RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not?

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/27/2014 11:49:02 AM

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It totally depends on the commitment level. There is no way to achieve a 24/7 power exchange with a submissive bound to another by legal documents or time commitments. For play, sure you can schedule a session or two, even text in between sessions. If that works for your lifestyle, then great, but ultimately you playing a fantasy role as a part time lifestyle enthusiast and as long as you and your sub realize this then there's less of a chance someone not fulfilling their obligation.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/27/2014 12:17:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YOUREbeneathme69

I disagree. Children are hurt more from divorce then staying in an unhappy marriage, as long as it's not abusive.
I'm a Dominant and I have three women that are married. I'm not here to judge That's her business.

Wrong on so many levels. I happen to be a child of divorce myself. Divorce sucks, but being stuck in a miserable family with miserable not-yet-divorced parents hurt far worse than the divorce did. Both parents were so unhappy up until separation happened. Once it did, they both had huge weights taken off their shoulders. The war was finally over and they both found peace. Once that happened, they both were able to be better parents.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 12/27/2014 12:22:17 PM >

(in reply to YOUREbeneathme69)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/27/2014 1:29:59 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It would make me pause, but it wouldn't be a complete hard limit if the husband was onboard so it wasn't cheating.

But I like having my woman next to me at night, and spending lots of time with her.

This was one of my biggest problems with my first submissive. Her husband was onboard...had his own submissive...but at night, when his sub went home to her husband, and my submissive went home to her husband, I was alone. While my perspective on being alone has changed, it wasn't for that reason. What I felt then, I would feel now...alone.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/27/2014 2:07:13 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

quote:

ORIGINAL: YOUREbeneathme69

I disagree. Children are hurt more from divorce then staying in an unhappy marriage, as long as it's not abusive.
I'm a Dominant and I have three women that are married. I'm not here to judge That's her business.

Wrong on so many levels. I happen to be a child of divorce myself. Divorce sucks, but being stuck in a miserable family with miserable not-yet-divorced parents hurt far worse than the divorce did. Both parents were so unhappy up until separation happened. Once it did, they both had huge weights taken off their shoulders. The war was finally over and they both found peace. Once that happened, they both were able to be better parents.

I couldn't agree more...I know what issues I grew up with and what issues my kids grew up with. I'd take theirs any day...

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/28/2014 6:18:22 AM

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I wouldn't because I would not want to deal with the drama that comes from that kind of situation. I also would not want to have to worry about whether or not she had prior commitments if I wanted to do something. Throw kids into the mix and there is too much chance that the relationship will hurt them. So no, if you are married, I am not interested.

_____________________________

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to allnewtoday)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 12/30/2014 4:46:46 AM

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I'm mostly monogamous, but I'm open to a third party if I have deep and sincere feelings for them. And if my partner has feelings for them as well. I couldn't be in a relationship where love wasn't the glue keeping us all together.

As for the question, no I couldn't do it. I'm not someone that wants to be with someone that already has kids and I won't do one night stands.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 2:32:10 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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I've done it twice: but only after the marriage was almost done with. Lawyers had already been contacted and the only thing left was to work out the custody agreement.

On both occasions I edited the custody agreement for language and fairness - with my eye to looking after the best interests of the kids.

But someone who wasn't already separated and in the process of divorcing? Too much risk.

(in reply to AllTheThings)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 9:28:08 PM

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Like you, Malcolm, there would have to be a legal separation in the wraps, an imminent divorce decree, no likelihood of a foreseeable reconciliation. Still, there are no guarantees.

The biggest giveaway is if both parties are not maintaining separate residences. Also, as can be the case with an estranged spouse, the other spouse comes over to attend to domestic-related duties as s/he did when they were married, whether it's to make repairs around the house, helping with the upkeep of the car, etc. (unless contractually obligated); or else they're spending time together other than for the sake of attending a school or social event for the sake of a child.

My last sub was separated when we started exchanging messages. I did not agree to meet him in person, however, until after the ink had dried on his divorce.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 10:05:20 PM

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Dark Steven, I think you wrote the perfect post! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It would make me pause, but it wouldn't be a complete hard limit if the husband was onboard so it wasn't cheating.

