Fast Reply ( because it's too friggin' early for me to be fully awake yet )

quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet

I think it has a lot to do with most submissive men have very little experience with a dominant woman so they automatically assume that woman is alien to them, and they get into a rut of believing they either have to gear their conversations towards kink (the only thing they think they share in common) or they're too nervous to bring up anything and hope she leads the conversation.

I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be).

Applying to men of all ages, if they can't talk about sports <mega eyeroll>, business, or politics or some similarly mindlessly boring subject, they are often at a loss for words of any import.
(This can apply to women also insofar as current fashion trends, their latest diet fiasco, or gossipy-type subjects as being similarly mindless subjects, but that's not the topic here.)
Applying to younger-generation men, if it's not about gaming, YouTube wonders/talking heads, or what-have-you latest technology, their intellectual repertoire is severely limited. Oh, and music -- but that's a cool topic.

My point being, this is a systemic condition.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet

But those kinds of conversations are a rarity, and I treasure them when they do occur.

Yes, and not just about intellectual or profoundly mind-expanding or consciousness-raising subjects, although those are phenomenally fascinating. A man who is instinctively perceptive and attuned to the needs and desires of a woman, and can anticipate them without having to be given a connect-by-the-numbers, detailed instruction manual is a wonder to behold.

As an update, I'll take a moment to brag on my new boy or pet (haven't decided which, possibly both), as being sincerely sweet and upbeat no matter what, and he doesn't hold back on expressing his feelings appropriately. That's what I find to be a rarer quality that I value highly and makes our conversations flow naturally because we seem to connect on so many different levels.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be).

... snip...

My point being, this is a systemic condition.

quote:


Yes, and not just about intellectual or profoundly mind-expanding or consciousness-raising subjects, although those are phenomenally fascinating. A man who is instinctively perceptive and attuned to the needs and desires of a woman, and can anticipate them without having to be given a connect-by-the-numbers, detailed instruction manual is a wonder to behold.

quote:


As an update, I'll take a moment to brag on my new boy or pet (haven't decided which, possibly both), as being sincerely sweet and upbeat no matter what, and he doesn't hold back on expressing his feelings appropriately. That's what I find to be a rarer quality that I value highly and makes our conversations flow naturally because we seem to connect on so many different levels.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be).
... snip...
My point being, this is a systemic condition.

I have a completely different experience. Offline, I find that most men do know how to have a perfectly good conversation, and follow my lead when things stall.

I do think that sometimes they get tongue-tied, but a little push gets them rolling.

Online, is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I have this as well. It's an amazing feeling. Congratulations!

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
It's as if they can keep up the pretense of actually showing non-sexual interest for only so long, or project a false persona of pseudo-sophistication for roughly a couple of weeks, or even as long as a month before their not-that-well-hidden superficiality starts cracking at the seams.

They're too busy distracting themselves by trying to impress their dates with how physically fit they are with their daily exercise regimen by constantly referring to working out, how successful they are professionally and/or how educated they are, or when they see that their trappings of success don't impress me, that they find themselves at a loss to relate to a woman as a person.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I have this as well. It's an amazing feeling. Congratulations!

Nothing official, but a promising start, so thanks. Lucky you!

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Hmmm. I guess I am not understanding. I don't experience this. Sounds... interesting.

I find the opposite. I spend time with men, and they start talking to me about all manner of things, sometimes without stop. Like chatterboxes. Sometimes they say they tell me things they haven't told anyone, and seem shocked that they have...

In fact, most get much deeper, more quickly, than the female subs I interact with.

But mostly, they just talk.

I don't know about the facade and such. I find men are men, and different from women, but not that different. Interesting.

Possibly a regional variance? This Mid-Atlantic region is more of a melting pot. I find Southern men to be more outgoing, Eastern men to be more reserved, mid-Western is hard to say but they warm up fairly quickly. Western, besides a couple of business trips, I don't recall specific tendencies other than in the Southwest, a little rough around the edges, and Californians might as well come from another planet. Ah, there was a sexy hunk of a state trooper in Idaho who was so-oo romantic. Damn. Ok, that jolted me out of my fog of generalizations.

I also get the chatterboxes who confide their deepest, darkest secrets. It would depend on how approachable a woman is perceived to be, and how good a listener. They usually end up getting friend-zoned by me, though, and staying there.

OP seemed to be referring to those who have gotten closer than that, subs who should feel as though they have more of a green light than a mere passing acquaintance or someone you meet casually at a social gathering.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Hmmm. I guess I am not understanding. I don't experience this. Sounds... interesting.

I find the opposite. I spend time with men, and they start talking to me about all manner of things, sometimes without stop. Like chatterboxes. Sometimes they say they tell me things they haven't told anyone, and seem shocked that they have...

In fact, most get much deeper, more quickly, than the female subs I interact with.

But mostly, they just talk.

I don't know about the facade and such. I find men are men, and different from women, but not that different. Interesting.

Possibly a regional variance? This Mid-Atlantic region is more of a melting pot. I find Southern men to be more outgoing, Eastern men to be more reserved, mid-Western is hard to say but they warm up fairly quickly. Western, besides a couple of business trips, I don't recall specific tendencies other than in the Southwest, a little rough around the edges, and Californians might as well come from another planet. Ah, there was a sexy hunk of a state trooper in Idaho who was so-oo romantic. Damn. Ok, that jolted me out of my fog of generalizations.

quote:


I also get the chatterboxes who confide their deepest, darkest secrets. It would depend on how approachable a woman is perceived to be, and how good a listener. They usually end up getting friend-zoned by me, though, and staying there.

quote:


OP seemed to be referring to those who have gotten closer than that, subs who should feel as though they have more of a green light than a mere passing acquaintance or someone you meet casually at a social gathering.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
In the "getting to know you" phases of online and real life femdom/malesub interactions, I find the same rut occurs: I do all the asking (tell me about your hobbies, what made you laugh today, what do you think about x,y z in the news, etc) -- because getting to know the man behind the sub helps develop chemistry, etc. Plus, we are both people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

A sub has no idea how to act, until you tell them what you expect. With their ultimate goal of serving & pleasing their Dominant, they need to be instructed and guided early on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

A sub has no idea how to act, until you tell them what you expect. With their ultimate goal of serving & pleasing their Dominant, they need to be instructed and guided early on.

