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RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/29/2015 10:58:49 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

While it is possible that Des is correct in that she's pregnant or there is another physical problem, I have an idea that is much more likely...

She's

Not

That

Into

You

It's not a kink thing. It's a people thing.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/29/2015 11:20:51 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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It could be anything endocrines, hormones, depression to falling out of love/lust

The only way to find out is to sit her down and TALK to her

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/29/2015 11:40:56 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It could be anything endocrines, hormones, depression to falling out of love/lust

The only way to find out is to sit her down and TALK to her

I wonder why the modern-age people find this advice sooo perplexing????

It's something my parents always did if there were ever any hiccups.
It's something I have always done throughout my life too.
The OH and I constantly talk with each other and resolve problems/situations before they get bad and ugly.

Could it be that in this day and age of technology, people are far too reliant on social media and smart phones that the art of TALKING to each other has just died out almost completely???
So much so that they come to boards such as these to ask complete strangers?

The world baffles me at times... it really does.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/21/2015 3:59:15 PM

Therealslavelife

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/21/2015
Status: offline

LOL, THERE IS NO DOM IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. the inmate has taken over the asylum. Like others said this is probably toast. BE FIRM, MAKE IT OR BREAK IT, PERHAPS SHE IS JUST TESTING YOU, IF NOT AN YOU REALLY WANT A D/ s relationship this will cure the topping from the bottom an if it does not work you both move on. Also quite being verbal about what you want, be physical, take it! Sometimes a good spanking/ fucking cures a lot of these pseudo- phsycholigst ills.

< Message edited by Therealslavelife -- 12/21/2015 4:01:50 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/22/2015 10:50:14 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadHatter192

Hello and Good Morning/Afternoon to wherever you are

I have a question for other doms out there. Me and my Little/Submissive have been together for a long time. Neither of us have been with anyone else evolving any BDSM. In the beginning she was very involved and loved to do anything sexual or anything at all involving BDSM. Now in the past 2 months she has been getting less and less active sexually. But in the moment she doesn't have a problem with it at all. I do almost anything she wants to do the times we are together. Matter if it is going out to dinner or simply watching a movie together at home. But most of the time when I want to do something I want (most of the time its sexual) she doesn't want to do it and then I feel bad for pushing it onto her. For her birthday I took her out for dinner and got her lots of presents. I did everything she wanted and even took her out to a date where we first met. I gave her all the time she wanted in the bedroom and did anything she wanted done sexually to make her happy on her special day. For my birthday she did come over and it was good to see her. But she was aware it would make me happy for my birthday to have a little time in the bedroom but she never did and later told me sorry she wasn't in the mood that night.

So my question is, in your experiences since im still considerably new to being a dom, Is there anything I can do to make her want to please me more? Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

I gotta ask, who do you think is running this relationship?
Cuz it sure don't sound like you are...which, not so coincidentally, may just have something to do with her withdrawal.

My advice?
Don't got none. Advice ricochets on the bearer too much.
But I know that most subs don't like nice guys. They want people who hold them accountable. They like to know who holds the leash. They want a Man that drives the car.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/23/2015 1:22:02 AM

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Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

I vote for:

1. since she's a little......You've spoiled her......

2. give her a spanking, without sex.....make her stand in the corner. And,.....

3. tell her she'll be there until she tells the truth about what's up......

.....IF.....you're really a Dominant ..... its time you stand up on your hind legs and BE one......otherwise, its all too possible you being milktoast is the turnoff.

_____________________________

I will allways be a knight, instead of a prince.

What would the internet be like if we couldn't say trump is a moron?

The Republican party complains government doesnt work for people, and then makes darn sure it cannot.

(in reply to Kana)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 8:43:27 AM

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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I agree with LadyPact.

When a healthy woman doesn't want sex (and used to), it's that she is no longer into you, for many or even just one reason.

Talking is always good.

(in reply to itsSIRtou)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 10:07:22 AM

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Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm still betting that she's pregnant.

Could also be another issue, when my thyroid was out of whack and not properly medicated, I basically had ZERO interest in sex, just none.

I think they should talk to each other and maybe she gets a check up or they split up, but honest face to face conversation seems to be the best option

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 10:24:40 AM

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

quote:

Do you do selective reading? The words were "Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life."

In the real world your advice is very risky, especially given that something has clearly changed in the relationship.

It's impossible for him to be charge with rape, IF she used her safe words BEFORE he rapes her. What crazy woman who doesn't want to be raped, does not want to use her safe word, especially somebody in a BDSM relationship who is used to having a safe word to regulate her own control of the situation. The only way it could be rape is if he ignored her safe word. Then he deserve to be charged for rape.

Unless you are saying this lady is gonna intentionally ignore using her safe word, allow herself to get penetrated, EVEN THOUGH she doesn't want it, and THEN report him for rape. That makes her sounds pretty vicious. I don't think she's such a person.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/24/2015 10:31:19 AM >

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 10:39:09 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

- FR -

Its been 2 months.. I wonder if he/they have finally figured it out..

