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RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 2:47:07 AM

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NorthernGent, for you to say that Throstle was 'obvious' is one way to put it. But Wayward did not answer him that way. You're a person of developed historical perspective, NG. We've heard that truths are first said to be incoherent, then said to conflict with the Bible, then said to have been self-evident and known all along LOL.
On this subject, you are at level three. Much of the rest of the thread was proceeding at level one. Like it or not, it was Throstle who rocked the complacency, not us. That's where the credit belongs.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 8/5/2015 3:42:25 AM >

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The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 6:15:34 AM

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I cite this link.
http://www.totaljobs.com/JobSearch/JobDetails.aspx?JobId=63201048&Keywords=&Industry=4&JobType1=40&linktype=PositionConstruction&PageNum=2
While "Sadomasochists are not psychopaths" they are neither Alpha Males or fawning female submissives.
It is perfectly possible for them to be plain, kinky and craving of sexual excitement.
I reiterate there is no need of all this overbearing guff that so called experts continually stream at us, just the trust and loyalty of two people.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 6:17:26 AM

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Oooops!! Please ignore the above link. my computer is open at several pages.
The link should be;

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201408/the-psychology-sadomasochism

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 6:54:03 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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It's good you are looking for a job, LOL...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Throstle
I cite this link.
http://www.totaljobs.com/JobSearch/JobDetails.aspx?JobId=63201048&Keywords=&Industry=4&JobType1=40&linktype=PositionConstruction&PageNum=2
While "Sadomasochists are not psychopaths" they are neither Alpha Males or fawning female submissives.
It is perfectly possible for them to be plain, kinky and craving of sexual excitement.
I reiterate there is no need of all this overbearing guff that so called experts continually stream at us, just the trust and loyalty of two people.

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 7:01:22 AM

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Thank you. You may care to know that I have been self employed at the sharp end of construction since 1982.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 7:32:21 AM

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I think there are two sides to this:

1. Does a dominant nee to have everything in order to be able to dominate another?
No. Very few dominants are rich, or even out-of-debt 100%. Very few do not have any personal issues. Very few have no emotional triggers. Very few are perfectly fit. Subtract each from the previous, and your group will get smaller and smaller, until there is one dominant for every 1,000,000,000 subs, if that.

You need not be perfect to dominate another. No one is perfect, after all. And dominants grow in their roles, as well as subs. Many people become better for having taken on responsibility.

2. Does a dominant need control to be able to dominate another?
To my eye, yes, to do it well. A good dominant controls their reactions, and choose how and when to respond for the best effect. A good dominant is not impulsive 100% of the time, and knows that they have taken on responsibility for another, and gives that the depth of consideration it needs.

So, I can see both sides of the discussion.

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(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 8:15:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I'm not sure it's an issue of being able to control another when someone can't even manage his own life. And for sure, men who want to control a submissive but whose own lives are train wrecks like the man you just turned down proliferate here and in real life. It might just be that people whose lives are an out-of-control mess are simply unattractive as prospective partners, both long and short term.

In my vanilla life I have dated the ones whose lives seem out of control. I still go out with people like that now, but its always short term. I have no intention of letting those people influence how I handle my own life. And I always keep it vanilla with them. I could never see them as a potential dom, even when they try for that, because of what I know of the way they handle their life.

I guess what I am saying is that I won't necessarily rule out casual, vanilla dating with someone that doesn't have their shit together. They would never be in a position to exert dominance over me or any aspect of my life, they would just be someone that I could have fun and friendship with. However, if i am viewing someone as a potential dom, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 8:17:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I think there are two sides to this:

1. Does a dominant nee to have everything in order to be able to dominate another?
No. Very few dominants are rich, or even out-of-debt 100%. Very few do not have any personal issues. Very few have no emotional triggers. Very few are perfectly fit. Subtract each from the previous, and your group will get smaller and smaller, until there is one dominant for every 1,000,000,000 subs, if that.

You need not be perfect to dominate another. No one is perfect, after all. And dominants grow in their roles, as well as subs. Many people become better for having taken on responsibility.

2. Does a dominant need control to be able to dominate another?
To my eye, yes, to do it well. A good dominant controls their reactions, and choose how and when to respond for the best effect. A good dominant is not impulsive 100% of the time, and knows that they have taken on responsibility for another, and gives that the depth of consideration it needs.

So, I can see both sides of the discussion.

Yes to all of this.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 8:19:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
"Having one's shit together" means being a reasonable human being as far I'm concerned. You could live in a hole in the ground but quite comfortably: "have your shit together".

Agreed.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/5/2015 8:39:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm
Throstle (post 20 & 27) says consenting adults shouldn't be discouraged from agreeing to a D/S relationship merely b/c of life deficiencies. Simple, creative and intelligent point of view. He replied to NeedAWhirlie and SexyRed. He did not point to you Wayward5oul, and you knew it.

