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Tactful response? - 7/11/2015 8:56:42 PM

PassionsTorment

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Hello, I recently (twice) faced a dilemma that I would like to be able to navigate in the future. Both times, I was talking to someone who didn't have a picture on his profile, and had great conversations. However, when the time came to exchange pictures, I could not for the life of me summon any attraction for either man. The first time I was honest about it, told him he seemed to be a geat person, but I just wasn't attracted to him. This resulted in a barrage of insults. The second time, I was at a loss as to how to handle it, so I continued talking to him until he made it clear he was into me...then I awkwardly fumbled about until I came up with a nicer way of saying it wouldn't work, without mentioning his looks. This also resulted in a fair bit of disrespect.

I guess my question is, how do I avoid this situation in the future? And if it does arise, and he DOES indeed look like he should be hiding under a bridge and eating small children...how do I deal with it without seeming like an ass?

RE: Tactful response? - 7/11/2015 9:01:15 PM

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You're a female submissive.

Telling a guy -ANY guy- on this site you're not interested, for any reason, in any way, will result in him being pissed and attempting to berate or insult you about 80% of the time.
Even saying nothing and simple no longer replying to email will have this result.

If you mind that, or can't handle it, then block a guy as soon as you tell him you're not interested.
Otherwise just ignore it.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to PassionsTorment)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/11/2015 9:08:36 PM

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Well first off, you can only do so much to let people down easy, and if your main reason for saying no is because of their appearance, there really isn't a tactful way to say that, not that I am saying physical attraction shouldn't be a big role in your selection.
However at the end of the day some people are mature and some people are not, if you respectfully tell them you are not interested (no matter the reason) and their response is to be insulting, then you should feel justified in blocking them.
All you can really do is be the mature one, and if others aren’t, that isn't your fault, nor should you feel it is a failing on your part, it is a failing on theirs.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/11/2015 9:13:46 PM

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I agree completely with what amaster5 says...............nobody owns any part of you until you allow them to. Be tactful and if they persist, block them and don't feel upset about it. Move on.

(in reply to amaster5)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/12/2015 10:51:35 AM

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Hey there,

I reckon you did the right thing the first time. The guy was an asshat about it... but unfortunately you have to expect that on the personals side (block and delete...).

It's better to level with people sooner rather than later in my book.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to PassionsTorment)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/12/2015 11:22:48 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
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First off, don't think your behavior needs correcting just because they have no self control. You're fine.

Secondly, My advice is to NOT show your photo until well after they have shown you theirs (it's the gentlemanly thing for them to do, and if they haven't seen your face yet when you reject them, they can't claim to be attracted to you). I personally DON'T show them pics of Me (I actually DON'T want them to be attracted, but that's a whole different situation than yours).

Third, consider it a TEST of their temper. I personally test for "reactive tendency" when I interview. If they spaz out, I hit the big ol' BLOCK button.

Remember, a Dominant should be in control of their own emotions before they lay claim to controlling you and yours.

Keep searching and good luck.

--MM

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 7/12/2015 11:24:24 AM >

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/12/2015 2:51:21 PM

PassionsTorment

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Joined: 4/26/2014
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Thank you very much for the responses and advice. I'm slightly relieved that I was not the one being an asshat, and did the best I could. Also, great idea, MAINEiac (and great name too, btw), I think I will indeed hold back on showing my own picture. I'm all for that anyway, I ain't the cutest thing in the world!

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/12/2015 5:09:39 PM

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PassionsTorment

Thank you very much for the responses and advice. I'm slightly relieved that I was not the one being an asshat, and did the best I could. Also, great idea, MAINEiac (and great name too, btw), I think I will indeed hold back on showing my own picture. I'm all for that anyway, I ain't the cutest thing in the world!

I think there are so many fakes pretending to be women on this site that I would find it strange if he didn't want to see a picture pretty early on. Nor would I be inclined to withhold it based on general principle that he must send his first. You could just play out each interaction as it comes and do what feels right.

Personally, I was always pretty upfront with emailing my picture to someone. If I'm looking for a dominant partner, I'm certainly not going to start off making demands that he send me his picture on my timeline, not his.

I don't recall ever having a problem with telling someone that I wasn't attracted to them. Though honestly, I don't know if I'd ever worded it quite that way, so you might want to consider how you are saying what you have to say. I think I said something like "I don't think we're a very good match." And then wish them well and end the conversation.

And if that doesn't work...

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaster5
However at the end of the day some people are mature and some people are not, if you respectfully tell them you are not interested (no matter the reason) and their response is to be insulting, then you should feel justified in blocking them.
All you can really do is be the mature one, and if others aren’t, that isn't your fault, nor should you feel it is a failing on your part, it is a failing on theirs.