Imo, she decided she wasnt a sub anymore.. and/or she just wants him as a friend.. she just forgot to tell him that..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 11:29:45 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

quote:

Do you do selective reading? The words were "Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life."

In the real world your advice is very risky, especially given that something has clearly changed in the relationship.

It's impossible for him to be charge with rape, IF she used her safe words BEFORE he rapes her. What crazy woman who doesn't want to be raped, does not want to use her safe word, especially somebody in a BDSM relationship who is used to having a safe word to regulate her own control of the situation. The only way it could be rape is if he ignored her safe word. Then he deserve to be charged for rape.

Unless you are saying this lady is gonna intentionally ignore using her safe word, allow herself to get penetrated, EVEN THOUGH she doesn't want it, and THEN report him for rape. That makes her sounds pretty vicious. I don't think she's such a person.

Try and use your brain, if she calls the police they aren't interested if she used a safe word or if there was one, he will go to jail as a sex offender.

Just try the real world, like ONCE in a while

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/24/2015 12:49:52 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

quote:

Do you do selective reading? The words were "Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life."

In the real world your advice is very risky, especially given that something has clearly changed in the relationship.

It's impossible for him to be charge with rape, IF she used her safe words BEFORE he rapes her. What crazy woman who doesn't want to be raped, does not want to use her safe word, especially somebody in a BDSM relationship who is used to having a safe word to regulate her own control of the situation. The only way it could be rape is if he ignored her safe word. Then he deserve to be charged for rape.

Unless you are saying this lady is gonna intentionally ignore using her safe word, allow herself to get penetrated, EVEN THOUGH she doesn't want it, and THEN report him for rape. That makes her sounds pretty vicious. I don't think she's such a person.

Just as LC said, safe words or not, if he did anything at all to her when she said or otherwise showed she didn't want to, he'd be charged with rape if she reported it.
The law in most places around the world does NOT think that BDSM is consensual.

Heck, even if she wanted it and then afterwards decided she didn't like it, she could report it as rape and she could provide DNA evidence that it was him. He'd have an awful job convincing the judiciary that it wasn't rape when there is concrete evidence to support her case.
Even after proving his innocence there are always loads of folks who are of the opinion that there's no smoke without fire so he'd be a tainted soul for the rest of his life.

Even for those engaging in CP, she'd only have to show the marks and the poor dude would be swimming in treacle.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/26/2015 3:56:02 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/21/2013
Status: offline

What the hell. Forget the BDSM, forget the sex. Work on your relationship for a while. If she doesn't want to have sex there is probably a good reason. Perhaps you guys ran your course? Sex drive fluctuates in my experience as well.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 12/27/2015 5:18:11 AM

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Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Do you do selective reading? Safe words are involved. She ain't gonna report him for rape as long as he respect her safe word, geez! The whole point she is in control of the situation the whole time.

What color is the sky on your planet?

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 1/11/2016 2:49:41 AM

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/16/2009
From: London
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadHatter192

I do almost anything she wants to do the times we are together. Matter if it is going out to dinner or simply watching a movie together at home. But most of the time when I want to do something I want (most of the time its sexual) she doesn't want to do it and then I feel bad for pushing it onto her. For her birthday I took her out for dinner and got her lots of presents. I did everything she wanted and even took her out to a date where we first met. I gave her all the time she wanted in the bedroom and did anything she wanted done sexually to make her happy on her special day ...

Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

I don't know either of you, of course, and she may not be like women I've known.

But my suspicion is that she does not feel you're in charge in any non-sexual sense, and that it may be this that makes her not want you. It may be that the best way of making her feel she wants you again, if that's possible, is for you to begin to take charge and be more of a leader outside the bedroom.

I don't mean you should just start shouting at her and bossing her around in a crass way. But the presents should stop for now, I think, for a start. You should certainly not "do anything she wants to do". It's not that you should be refusing her things ("No! We're not going to see a film!") but that you shiuld be more in control of the agenda. If you're seeing her on a Friday, tell her "I want to see [insert name of movie], I'll pick you up at 6.30" or whatever. In my experience, most women like a man taking control in this kind of way, and the submissively-inclined women I've know actually needed things to be like this, I'd say. Not absolutely all the time perhaps, but a really good amount of the time. Sure, you might keep taking her to awful movies, bars, restaurants etc., that she hates. That would mean you're incompatible on a vanilla level. But if you take her out to places she enjoys because you do what she wants in order to please her, then you're not compatible in a maledom-femsub way.

I think if this relationship can be saved, this might be the way to start.

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 1/11/2016 2:34:07 PM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadHatter192

So my question is, in your experiences since im still considerably new to being a dom, Is there anything I can do to make her want to please me more? Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

Maybe she isn't the right woman for you and vice versa.

You should really have that fire in your stomach that no book or message board can teach you.

If you can't drum up that intensity between you then maybe it's just not a match made in heaven.

I dunno...maybe change course....got= to a few clubs, dungeons and the like and get a feel for which type of women are for you.

Horses for courses, and plenty of submissive women do not appeal to plenty of dominant men.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to MadHatter192)

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