets me going rarely is yowch and almost always is whoa. Hee.

For me subspace is hmmmm, haven't explained it in a long time but here goes. In a way the world retreats, like I'm actually floating. Like being high on good weed.

I think this is the perfect explanation right here from the s perspective. For me, it's definitely a variation of things. First I want to say, I would be hard pressed to believe people are hardcore pain sluts from the starting gate. They might be open or have curiosity to it but then the D sort of has to know what there limits are in any number of directions before the ensue (pain wise).
I use this model from personal experience. A sub may fall asleep hogtied with about 2 dozen clothespins on his genitalia and be fine, another may only be able to tolerate 3 for 5 mins or less. It depends on tolerance and experience.
For me, it is a physical and tangible display of what my s will endure for my sake, and that for me is a major turn on. I am sadistic by nature, sort of hard wired that way, I notice sadists typically are those who have overcome great and personal obstacles so expect others to have the ability to do the same in a more controlled setting. I have never looked too deep into the psychology of it.
Also what typically is the role of the alpha in the wild. The lioness hunts for the food, the alphas battle it out to be the head of the pack, and we even see it in human behavior. It's a way of making your presence known.
The amount of trust that goes into allowing someone to make one vulnerable can be baffling to others as well, enduring different sensations without fear of being"injured" psychologically is taking it that much further. It's sort of an amazing thing. I only engage within a relationship dynamic so for me it's about my sub enduring for my sake, and that sends me into D space if I am enjoying myself. Lots of adrenaline and I also climax tantricly often, without touch. InHisHeart has an amazing perspective on this as does Kaliko. Their dynamic for me fits the quintessential. It doesn't have to be romantic, it can be just profound understanding and respect, that alone is good enough for me. The more an s will endure based on my comparison (knowing limits), the better in my case. The more an s thinks of Me primarily vs self, also the better. Some are very fixated on "I am a person, I have needs too". I don't know if this "me me me" thinking would work for me, likely not. I have vanilla friends who to me are more submissive than some of these subs because they do not benefit at all from our friendship, but I do. They ask for nothing more than a word from me.
Edited to add; it's not that they will not benefit, my entire life circulates personal development. But the expectation of this or that vs the actual "letting go and trust".

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 11/7/2014 7:57:21 AM >

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 9:48:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

I've not experienced pain as part of a sexual/sensual experience. In conversations with some of the good folks on CS, it seems pain is part of the experience for a lot of people. I really want to understand. Can anyone explain this to me?

Some people like it, some don't, as you have seen here.

If you are looking into it, and are curious, I would use FO's list as a guide. I would also suggest that you first do this with someone whom you *trust* and will also respect *your limits*. Not push them, not think that they know better than you....plain and simple....you say stop, it is stopped.

In my experience, the issue of "pain" and the imposition thereof, has been the topic of most discussion in my relationships. Why? Because it's so damned subjective. I've spoken to, and been with, people who consider themselves "Sadists" and afterwards said, "pfft". Then, on the other side, there are those who never used the "S" word, and I had welts that lasted for days.

There's also the issue of individual tolerances for pain. This one makes me chuckle personally. I consider myself not a masochist, in any way, shape or form. My Dom would disagree with that sentiment. As I type this, I am hearing him say, "but, remember when...". Yes, my tolerance for pain is different than the next sub that comes along. What someone else might consider "intolerable", I consider just a minor annoyance. And I can't tolerate what someone else might think is the most wonderful thing ever.

If you have not had the opportunity to experience the "masochistic" side of being a sub, you definitely need to do it with someone who is going to work with you on it. And, just as important, you need to be honest with the whole thing. As much as you want to "please" and be a "good sub"...just enduring something you detest and makes you feel like shit will probably not make for a long-lasting relationship. (And, I would venture to say that any Dom(me) that you would want to be with wouldn't want you to do that either...)

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 10:39:21 AM

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I don't really get the whole 'endorphin thing - I just find the idea of being hurt in a sexual way, by someone I am attracted to, to be very arousing and exciting. I've always fantasised about being made to suffer in a sexual way, so being able to explore pain and control in a loving, sensual way is very satisfying for me.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 2:32:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

I've not experienced pain as part of a sexual/sensual experience. In conversations with some of the good folks on CS, it seems pain is part of the experience for a lot of people. I really want to understand. Can anyone explain this to me?

For me, when I experience pain, it's a reminder that I am still alive and able to feel something.
I don't get the 'loopy' feeling that most claim to get from subspace; I simply want to feel the agony of being in pain.

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RE: What's the deal with pain? - 11/7/2014 3:33:49 PM

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I don't get subspace.

But I like some types of pain. I am not a heavy maso.
I like thuddy pain. Some select stingy pain. I for example, love flogging. I love spanking or even paddling. We have a new leather slapper that gets my engine going like you wouldn't believe, I love it.

It's arousing.

I like biting and nipple clamps and slapping too.

I hate, hate caning. I will tolerate it for my partner, but I have to be bound. I get mad and uppity. If my partner wants a bit more fight in me, go after that, or pinching, I hate pinching.

(in reply to IrishMist)

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