RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/5/2016 8:52:33 AM

kdsub

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I don’t mean this as a personal criticism but I am of the…” I am me…like me or not . If you don’t then why bitch or complain…just move on” What bugs me is not what a person says if honest but one who tries to be someone they are not.

Butch

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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/5/2016 11:23:40 AM

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From: Saint Pete,FL
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I get the attraction of humiliation to a degree in a fetish manner. As a human being, I can't "lower" my esteem because of some fantasy. I value myself in so many ways and I value my submission for making me a better person in the long run.

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/7/2016 8:36:26 AM

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are you referring too non genuine who will frankly say anything for a baw sack trampling?

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/9/2016 8:01:04 PM

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From: New York City
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I get the attraction of humiliation to a degree in a fetish manner. As a human being, I can't "lower" my esteem because of some fantasy. I value myself in so many ways and I value my submission for making me a better person in the long run.

For me, if my dom chides me, it would be out of love and genuine concern for my safety, and it would be done as a loving parent would do it. I want my dom to point out my mistakes, and let me know how I could do things better, both for him/her and myself.

I want to be the best girl for my dom, the one who cares enough about me to take care of me and invest in a strong
relationship, and make him/her proud of me.

(in reply to Charles6682)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/10/2016 8:06:49 AM

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Broken human beings trying desperately to find a sociopath that will take them. Exists on the other side far more and the results are easy to notice in any modern newspaper.
There are also those that are smug or dickheads themselves to others and have developed a fantasy/fetish around being punished for this.

All three need help and the rest of us can offer some good advice but let's not try an encourage their fantasies.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/11/2016 7:01:50 AM

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I agree with many of the posters. I have many roles in my life and being submissive in all of them just isn't practical, productive or consistent with holding down my job.

The point for me about being submissive in a personal relationship is that I make a conscious decision to submit from a position of strength - not because I have no views, motivation or career, or because I am an inadequate human being. Making a conscious decision to submit can mean inner struggle, biting your tongue, and hesitating before complying. That is natural and indicates the fact that you are still a functional human being. It does not mean that you are not a natural submissive. Submissive does not equal doormat, nor does it mean that you are mindlessly submissive with every person in every situation.

I'm not really sure what the enjoyment is for a dom/me if someone just prostrates themselves in front of you as an empty vessel. Surely it's far more flattering and valuable when someone decides (sometimes over a period of time) that they would do anything for you and put you first, rather than being a doormat because it's all that they can do. That does not imply being disrespectful or topping from the bottom. It's just being a human being and not rolling over whenever someone who calls themselves a dom/me clicks their fingers. If I am seriously interested in someone that is different, but I absolutely go with the adage that "I am submissive but not your submissive", when it comes to social expectations.

I absolutely believe that you can become better as part of a partnership but, even though there might be an agreed transfer of power, with a Dom/me in charge, it is surely still a partnership.

All this "worthless worm" stuff just seems a bit too internet porn for me, unless it is a particular fetish someone has, within a respectful relationship. I like being hurt at times and that is very different from being damaged. Surely the whole point of Ds is that both partners do value each other and care for each other's best interests; they just do it in different and consensual ways.

< Message edited by longwayhome -- 1/11/2016 7:02:44 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/11/2016 11:26:50 AM

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quote:

It's a power exchange relationship and if you don't have any power to begin with, you have nothing to exchange.

That was always my feeling, too. Mind you, it can go too far: occasionally, I've been told "You're no submissive!" (and I don't mean just by the idiotic wannabee prodomme types who don't think I've opened my wallet readily enough for their liking). I've found that the cure for that - as Cynthia implies - is a little bit of sub flirting, right from the off. Just a smidgeon, mind.

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/11/2016 12:44:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
...a little bit of sub flirting, right from the off. Just a smidgeon, mind.

Yummy!

*smiles*

Me, I'll "Domme flirt" with anyone, even dominant males. I don't care if they're not submissive, because 9 times out of ten, I get, "So, I've always wanted to explore my sub side, and I feel so comfortable with you..." within a month in any case.

LOL!

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/11/2016 3:34:23 PM

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Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Me, I'll "Domme flirt" with anyone, even dominant males. I don't care if they're not submissive, because 9 times out of ten, I get, "So, I've always wanted to explore my sub side, and I feel so comfortable with you..." within a month in any case.

Well, some guys are more flirtable (word?) with than others. More times than not, the *blech*

factor gets in the way of having a bit of harmless fun. I'm not talking about looks either; it's more about lackluster personality and lack of desirable character traits.

As for these wanna-explore-my-sub-side maleDoms. Broken record. It seems to me, they just want to scratch their bottom (no pun intended) itches without having to cough up the dough to pay a Pro-Domme. So, not much of a difference between them and any other "do-me" bottom hoping to get lucky, whereas they have nothing worthwhile to offer in return other than their ignominious presence.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I think in a way it's them fetishizing the whole thing, in some ways what they think is expected of them because they saw too much bad BDSM porn or talked to too many online Princesses and Goddesses, whatever it is, it annoys the hell out of me.

I haven't been keeping up lately, so I don't recall the poster's name recently who referred to how some (maybe most) males have a submission fetish. By Jove, that's gotta be it.
What they should have instead is a power exchange fetish, as a reminder that exuding the sweet honey of personal power will catch more bees than the sour vinegar gall of self-deprecation, powerlessness, and fakey servile displays of obsequiousness!

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
It's a power exchange relationship and if you don't have any power to begin with, you have nothing to exchange.

That was always my feeling, too. Mind you, it can go too far: occasionally, I've been told "You're no submissive!" (and I don't mean just by the idiotic wannabee prodomme types who don't think I've opened my wallet readily enough for their liking). I've found that the cure for that - as Cynthia implies - is a little bit of sub flirting, right from the off. Just a smidgeon, mind.

