18 year olds (Full Version)

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nanotokaoru -> 18 year olds (12/14/2014 8:27:54 AM)

I was just thinking after noticing the umpteenth new member who identifies as 18. Of course many are going to be fraudulent but certainly there will be sincere ones, so what about C-space have a "welcoming committee" of sorts to say high and just offer some safety advice? Perhaps some of the long term and more experienced women would be willing. It really hit me the other day when I saw a self identified 18 year old female and in the profile she stated that 1- she was new to the scene and 2- she was willing to do "anything". Now of course this was most likely fake, but again, there will be some that are legit and therefore putting themselves at tremendous risk. I wrote and strongly suggested that she was putting herself at risk and should hide her profile temporarily and then post for advice in the forums.

Perhaps this is a untenable suggestion but damn when I saw that profile I shook my head. I guess it's a knee jerk reaction from being a parent.




shiftyw -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 8:45:07 AM)

I think more of them are fake than real and I'm sure none of them need a course in Internet safety, most grew up here, on the Internet.

No one needs a white knight. 18 is legal, even as a parent you have to give it up at some point. Don't make these girls an outlet for unresolved issues you have about yourself. If you can engage in kink, so can an 18 year old.



nanotokaoru -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 8:54:23 AM)

Nice try. 18 is still thinking like a kid.

Don't insult me for making a reasonable suggestion.

Sounds like your issues are at play, not mine. I used to be a social worker so I know the shit that can happen.

It was just a thought and you have to turn it into something pathological. Get help.
Conversation over. I'm out of the topic.




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 8:55:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nanotokaoru

I was just thinking after noticing the umpteenth new member who identifies as 18. Of course many are going to be fraudulent but certainly there will be sincere ones, so what about C-space have a "welcoming committee" of sorts to say high and just offer some safety advice? Perhaps some of the long term and more experienced women would be willing. It really hit me the other day when I saw a self identified 18 year old female and in the profile she stated that 1- she was new to the scene and 2- she was willing to do "anything". Now of course this was most likely fake, but again, there will be some that are legit and therefore putting themselves at tremendous risk. I wrote and strongly suggested that she was putting herself at risk and should hide her profile temporarily and then post for advice in the forums.

Perhaps this is a untenable suggestion but damn when I saw that profile I shook my head. I guess it's a knee jerk reaction from being a parent.



In addition to what shifty said....
We already have an Intro section where people get a friendly welcome.
That is the one and only section where everyone has to be friendly.


As for hiding the profile, most of us on here advise not to hide their profile.



shiftyw -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:03:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nanotokaoru

Nice try. 18 is still thinking like a kid.

Don't insult me for making a reasonable suggestion.

Sounds like your issues are at play, not mine. I used to be a social worker so I know the shit that can happen.

It was just a thought and you have to turn it into something pathological. Get help.
Conversation over. I'm out of the topic.





Um..I was very polite.

I could've been a real dick.
I won't be.

I know the shit that can happen even without kink, I've lived it. and I've since lived through years and years of white knights looking to use how "kind and caring" they are to woo me and convince me to sleep with them.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-white-knight-syndrome



booklover13 -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:07:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I think more of them are fake than real and I'm sure none of them need a course in Internet safety, most grew up here, on the Internet.

No one needs a white knight. 18 is legal, even as a parent you have to give it up at some point. Don't make these girls an outlet for unresolved issues you have about yourself. If you can engage in kink, so can an 18 year old.


I'm with shifty on this one. At age 18 I was more mature and thoughtful than my 41 year old alcoholic mother. Yeah, I made mistakes but that's how I learned. Parents can't hover over their kids forever.



crazyml -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:08:23 AM)

Hello there nano,

And welcome to the boards!

Yes, I'll admit that I'll occasionally spot a profile where I worry that the person behind it may be vulnerable, and occasionally I'll reach out to someone who I think could use some non predatory advice. Although I would say that I'm as likely to do this with someone who is 30 years old as I would with someone who is 18. But I only do it very very rarely because, at the end of the day once you get to 18, it's up to you to make your own mistakes.

And, I'll freely admit that my reaction does have shades of "white knight" to it, even if you're able to hold yourself to a higher standard.

The site did try to set up a "welcome wagon" - in fact that was the name of the group, but it never quite took off, and there are a whole heap of issues with setting up a group of "select" people, like - who does the choosing? who does the vetting? More recently the site tried to set up a "mentoring" program, which caused something of a ruckus (not fair of me to say more, since I caused some of that ruckus).

