RE: "Control" your life

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: "Control" your life

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "Control" your life

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: "Control" your life - 8/1/2015 12:18:56 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/7/2008
Status: offline

I don't find "having your shit together" to be fanciful, but it may be that my definition is different. What it means to me is being reasonably financially stable, having the means to support yourself- whether it be in a house, apartment, or mansion. A Porsche, a Dodge, or a Hyundai.

Have some relatively stable source of income, have some kind of profession or trade that can garner an income. Basically, it means to me not being a bum lol

I mean the men I've met have fallen in the latter category- but they have been the ones that have been sexually extreme in the way that my desires run.

I met one exception of a Man- our sexual connection was perfect, we were on fire in the few short months it lasted. So he was rough and controlling with me, but at the same time, he had had two successful careers and was beginning a third. He had goals and ambitions, took care of his health and his home. (This might beg the question why we're not together and one reason is because he already had a slave and while it was intended to work as a poly situation, she was not quite on board.)

So, Throstle, what does "together" mean to you? I have a feeling it must mean something other than what it does to me. Would you share?

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 4:18:50 AM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: themuseling

I think that the phrasing perhaps means controlling external influences to the extent of not letting them swamp. Which of course, can and does happen with even the most careful planning and number of precautions taken.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by: "not letting them swamp". So, that would have to be explained in more detail.

I do think it's fair to say, however, that some people are more in control of their lives than others. So the comment to which the OP referred does have some relevance.

But, no, there's not a person walking this earth that is fully in control of his/her life; it couldn't possibly be the case.

I would certainly not agree that 'having your shit together' has anything to do with the material things in life, however.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to themuseling)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 4:46:16 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

I agree with the person quoted. It's really not that hard to have a settled, well-organised life and, if a person does find it that hard to control their own life, why on earth would any submissive want to let them wreck another life too?

I have occasionally spoken to 'Doms' whose lives were absolute train wrecks - no job, no social skills, home looked like a rubbish tip, couldn't even seem to master the basics of staying clean and tidy, or looking after any pets they owned. Whenever they spoke about exes, they had clearly mismanaged the relationship right from the start, had completely unreasonable expectations of the other party and then totally blamed them for any break up. They never showed an ounce of taking responsibility for anything that had happened. Yet they fully seemed to believe they had the right to 'control' someone else. What a joke!

I think this sums it up nicely.

No need for you guys to go philosophical about the nature of control. I'm sure the fet comment in question was referring to having one's shit in order.

Bingo. "Having one's shit in order" pretty much nails it for me.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Cell)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 4:52:20 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I like this definition (so TY whirliegirlie):

quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedAWhirlie

I don't find "having your shit together" to be fanciful, but it may be that my definition is different. What it means to me is being reasonably financially stable, having the means to support yourself- whether it be in a house, apartment, or mansion. A Porsche, a Dodge, or a Hyundai.

Have some relatively stable source of income, have some kind of profession or trade that can garner an income. Basically, it means to me not being a bum lol

There are many online (and real time as well) Doms who think their sub should support THEM. To each his own and all, but for me, a man who can't support himself isn't together enough for me to want to turn over the reins of control.

Just that simple.

_____________________________

(in reply to NeedAWhirlie)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 9:11:31 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

I have My shit together...I had the neighbor bring over his tractor, we piled all the shit sky high, then covered it with a thick layer of white clay. It steamed for days and actually SMOKED at one point. Yep, got My shit UNDER CONTROL!

Wait...was that what the OP was talking about?

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 1:53:14 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Control.

You do not have control over life.

I used to totally have my shit together in terms of career, social life, ec.

Then I got sick. It changed everything in the past two years.

What it did not change, and actually improved, believe it or not, was my ability to respond to traumatic events and everyday issues.

If you met me now, I don't look or act like I'm sick and I handle my shit....with a new perspective on life, people, who are true friends and most of all, what's important. I will not allow any extraneous bullshit into my life.

Now, when it comes to men, in many cases, I actually experienced the opposite of what women here are saying. Men I met who had a high powered job and were highly educated, acted irrationally, had anger issues or were sociopaths.

The men in blue collar jobs I was involved with, mostly were smart and had less stress, so they were better able to handle my prior level of my former highly stressful job. I am not making any generalizations about professions.

So to me, I don't care what job you have as long as you know how to handle yourself, me and situations with grace, self control and strength.