A healthy dose of confidence and of modesty are SO-OO sexy in a man. . . . The confidence of being an ardent pursuer, and the modesty of not knowing how hot he really is to women. (This would include having intelligence, charm & animal magnetism.) Damn powerful combination, especially in a submissive male.

*Fans self*

DreamLady

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(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 2:01:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Me, I'll "Domme flirt" with anyone, even dominant males. I don't care if they're not submissive, because 9 times out of ten, I get, "So, I've always wanted to explore my sub side, and I feel so comfortable with you..." within a month in any case.

As for these wanna-explore-my-sub-side maleDoms. Broken record. It seems to me, they just want to scratch their bottom (no pun intended) itches without having to cough up the dough to pay a Pro-Domme. So, not much of a difference between them and any other "do-me" bottom hoping to get lucky, whereas they have nothing worthwhile to offer in return other than their ignominious presence.

Actually, I was thinking real dominant men, who are actually attracted and want to try something a bit more sincerely. Guys I know in real life, versus online.

I've just discovered that even many Doms would try bottoming/submitting with the right woman/en.

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 11:02:52 AM

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From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
even many Doms would try bottoming/submitting with the right woman/en.

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 12:09:12 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, because if she was the "right woman", you wouldn't have to do "almost anything".

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 12:12:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallClevDom

quote:

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, because if she was the "right woman", you wouldn't have to do "almost anything".

That's the difference in thinking between men who are desperate and men who are not.

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 12:20:26 PM

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Well man has begun wars and killed his brothers through out history for that one sweet, forbidden flower, even if there were fields of others to pick from. As such a little bondage doesn't seem too far fetched.

But woman has endured pain and humiliation for the good of her child that few men can match, and i do not merely speaking about birth here.

So where does this far flung story take us?
Well I'd say that all things equal the sacrifices we can consider making for a good life and the family we want are pretty even. And as history proves there are intelligent, strong women that have submitted to the will of a man many times over, for love and for duty.

quote:

It's a power exchange relationship and if you don't have any power to begin with, you have nothing to exchange.

I'll do actually go ahead and disagree here. While there may be the tease and enjoyment of the manipulation respectively that such a descent might bring to each party I'd go ahead and say that it probably wouldn't apply to me nor a few of the people I've met. If I ever met a truly dominant woman with whom I fell in love with then that difference of willpower would probably be fairly constant and noticeable and my submission to her would be enduring in degree and as ever lasting as my inability to rise to her metaphysical standing. Perhaps she would lift me, perhaps I would find it pleasant to be in the embrace her shadow, I know not for I have never met a woman like this whom I have loved.

I will further add that I do not find the power of will or other power and the lack thereof to equal the scale of self-promoting contra "self-deprecating". The two are DIFFERENT and while I admire those who take leadership or those who find themselves competent followers I see the tipping of the second scale in either direction as something negative, either speaking of narcissism or of weak self esteem.

< Message edited by CodeOfSilence -- 1/12/2016 12:33:17 PM >

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 12:44:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallClevDom

quote:

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, because if she was the "right woman", you wouldn't have to do "almost anything".

But some would say you'd *want* to, regardless.

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(in reply to TallClevDom)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 1:11:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
even many Doms would try bottoming/submitting with the right woman/en.

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

You may mean that men are by their very nature desperate. Assuming however that doesn't apply to all men all of the time, in theory that is a very submissive position.

I would certainly do almost anything for the right woman, emphasis being on the right woman. Wanting to submit is an expression of how I feel about someone, and not kind of submission fetish, which some other posters have referred to.

It is always possible to show your submissive nature (sub-flirting) without being self-deprecating. Apart from anything else it's fantastic fun to joke, imply and flirt, and much sexier than being over obvious. It also makes any later play far more intriguing.

< Message edited by longwayhome -- 1/12/2016 1:25:43 PM >

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 1:13:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallClevDom

quote:

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, because if she was the "right woman", you wouldn't have to do "almost anything".

But some would say you'd *want* to, regardless.

Absolutely, that is if you are submissive and she is the right woman.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 1:36:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
even many Doms would try bottoming/submitting with the right woman/en.

For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, no matter what I am not eating shit. Sorry

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/12/2016 2:10:47 PM

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Actually, I was thinking real dominant men, who are actually attracted and want to try something a bit more sincerely. Guys I know in real life, versus online.

I've just discovered that even many Doms would try bottoming/submitting with the right woman/en.

Yeah well, that's the million-dollar question, how each of us defines real dominance.
Conversely, are they seeking a "real dominant" woman, or do they just want a woman to Top them?
Sure there are service Tops around for that, but not nearly as many willing to do it for free unless they're actively looking to gain Topping experience.

No doubt you know more lifestylers than I do and get out much more regularly, socialize more often.
I tend to keep to myself, but that doesn't mean I haven't associated in person with maleDoms, DD/lg, M/f & M/m couples.
On line any HNG fetishist can say he's a Dominant. Some have Dom, switch and/or sub profiles to spread as wide a net as possible.
Oftentimes newbie vanilla dudes who see themselves as "alpha" males in their day-to-day lives will choose to identify as Dominant even though they are clearly more of a bedroom submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallClevDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
For the right woman, wouldn't men do almost anything?

No, because if she was the "right woman", you wouldn't have to do "almost anything".

But some would say you'd *want* to, regardless.

Absolutely, that is if you are submissive and she is the right woman.

You don't have to be submissive to be romantic or to want to please your woman. But it sure does help.

DreamLady

_____________________________

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/13/2016 10:47:04 AM

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Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
You don't have to be submissive to be romantic or to want to please your woman. But it sure does help.

Women cum first!

(in reply to dreamlady)

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