And I did not point to you, I pointed at Throstle. And you knew it. Yet here you are...

quote:

But he called conventionalists pompous and overbearing. LOL. You chose to react to him.

What I chose to do was ask him a question related to what he had stated previously in thread. His response to that may have led to better understanding on either his part or my part, or both parts, about what we are saying here. Or it may not have. I don't know, because there hasn't been a response.

quote:

First, you have completely ignored Throstle's intriguing point. That D/S is not limited to together people.

Again, that is something that he and I can flesh out with further discussion, which I was trying to get. I doubt he needs you to do his speaking for him.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/6/2015 1:03:54 AM

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Great post

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RE: "Control" your life - 8/9/2015 9:23:43 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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^I agree.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/10/2015 4:32:11 AM

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Thanks, Ladies! *smiles*

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RE: "Control" your life - 8/10/2015 6:44:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedestDesires

the site has no verification system my recollection is 1000 of all my mailers, who mailed I, then a mere 3 (none form the UK) have been single with a provable reality

which makes me less than 1% relevant or all of the rest

I'm not sure what this means at all.

If you had said, the irrelevant cannot be inveigled by the irreverent, then we would have had something to talk about (most in agreeable terms).

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

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RE: "Control" your life - 8/11/2015 9:08:52 AM

MatureSpaiosexul

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He/She did it to me!!!
or
They did what they did and YOU decided/choose your reaction.

But I had to feel/react blah blah

Really?

I got my shit together and it stunk so much I had to walk away.

Twisted Soul Wonderwoman pic: What if this totally untogether dom shows up and it is magical? Well let's check my list. Nope magic cannot happen I even check my making magic handbook.

I have been a millionaire 4 times. I never made the money. In every case, my idea, my company and in walks some totally inexperienced girl with no skills and I go OK sure let's see how you do.

My most memorable was a 23 year old JAP, fresh out of college, full of the theories of how it should work. She had never had a job. Clarify: I mean never even babysat, or sold retail during Christmas, nothing.

She wants to be my assistant. We are pitching IBM. I have swung 4 times and they are "This is great! Let's talk about this some more."

We are walking into the 5th meeting and I turn to Totally Clueless and say, "You do this one." She is WTF??? I don't know what to say!!! (Like I do? I mean I do and have said it four times to total fail)

Walks in and says, You people are stupid. Health insurance is like fixing the truck after it breaks. If your man maintaining your fleet waited for a vehicle to break before he did anything, you would fire him.

You just lost a 100 million dollar merger because your guy dropped dead of a heart attack 4 days before the deal closed and that company was NOT in love with IBM, they were in love with that guy.

We change the oil and rotate the tires. We give you health assurance. Sign here.

NOW I am WTF?!?! She does not explain what we do, but he signs. We billed IBM 5 million dollars that year. Stupid, dumb totally didn't have her shit together chick did that.

My idea, her totally unbusinesslike bitch slap and I am a millionaire.

So do I have my shit together? NO. My tuxedo and custom made suits, silk pants and silk shirts are in a fucking suitcase in Japan, The other suitcase with the rest of my shit, my so together way above GQ in India. I own 4 shirts, two pants 4 shorts and I wear 1 pair of shorts and 2 shirts which are identical.

Income: I have no fucking idea. There is food in my fridge. Bed is here, sheets are clean. I am Not dead yet, I am in fact so fucking far from not being dead it is silly. I dance 20 and 30 year olds into the ground.

On paper? Oh this is a loser. No debt, no house, no car, OK I have a job, but no office, no boss, I used to own a watch. I discovered it always told me it is NOW. threw it away.

If you are coming for the custom made suits. Stay home
if you are coming for the 47,000 square foot house on a bluff with a vista view. Stay home

If you are coming for a guy who has done shit you have dreamed of and as soon as you get a Round Tuit maybe you'll do it to, go get a round tuit or come and hang out with me.

We all hear and believe sex is 98% between the ears, but I am stunned at how many people are looking at the cover and never opening the book.

a few years back, I had two women I was talking too. Born 4 days apart. They pushed about my age. So finally I told them. One left because I was too old. One because I was too young, neither had been in the room with me. "But I checked my list! I'm sure I was right!!!!"

Twisted Soul what if that guy was the dom of all doms for YOU. What if YOU could make him Have his shit together? What if you two in the room was the magic?

I feel like too often I am reading a group of accountants tallying up the assests, then running down some check list.

I was in the Kobe quake. Right before it I had to live away from my wife and children 4 days a week. It sucked. I said WTF am I doing this for. This new school barely made ends meet.
Quake 250K USD gone, shit little not making ends school left, but out of quake zone and so we go

Now my wife and I are in the same place and students start to show up, no change in advertising, no new people in town, just they are coming throwing money on the table. Within 3 months we are making more money with fewer headaches than before.