But I like having my woman next to me at night, and spending lots of time with her.

signed with:

quote:

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

I think it's a perfect post because you begin with thoughtful consideration of an option and remain open if the standard is honest and fair relating. This reaction inspires respect and trust and further communication. You end with such a kind-spirited signature. Perfect post. :)

OP - I would add that for me, whether BDSM or vanilla relationships, it's all about informed consent. So, if we're talking Poly, maybe I'm open. If we're talking cheaters... "No thank you!" I can't even trust those types to participate on a friendship level, let alone think them capable of love or the trust and responsibility of a BDSM dynamic.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 10:07:18 PM

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Depends on the situation , I was contacted by the husband, who was very vanilla, his wife on the other hand found herself deeper and deeper into the dark side, that it was becoming a strain on their relationship. At his request I took her under wing, sessions were at my house and never involved him. I have also seen some reach out as a way to save their marriage.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 10:28:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

ORIGINAL: allnewtoday

For the dominant, would you take on a submissive if she was married? I'm in an open relationship with my husband and do not leave for various reasons. Three biggest one is we have two kids and I'm not raising them without a father nor will I leave, so im beginning to cuckold him... if you, as a Dominant, would our wouldn't take a married sub, I'm curious as to why.

No. Why would I want to take on a girl with a husband? There are a lot of women in the world, and the bulk of them are submissive (though not all of them recognize that consciously).

Besides, I'm very happy with my girl, and that's how I like my life -- with my girl.

And visions of sugarplums danced in MM's head. LOL Stop over-compensating!

Reality can be cool, if you just give it a try.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/3/2015 10:51:01 PM

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In all fairness, it is human nature (leaving the entirety of Nature's creations out of it, for the time being) for the bulk of humanity to be more submissively inclined as followers than to have a Dominant personality. This goes for males, as it does for females. Leadership skills can be taught and are not always an indicator of natural dominance either. Just as there are different leadership styles, there are different styles of dominance, some with more emphasis on cooperative teamwork rather than individually spearheaded achievements.

From this perspective, MusicMystery's assertion is not one of wishful thinking. It's merely a matter of relative gradation. Many men would like to believe they are alpha-this and alpha-that (and there are women like this also), who are capable of stepping up to the plate, but who subconsciously or secretly would prefer to be beta, et al., to a more Dominant partner-mate.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to BecomingV)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/7/2015 3:09:17 PM

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honest versus lie - perhaps this is a trick question to my kind

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/8/2015 2:10:33 PM

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I would not take a lie
nor would i take lie after a lie and blame your kids..i have none

that is who and what you are

do you believe kids stupid and you would put them through that..why would anyone do that

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/9/2015 3:50:11 PM

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As long as the husband was aware I would not have a problem taking on a sub that is married.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/9/2015 10:18:40 PM

UrSensualSadist

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I am sorry to disagree with most posting here...I have had several married subs...and if anything...it strenghtened their marriages...made them better subs...and filled a need they were nt getting to begin with

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/10/2015 5:29:01 AM

questioningdream

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I would say that it depends on whether or not the submissive is in a closed and/or monogamous relationship, or an open one. And if his or her partner is aware of what is going on. If there is an open communication between all parties, and there is approval from the submissive's partner, then I see no issue. If not, or if the submissive is reluctant to mention their partner or avoids regarding their feelings entirely? Red flag. People do lie however, but that is a slightly separate kettle of fish entirely.

(in reply to UrSensualSadist)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/10/2015 6:27:28 AM

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I think its up to the individuals. I had an affair with a married man once, his wife wasn't aware. It was started as a thing that was going to end, there was never a plan to break anything up, quite the opposite and I didn't want a full-time relationship at that point. It was difficult to end though. I took on board that it would hurt at some point and still did it and don't really regret it, it was a bittersweet relationship that appealed to some part of me (as a shortish-term thing). I wouldn't do it again. Sometimes people need to fill a hole (no pun intended), I don't think we should judge.

(in reply to questioningdream)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/10/2015 11:42:00 AM

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Yeah, in fairness, I'm not judging either.

In earlier days, I not infrequently played with married women curious about submission and slavery. I told myself that *I* wasn't cheating, so not my problem.

Today, I'm saner, and recognize that rationalization for the bullshit it was. And it kept me from pursuing any true relationship.

Much happier with my one girl, loyal and honest. Happy to answer questions for others, but they'll need to find their own partners.

(in reply to SweetForDaddy)

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 1/10/2015 12:50:59 PM

PoD69

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I have no problems with it.

Can even use it in the relations with the sub, so for me there are more possibility's

(in reply to DesFIP)

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