Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

WAR OF MEN PART ONE


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Creative Writings >> WAR OF MEN PART ONE Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
WAR OF MEN PART ONE - 11/23/2014 8:31:38 PM   
patriots12


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/7/2014
Status: offline 		Winter,1944.
The D-DAY invasion was successful. Allied forces have push back the Nazis Army. Adolt Hitler has order a top secret mission to be carryout by his SS troops to retake france and most of europe. American armed forces have intercepted the message and have assign A special forces unit to stop them. This is there story.

General McAuther is sitting at a conference table in France. He is looking at top secret documents. Captain James Peters walks in. He Salutes the General.

General
please be seated solider we got alot to discuss.
Peters
YES SIR.
He takes his seat.
General
Captain, Yesterday our boys pick a top secret
transmission from Berlin. Our pal Hitler is planning
something big. He has a mass forces ready to retake
europe. The problem is we can't find this mass forces.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 8:47:39 PM   
patriots12


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/7/2014
Status: offline 		scene: General McAuther's officer
General
Our best guest is this forces is underground.
Your mission is to find this underground base
and destory it before Hitler has a change to use it.

Peters
Yes sir. I understand who am I getting on this
assignment?

General
Davids, Matters, Johnson, and Freeman.

Peters
Freeman isn't he a Negro sir?

General
Yes, Is that a Problem Captain ?

Peters
No sir, proud to have him. Is that all?

McAuther shanks his head yes. Peters exits the Officer.
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.

(in reply to patriots12)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE - 11/23/2014 9:24:43 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

Adolt Hitler



Oh boy.

Kid... if you are going to write historical fiction, you better get the names of the people spot on.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to patriots12)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 9:25:49 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

General McAuther's



Again, same advice.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to patriots12)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 9:35:14 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		and if he was in France at that time, he took a wrong turn somewhere around the South Pacific ..........maybe Bugs Bunny was his scout ?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 9:41:29 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

McAuther shanks his head yes. Peters exits the Officer.
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.



Additionally, if MacArthur shanks himself in the head, the story for him is over.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to patriots12)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 10:18:53 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		For MacArthur ? I don't think a shank to the head would affect him. It's not as if there was anything there except a huge ego and hot air.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 10:20:52 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know what the American troops called him but the diggers knew him as dugout doug. That was when they were being polite.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 11:46:12 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.

I would re-write part one first.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to patriots12)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 11:50:26 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		I wonder.....................could you possibly write it in Babylonian please ?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 11:53:34 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

I wonder.....................could you possibly write it in Babylonian please ?


Sanskrit.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/23/2014 11:55:22 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		whatever
I can't speak or read it anyway *smile*

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/24/2014 12:13:18 AM   
epiphiny43


Posts: 688
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		Is it too late to learn to write Standard English? Spell Check only goes so far. Grammar and such counts too. And fact check basic info? Nobody wants to be responsible for some poor editor shooting themself?
Seriously, no work gets looked at past the first paragraph with so many egregious language or fact errors. You are averaging more than one a sentence. My JrHS English teachers would toss that back at me to rewrite when in a good mood. 'F' otherwise.
A bit more grasp of WWII history wouldn't hurt.
All the above come under 'learning the craft'. The ambition to Be a writer is huge, now you need to work on all the many skills that get you published.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue - 11/24/2014 12:18:37 AM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		When I was in the Brit merchant marine, we used to be offered things, written like this, in Port Said................they were nicknamed 'Port Said Bibles' and they looked as though they had been typed with a very old typewriter, with a very old ribbon on some very old paper by somebody who had no basic grasp of the English language................you wouldn't be from Port Said would you ?

(in reply to epiphiny43)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Creative Writings >> WAR OF MEN PART ONE Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.453