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How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/7/2016 2:52:03 AM

Steampinkgirl

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/24/2015
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Hello Masters, Sir's and anyone else,

what advice would you give me to learn how to spot time-wasters, I seem to attract many I am I find I keep getting reeled in. any suggestions on how avoid these people?

thanks

kitten
x

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/12/2016 6:31:07 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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Not a master or Dom but...you can use my technique--only interact with those who live within a 30 minute radius of my home, refuse to have any type of "setting" or sexual content conversations and require that you meet face to face within 1-2weeks. Vanilla people did this for YEARS before the invention of smartphones, texting, Internet...they called it "blind dating"

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/12/2016 6:49:59 PM

TheUltimate4Him

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/6/2015
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I completely agree with TieMeInKnotts. The first thing I look for is distance. I also believe if I can't see you for dinner a few days a week, you're too far for me to date. Also I immediately ask...please share if you are married, divorced, separated. If divorced, how long were you married, how long divorced, children, ages, locations, college, profession. If their responses are in line with what I want, only then will I share my vanilla side of life. Then I ask about their experience in the lifestyle.

If you balk or claim I have no right to ask these things, they aren't serious. Many just want attention or someone to chat with. Have fun with the delete key, sometimes block also.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/12/2016 7:38:42 PM

mousekabob

Posts: 187
Status: offline

talk to them? get to know them as a person? Always worked for me.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 3:56:39 AM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheUltimate4Him

I completely agree with TieMeInKnotts. The first thing I look for is distance. I also believe if I can't see you for dinner a few days a week, you're too far for me to date. Also I immediately ask...please share if you are married, divorced, separated. If divorced, how long were you married, how long divorced, children, ages, locations, college, profession. If their responses are in line with what I want, only then will I share my vanilla side of life. Then I ask about their experience in the lifestyle.

If you balk or claim I have no right to ask these things, they aren't serious. Many just want attention or someone to chat with. Have fun with the delete key, sometimes block also.

I agree on asking about if he's married, divorced, separated, ... but I noticed your profile doesn't answer that kind of question and I don't think it's fair of you to demand others provide information you don't.

it's also wonderful that you take into account distance but some people are willing to relocate overseas so dating offline "a few days a week" before deciding is not an option.

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- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 8:42:14 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
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Usually their lack of profile and pictures portrays these gimplings, bad stereotypes and gorteque creatures for what they are, errant gits & often married and seeking the idea of a frolic (never an actual frolic as they can never sneak away). Then you have the opposite profiles, who bestow such wonderful wonderment on the readers; I am master and I will thrash you into last week, harpoon you, sell you for cake money on muffinbay (patentpending) and so on.

Generally most have a lack of a credible identity and blame the paranoid world for that, or talk utter pants, or dangerous words to lure the gullible and innocent and those who know no better.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 12:48:18 PM

LilJuly76

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Joined: 1/9/2016
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I always ask their experience in the lifestyle. One local guy professed interest and I asked that particular question, turns out he knows nothing about BDSM he just wants sex who knew!

(also yes I did know...)

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 2:24:17 PM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WilliamWizer
I agree on asking about if he's married, divorced, separated, ... but I noticed your profile doesn't answer that kind of question and I don't think it's fair of you to demand others provide information you don't.

No one said that anyone was demanding information they weren't willing to share about themselves. Just because it isn't in profile info doesn't mean that it isn't asked and answered in messages. The poster is just pointing out that that is one topic that should be addressed.

quote:

it's also wonderful that you take into account distance but some people are willing to relocate overseas so dating offline "a few days a week" before deciding is not an option.

Then that means those two people would be incompatible. That needs to be established up front as well.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 6:05:54 PM

Curmudgeonly1

Posts: 466
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I just did something I very rarely do but as it's relevant to the thread topic I forgive me for trolling profiles.

Every single person whining in this thread about distance is an ameritard.

Like the warnings about the brown acid at Woodstock, you can take that with however many grains of salt you want.

yaw welkum

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 7:27:13 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steampinkgirl

any suggestions on how avoid these people?

thanks

kitten
x

I dunno!