The bottom line is - it's really difficult to establish a "group" of people who can be trusted with inexperienced people, and - frankly - I'd prefer any advice or mentoring be given here in an open forum.

So... I understand your concern, and I understand your desire to at least point these young adults in the correct way, but beyond that - I don't think it is either practical, or right, to do anything more than that.

I am sure you're old enough and wise enough (and remember the time when you were 18!) to imagine what the reaction of an 18 year old might be to a much older stranger dropping into their inbox with advice?

[Ed for the typo I spotted]



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:08:27 AM)

Spend a lot of time looking at 18 year olds' profiles here, do you?



shiftyw -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:14:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Hello there nano,

And welcome to the boards!

Yes, I'll admit that I'll occasionally spot a profile where I worry that the person behind it may be vulnerable, and occasionally I'll reach out to someone who I think could use some non predatory advice. Although I would say that I'm as likely to do this with someone who is 30 years old as I would with someone who is 18. But I only do it very very rarely because, at the end of the day once you get to 18, it's up to you to make your own mistakes.

And, I'll freely admit that my reaction does have shades of "white knight" to it, even if you're able to hold yourself to a higher standard.

The site did try to set up a "welcome wagon" - in fact that was the name of the group, but it never quite took off, and there are a whole heap of issues with setting up a group of "select" people, like - who does the choosing? who does the vetting? More recently the site tried to set up a "mentoring" program, which caused something of a ruckus (not fair of me to say more, since I caused some of that ruckus).

The bottom line is - it's really difficult to establish a "group" of people who can be trusted with inexperienced people, and - frankly - I'd prefer any advice or mentoring be given here in an open forum.

So... I understand your concern, and I understand your desire to at least point these young adults in the correct way, but beyond that - I don't think it is either practical, or right, to do anything more than that.

I am sure you're old enough and wise enough (and remember the time when you were 18!) to imagine what the reaction of an 18 year old might be to a much older stranger dropping into their inbox with advice?

[Ed for the typo I spotted]


^ This is all really good advice, but especially that last sentence.



CreativeDominant -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:14:48 AM)

I'm a father also...walking the second daughter down the aisle today. She's going to be 30 next month and you know, she grew with the internet. Setting that aide for a moment...

My daughter tends to have a hard head. Dad taught her all about the birds and bees, respect for herself, a baby is forever, most boys seen't at that age, etc. Guess what? Just before she turned 22, she presented me with my first grandchild. 2 yrs later, the boy was gone. Yes back now...as a father...but not the one she's marrying today.

The point? All you can do as a parent is recognize that no matter what you do, they eventually do what THEY want. I raised my two...helped raise my nephews...gave insight to friends' kids when they asked for it. Always understanding that at a certain age, all it ever was/is is advice.

When I come into a sex site, I figure that most that are on a site like this...bdsm in nature, not just sex...they deliberately navigated here. At that point...if they're of legal age, they're fair game. And it is not my job, nor my inclination, to let my fatherly instincts kick in...except in a twisted way.



ThirdWheelWanted -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:18:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nanotokaoru

Nice try. 18 is still thinking like a kid.

Don't insult me for making a reasonable suggestion.

Sounds like your issues are at play, not mine. I used to be a social worker so I know the shit that can happen.

It was just a thought and you have to turn it into something pathological. Get help.
Conversation over. I'm out of the topic.




Wow, great flounce! Encore! Encore!



crazyml -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:22:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nanotokaoru

Don't insult me for making a reasonable suggestion.

Sounds like your issues are at play, not mine. I used to be a social worker so I know the shit that can happen.

It was just a thought and you have to turn it into something pathological. Get help.
Conversation over. I'm out of the topic.




Sorry... I missed this.

Can you see how this post may have given others the impression that you're the sort of person who gets his knickers in a twist like this, and flounces out like a whiny little baby?

Given your experience, would you regard that kind of person as being qualified to give vulnerable young adults advice?



Fuck me.



shiftyw -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:24:44 AM)

Also, some follow up questions:

Why aren't you approaching all 18 year olds this way? Are women somehow more vunerable than men? Do they not face similar dangers when engaging in kink?
Why isn't someone of ANY age who says they are up for "anything & everything" in need of this warning? Can a 40 year old just coming into the scene not face the same naivete as someone who is 18?



