helpful information

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comesoncommand -> helpful information (7/16/2006 7:55:30 PM)
When i was first exploring the lifestyle there were several websites and books that i found helpful in understanding the lifestyle. Now that i've got my foot in the door grin i continue to read, as i think learning is a continuous process. i was just curious what sites and/or books (or other forms of information) other submissives on here have found especially helpful in their growth? curious, -c

desertdancer -> RE: helpful information (7/16/2006 8:13:08 PM)
Everything I've learned I've learned from reading LuckyAlb's posts. Yep, stick with us kid, once LA gets back the world of knowledge will be at your finger tips.

CrappyDom -> RE: helpful information (7/16/2006 10:11:23 PM)
I read somewhere that a lot of women who post are actually pathetic little men pretending to be women. That said, The Bottoming Book is perhaps the finest non fiction BDSM book out there with Consensual Sadomasochism second.

lilninotchka -> RE: helpful information (7/16/2006 10:26:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom I read somewhere that a lot of women who post are actually pathetic little men pretending to be women. That said, The Bottoming Book is perhaps the finest non fiction BDSM book out there with Consensual Sadomasochism second. Such erroneous information! They are actually pathetic BIG men. And no, they aren't really. Some of them anyway. People who live how you would like to live, have the sort of relationship you are considering, etc...you get the idea. Books are great, but they are usually just one person's opinion. Most people are happy to answer questions about their lifestyle for someone honestly interested and exploring.

CrappyDom -> RE: helpful information (7/16/2006 10:33:11 PM)
I beg to differ, there ARE books out there written from a barely disguised "one true way" viewpoint. Since it is clear you have never read either book I am discussing they are most assuredly not written from one perspective. First off, both of them happen to have two authors and both were written by long time players in San Francisco who have probably played more than almost everyone here combined AND have had long term relationships measured in decades. The thoughts and information out there would answer 2/3 or more of the questions we see posted every single day on collarme. If it were within my power I would make everyone read at least The Bottoming Book before ever being allowed to chat online...

lilninotchka -> RE: helpful information (7/16/2006 11:07:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom I beg to differ, there ARE books out there written from a barely disguised "one true way" viewpoint. Since it is clear you have never read either book I am discussing they are most assuredly not written from one perspective. First off, both of them happen to have two authors and both were written by long time players in San Francisco who have probably played more than almost everyone here combined AND have had long term relationships measured in decades. The thoughts and information out there would answer 2/3 or more of the questions we see posted every single day on collarme. If it were within my power I would make everyone read at least The Bottoming Book before ever being allowed to chat online... Sorry, was being less than clear. Both of those books were read, plus many others. And yes, the perspective is comparatively limited. Was not implying they were not good books though, nor discounting the answers to be found in those and other books. The question asked for a personal opinion on the best source of information and it answered personally, obviosly your opinion differs. Not all the books its read put together have given it as much useful knowledge as the people it has spoken to regarding 'lifestyle' - that's it's story and its sticking to it! :)

SusanofO -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 2:30:40 AM)
"Submissive Women Speak" is interesting, I think (just Google Submissive Women Speak). "Taken in Hand" is another good site (although not exclusively for submissives, it can be very valuable to submissives, I think). As far as blogs go, I found one that I think is really good, called "Creative, spanked wife." (Google creativespankedwife). The author of the blog lists other blogs as her favorites on the right of the first page (some of those are good, too). If you like blogs. - Susan

JessieMe -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 6:26:42 AM)
For me personally, I read and read and read.. It is a lifestyle for me all its own.. or would it be considered an addiction.. oh well, the end result is the same... One thing I have found was that if you are truly wanting to be educated and learn from others experiences.. these boards will offer a very wonderful cross section of experiences and beliefs to pick and choose from. Just recently under the "Ask a Master" thread I had posted a "Setting Boundaries in the getting to know you phase".. This thread was a personal exploration as to why as a submissive I could not set boundaries as I needed to for myself. The viewpoints were wonderful and helped me understand that this truly is a very supportive community who wants others to succeed in WIITWD (first time user of the official initials for "What it is that we do").

justheather -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 8:48:35 AM)
I purchased "Different Loving" by Brame/Brame/Jacobs in the Summer of 2002. That was hugely brave for me at the time. I had to have it ordered because they didnt have it in stock. I actually read the book in the early Fall of 2005. :-) Took me a while to get up the courage. I like the format. It's a good reference book for people new to kink, but it's not especially good insofar as offering advice. I have found that relationships with other submissive women and the message boards have been my best resources.

sublizzie -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 3:38:38 PM)
Every book, website, forum, and email list post I've read have helped me grow. Some of them taught me things I'm not sure they were intending (like the fact that there are some real wackos out there!) but I have learned from everything. It's separating the wheat from the chaff that can be difficult, but sooner or later you learn how to tell which is which and let the chaff blow away.

