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What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 10:19:13 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

There have been a lot of recent discussions about particular letters in our alphabet soup, and I figured it might be an interesting topics to bring them altogether. Just in case anyone doesn't know the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

< Message edited by sheisreeds -- 1/17/2015 11:10:23 AM >

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

Post #: 1

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 10:57:08 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

Bondage, discipline, dominance, sadism... if that is the way you wanted the question answered... otherwise this list would need its own website.

quote:

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

All of the above. Its importance in our relationship is a relative thing, our relationship is what is important, the BDSM is a tasty addition.

quote:

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

I cannot switch off my dominance, so ours is a 24/7 thing... but not in the playtime activity sense, but in that our personalities are who we are.

quote:

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Indeed.

quote:

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

As with anything, there are some things I like and others that I do not. So much stuff falls under the mantle of BDSM that this list might be hard to categorize.

quote:

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

I believe that the only way that would happen is for health reasons for either of us. Since, in that case, neither of us would have a say in that, we would miss it, but we have a strong relationship without it too.

quote:

Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

Not only is it an option, it is imperative. If I cannot have a vanilla based relationship with someone, the BDSM side of things wouldn't matter anyway.

Hope this answers your questions.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 2

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:08:59 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

Derp, love seeing ways to need to reword *grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

I believe that the only way that would happen is for health reasons for either of us. Since, in that case, neither of us would have a say in that, we would miss it, but we have a strong relationship without it too.

Though since you identify D/s as being a 24/7 aspect of the relationship, that would still endure, correct? What would happen if hypothetically a partner no longer wanted D/s, or stopped being submissive, etc? While hopefully it doesn't happen, it does happen to others.

quote:

quote:

Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

Not only is it an option, it is imperative. If I cannot have a vanilla based relationship with someone, the BDSM side of things wouldn't matter anyway.

Hope this answers your questions.

This question should worded better, What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship? Would you still pursue it?

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 3

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:17:38 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Interesting questions

What aspects of BDSM am I currently engaged in?

It's a relationship with another switch where we engage in both topping and bottoming for one another. I've been in full-on Femdom relationships in the past, but this is my first relationship where Im just as likely to submit as I am to dominating. Ours leans more towards B and D...and less towards S and M since neither one of us considers ourselves sadistic or masochistic.

What importance does it play in my relationship?

It's a definite desire for me and I find I am unhappy and feel something is missing if I'm engaged in a purely vanilla relationship.

Where and when?

Bedroom mostly, though we have branched out more towards outside of the bedroom more recently. Because of the nature of our dynamic and the fact that ours is a long distance relationship, 24/7 is really just not a parameter we are interested in. Nor do I think it would work in our situation.

Is it a part of who I am?

I would have to say yes. But I'm not really sure how to articulate why. I guess Id have to say that when Im not engaged in a BDSM relationship, I feel like something is missing. I never feel very centered or content in a purely vanilla relationship. So for me, this really makes me feel like this is a part of who I am. Otherwise I guess I feel Id be fine if I was engaged in it or not. It wouldn't matter if I wasn't. But I've found that it does matter.

Are there parts I can live without? Others that I have to have?

Id have to say I can definitely live without the edgier aspects. Blood, beatings, etc are not really my scene. But without a doubt, bondage is a must have.

If my long term partner no longer wanted BDSM, what impact would it have on the relationship?

With my guy, Id give it up if he didn't want to do it anymore because I love him that much. I don't see this happening though because this has been in our blood for a long time. We both have 20 years of individual experience in BDSM. Admittedly switching is something new to both of us and has only happened when he and I came together as a couple 3 years ago, but the interest in BDSM...the desire...is deep rooted in both of us.

Is a vanilla relationship with the right person an option?

Honestly, no. I've tried the vanilla scene, but I never felt at peace or happy. Something was always missing and no amount of vanillaness could fill that empty space.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 4

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:18:32 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Though since you identify D/s as being a 24/7 aspect of the relationship, that would still endure, correct?