ThirdWheelWanted -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:25:16 AM)

You know, just a minute ago I was reading a post, and it really made me think that we need a welcoming committee for pompous, middle-aged men who think that they need to rescue all the poor damsels from the evils of the world.

18 is still a kid? Funny, when I was 18 my recruiter was happy to help me sign away years of my life to the Army. If an 18yo can go off to war, I'd say they should be able to smack a fanny, or get theirs smacked, if they so choose.



Moderator3 -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:28:42 AM)

Many have suggested something like this and I am sure many will in the days to come, but I seriously doubt there will ever be anything site sponsored that would offer this. It is not a matter to take lightly and many things must be considered, as well as the well being of those that might serve in such a capacity.

The forum is a good place to start and most have been able to find their way through the message board throughout the years. Introductions is only a place of welcome and questions need to be discussed in other areas. It is the only way I can assure that things remain nice and welcoming there.

New women, especially young ladies are bombarded with helpful and encouraging members, so they are learning quickly the way the wind blows. Luckily, most have experienced other sites that young people gather in and few are as clueless as some of us older folks were not growing up with the technology that they have. They seem to find their way around here pretty quickly and there are staff members out there doing what we do, a reporting system and we are able to assist in various ways if a member should encounter a problem. We cannot change the whole of the net and how things go and cannot protect members from themselves, but many have joined and survived somehow.



RockaRolla -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:29:05 AM)

When someone insists "conversation over" I'm that much more tempted to respond. Shame you flounced. But if you can't deal with people disagreeing with you, good riddance.

I'm with the majority on this one. Like you said, most of these no-limits 18 year olds are fake. Of the ones who are real? This likely isn't their first crack at the internet, and most of them have parents of their own to teach them common sense. The ones who truly need lessons on internet safety are few and far between, and they don't need it from a defensive "Dom" who throws a tantrum when someone disagrees with him. I can imagine what kind of safety advice you'd give.

The trouble with white knights is that they often have ulterior motives, and I'm not convinced you're an exception. You expect me or anyone else to believe you'd spend the bulk of your CS time "educating" young women with purely platonic intentions? I notice your OP makes no mention of 18 year old males. (I'm guessing you have your settings such that you look at female profiles only. That's kind of my point.)



crazyml -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:33:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThirdWheelWanted

You know, just a minute ago I was reading a post, and it really made me think that we need a welcoming committee for pompous, middle-aged men who think that they need to rescue all the poor damsels from the evils of the world.

18 is still a kid? Funny, when I was 18 my recruiter was happy to help me sign away years of my life to the Army. If an 18yo can go off to war, I'd say they should be able to smack a fanny, or get theirs smacked, if they so choose.


If I am ever in your part of the world, I would like to buy you a beer for this post.



Gauge -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:54:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nanotokaoru

Nice try. 18 is still thinking like a kid.

Don't insult me for making a reasonable suggestion.

Sounds like your issues are at play, not mine. I used to be a social worker so I know the shit that can happen.

It was just a thought and you have to turn it into something pathological. Get help.
Conversation over. I'm out of the topic.




And this is an example of how patient and nurturing you will be to these tender, naive, hapless 18 year old women? Methinks if you are going to take someone under your wing, you had better set the example, rather than act like the focus group you intend to help.




FieryOpal -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 9:59:54 PM)

In all earnestness, all the good intentions in the world won't reach these hard-headed youngsters. I've raised a boy and have another who's a teen. By the time they reach 15, they think they know more than you (grown-ups) do. It becomes an exercise in futility to try to talk any sense into them. Unless they come to you and ask for advice on a specific issue, they really don't want to hear what us older folk have to say. And then most of them turn around and do what they please regardless.

Yes, earlier this year there was a Welcoming Committee formed with Forum Mentors when this site went by its former name (referred to as CM). I don't know what happened, but it got done away with in just a few months. I believe there may have been some in-fighting and personality clashes within the group based on some posts I had stumbled upon. It was a good concept, but mostly ineffective.



DaddySatyr -> RE: 18 year olds (12/14/2014 10:14:17 PM)


The idea of a "Welcome Wagon" was floated, here, about a year or so ago. Including a "special section" of the forums that only authorized members could access.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to get their shit together (One reasonably decent poster was "voted off the island" because someone on the wagon decided they couldn't put principles above personalities and work with him). So, the idea died a death.

I don't think, as an abstract idea, it's a bad thing, but once you involve people, personalities come into play (and people suck).



Michael



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