...then that.

:)

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 7/12/2015 5:12:27 PM >

(in reply to PassionsTorment)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 5:59:08 AM

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Joined: 11/10/2013
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It's been said. Do what is right to you. If there is no attraction, say so. If the response is assholery, block is your friend.

I am often in that situation, and I am very clear: "Thank you so much for the photo(s). You are just not my physical type. Best of luck to you."

I get responses ranging from gratitude for being so upfront to a barrage of insults.

I don't mind the insults, really, because it reinforces my choice. This is not the one for me.

I am a firm believer in basing my actions on what I believe is right, not on what I expect other people's behavior to be as a result.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 11:29:16 AM

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PassionsTorment

Hello, I recently (twice) faced a dilemma that I would like to be able to navigate in the future. Both times, I was talking to someone who didn't have a picture on his profile, and had great conversations. However, when the time came to exchange pictures, I could not for the life of me summon any attraction for either man. The first time I was honest about it, told him he seemed to be a geat person, but I just wasn't attracted to him. This resulted in a barrage of insults. The second time, I was at a loss as to how to handle it, so I continued talking to him until he made it clear he was into me...then I awkwardly fumbled about until I came up with a nicer way of saying it wouldn't work, without mentioning his looks. This also resulted in a fair bit of disrespect.

I guess my question is, how do I avoid this situation in the future? And if it does arise, and he DOES indeed look like he should be hiding under a bridge and eating small children...how do I deal with it without seeming like an ass?

I am going to take the whole different approach with the answer as I have been thinking of this for a while.

I just think your shallow and before the critics hit the response button I have to point out if the poster was a male they would get so much mail about being shallow and not seeing a female for whom she really is and this and that. If you want to make it on looks then so be it, simple. Question would be if he drops you soon after because he sees someone that looks better than you, that would be karma, and then you would think that men are just shallow.

Put in your profile that you want the picture upfront, and if that does not happen then you block them and you can do this without opening up the letter, simple.

Those are just my thoughts.

Frank Ar.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to PassionsTorment)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 12:02:58 PM

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Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: PassionsTorment

Hello, I recently (twice) faced a dilemma that I would like to be able to navigate in the future. Both times, I was talking to someone who didn't have a picture on his profile, and had great conversations. However, when the time came to exchange pictures, I could not for the life of me summon any attraction for either man. The first time I was honest about it, told him he seemed to be a geat person, but I just wasn't attracted to him. This resulted in a barrage of insults. The second time, I was at a loss as to how to handle it, so I continued talking to him until he made it clear he was into me...then I awkwardly fumbled about until I came up with a nicer way of saying it wouldn't work, without mentioning his looks. This also resulted in a fair bit of disrespect.

I guess my question is, how do I avoid this situation in the future? And if it does arise, and he DOES indeed look like he should be hiding under a bridge and eating small children...how do I deal with it without seeming like an ass?

I am going to take the whole different approach with the answer as I have been thinking of this for a while.

I just think your shallow and before the critics hit the response button I have to point out if the poster was a male they would get so much mail about being shallow and not seeing a female for whom she really is and this and that. If you want to make it on looks then so be it, simple. Question would be if he drops you soon after because he sees someone that looks better than you, that would be karma, and then you would think that men are just shallow.

Put in your profile that you want the picture upfront, and if that does not happen then you block them and you can do this without opening up the letter, simple.

Those are just my thoughts.

Frank Ar.

Honestly, I think you have a point. But I don't think anyone should be getting hate mail over stating they are/aren't attracted to certain people.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 12:30:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

I just think your shallow

If by shallow you mean that she has sexual preferences, then yup, she is... just like the rest of the human race.

And while I agree with you that she would be hypocritical if she doesn't accept that men might reject her for looks, just as she does them, you really don't have any evidence that she doesn't accept that.

The issue doesn't seems to be that she can't deal with rejection from men, but that men on this site, when rejected, a lot of the time tend to be asswipes about it.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 12:39:40 PM

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Joined: 7/18/2012
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Men are often asswipes about being rejected online, though rejection is clearly a risk everyone takes when they try to hook up online. But sometimes, maybe even often, men are assholes over the rejection as a bullying and/or manipulating tactic to guilt trip the woman into saying yes. So don't feel guilty about having preferences and don't let weak "doms" bully you.

Preferences regarding looks, intelligence, gender, race, educational background, employment status, all those and a million other bases are valid for everyone. It's only the unsuccessful that have a problem with this.

Edit: this was a reply to the OP.