Like I have to.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 2:22:16 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/21/2015
Status: offline

To Need a Whilie,
Whilst making your way in the world and standing on your own two feet is a given, being "Together" in one's mind is a tenuous concept.
If it isn't then why is life worthwhile?
I struggle with all sorts of demons, stresses, worries and shortcomings. I am only human.
I re assert that a D/S relationship or whatever you like to call it is exclusive of any "Shit". It is intimate and exclusive to two people only and they don't need the voice of pompous and overbearing censor.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 3:24:10 PM

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Ideals are wonderful, but I'm human and I have flaws. I get frustrated and angry and I might act out in it, when I normally don't. My life is balanced, but I do and can become less wonderful. Expecting perfection is unrealistic in my life. I'm flawed in some way, but I am a woman, dominant, friend and person and some think I'm wonderful, even if I might blow from time to time.

I can make plans for life, but it has other plans. I make the best of it, but I might cry and want to stomp my feet. I might lay down and take a time out for a couple days. I might get right to it and handle it. It all depends. I tend to do the right thing, but I may have a reaction and I can guarantee I will at some point.

Dominant doesn't mean perfect and when it does, I would expect it to also mean, anal. Flow with life, expect it all with good and bad and be as smart and balanced as you can be, while gaining the respect of those around you can be a part of dominance, but I would expect a submissive to be the same.

Mia

I think she nailed most of it.

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 3:44:18 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

I've met lots of people in real life and online who struggle with substance addiction, have severe weight problems they whine to everyone about but are unwilling to TAKE STEPS to fix, and who actively invite drama (get themselves into PREVENTABLE situations and repeatedly make so-called "friends" with "Jerry Springer show" type people who cause it). Their lives are often tumultuous, their homes prone to loud arguments, and police know them well because of this. These are the type of people who will suck you into their drama if you get too close.

I have to say I do agree with people who want to AVOID this. Until someone gets these problems in their life dealt with, it's not a healthy environment into which they could RESPONSIBLY bring a new person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

This morning I was surfing around Fet and I saw someone had on their fetish list "Can't control your life? yer not a Dom"

Now.....I understand how someone can have self-control, and I understand how someone can have control over another person, an animal or even an object like a car (or whip!).... but how does one have control over life when we all know that "shit happens" that no one has any control over? Is it truly possible to control your life, or is this concept just an illusion?

(in reply to smileforme50)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/2/2015 4:55:12 PM

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

People think i dont have control over my life because i dont have a stable job, and i find paying $2000 a month for an apartment in the ghetto to be ridiculous.

Based on peoples assumptions i would assume i have a completely different idea of having control over your life than other people... but based on what people say it doesnt sound entirely different...

Control for me is not having emotional outbursts, not complaining, if i see a problem i fix it.

I also see all drugs including perscription as a sign of an inability to control yourself

I see debt as an inabilty to control yourself as well.. this is probably where i differ from most. People are taught to accrue vast student loans, hope they can find a job that covers interest, if they manage that they get married and add child support garnishments to their future. We have taught society that the only way to survive is to enslave yourself and hope you can keep it together at least for your lifetime.

So i work an average of 5 days a month.... my daddy works 13 hours a day.... i have more money in the bank than him. Because ive based my life around my own freedom. I dont consider forcing myself to do something i hate all day as control, i see control as making it possible to not have to do things you dont want.

There are some areas i lack control, finding things to do is one of them.... i finish things too quickly and am constantly running out of ideas for what to do/learn next.... one of my favorite things about bdsm was doms would give you lists of things to do until they ran out of ideas too...

That is the one area i feel helpless, or like i cant control the outcome.... having to find a constant influx of things to do is tiring.... if only you could hire someone to give you things to do.... at least daddy said he wants me to teach him calculus so i have that for a little bit.

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 4:44:08 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

Oh and I nearly forgot: the grown men (age 30 or so) still dependent and living with their moms, who claim to be Dominant and superior to women (whom they have to borrow money from to pay for the date, and even gas to get to their part time minimum wage job). Watch out for that type. They are usually just looking for a punching bag on which to take out their frustrations and Mommy issues...even if they aren't they certainly can't Manage and Lead a relationship.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 5:01:33 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit
There are some areas i lack control, finding things to do is one of them.... i finish things too quickly and am constantly running out of ideas for what to do/learn next.... one of my favorite things about bdsm was doms would give you lists of things to do until they ran out of ideas too...

That is the one area i feel helpless, or like i cant control the outcome.... having to find a constant influx of things to do is tiring.... if only you could hire someone to give you things to do.... at least daddy said he wants me to teach him calculus so i have that for a little bit.