Yes... however it is not something that anyone might look at us and see.

quote:

What would happen if hypothetically a partner no longer wanted D/s, or stopped being submissive, etc? While hopefully it doesn't happen, it does happen to others.

I have a different definition of relationship than some might have. If that happened, and since BDSM for me is just the peanut butter frosting on an otherwise delectable chocolate cake, I would miss it, but I want a companion that I click with on all levels.

quote:

This question should worded better, What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship? Would you still pursue it?

I suppose that I would... but since I do not have to, why would I?

< Message edited by Gauge -- 1/17/2015 11:20:14 AM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 5

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:21:32 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

I'm greedy, and i like all of it in some form, or another. however, it is very person dependant. I'm a switch, but that didn't really come out until i started playing with my ex playmate. when it came to the bedroom side of things i trusted him with me completely, and that was exceptionally freeing. he got to do things with me that no-one else ever has. we also spoke about a lot of things too, but unfortunately they remained all talk.

i am a very strong, independent person outside of the bedroom, and i do need someone that can match that. i can't stand weak men, or men that sulk and act bratty. I soon lose respect for men like this. I'm sure that it works fine for some women to have men like that in their lives. It's like the men that like women that are happy to be told what to wear, and how to have their hair, and so on. that would not work with me at all. that guy would get told to sod off if he tried to tell me what to wear, or have my hair.

if I'm to have anything in the future, i don't want to lose anything that i gained from my last 'relationship', but i want more from it. i want more of it for a start, and i don't want the things he says he wants to do to me to stay all talk.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 6

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:29:07 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Due to age and illnesses, our life is pretty much vanilla only of late. It doesn't change the fact that he still decides when we're going out and where we are going. I still don't get free range in terms of cooking, if he doesn't like it then it isn't on the menu.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 7

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:39:42 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

All, but at different levels of importance for me it is Masochism, D/s, Sadism, Bondage and Discipline.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

We can't function without it. Even when I was ill for extended periods of time it was still a major part of our interactions on a mental and emotional level. In regards to intimacy we get nothing out of it unless there is some degree of S&M and D/s.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

24/7, though it isn't typical D/s it's a power struggle dynamic. Lots of banter, verbal humiliation, and other ways that it plays out. We even go back and forth forever about who's turn it is to figure out what to have for dinner or pick a movie.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Yes, absolutely 100% a submissive and a masochist. So high in the 90s in regard to sadism and dominance those should be thrown in there too.

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I can deal without discipline and bondage easily. I could possibly go without dominance and sadism, but at this point I don't think I would feel whole if I couldn't engage it somewhere.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

This has happened to me, and while it wasn't the only factor in my divorce, it definitely was A factor. Without BDSM my relationship quickly became a very lonely, hollow, and unfulfilling place.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

No, not unless it was poly relationship, and that person wasn't a primary partner. When I was poly I did have a few technically vanilla partners. One I was a fairly infrequent thing, and we were serious adrenaline junkies (we first got hot and bothered by a 120mph car chase), one was just toxic and fed my masochism in all the wrong ways, and another was where there was implicit D/s, and was a well versed hedonist including BDSM.

In my past my vanilla relationships have either sprung from high risk behavior, or self destructive places. So, um, I'll pass.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 8

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:45:18 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Due to age and illnesses, our life is pretty much vanilla only of late. It doesn't change the fact that he still decides when we're going out and where we are going. I still don't get free range in terms of cooking, if he doesn't like it then it isn't on the menu.

Right, but the D/s is still there.

When I was ill I was feeling pretty vanilla because in comparison to how things are when I was healthy it sure seemed that way. Though even before surgeries I'd be incessantly made fun of for things like kicking a nurse out of the room because I swear she hit bone when attempting to place an IV. It made me feel good, and loved, and that sure ain't normal.

