Master is ignoring me - is it over?

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Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/25/2015 12:13:04 PM

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For last few months I have been developing closer and closer relation with a Master - due to our busy scheudles it was online relation but with a purpose of meeting and hopefully establishing real D/s relationship. He promised to train me, take care of me... We have been in touch daily. He finally informed me about his plan to visit me and so we can start what we both desired for ... and then he went MIA on me. I know he is active (whatsapp), he read my messages, yet he didn`t reply. I know some Masters may use ignoring as punishment but I do not see how could I deserve that.
It has been almost 2 weeks of anxiety, sadness and being lost.
It was my first experience with a Master but my instinct is telling me its not a good way to go.

< Message edited by PrincessBlue31 -- 7/25/2015 1:10:19 PM >

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/25/2015 2:28:30 PM

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Unless you are aware of some obvious reason why he would send you to Coventry as a punishment, then I would guess that he has moved on.

Especially if that kind of punishment was never discussed before.

And it also seem suspicious that it occurs just as you were to meet for the first time. He may never have had any intention of meeting you (married, etc.) and if he felt like the relationship had evolved to the point that it would go no farther unless he met you, then he might have told you that to get his last session in, then moved on.

On-line is a great way to meet people, but i would avoid investing too much emotion in to the connection until they are prepared to demonstrate that they are real by showing up in person.

In my opinion, the longer distance the on-line connection is, the more likely someone is trying to take something they need/want without giving anything back. If you keep your on-line relationships reasonably local, you are more likely to learn the truth before you have invested too much.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/25/2015 2:29:05 PM >

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/25/2015 5:31:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBlue31

For last few months I have been developing closer and closer relation with a Master - due to our busy scheudles it was online relation but with a purpose of meeting and hopefully establishing real D/s relationship. He promised to train me, take care of me... We have been in touch daily. He finally informed me about his plan to visit me and so we can start what we both desired for ... and then he went MIA on me. I know he is active (whatsapp), he read my messages, yet he didn`t reply. I know some Masters may use ignoring as punishment but I do not see how could I deserve that.
It has been almost 2 weeks of anxiety, sadness and being lost.
It was my first experience with a Master but my instinct is telling me its not a good way to go.

A few questions.

Did you have a phone number to ring him on, because if he was going to meet up with you, he would have given you the home phone number ? You actually can't really teach anyone anything major over the net, I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net. The one thing that you lose is that certain chemistry when you look into the eyes, you hear that voice from 1 foot away, you feel the grip. The only effectiveness that I see from starting online is to see what if anything that you both are connecting on.

With the purpose of meeting each other, what time frame did you BOTH agree on ? I mean you might want a meeting in a time frame, but what time frame did he might think of ? You have said you both have busy schedules, has he been sent off to another city for work in a hurry ?

Frank Ar.

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Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/25/2015 10:28:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net.

The net itself can teach you a lot of things...like patience.

Having developed two relationships from meeting people here (online) that lasted several years apiece, there are a number of things you can teach - expectations, limitations, similarities [both sexual and otherwise]. These things can all be taught to others. Whether they grasp it or react appropriately is another story, of course, but in that respect online is no different than real life. Genuine is genuine, fake is fake.

As long as you use a touch of common sense. If some mad submissive messages a Dom begging to immediately be caged with no rights because they've never done anything kinky before but they really really think they want it...back away slowly, make no sudden movements, avoid eye contact...

Sex and love are more than physical contact. Kink is primarily about physical stimulation in general practice, but it's not the ultimate definition. So there's always something to learn. If not, it might be that you're not looking at, or for, the right thing.

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 1:57:21 AM

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flipside of this?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4824793/tm.htm

i'm not so unhappy any more after all.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 4:30:34 AM

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Thank you for your thoughts - they reassured me that my initial gut feeling was correct one.
I appreciate your point of view a lot and I will use this experience as a learning opportunity for sure!

(in reply to IcarusBurning)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 5:26:22 AM

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Yes, it is over. "Master" has cold feet, is unethical and unworthy of your attention. I am sorry for you.