Never a problem here, and you are welcome to come here if He will lend you out. As soon as one Project is finished three more pop up, Mother Nature plays havoc with well-laid plans so W/we have to ADAPT. Paint all morning then it rains unexpectedly at lunch time. W/we carefully prepare an area for growing rare trees, and a mother turtle decides to lay eggs there. I'm having to HIRE people to get caught up. I even had the DOT working for Me yesterday. They were SUPPOSED to be grading and digging up the road margins but I had them landscaping and leveling My driveway, telling them "WRONG, that goes over THERE, not beside the flower bed!" The foreman told Me I could SMACK THEM if they did it wrong...his crew grinned and said, "Yes, PLEASE!" (Oh, if they only KNEW, LOL)

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 8/4/2015 5:21:05 AM >

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 9:01:29 AM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Throstle

To Need a Whilie,
Whilst making your way in the world and standing on your own two feet is a given, being "Together" in one's mind is a tenuous concept.
If it isn't then why is life worthwhile?
I struggle with all sorts of demons, stresses, worries and shortcomings. I am only human.
I re assert that a D/S relationship or whatever you like to call it is exclusive of any "Shit". It is intimate and exclusive to two people only and they don't need the voice of pompous and overbearing censor.

So do you think I was being pompous or overbearing when i brushed off the guy who told me he was starting a job in my city in three days and asked if I needed a live-in dom? That screamed to me of a man who did not have his shit together. That is very different from just dealing with daily issues that all humans deal with. No one ever feels like they completely have their shit together, I don't think, but the fact is that some handle what life throws at them better than others, and I have run across a lot of men in this lifestyle that fit into the latter category but are of the opinion that they are capable of assuming certain degrees of control over a submissive. And I think that's what the person who wrote the Fet comment in the OP was referencing.

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 10:19:36 AM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

I agree with the person quoted. It's really not that hard to have a settled, well-organised life and, if a person does find it that hard to control their own life, why on earth would any submissive want to let them wreck another life too?

I have occasionally spoken to 'Doms' whose lives were absolute train wrecks - no job, no social skills, home looked like a rubbish tip, couldn't even seem to master the basics of staying clean and tidy, or looking after any pets they owned. Whenever they spoke about exes, they had clearly mismanaged the relationship right from the start, had completely unreasonable expectations of the other party and then totally blamed them for any break up. They never showed an ounce of taking responsibility for anything that had happened. Yet they fully seemed to believe they had the right to 'control' someone else. What a joke!

I think this sums it up nicely.

No need for you guys to go philosophical about the nature of control. I'm sure the fet comment in question was referring to having one's shit in order.

Bingo. "Having one's shit in order" pretty much nails it for me.

"Having one's shit together" means being a reasonable human being as far I'm concerned. You could live in a hole in the ground but quite comfortably: "have your shit together".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 10:50:15 AM

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I'm not sure it's an issue of being able to control another when someone can't even manage his own life. And for sure, men who want to control a submissive but whose own lives are train wrecks like the man you just turned down proliferate here and in real life. It might just be that people whose lives are an out-of-control mess are simply unattractive as prospective partners, both long and short term. This explanation might also account for how defensive some folks on here seem to be over your stance (a stance I share).

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 12:09:37 PM

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

When someone you have no relationship with and you feel no overwhelming spark, asks you for a place to stay in starting his job, WS . . . you pass because you're not a meal ticket for an unknown.

quote:

Wayward5oul post 33: So do you think I was being pompous or overbearing when i brushed off the guy who told me he was starting a job in my city in three days and asked if I needed a live-in dom? That screamed to me of a man who did not have his shit together.

Motive is self-protection, motive is not that he doesn't have his shit together. He could likely be a con artist with his shit very much together.
No offense at all WS. . . you certainly did the right thing, but trying to fit it into a wrong thread about suitors controlling themselves.

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 1:42:22 PM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm
No offense at all WS. . . you certainly did the right thing, but trying to fit it into a wrong thread about suitors controlling themselves.

I disagree. What started the whole thread was a fetish found on Fet's fetish list, that states "can'take control your life? Yet not a dom". That isn't a statement referring only to suitors controlling themselves. That's a general statement about men who identify as dominant, and what impression people can get of those men that do not appear to even be able to handle their own life, much less someone else's. My response was to show a real-life example of someone who presents as that.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/4/2015 4:38:54 PM

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit
There are some areas i lack control, finding things to do is one of them.... i finish things too quickly and am constantly running out of ideas for what to do/learn next.... one of my favorite things about bdsm was doms would give you lists of things to do until they ran out of ideas too...