How does anyone know what you consider a waste of your time?

It takes effort and...errr- TIME! to get to know someone---if you aren't willing to take those moments/days/weeks to discover mutual interests or incompatibilities, then you are wasting your own time by being here.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/13/2016 7:42:26 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steampinkgirl

Hello Masters, Sir's and anyone else,

what advice would you give me to learn how to spot time-wasters, I seem to attract many I am I find I keep getting reeled in. any suggestions on how avoid these people?

thanks

kitten
x

Hone your life skills, pay attention, be observant. Use your head, trust your gut and if the heart is in sync.. you are not wasting your time to pursue that.. you're just living your life.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/14/2016 9:31:15 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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My way doesn't work for everyone, so you'll have to judge it on your own scale.

Personally, I prefer not to do email exchanges or chat here. I greatly prefer Fet. One immediate advantage Fet has is the "mutual friends" feature. It allows me to see if they know people that I know. If they don't, I don't see any need in investing my time. I'm in a large metro area (don't believe the one on the profile) and anybody local to me is going to have certain people on their friends list around here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WilliamWizer
I agree on asking about if he's married, divorced, separated, ... but I noticed your profile doesn't answer that kind of question and I don't think it's fair of you to demand others provide information you don't.

She didn't say she wouldn't provide the information if asked. She's actually got a very nice profile and I'm led to think she's looking for a soul mate, which to most people would mean she is single. Ask, of course, but it certainly seems she's looking for somebody when not having any ties at this time.

quote:

it's also wonderful that you take into account distance but some people are willing to relocate overseas so dating offline "a few days a week" before deciding is not an option.

Who cares what other people are willing to do if that's not what she's looking for?

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/15/2016 8:46:30 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
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quote:

any suggestions on how avoid these people?

Turn off the computer and go out and meet some people.

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Not your average bimbo.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/17/2016 3:45:58 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mousekabob

talk to them? get to know them as a person? Always worked for me.

only interact with those who live within a 30 minute radius of my home, refuse to have any type of "setting" or sexual content conversations and require that you meet face to face within 1-2weeks
Yeah.
That's the ticket

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/18/2016 2:37:54 AM

mousekabob

Posts: 187
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How'd that work out for ya? <snicker>

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/18/2016 5:33:51 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
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First: YOU HAVE TO EMAIL THE DOMINANT.

It is an ugly reality, but that is pretty much the only way dating works for people looking for more than a casual relationship. Our culture requires the woman to make the first move when it comes to a serious relationship, ESPECIALLY when she is submissive.

In fact, I would consider outright ignoring all people that email you on this website before you email them. There are too many actual ( but not serious) males chasing too few actual women on this and similar websites for it to work the other way around.

If you are here to play, then fine, live out your fantasy of being chased by the guy. But if you want a real, long term relationship, the woman has to initiate it.

The act of finding a real person to date is not and can not be part of the fantasy you desire. Wanting a dominant man to call/email/text you first is similar to a male slave expecting to be kidnapped, blindfolded and raped, all without speaking. Fantasy is not reality.

Second: Be very clear from the beginning what you want and what you don't want. Don't say "looking for a dom"

Instead say, I am looking for a dominant man who enjoys baby girl play" or "I want someone with experience with fire", or "I like rope bondage and am looking for someone experienced with it, but who is NOT into role play."

The more specific you get, the more likely that someone you want will reply.

Note, this won't really reduce the number of douche-bags that email you - but it will reduce the honest people that won't be a match from emailing you.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 3/18/2016 5:52:20 PM >

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/18/2016 6:48:17 PM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
First: YOU HAVE TO EMAIL THE DOMINANT.

It is an ugly reality, but that is pretty much the only way dating works for people looking for more than a casual relationship. Our culture requires the woman to make the first move when it comes to a serious relationship, ESPECIALLY when she is submissive.

In fact, I would consider outright ignoring all people that email you on this website before you email them. There are too many actual ( but not serious) males chasing too few actual women on this and similar websites for it to work the other way around.