As I was able to get back into S&M, and in our case that means sex, it helped me realize that all the other and smaller ways this plays out in our dynamic are even more important.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 11:57:11 AM

wickkeddesire

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/3/2015
Status: offline

No relationship or I would have no time to write anywhere as I would be busy thrashing her very being with pots and pans and rifling through her handbag for cake money. Of course dear reader after I liberated her handbag of coinage I would thence put the handbag on ebay for more cake money and so on, – in for a penny in for a pound as they I often wonder who this mysterious lot they are, say.
Although I remain uncertain I can compete with the new crop of rascal fetishers; in need of cavities to stretch and people to talk pantaloons’ too, more often than not whence their actual partner slumbers unaware, about why they are the embodiment of BDSM - let’s call it that

So, different people have different definitions of the word – I have no idea where and how it originated. There are typically negative connotations - association with that word. Over the eons i have tried to defend it, or part of it (i still do you know) and some of the people...but you can apply that to pretty much everything, besides most people have already made their minds up - negative connotations and all the sick deviant malarkey their minds dare not conjure up

As desfip, and yes i have seen many people on here talk honestly (see i can use that word ;) on the forums about their lurgy (illness) over many years...myself included - still do :) So, yes lurgy can limit what one or the other or both do but that applies to everything, again..and yes we are judged, rarely fairly.

What is a relationship, why be in one - we all have different definitions - mines is the all encompassing one - so for people like me BDSM is merely a part of the whole (relationship) i dont see how it can be any other way.

But over many years i have noted that people say bdsm is the relationship...this make me sad, very much so, like my cupboard which is bereft of the muffin. As soon as someone says BDSM is the relationship then everything else that follows is formulated with the same rational...it carries no weight in my mind, often it does in theirs - more often than not for the incorrect reasons.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/17/2015 2:00:56 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

All of the above (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism)

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

It's important to us, just as every other aspect of our relationship is important to us. Without it, just as without other aspects of our relationship, our relationship wouldn't be a whole.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

24/7

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Yes, I am a submissive and a masochist, it's a part of who I am and who I've always been.

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

BDSM covers a very wide range, there are things I like, things I don't like, things that are not going to happen ever, things that I would not be content, happy and satisfied not having within a relationship. There are things I can go without if he wasn't into them, things I will not go without when in a relationship.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

If he simply chose to no longer engage in BDSM, it would have a negative impact on our relationship. It's a part of him just as it's a part of me, if he just decided he no longer wanted it, I would strongly suspect he has a problem with me, with our relationship and that would mean getting to the core of the real issue and see if we can work it out.

If it was due to health, medical issues, something out of his control, that would be different and would depend on the situation.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

No but I wouldn't have great compatibility with a vanilla person. I'd have compatibility in parts of the relationship but not in all parts of the relationship and to me if there isn't compatibility in all parts of the relationship, the relationship isn't a whole.

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

No because a vanilla person would not be the right person for me. I know what I want, I know what I need within a relationship, I know what I need in a parter and vanilla is not it. I don't settle so I would live without a relationship before I would live with a relationship that is not what I really want.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 11

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 3:13:09 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

I am a masochist, pure and simple. In regards to this, some areas we engage in are: breathplay, knife play, hard core impact play ( using fists, feet )

quote:

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

For me, it's a need.

quote:

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

Where ever, and when ever he wants or feels the need.

quote:

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Yes

quote:

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

No bondage of any kind
We do not use discipline or punishment
My partner is, and must be of a dominant personality.
I am not submissive; not in nature, nor by pretending...HOWEVER, because Dave has a very dominant personality, and I know the penalties for not following his lead...I submit to him. ( please note that 'penalties' are not discipline or punishment. The penalty for disobedience is an ending of the relationship; no second chances )
He's a sadist. I could not practice my particular brand of masochism without him being so

quote:

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

The relationship would end.

quote:

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

No

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 12

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 4:17:24 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

There have been a lot of recent discussions about particular letters in our alphabet soup, and I figured it might be an interesting topics to bring them altogether. Just in case anyone doesn't know the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

First; I have to take exception. I believe that BDSM and D/s are, actually, two different things because one can indulge in either, without indulging in the other (as I'm about to explain).

