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UllrsIshtar -> RE: My New Dom Is Trying To Change My Eating Habits (3/3/2016 10:46:52 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crumpets
the question seems to be more of "how can I follow someone whose ideas I don't respect?" more so than "how do I give him the information he needs to make an informed decision".
You don't follow the orders of somebody whose ideas you don't respect.
Because if you don't respect somebody's ideas, you've already decided that you aren't going to follow orders you don't like, before the order is even given.
quote:
ORIGINAL: crumpets
So, we'd need to know from "this" sub how she thinks "this" dom would react if she told said dom that he was ignorant of whatever (popcorn being only a mere vignette of the extent of the matter).
Maybe he's not ignorant at all. Maybe he knows very well what he's doing nutrition wise, and merely accidently provided her with a link that's inaccurate after not fact checking the entire linked page very well.
Maybe his order to airpop popcorn has nothing to do with salt content, and everything to do with the fact that vegetable oil of the type she's using is unhealthy (if he's Paleo, for example, that vegetable oil would be entirely off the menu for reasons totally unrelated to salt content).
If salt content doesn't factor into his decision, whether or not the link he provided is accurate on presumed salt content is irrelevant, because it may explain his reasoning for not allowing vegetable oil very well on all points that matter besides salt content.
The issue is: Is she signing up to follow orders, or is she signing up for a relationship where they're mutually going to agree on stuff they decide but pretend like she's following orders?
If it's the first, there's really no reason why he'd have to justify his decision. Even if the decision is based on nothing more than that he doesn't like the smell of oil, it should still be followed.
If it's the second, then yeah, of course, he's going to have to justify his decision to her, before she'll play alone and pretend to obey him.
Which relationship does she think she's in, or wants to be in? Which relationship does he think he's in?
The fact that the OP said: "He is trying to get me to switch to air popped popcorn because it's healthier." is more telling here than the fact that she's questioning the accuracy of his decision.
If he's "trying" to convince her "because of x reason", it shows that he acknowledges that she ought to only obey him if she agrees, and that if she disagrees, the relationship structure is such that she can just ignore him, instead of pretending to obey him on this issue.
If he was the one in charge, he wouldn't try to convince her of anything. He would stipulate how things were going to be, and then decide whether or not her concerns were relevant enough to explain his reasoning.
Chances are that on something as trivial as popcorn, her concerns wouldn't be relevant enough that he would deem it necessary to explain himself, and his motivation, and instead he'd merely expect her to obey, even if his reasons for wanting air-popped popcorn are wrong, or even ridiculous.
It's one thing to quell insecurity by explaining your motivation on something as big and life changing decisions. Most people in charge (whether in a kinky relationship, in the work-force, or other situations of power-discrepancy) are usually willing to explain why they're leading a certain way, at least to a point, because making sure that your subordinates can have faith in your decisions is part of what good leadership is. Leaders don't justify ever little decision they make though. Even if their reasons for making the decision is trivial, or wrong.
quote:
ORIGINAL: crumpets
quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I'm sure that if Kaliko went to Awareness and explain that her doctor told her that she's allergic to some of the Paleo stuff he's got her eating, he'd factor that into his future decisions, and would probably change them.
Are you REALLY so sure?
From the OP, I gather that the OP isn't so sure of that.
But you have a better sense of people than I ever will.
Even so, I'm not so sure this is so simple as that in "this" situation.
I'm sure in the case of Kaliko and Awareness, because Awareness has a track record of being reasonable and sensible, as well as caring about making decisions that are actually beneficial for Kaliko, instead of making them purely on his own whim.
As such, the assumption that he'd be reasonable, and would factor in new information, is the prudent one to make in this instance.
Whether or not that's the case with the OP and her guy I don't know.
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