That is the one area i feel helpless, or like i cant control the outcome.... having to find a constant influx of things to do is tiring.... if only you could hire someone to give you things to do.... at least daddy said he wants me to teach him calculus so i have that for a little bit.

Never a problem here, and you are welcome to come here if He will lend you out. As soon as one Project is finished three more pop up, Mother Nature plays havoc with well-laid plans so W/we have to ADAPT. Paint all morning then it rains unexpectedly at lunch time. W/we carefully prepare an area for growing rare trees, and a mother turtle decides to lay eggs there. I'm having to HIRE people to get caught up. I even had the DOT working for Me yesterday. They were SUPPOSED to be grading and digging up the road margins but I had them landscaping and leveling My driveway, telling them "WRONG, that goes over THERE, not beside the flower bed!" The foreman told Me I could SMACK THEM if they did it wrong...his crew grinned and said, "Yes, PLEASE!" (Oh, if they only KNEW, LOL)

Sounds fun! He doesn't loan me out though. I lived in the country when I was little. Grew up working on farms and ranches, there was always stuff to be done.... now people compete for the right to do nothing, create meaningless busy work. Everyone I know who has a lot to do is just really bad at managing their time. Daddy will drive between different locations instead of planning it all in one trip, my mother says she works all day but but doesnt count that she gets up and yells "I have so much to do!" Every 5 minutes. A guy agreed to give me 6 months rent for remodelling his kitchen and when I finished in 3 months my stuff was on the porch so im pretty sure people do things slowly on purpose so they can keep their jobs lol

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 1:45:07 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

Throstle (post 20 & 27) says consenting adults shouldn't be discouraged from agreeing to a D/S relationship merely b/c of life deficiencies. Simple, creative and intelligent point of view. He replied to NeedAWhirlie and SexyRed. He did not point to you Wayward5oul, and you knew it. But he called conventionalists pompous and overbearing. LOL. You chose to react to him.

quote:

Wayward5oul post 33: So do you think I was being pompous or overbearing when i brushed off the guy who told me he was starting a job in my city in three days and asked if I needed a live-in dom? That screamed to me of a man who did not have his shit together.

First, you have completely ignored Throstle's intriguing point. That D/S is not limited to together people.
Second, your example does not substantiate your own viewpoint. b/c seeking a place to stay does not 'present' much less establish, that a person cannot handle their life. There may be examples, where a person reveals that they cannot handle their life, but the one we are discussing, is not one.

quote:

Wayward5oul post 37: I disagree. What started the whole thread was a fetish found on Fet's fetish list, that states "can'take control your life? Yet not a dom". That isn't a statement referring only to suitors controlling themselves. That's a general statement about men who identify as dominant, and what impression people can get of those men that do not appear to even be able to handle their own life, much less someone else's. My response was to show a real-life example of someone who presents as that.

Yeah, except, wanting a place to stay does not 'present' as unable to control. Even wanting a free ride doesn't 'present' as unable to control. (Else Findoms are unable to control.)
But frankly Throstles point is far more interesting than this bs. In other words. . is D/S limited to persons of means and stable address? Likely not.
Again, your personal choice is not what is in question. What we pontificate about it later, is. Motivation is self-protection. Motivation is not that you have gazed into the psychie of this suitor.
BTW Wayward, we are successful and well situated doms, who like wonder woman pictures and need a vacation;);) Would you be interested in some live-in doms? LOL

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 8/5/2015 2:27:18 AM >

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 2:17:10 AM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

But frankly Throstles point is far more interesting than this bs. In other words. . is D/S limited to persons of means and stable address?

I would say this is merely stating the obvious, as opposed to having any claim to being an interesting discussion topic.

Clearly certain societies prize certain values or conditions, one of which in the Western world is Materialism.

It's no more than a social norm and holds no bearing on an individual's ability to be dominant, submissive or anything else. Unless of course your partner is in it because he or she craves financial stability.

This social norm is a very narrow view of what it means to be a human being and the best of what a human being has to offer.

My personal opinion is that financial stability is simply not an indicator of 'having your shit together'. Through work I know plenty of people who have more money than they could possibly know what to do with, and I've seen some of these people in action and they have no heart and are bordering on the wrong side of being psychopaths.

You could have all the money in the world, but you may as well be dead in the event you have no heart.

To me, 'having your shit together' means being a warm, generous, empathetic, reasonable, mentally stable human being.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 8/5/2015 2:18:22 AM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "Control" your life

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.133