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

Other than some light spanking, some VERY minimal breath play, and some very light bondage, I don't engage in BDSM, at all. I view impact play as violence which, because of the way I was raised, I believe has no place in my loving, caring relationships.

In the past, I got into some behaviors because I thought it was "required" (as the lady that introduced me to this lifestyle explained to me). I quickly learned that all that is required is my own moral guideposts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

If we're talking about D/s, as opposed to BDSM, it is a requirement that any lady that gets involved with me understands and acquiesces to my direction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

I am dominant (D/s, again) everywhere so, "Bedroom only" doesn't work for me. I don't require my ladies to kowtow to me in public, but they make no bones about who is the boss (I was shocked, once when one of Beth's friends said something along the lines of: "Well, he knows he better listen to you or else" and I heard her say: "Oh! Quite the opposite. Michael doesn't cotton to any nonsense.").

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

As I said; I'm dominant. I can't change that. Also, I tend to be a bit of a "white knight".

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I could live without all of the actual BDSM stuff. hell, I could live without ever having anal sex, again, too. I'm pretty easy-going.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

Again: If we're talking BDSM, no big deal. If we're talking about D/s, the relationship is finito.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

I'm starting to sound like a broken record

If a partner isn't into any of the physical stuff but acknowledges and acquiesces to my authority, we're golden.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 13

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 7:33:33 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

If we're talking about D/s being part of BDSM for the purposes of this discussion, that is my answer.

I am currently involved in a relationship where there is no pain dynamic, though I have had those types of relationships before.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

D/s is an integral part of who we are and what we do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

It's a foundation of how we interact, so I would say 24/7.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

I am *his* submissive. That's a big part of "who I am".

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

If I never had another mark on my body after play, I would live a perfectly happy life.

In terms of the D/s aspect, that is a *must* for me. It is the way I've found that I've had my most fulfilling relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

If he decided to no longer be the "Dominant party" in the relationship? It would be over.

He's the peanut butter to my jelly. I'm the milk to his oreo. Sure either can exist without the other-- but it's just not as tasty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

I doubt that I would have "great compatibility" with someone who was not dominant.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 14

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 9:24:25 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

There have been a lot of recent discussions about particular letters in our alphabet soup, and I figured it might be an interesting topics to bring them altogether. Just in case anyone doesn't know the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

Your first question is a bit confusing to me, I'm submissive so it is always a part of me. If you're talking kinky sex then that happens whenever my Owner is here.

Importance? The power exchange is everything to me, it is how I thrive and function best. Otherwise I tend to flounder in my own head too much.

When/where? Everywhere and all the time. I know a lot are bedroom only but I can't turn off my submissive personality.

As a part of me? Of course it is for me, it is how I am and who I am. It is what I am.

Disengaging? That would mean an end to our relationship, it would mean something is wrong because being Dominant IS his personality as being submissive IS mine.

Compatibility? Only as friends. Vanilla sex isn't enough for me, a lack of power exchange isn't enough for me.

Emotionally I have no other option unless I get a personality transplant lol. Being submissive, being a follower, wanting rules and boundaries set in place for me. Those are all huge facets of my personality.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 15

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 9:28:06 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

I'm a masochist and a slave. The role that it plays is that it makes me happy and it provides white hot arousal and an amazing sex life, where sometimes I feel aroused for weeks at a time. I would say it is part of who I am. I could live without most of it but not the kinky sex. I just couldn't be satisfied with a sex life that didn't involve some pain and submission.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 16

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 9:49:01 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

If you would have asked this 2 years ago, I would have said BDSM played a big part of my life as I was still involved.

2 years later, it plays no role as I am not seeing anyone.

More importantly, my priorities have changed drastically due to health issues.

Whereas before I would have said I could never be with someone who is not a Dom, now I realize I need someone who will be there for me, Dom or not.