(in reply to PrincessBlue31)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 9:04:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
You actually can't really teach anyone anything major over the net, I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net.

I disagree. There are many things that can be taught online. I mentor quite a few people online, and I had a relationship online for 6 months that turned into living with him for 4 1/2 years. Both he and I learned a lot about who we wanted to be together and expectations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net.

The net itself can teach you a lot of things...like patience.

Having developed two relationships from meeting people here (online) that lasted several years apiece, there are a number of things you can teach - expectations, limitations, similarities [both sexual and otherwise]. These things can all be taught to others. Whether they grasp it or react appropriately is another story, of course, but in that respect online is no different than real life. Genuine is genuine, fake is fake.

As long as you use a touch of common sense. If some mad submissive messages a Dom begging to immediately be caged with no rights because they've never done anything kinky before but they really really think they want it...back away slowly, make no sudden movements, avoid eye contact...

Sex and love are more than physical contact. Kink is primarily about physical stimulation in general practice, but it's not the ultimate definition. So there's always something to learn. If not, it might be that you're not looking at, or for, the right thing.

Agreed.

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(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 2:38:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
You actually can't really teach anyone anything major over the net, I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net.

I disagree. There are many things that can be taught online.

Remember to each their own, I myself like the physical aspect of leading, and so online cannot be done, unless I have met the person in real life and we can progress from there by online until we meet again. But from the start up I personally cannot do it.

Frank Ar.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/26/2015 2:53:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
You actually can't really teach anyone anything major over the net, I personally think there is nothing you can teach over the net.

I disagree. There are many things that can be taught online.

Remember to each their own, I myself like the physical aspect of leading, and so online cannot be done, unless I have met the person in real life and we can progress from there by online until we meet again. But from the start up I personally cannot do it.

Frank Ar.

There is a difference in saying "What I like to do can't be done online," and "There is nothing worth doing online."

I was responding to the second, which is how your statement was worded.

And to be clear: I prefer offline as well. Enough that the first line of my profile says I don't do online. I just don't knock it for what it can be.

< Message edited by NookieNotes -- 7/26/2015 2:54:39 PM >

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/27/2015 10:50:44 PM

domincalifornia

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Joined: 6/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBlue31

For last few months I have been developing closer and closer relation with a Master - due to our busy scheudles it was online relation but with a purpose of meeting and hopefully establishing real D/s relationship. He promised to train me, take care of me... We have been in touch daily. He finally informed me about his plan to visit me and so we can start what we both desired for ... and then he went MIA on me. I know he is active (whatsapp), he read my messages, yet he didn`t reply. I know some Masters may use ignoring as punishment but I do not see how could I deserve that.
It has been almost 2 weeks of anxiety, sadness and being lost.
It was my first experience with a Master but my instinct is telling me its not a good way to go.

Nothing matters until you meet in person; and trust me, if a dominant is really interested, he'll find time in even the busiest schedule.

So the truth is not that it's over; it never began.

Moving forward, take everything online with a grain of salt. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are getting "closer and closer" to someone you've never met.

< Message edited by domincalifornia -- 7/27/2015 10:51:44 PM >

(in reply to PrincessBlue31)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/28/2015 3:36:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

Nothing matters until you meet in person; and trust me, if a dominant is really interested, he'll find time in even the busiest schedule.

So the truth is not that it's over; it never began.

Moving forward, take everything online with a grain of salt. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are getting "closer and closer" to someone you've never met.

Although I agree with your final paragraph, I don't think I agree with your first statement. To get to the stage of wanting to meet somebody in person, be that 1 week or 1 year from an initial conversation, we have to feel inspired by that person. We have invested our time and we have formed a connection with them. I have met various people from here over the years including a 4 year relationship and the man who is now husband. In both those cases and in other meets I had, it began online. We already knew before meeting up with each other, that we definitely wanted to try and make a go of things. We had already reached the stage of feeling inspired whilst still accepting that once we met, we would perhaps feel uninspired. It very much began online.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 7/28/2015 3:37:33 AM >

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/28/2015 12:24:33 PM

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I believe it is not productive to learn about each other online without meeting soon.