< Message edited by Spiritedsub2 -- 7/13/2015 12:40:57 PM >

_____________________________

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~ Rumi

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RE: Tactful response? - 7/13/2015 12:44:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

I just think your shallow

Really? By having a physical preference?

I have many physical preferences, and I have a right to them. They are no less important than political preferences, religious preferences, geographic preferences, role/dynamic preferences...

EVERYONE has a right to dislike anyone for any reason. That is on them.

quote:

and before the critics hit the response button I have to point out if the poster was a male they would get so much mail about being shallow and not seeing a female for whom she really is and this and that. If you want to make it on looks then so be it, simple.

She did not say it was only about looks. It is not for me, either. A relationship cannot be made on looks alone.

However, it can be broken (before it even really gets started) on looks that just don't work for me.

quote:

Question would be if he drops you soon after because he sees someone that looks better than you, that would be karma, and then you would think that men are just shallow.

Just that man.

quote:

Put in your profile that you want the picture upfront, and if that does not happen then you block them and you can do this without opening up the letter, simple.

I have a similar line in my profile. Interestingly enough, most men write thanks to my photos, and don't bother reading that part.

That's OK. That tells me plenty about them. *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/17/2015 8:40:48 AM

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How someone handles rejection says a lot about them and how secure they are in themselves. The reaction you got reveals some pretty deep issues that have nothing to do with you. No matter how tactful you are, insecure people are going to let you have it.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/17/2015 10:24:14 PM

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Very true about insecure men. Just this week I had 3 different guys all write me.

After a few emails, I decided two of them were not worth pursuing for various reasons.

I politely told 2 of them that I didn't think we were a good match and they went postal, calling me everything from fake, a liar, a bitch, fat, you know the drill.

The third one actually scared me. I liked our communication enough to take it to the phone. He sent me his number and asked me to call at a specific time. I replied that I would be out for the evening, so how about talking the next day.

He freaked out and said, you are lying cunt, you probably have a date tonight. How dare you not call me!

WTF? As if I am going to do what internet stranger asked me.

There are lot of damaged men online. You have to shrug it off and realize to find quality, you have to wade through garbage.

(in reply to breastbonder)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/17/2015 10:28:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Very true about insecure men. Just this week I had 3 different guys all write me.

After a few emails, I decided two of them were not worth pursuing for various reasons.

I politely told 2 of them that I didn't think we were a good match and they went postal, calling me everything from fake, a liar, a bitch, fat, you know the drill.

The third one actually scared me. I liked our communication enough to take it to the phone. He sent me his number and asked me to call at a specific time. I replied that I would be out for the evening, so how about talking the next day.

He freaked out and said, you are lying cunt, you probably have a date tonight. How dare you not call me!

WTF? As if I am going to do what internet stranger asked me.

There are lot of damaged men online. You have to shrug it off and realize to find quality, you have to wade through garbage.

Lets be honest here Red, I think that a lot of men would want to try and get the phone number to talk and converse with you. Even if it does not go anywhere at least they have the voice and the sultriness to go with it.

Just my two cents worth.

Frank Ar.

PS. So what is your phone number ???? LOLOLOL.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/17/2015 10:38:35 PM

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Frank Ar,

I am all for phone calls if the first few emails go well.

What I object to is a man who acts like a whiny infant when things don't go his way. Men are just not patient enough and/or feel that Insta-Domming is a reality.

But it actually works out well, because I don't waste any more time with them.

(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/17/2015 11:05:24 PM

JVoV

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I've only spoken to one potential slave on the phone so far, since I've been here. I thought it went well, considering, but he hasn't responded to my messages since. (I've only sent 2.)

Serves him right getting randomly buttdialed at 3am while I was at work the other night. I deleted his number from my phone right after.

< Message edited by JVoV -- 7/17/2015 11:06:10 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Tactful response? - 7/18/2015 4:12:05 AM

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You were not attracted to the men after seeing their pictures. That is your call and you have ever right to decide on what attracts you.

I do have to add that personally I have never been attracted to any picture. Guess that's why I never fantasize about Hollywood stars. Good thing for Gary (and me) that I feel that way. When I met him he was 64, bald, short, and was 4 years past his lung transplant that the doctors said would give him 3-5 years of life. We didn't hop into bed immediately. Three months later after numerous phone calls and emails and lots of sharing and getting to know each other I was very eager to tango with him in my bed. I have to be honest. We both had profiles here but if he'd contacted me via the internet I would have told him thanks but no thanks after seeing his picture and being made aware of his medical issues. I am so glad we met in person and took the time to get to know each other.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to PassionsTorment)

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