I actually fed into this idea at one point in my life. Until I came to the realization that I had *every* idea how to act-- which was, just like me. If a prospective Dom doesn't get it, then I know he's not for me, and we move on with our lives.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Good post but I do think this is very much an online problem.

sub male: "Its so good to see you here again"

Domme: "you too, hows life treating you? "

sub male: "My heads been all over the place, I sooooo need taking in hand"

Domme: "Well my week was pretty shitty too, my dog died and as if that wasn't bad enough, I lost my job"

sub male: "I think I really need a spanking, I'm sure that would straighten my head out"

Domme: "Did you hear what I just said prior to your last comment?"

sub male...long pause ....

sub male: "yes"

Domme: "Do you think I'm just here as your service provider ?!?!"

sub male "I'm really sorry to hear about your job Ma'am and its sad that your little dog died"

Domme "Well he was an old loyal friend and I'll miss him but he had a good life so.... As for losing my job, I'm still smarting about that one"

sub male "I could be your puppy dog Ma'am. I'm sure it would cheer you up if you could make me wear a puppy dogs tail"

Domme...this person has signed out...

This was an example btw but would like to add that my dog didn't die and I didn't lose my job! but this is the sort of short lived pointless conversations I far too often find myself having with submissive guys online. They rarely get to know me, they seldom notice my irritation (or maybe my irritation just excites them more )I certainly wouldn't consider investing any time in getting to know them better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

IME, most people like talking about themselves and what they enjoy. Heck, if it's sports or politics, what's the issue? If I don't enjoy it, I have the option to move on. There are some people that bond over these things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
No problemo if somebody is into sports and/or politics, then they should converse with someone else who is also. All things being equal, if that were attainable realistically, talkative people will talk about what they enjoy, but there's a difference between seeking out an audience and truly wanting to interact on a meaningful level with another person, regardless of who it is. Btw, I have friends I can discuss this type of stuff with so it's not on my list of priorities in finding a sub who would be compatible with me. With any man I might be interested in, I would be seeking to establish a basis for intimacy to bring him into my inner circle, rather than engage with him as a friend only. It's romantic compatibility that has to be established first, then companionship potential, then making sure all the pertinent deal breaker issues have been addressed before assessing sexual compatibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

I can understand (and empathize with) the frustration with being viewed as a "kink delivery system".

Just out of curiosity, what, to you, constitutes "interaction on a meaningful level"? What sort of topics would fall under that umbrella?

To keep myself on track , I'll draw from the priorities I'd listed:

1. Romantic Compatibility - Is being a romantic partner and mate what this man is seeking in a committed, exclusive LTR? If I sense any sign that it isn't or if he shows signs of waffling, then I won't consider him. He can talk a good talk, but in the course of discussing his track record in previous relationships and how long they endured, I want him to be forthcoming with information and not have to conduct an interrogation session in order to extract his biographical info.

Example of Meaningful: I was married for 17 years but then my wife cheated on me, and I would have taken her back, but she ended up marrying that guy. It was hard on our daughter, who was 16 at the time. (He's opened up to me. I can feel his pain. The underlying reason for his ex-wife's dissatisfaction will make the wheels in my head spin to find out more, but that can wait until later on when we've gotten to know one another better.)

Example of NOT Meaningful: I'm divorced and I'm looking for a Mistress who will punish me when I deserve it.

2. Companionship Potential
3. Assessing Deal Breakers
4. Sexual Compatibility

I decided to spare you my other examples, littleladybug, because I think you get the gist of it! Hopefully. Personally meaningful information that reveals more about his character and personality, whether this is someone I would want in my life. Showing that he wants to know me at a more profound level that just statistical data. Going that extra step like my current sub under consideration did to find out more about me on his own or by doing his homework once I started throwing him a bread crumb trail.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Every now and then someone will stand out from the crowd with a more 3 dimensional interest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

AAkasha, I never understood that either. I always assume that a straight female Domme and a straight male sub (and for that matter a straight male Domme and a female sub) will be more or less compatible in kink play, and that the huge question is vanilla compatibility. So why not focus on the place where compatibility needs to be determined?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

I love this thread.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Hello Ma'am, how are you? How is life treating you?
I really care about you, and want to be a comfort and support to you. I want to serve you, and make your life better. I want to make you happy!
PLEASE tell me how you are doing?

Dominant Woman: Well, since you asked, and want to be a comfort, I will tell you the truth.
My life is in falling apart, I have stress in almost every area. I just lost my home, my job, everyone in my family is sick, I think I might have 5 diseases, I am living in my car and in a shelter, and I am not sure where my next meal is coming from.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Are you into cuckolding and can you force me to suck a dick? Can you make me dress up like a woman and put a big dill pickle in my ass?

Dominant Woman: Did you read what I just typed?

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Yes, you have a few problems.
What are you going to do to me? Do you wear high heeled-boots and leather?
How big are your dildo's?

Dominant Woman: All my clothes were burned up when the shelter caught on fire, I am wearing some donated overalls. I lost all my earthly possessions.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Do you wear really high heels? Do you have a dungeon? What are you going to do to me when we meet?