dreamlady
Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom
quote:
ORIGINAL: epiphiny43
One of the best submissive assessment measures I've heard about was related by a quite 'successful' Dom in the community. On first meeting, after the lady had settled in a chair (normally a table at some public informal food establishment) he'd ask her to sit in a different chair. 'Submissive' women simply did it.
Ah, yes and no. That sounds again like what I hate to hear about that "submissives" submit to "dominants" and the subs have to compete for the doms in some way.
But, when someone tells you to sit in that chair over there and you just do it and ask yourself afterwards why you did it, then you're in for him/her and you can only ask your good fortune to let them treat you like the best slave ever (for which you have to work, of course) or completely ignore you.
Going off topic, but here's my 2 cents.
No and no. This "assessment" of sorts or any other involving how suggestible or responsive a person is, is not what I would consider to be a measure of submission.
It is, however, a revealing assessment of how low the level of dominance is in a Dominant who relies on using this type of *test* as a measuring stick.
Let me preface this by saying that I don't seek anybody who is such a people-pleaser that he would act mindlessly submissive. I only want him to desire to please me, and to be submissive to me, not to other persons in whom he is not invested emotionally or related to (and even then, it would depend. . .).
You could get a Dominant to switch chairs to move in closer to you, to invite greater intimacy, or to hold a more private conversation. This wouldn't make him or her less Dominant, especially in a public setting on a first meet before a tentative D/s relationship has been mutually established.
(Or one of you could be from Missouri where it is taboo to sit with your back facing the door. . . .  )
Then there are societal niceties where a lady might ask a gentleman to get her another drink, or norms where a man displays courtesy. Not a measure of his dominance or submission -- just one of whether he has any class in public. I'll bet this 'successful' Dom doesn't even bother to get up and pull out a chair for a lady, particularly a 'submissive' one.
Nonetheless, I get what epiphiny is saying, and this is the approach that someone would take who's looking to train an easily trainable dog, and even dogs won't accept the authority of just any Master.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom
quote:
ORIGINAL: epiphiny43
Some dominants want the perfect servant. Some don't mind training one.
Some understand that nobody is perfect and certainly hasn't been born to serve them but they can train us because we're willing to obey and be punished or rewarded if needs be according to our dominants' judgment.
And then there are Dominants who aren't seeking a servant, but a partner-mate instead, or who aren't into punishment dynamics per se and prefer (creative) discipline and correction along with rewarding desirable behavior.
There was a time when I assumed all submissive types have to be trained, but that's probably because I was always of the opinion that ALL men need to be trained to be receptive to a woman's needs. Period.
With a servant or more service-oriented sub, obedience training may be obligatory.
When you hire an inexperienced worker, there will invariably be on-the-job training. Sometimes more goes into tailored untraining/retraining, where you have to break a person of ingrained habit patterns that don't serve your purposes.
I'm going to make a distinction here between training and teaching. I am not a trainer, and that isn't my domination/leadership style whatsoever. I teach and guide, I don't train. Further, any sub who requires constant training exercises in the form of obedience training, isn't the kind of sub I would want. (And if I hired a servant or employee whom I had to continually oversee in order to ensure the acceptable performance of his or her duties, that individual would soon find himself or herself replaced by another with higher aptitude and greater potential for excellence.)
DreamLady
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RE: Do male Doms ask for tribute? - 
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RE: Do male Doms ask for tribute? - 
You can always ask for clarification, rather than jumping to half-baked conclusions. 
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