RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually join you?

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually join you?

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually... - 2/25/2016 10:44:31 PM

TimeLimited

Posts: 1095
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I read your question as requesting you to think with your head and not your emotions. Good for you both.
I have played with a third while in a D/s relationship. I am not an owner. I have had a sub who lived in her own home and was a single Mom. We never advanced to 24/7 because of the kids. I did spend time in her home often as her DOM. We did attend local and national BDSM events at times. I still believe most of what I add to the conversation is important.
EACH of the three of you may have separate wants needs desires expectations LIMITS.
EACH needs to sit by their lonesome and think about that. Have the dynamics been discussed by all? Then sit down and discuss them with each other without the heat of the moment ruling.
Have you separately spent time with the sub/slave candidate in play? IF not, that needs to happen to help set some more expectations and limits not often thought of until sub is in the home. Nobody needs a nasty surprise when you pass an unspoken limit .... or more often you go somewhere not discussed and sub/slave balks. Now What?
While my sub was very much into the gals, her jealousy was aroused when I spent time with the third and in her mind deprived her of my time. That despite discussion up front.
Oldest rule in the book: The thing not asked nor discussed will bite you harshly. OJT will happen.

One of the oldest rule in medicine is First Do No Harm
The second one that bites most is what did the medic not ask. (Personal experience as the patient).
Have a thought in mind if/when SNAFU bites you in the butt. Murphy always is around the next bend.

While I wish you the very best, I strongly urge some trial events in the relationship before bringing the sub/slave into the home. I know someone who even had a background check on the sub candidate only to learn a scam history in her record. Needless to say that cooled that.

< Message edited by TimeLimited -- 2/25/2016 10:49:07 PM >

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually... - 2/25/2016 11:40:13 PM

theHouseofAvalon

Posts: 87
Joined: 1/9/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theHouseofAvalon

quote:

ORIGINAL: Armydom94

...What are things we should be looking at in our candidates? Should we put a contract together? What is your usual process to bringing in a submissive/slave?

First, forget the "submissive" thing unless you are going to pay her. I will assume you mean "slave" and if not that is your loss, my friend.

Characteristics? She is prey and not employee and she needs a master not an employer and she knows it at least subconsciously or you can open her eyes as a master.
Contract? Yes and this is it unwritten: Leave or be sent away and you will not be allowed back.
Process? Hunt. Find. Capture. Integrate. Enjoy.

Hunt her locally using online resources like CS.

The Master of The House

As a follow-up I should have mentioned before I do have a 24/7 Household somewhat like the one you might be looking for if you are looking for success.

The girls all come out of CS and FL contacts and all are locally sourced. You might agree with me when I say this is a success. Do you want to be successful or do you want to sit like so many couples here looking and getting disappointed for literally years trying to be somewhat conventional or vanilla about something that is neither. Take the natural approach.

The Master of The House

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually... - 3/10/2016 11:01:08 AM

CorporalB

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Joined: 2/18/2016
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Some body said earlier there is no Article of the UCMJ on BDSM however there is always Article 134 General Article. I've seen at least 12 busted for sexual misconduct for extra Marital affairs under Article 134. Granted that was the Bush years so maybe it ain't as bad anymore. Just giving a heads up from a stand point I know a thing or two about.

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually... - 3/10/2016 11:59:39 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CorporalB
Some body said earlier there is no Article of the UCMJ on BDSM however there is always Article 134 General Article. I've seen at least 12 busted for sexual misconduct for extra Marital affairs under Article 134. Granted that was the Bush years so maybe it ain't as bad anymore. Just giving a heads up from a stand point I know a thing or two about.

Yeah, you're a few years behind.

What I said was "there is no BDSM under the UCMJ and there is no poly." There is no consensual activity that the US Military accepts by definition that deviates from the UCMJ. Consent to assault (which is what it's interpreted as) absolutely can be prosecuted if the active duty military member is the top. The bottom can usually skate unless their activities make them unfit for duty in some way.

[color]

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: When is it the right time for the slave to actually... - 3/12/2016 2:30:30 PM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
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OP have you tried a threesome? Or play you, as a couple, play with someone else?

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