BitaTruble -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 4:30:20 PM)
I can personally vouch for the fact that sublizzie is NOT a pathetic little man ... she's all woman and a very sweet one at that. Way nicer than me. ::chuckles:: I must admit that when I first got started, I never read a damn thing, basically because if there was anything to read, I wasn't aware of it. Since then, I've read several books on an 'after the fact' basis. Some good, some not so good. I can't say that I, personally, got anything out of them because they came several years after I'd already been immersed and most seem to be geared for those just beginning to explore, but for a beginner, if the resources are there, why not take advantage of them. These days I'm more into self-improvement on levels which fall outside BDSM, but which do have impact on my service to Himself.. so, in other words, I'm still learning. For dominants, I like The Tao of Leadership and The Topping book. For submissives, I like The Tao of Leadership and The Bottoming book. The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet are also among my current reading materials. Just fun, easy to read and it speaks to me as something I should be applying to my life to be a better person and that's what I'm trying to do .. be better than I currently am .. and not just to be of service to Himself, but for a variety of reasons. Celeste

Daddysredhead -> RE: helpful information (7/17/2006 7:14:48 PM)
Daddy had me read The Bottoming Book, The Loving Dominant, The Story of O, castlerealm.com, and other sites. I am currently reading Beauty and Submission, by Maria Isabel Pita. She has another book, The Story of M - a memoir, about her intro. to bdsm and training to be a slave to her Master, but I had to order that one. Beauty and Submission is her second non-fiction work, but apparently, it makes no difference to read them out of order, as they are both good.

comesoncommand -> RE: helpful information (7/27/2006 7:43:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble These days I'm more into self-improvement on levels which fall outside BDSM, but which do have impact on my service to Himself.. so, in other words, I'm still learning. For dominants, I like The Tao of Leadership and The Topping book. For submissives, I like The Tao of Leadership and The Bottoming book. The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet are also among my current reading materials. Just fun, easy to read and it speaks to me as something I should be applying to my life to be a better person and that's what I'm trying to do .. be better than I currently am .. and not just to be of service to Himself, but for a variety of reasons. Celeste i have to agree...i have found wonderful gems in self-improvement guides that fall outside of the bdsm realm. Like you, i find that anything that makes me a wiser, better person makes me a better slave for my Master smile. i have really enjoyed reading and listening to (she has some of her talks on cd/tape) Iyanla Vanzant. She was recommended to me by another sub who uses one of her daily devotionals with her sister slaves.

Littlepita -> RE: helpful information (7/27/2006 7:52:54 PM)
My very favorite site that has given me so much information when I was first learning about who I am and what I wanted in a dominant was http://www.submissiveloving.com I also totally agree that LuckyAlbatros is a wealth of information that and I for one love reading anything she has to say.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: helpful information (7/27/2006 8:11:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Littlepita My very favorite site that has given me so much information when I was first learning about who I am and what I wanted in a dominant was http://www.submissiveloving.com I also totally agree that LuckyAlbatros is a wealth of information that and I for one love reading anything she has to say. Half of it is just being a good librarian. http://www.collarchat.com/m_269642/mpage_1/key_book/tm.htm#269653 submissive lit Books on Subs/Bottoming Books for subs/slaves Books Books on the lifestyle

mstrjx -> RE: helpful information (7/27/2006 8:18:13 PM)
A couple of great books that are more geared towards slavery are Slavecraft and the Compleat Slave. Very different, but both valuable, IMHO. Enjoy. Jeff

cheshireboy -> RE: helpful information (7/28/2006 5:39:34 AM)
"screw the roses give me the thorns" http://www.thebrc.net/home2.htm cheshire

afeathr -> RE: helpful information (7/28/2006 10:52:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO "Submissive Women Speak" is interesting, I think (just Google Submissive Women Speak). "Taken in Hand" is another good site (although not exclusively for submissives, it can be very valuable to submissives, I think). As far as blogs go, I found one that I think is really good, called "Creative, spanked wife." (Google creativespankedwife). The author of the blog lists other blogs as her favorites on the right of the first page (some of those are good, too). If you like blogs. - Susan FYI: Creative Spanked Wife has taken her leave from the online world. She has left no archives to review either. http://creativespankedwife.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_creativespankedwife_archive.html

NurseKitty -> RE: helpful information (7/28/2006 2:06:24 PM)
I've read two versions of Story of O which I find fascinating. I'm not a slave although as a story there is still a lot of relavent information. I've had a few people recomment Screw the Roses but I've not read that myself. I did pick up a copy of the New Bottoming Book which was good, and SM 101 is one both myself and my Dom have read (He's interested in new rope-tying techniques). As for the non-technical stuff, the emotional/relationship-related stuff, I've found a submissives-only subgroup of one of the local BDSM groups I belong to is an invaluable resource, as well as this site. Sometimes I find more blunt sharing of information/fears/questions/etc on Collarme because it's much more anonymous than the local real-time chat group. Generally speaking, there's not been a book i've bought that i'd not recommend, thankfully. I'm fortunate to have a fellow new-submissive with much more disposable income then I have, so she's shared many of her books with me.

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