If you are here to play, then fine, live out your fantasy of being chased by the guy. But if you want a real, long term relationship, the woman has to initiate it.

The act of finding a real person to date is not and can not be part of the fantasy you desire. Wanting a dominant man to call/email/text you first is similar to a male slave expecting to be kidnapped, blindfolded and raped, all without speaking. Fantasy is not reality.

Seriously? Seriously??

The second part of your post about being specific is commonsensical, short of boxing oneself into a corner.

It's the first part quoted above which I don't agree with, as pertaining to maleDoms. Btw, if this were the case, no Dom-leaning male Switch would get contacted by anybody!

I'll tell you why I think your advice is flawed. I'm not saying that it is wrong for a femsub to contact a maleDom if his profile interests her. But as far as I'm concerned, any man who sits around on a seeking site expecting females to make the first move, isn't much of a man. Not to mention, he would have to be an idiot, and a passive idiot at that, given the competition he faces. The biggest idiots of all are newbie male subs coming onto this site expecting Dommes - or any other woman for that matter - to start wooing them. In a pig's eye, unless she's a pro on the hunt for new clients.

A woman contacting a man doesn't make her appear to be any more "real" to him. In fact, a man would be more likely to be question her motives than usual.

Yes, it is a secret fantasy of a lot of men to want to be chased and wooed. You guys won't admit it, but there it is.

I won't speak for other women, but that's not the type of man I would be attracted to, a man who either doesn't know what he wants and is indecisive and/or doesn't go after what he wants in life no matter what his orientation happens to be.

DreamLady

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Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/18/2016 6:59:34 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mousekabob

How'd that work out for ya? <snicker>

Makes waggling motion with hand.
The jury is still out

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/19/2016 1:50:55 AM

betataster

Posts: 138
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
....
A woman contacting a man doesn't make her appear to be any more "real" to him. In fact, a man would be more likely to be question her motives than usual.
...
DreamLady

I agree with this for the most part.

My profile has attracted some attention and I have received a fair number of unsolicited contacts from Dominas, especially given my short tenure here. I'm not a person that questions motives much. I rely on my instincts and motives will reveal themselves in time. If it's just about whether or not they're going to ask me for money, that's no big deal. They either reveal that fairly quickly or pick up on the hints I drop that that's not what I'm looking for.

I have more trouble on these unsolicited contacts with discerning if their motive is to feel me out for a relationship or just to have some email chat. This is a bit of an odd dance y'all have here between a submissive male and a dominant woman. And certainly not one that I have figured out. It seems that the dominant woman wants the supposedly submissive male to be a bit aggressive but not too aggressive? The woman is supposed to be dominant but she still wants to be demure? I don't know. But I have enjoyed most of the exchanges I've had with folks here.

Except for one that was distinctly odd. This woman contacted me with a brief message along the lines of "why should I be interested in you?" Okay, I'm game, I thought. I'll give it a shot. So I write her back something and she would give me a very brief reply. This went back and forth but I eventually discovered that getting anywhere close to her would requiring navigating a minefield that might well have no path through it. Eventually, I guess I stepped on one mine too many with her giving me no clues as to which way to go and she blew up. Boom.

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RE: How do I avoid time-wasters. - 3/19/2016 2:03:46 AM

betataster

Posts: 138
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curmudgeonly1

I just did something I very rarely do but as it's relevant to the thread topic I forgive me for trolling profiles.

Every single person whining in this thread about distance is an ameritard.

Like the warnings about the brown acid at Woodstock, you can take that with however many grains of salt you want.

yaw welkum

By "whining about distance", I assume you mean requiring a prospective match to be close to them? I certainly don't fit that category and have been reamed out for that.

Also on this Ameritard thing. Are all Americans tards? Are all tards American? Are Ameritards those tards that happened to be American, implying that there are tards in other countries, also. Are those tards as prevalent, as a percentage of the overall population? Could you please draw me a Venn diagram? Preferably to scale.

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There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

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