boytoymax -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (4/28/2015 8:03:51 PM)
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Quiet Submissive... This surprises me. I'm always interested in everything about the Woman I hope to submit to/serve/play with. Perhaps part of it comes from a love of creating elaborate fantasy stories. In my head or written down, and I like to know the details. Besides that I to agree it's nice to get to know the person behind the Dom. Also how else can you give a thoughtful gift if you have nothing to be thoughtful about. For instance the Goddess I am involved with has a pug, loves the color blue, and loves socks. I saw some adorable blue socks that had a pug graphic on them, so it made a wonderful thoughtful gift. It was a gift about knowing her, and not just something I could throw money at. While I'm no starving student, I'm by no means a rich man. That being said it is rare that I have a conversation about nothing but her interests outside of kink. I would love that actually, but it's not a strictly lifestyle relationship. I wouldn't call her a Pro Dom, in that it's not the main focus of her professional life. I could babble for a bit, but the main point is the lines are blurred. I think this can be common when it comes to D/S relationships, especially when they are born online. To a large degree it's what I like about D/S relationships, We make our own rules. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes it can be just as complex as in the Vanilla world. We all know in any good D/s relationship there is negotiation. That said it can be hard to get to that open space. Do I ask about everything I normally would? I think the kink conversations flow more naturally, because it's the foot we lead with. When we say D/s relationship, most people think about the sex instead of the power exchange. When I was younger or greener, I admit I was way more curious and talkative about the sex. I didn't even really understand the power exchange, trust, and intimacy that was going on. These days the later is much more important to me than the former, of course I want both. So let's get a bit on point. 1. What can you do to improve the conversation without feeling like your simply creating a forced activity. I'm sure with some guys there really is nothing to be done. Move on or simply get what you want from that pretty piece of meat, but unfortunately he's got nothing between the ears. He might also just not be able to get to that place. You've been in this life for a long time, he might be just opening a part of him he didn't know even existed, or had been denying for a long time. The only thing I can think of is lay out the general guidelines of the sandbox. Just because you will enjoy treating us like an object doesn't mean it isn't better for you if there is the other side to it as well. Remind us that a lot of the parts of a normal relationship apply as well. Just because your going to degrade us doesn't mean you want it to be a 1 dimensional relationship. Feedback. I love feedback. What can I say, I like a moaner. I don't like it when she holds back. Even if it's just a contented sigh, I'm always in need of feedback. I mean how the hell do I really know if that's what she likes or desires if there is no response. Just like when it comes down to going down on a woman. Without feedback it can be near impossible to figure out what she likes. We can't read minds.. sadly.. It could easily just be talking about a situation where a sub had learned about something about you and that contributed to the scene. Perhaps they still won't get it. 2. Why are you like that Mr. Submissive? Honestly I don't think I'm like that. Although looking back I think I was. Which brings us to the first possible answer. This is all so new to me: Part of it was inexperience and the bad ratio you see online. A few female doms, and a sea of submissive men. When your hunting unicorns, you don't beat a loud path. Your slow, methodical, and quiet. You don't know what to do, so interest equates to stay the course. If it ain't broke don't fix it. The conversation seems to be going well, we feel submissive, we think things are going well. We have trouble knowing that the chemistry isn't really there. We don't realize how this wild and crazy world even fits in with normal life. It becomes all about the second life, not how does this become a part of my life. The fantasy takes over the reality and so all the mundane day to day parts are uninteresting to us. We don't understand. We don’t know. The best part can be sensing just by how she's standing, or looking at you that you'd best be on your knees now. She wants to take control and your realization of that without a direct command becomes part of the intimacy that makes the chemistry, that makes it amazing. That reaction will pull you down so hard, and launches her into the stratosphere.. the heat.. well you know. Being able to predict what a woman desires and give it to her is good. Being about to predict her wants are even better. Be able to predict her needs, and your golden. It would ruin the Mystery: This most certainly isn’t me, but I could see how it would be for some. By learning all about you, the mystery goes away. They see your normal side, they see you as the girl they grew up with. They no longer see you as this mysterious amazing dominant woman who brings them to their knees and turns them into a cock hungry whore ready to be humiliated. I don’t know why it doesn’t have the effect of this: If she can seem like a normal everyday woman, than the normal everyday woman I know from down the street might also enjoy making me clean her feet with my tongue while I wear her used panties… my two cents.. or a bit more... Hope it helps. btm
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