Only difference, she and I are in the same place and somehow WE are Magic.

You are coming for what is between my ears.
I am in fucking Bali! Not like drive a few hours or fly across the country. I am on the other side of the damned dirtball.

Hindsight is 100%
You can only connect the dots going backwards.

Anyone ever been in one of those OK get into groups and you wound up with the totally wrong people?!? and then.... that total douchebag is fucking awesome.

Waiting for Mr/Mrs/Mz fuck PC has gotten too comple

people who write thx instead of thanks, ty instead of thank you, 2 instead of to, u instead of you, and 4 instead of for: how do you use this the enormous amount of time you're saving on this?

I didn't want to waste my time meeting the Wrong person.

Let me check my list.

I'll take a chance.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/11/2015 1:11:15 PM

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quote:

Twisted Soul what if that guy was the dom of all doms for YOU. What if YOU could make him Have his shit together?

I could care less about silk suits and millions of dollars. I never said that was what I meant.

For the record though, if I were to sit down and make a list of things I would expect from someone who had their shit together, I am confident that at or near the top of the list would be--that if said person is affected by someone else's words to the extent that they felt the need to write a dissertation about it, they would at least put enough thought into it to get the name right. At a minimum.

(in reply to MatureSpaiosexul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/11/2015 8:17:29 PM

MatureSpaiosexul

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WaywardSoul,
My apologies for making an error in your name, It was a few pages back, middle of the night and internet is slow enough here to go back and check, requires about 3 minutes. Clearly however YOU knew whom I was speaking of and that entire thing was not to you, just part. I felt a kindred spirit in chances I have let pass by. Now I take everything the universe delivers and dance with it. 90% never works out, but interesting dance while it is going on. of the 10% that does, I would have passed on 8%

I did not imply you were looking for silk suits or a million dollars, that part was generic for the Masses.

I do find it interesting that you quote me, then talk about two things which had nothing to do with the quote.

The quote is important to you and likely one you ask yourself from time to time.

I am not looking for the perfect person. I am looking to create the perfect relationship.

As I said, each time I became a millionaire it was one young totally inexperienced woman who did it. Do not imagine she was the only person working with/for me. I had highly successful and experienced people around me, and in comes the rookie and hits it out of the park. 4 times, 4 different women, all newbies, not a cred to their names.

My wife was so weak I was sure of the five women I was dating, she would leave. She out weaked them all. We could not have been more different in personality, but when we were in a room, we were the magic. I do not know why, but suspect the old opposites lala

My wife made me better. Never pushing. Topping from the bottom so elegantly I never felt it, saw it and had to look back in my life very carefully to even know she had done it. But I also made hers better. We only got 12 years before she died. The day she died, she was holding my hand and said Thank you. I have lived more in these years with you than ten lifetimes.

On paper, we sucked.

So my wayward one, which way are you going?

Ryushu

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/12/2015 12:31:11 PM

WickedestDesires

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Control does not exist; woeful stereotypes do in vast abundance. I am familiar with the site *smiles* and I have no wish to control nonsense – or be controlled by it.

Your thread confuses me a little.
To an extent my 3 cats control me, or at least part of my being.
Or
The universe is vast and timeless, or utterly finite..the macroscopic and microscopic malarkey.

I never really looked at the fetish list on there but am rather surprised “Can't control your life? yer not a Dom" was on it. And which being uttered it on their profile or joined that “fetish” list

Should they be heeded or not and whyso

(in reply to Throstle)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/12/2015 7:35:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MatureSpaiosexul
The quote is important to you and likely one you ask yourself from time to time.

No, actually I was answering from my cell phone, and it is easy to make errors in replies when doing so. Especially responses that use quotes from long posts.

FTR, no I do not ask that question of myself. I question myself in a lot of things on a daily basis, but that isn't one of them.

quote:

So my wayward one, which way are you going?

I have no desire to answer that, as I am not 'your' anything.

(in reply to MatureSpaiosexul)

RE: "Control" your life - 8/14/2015 8:02:18 AM

MatureSpaiosexul

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Joined: 8/6/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

2. Does a dominant need control to be able to dominate another?
To my eye, yes, to do it well. A good dominant controls their reactions, and choose how and when to respond for the best effect. A good dominant is not impulsive 100% of the time, and knows that they have taken on responsibility for another, and gives that the depth of consideration it needs.

This touched my soul.

I am 100% responsible for 100% of any relationship I am in. I do not get to zone out. I have to Be Here Now all the time.

I find the more shit I throw off in my life the more I am able to be here now.

Any sub in relationship with me is my responsibility. She has handed that to me. I studied medicine, anatomy, psychology and too many other things just to make sure I could go out past the edge and yet bring us both back safely.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

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