I think when life kicks your teeth in, kink moves to the back burner.

Would I love a kinky Dom? Yeah, but only if he was first, a caring man.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 17

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 12:26:22 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

There have been a lot of recent discussions about particular letters in our alphabet soup, and I figured it might be an interesting topics to bring them altogether. Just in case anyone doesn't know the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

quote:

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

Currently? Only masochism. But for most of my life, I have explored every angle and engaged in all of those behaviors, though I did not enjoy the dominance part of the spectrum.

quote:

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

I lean toward submission with a partner that inspires it from me. I am always a masochist whether or not my partner fills that need.

quote:

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

All of my relationships have had some degree kink. Either it is a dom/sub, or a sadist/maso. So... I guess that is something in between.

quote:

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Yes I am ALWAYS masochistic. But I can have a fun time on the sadistic side with some partners. And the submissive part of me just emerges if I am dedicated to my partner.

quote:

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I can definitely live without bondage. I prefer being restrained by strength. I must indulge the maso side, but that I can do on my own.

quote:

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

Anyone I am with long term is there because I am emotionally tied to him. I can go without engaging in the "show" of d/s, it would make no difference because I am still submissive in personality to a partner I love. He would not need to express dominance. And kink? as I said before I can take care of my own masochistic needs.
So, with or without kink a partner who I am emotionally invested in can drop the kink with me and I would be ok with it.

quote:

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Yes. People are more important to me than kink
Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 18

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 1:34:00 PM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

Interesting questions, OP!

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

I've tried each aspect which is how I discovered I'm a Switch - both Dominant and submissive. I also discovered I am neither a sadist nor a masochist but I like playfulness with things like teasing and intensity.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

SO far down on my list of needs from a relationship! That is why I added a "vanilla hard limits" section to my extended profile which is posted in my journal. I would call BDSM a strong desire because I enjoy kink.

A need? Well, I require a partner with two sexual qualities - 1 - a high sex drive and - 2 - a passion to express it towards me. I like monogamy but am okay with adding others for a threesome or for an orgy. I would be bored by a guy who seeks new lovers independent of our relationship. While I understand the fun of "new and different," that can't replace a never-ending sexual exploration of each other. I need depth.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

I've been a 24/7 submissive. I've been a Domme on a more casual basis. Now that I know I'm a Switch, I seek a bedroom only relationship with another switch.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

No. This is not even close to being my primary identity. BDSM describes some of the ways in which I relate with some people, some of the time.

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I don't have a kink or a fetish that I feel compelled to fulfill. I just like them. However, I am respectful and accepting of those who do.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

Well, I guess it depends on their reason for making the change, which in my view, would be the more important part of that scenario. If it was not a deep issue and was simply a loss of interest or a switch to a new interest, then I expect I'd be accepting. I'm open to BDSM and I'm open to other ways of relating, too.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?
Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

I've never been very clear here about the meanings or the boundaries between a kinky vanilla relationship versus a BDSM relationship. I'm not new or unaware of terminology and dynamics, but there seems to be an overlap.
So, either all of my vanilla relationships have been kinky, or I've never had a vanilla relationship. LOL

I don't think I can even conceptualize what non-kinky sex would be like, so maybe that makes my answer, "No."

Another thought which kind of combines 3 of your questions:

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?
and
Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I think those who identify as having a primary identity as being solely dominant or solely submissive are describing a persistent fetish - a true need to be filled. This differs from those whose primary identity is as a human being among equals, who enjoys relating with dominance or submission within a specific relationship only. I think this difference will affect the way posters respond to the questions.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 19

RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/20/2015 3:56:26 PM

RebeccaR

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/22/2014
Status: offline

I used to be a professional submissive so Bdsm played a large part in my life.

Now I work in fetish/S&M films when the opportunities arise.

As to sex, for me it comes with an edge. Vanilla sex does little for me. Sex with Bdsm elements. (rough, forced etc)

Bdsm in one form or another has played a part in my life for a long time.

Rebecca

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 20

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