In my experience, men get too attached and develop a fantasy of you based on a photo and voice (I've been told my voice is sexy).

I am sure women do this as well.

More times than not, when you meet, if there is no chemistry then all of that "bonding" you did online was a waste.

I understand some have been successful in this manner, but for me, I need to meet if the phone call goes well, otherwise I lose interest.

I could never fantasize about someone I never met, whereas men have told me the opposite, they could do it easily.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 1:14:49 AM

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I agree with you about the fantasizing. I get to know about how people feel and think about certain things. I wouldn't want to go to the trouble of arranging a meet up only to find that person was a far right thinker. I've never fantasized about a person I've chatted to online, even when the discussions have included deep thoughts about their sexuality.

The problem with fantasy is, we create images and with those images come expectations. Fantasies are perfected and that's a difficult if not impossible thing to live up to in real life.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 7/29/2015 1:15:34 AM >

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 3:04:47 AM

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This type of bait and switch has been popular on the net since there's been a net.

They reel a person in with the bait, get the person to fall in love with them, make promises to meet and then PUFF! pull a switchero disappear. Who is the 'they' mentioned in this nasty scenario? Someone who has zero intention of actually meeting anyone in person. And they knew that all along.

It's a deep betrayal and, like all betrayals, hurts like hell. But at least it's not personal.

Once you're ready to try again (and do grieve for a bit and then pick yourself up and try again, don't let THAT bastard win), you need to take some steps to protect yourself. When getting to know someone, you have to establish their trustworthiness. And part of that is establishing some basics, even before you meet. Can you call him anytime? Is he 'always' in the bathroom or otherwise indisposed when you do call? Then he's married.

Ask him to Skype right away. Not only do you get to see who he is, but you get to see if he lied, about age, weight, whatever. You also get the added advantage of body language and voice intonation. Then, before you get emotionally involved, set up a meet, preferably at your local munch.

Why there? Not only is it public, you are letting the person know you are someone who takes steps to protect yourself. That you're savvy enough to know MOST (not all, but most) predators won't meet at a munch. Why? B/c news of what they're like does get around in the community, and they want to keep you ignorant for as long as possible.

BTW: Never, ever, set up a dom/sub relationship with someone you've never met. Why would you do that? Until you meet in person and spend some time together, you don't really know who they are. Trust me on this. Even someone as experienced as I an be fooled by a person's online game. (I know this from cruel experience). So choose not to play the game. Just get to know them as a friend, and plan on meeting ASAP.

Best, CP

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 6:28:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfait
This type of bait and switch has been popular on the net since there's been a net.

They reel a person in with the bait, get the person to fall in love with them, make promises to meet and then PUFF! pull a switchero disappear.

Why on earth do they do that?

My master gave me the cold shoulder treatment for a week once, as punishment. After realizing how that made me feel he swore holy oaths to never do it again.

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 8:42:11 AM

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Why do they do that?

Because there are lots of douchebags online and in the world.

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 5:30:37 PM

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Hi,
If it is any consolation I am in a similar place. While not being completely ignored, his time has become less available to me and his heretofore insatiable lust for sex has waned. He says it's work. I know better. So why am I having such a difficult time letting go of what is not good for me?

I am not new to bdsm but new to being a sub. He's only the second one for me. Wouldn't it be funny if it was the same one? Not really.

Anyway, I feel your pain and it is not the kind of pain that turns either of us on. Hang in there!!

(in reply to PrincessBlue31)

RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/29/2015 5:51:09 PM

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It's very hard sometimes to let go of something even when it's bad for you. It took me ages to end my last relationship.

Things can be kind of addicting but you finally reach a point of no return and do it.

Hang in there.

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RE: Master is ignoring me - is it over? - 7/30/2015 3:06:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

Why on earth do they do that?

My master gave me the cold shoulder treatment for a week once, as punishment.

I have given the cold shoulder a few times lasting up to 4 days. It does do more of a wake up call instead of a physical punishment, like the whip or cane or paddle. It stays within the persons mind for a lot longer. I do this as a last resort in a way that I feel would benefit the slave, simple.

Frank Ar.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to daniel1973)

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