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crazyml -> RE: -=Money Pigs/FinDomery - real fetish or fake? (soapbox)=- (4/19/2015 3:26:36 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Awareness
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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
There is nothing sexier than having a man with a powerfully masculine presence turn out to be sexually submissive to the ONE woman he desires to be utterly devoted to. It's sexy and intoxicating. Wrong. What's sexier than that is a man who owns himself utterly and is immune to every attempt at manipulation you employ.
I suspect that when dreamlady said "there is nothing sexier", she was talking about her own preferences. It is a little bit silly to argue that her own preferences are wrong.
You have your preferences and beliefs, she has hers. And as long as neither of you descend into absurdly wild generalisations about the rest of the world neither of you is "wrong".
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Experience has taught me that even women who are ostensibly feminist ball-busters are helpless to stop themselves responding to dominant masculinity. Christ, I got supposed Dommes emailing me and asking permission to speak. There appear to be a substantial number of alleged "Dommes" whose dominance is more about exploiting the desperation of submissive men, than it is about doing what really yanks their crank.
Your experience is limited to... well ... your experience. I've been contacted by Dommes asking permission to speak as well but my broader experience is that a very significant proportion of Dommes are just that - Dominant women, comfy in their skins and perfectly ok with their role.
Yup, there are a substantial number of alleged "Dommes" who are setting out to exploit, there's no sensible denying that.
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I put FinDommes into that category. We don't have "RopeDommes" or "FloggerDommes" or "MedicalDommes", yet every woman who falls into this category announces herself as a FinDomme.
Why is that?
The answer, is advertising. FinDommes are fundamentally engaged in exploitative commerce. They're every bit as commercial as a ProDomme, they just deliver little to no value in return for sucking someone dry of filthy lucre.
All "commerce" can be described as "exploitative" if you really want to be pedantic. The whole point of commerce is to exploit a market demand.
Now, you may regard the services of a findomme as being of no value, and I'm pretty certain that you, like me, have never been remotely tempted to pay for the services of a findomme. But other people have other preferences, needs and wants. If a man wants to pay for the services of a findomme, and he receives the services that were advertised then I don't see it as exploitative in the pejorative sense at all, it's a transaction.
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If a woman was genuine, if this was simply an aspect of her fetish, she wouldn't feel the need to announce it up front. It'd simply be an aspect of her engagement with men. (And it's always men - women don't need to give away their money... ever wonder why that is?)
If a woman gets a kinky thrill from doing it, then it's her kink. If she doesn't but is simply providing a service to fulfil someone else's kink she's a sex worker. And I'm happy for her to be so. If she doesn't get a rush out of it, and is setting out to scam desperate people she's a scam artist.
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To call oneself a FinDomme is to cast a lure into the world of pathetic, weak-minded men. There's nothing even remotely genuine about it.
This is nonsense. The extent to which a "findomme" is genuine rather depend on what she says, and whether she keeps her word. If a findomme offers "x" in exchange for "y" and genuinely does provide "x" in return for "y" then there's nothing remotely ungenuine about it.
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And don't get me started on why regulating such things is important. Because a free market always produces losers. It's why we have to beat corporations into submission with regulation - because otherwise they do what's good for them, even if it means killing their customers. Regulation is necessary to change the game so that optimal strategies for corporations result in the best outcomes for consumers.
I don't disagree, the question then becomes "what regulation" and "how to enforce it"
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Similarly, failure to regulate gets you the kind of shitty community you have in Fetlife - a site dominated by "fetish models" (read wannabe porn actresses) and women attempting various strategies to exploit the losers who show up (the number of Amazon wish lists is fucking phenomenal).
The result is a community polluted by commerce, where opportunities for real, genuine, engagement are lost amidst a sea of prostitution. The community self-regulates in response to women exploited by men, why doesn't it self-regulate in response to men who are exploited by women?
I'm baffled by this "sea of prostitution"... I've no doubt that there's a lot of it about, but I just don't encounter it - largely, I think, because I subconsciously filter out dodgy profiles. It doesn't seem that difficult to do.
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