RE: Why would someone do this? (Full Version)

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Lucylastic -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:00:29 PM)

No worries, it happens, I do it myself occasionally.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:00:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: betataster


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

A woman who excludes you on her profile has already told you 'no'.

Writing her means that you do not take 'no' for an answer, and feel entitled to push her to attempt to change her mind, AFTER she has already told you 'no'.


Right. I see nothing wrong with making one polite attempt at changing her mind. And if she responds back, that indicates to me that she is, at least, amenable to the idea of changing her mind. Men have been attempting to change women's minds for as long as there have been men and women. Does that necessarily make it right? No. But it doesn't make it wrong, either. You would have it be wrong? That's your prerogative.


What a douchebag!!

1) If it's an obvious "No" to begin with, pushing the point (even politely) is not on.
You see nothing wrong with it? I do.... plenty wrong with pushing a point.
2) And if that response back is anything else beyond "Ok, let's dance", you are being beyond pushy and showing what an utter douchecanoe you really are.
3) Men don't usually bother trying to change a woman's mind - 99.999% of the time it's impossible.

Absolutely, it is utterly WRONG to push for communication when it has been made obvious that the response is a NO before you even start.
Where the fuck are your manners and decorum?? [8|]

It's like that old saying.... "Please don't ask for credit as a smack in the mouth often offends".
This is along similar lines.... it's uber-insulting.



Lucylastic -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:07:35 PM)

I certainly dont count one or two messages an ongoing conversation. or that I should be expected to respond to a stranger in a certain way, LOL



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:14:12 PM)

Exactly my point Lucy.
There was no real conversation going on.
If it's an obvious No right from the get go, it's quite rude to push it to start.



betataster -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:16:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

If he can harass her into changing her mind then clearly she didn't really mean "no" in the first place, right?! Mansplaining at it's finest.


Christ, harassment?

If she has in her profile "I don't want to hear from anyone under 50" or something equally clear, then I won't message her.

If she says "I prefer men around my own age", then I might.

One is a preference and the other is a hard limit. This is a BDSM site, as someone has already pointed out, and that's a distinction that should be well understood. She might say in her profile that she prefers a man with a college degree and an 8 inch dick. If I don't have one or the other of those, should I not message her? We all make compromises. Why should I not expect the possibility of a compromise on an age preference? Shouldn't I let her make up her own mind as to what relative weight to put on my age vis-à-vis my other qualities? Oh, she already has, you say. Maybe she has and maybe she hasn't. There is only one way for me to find out. And if that makes me an evil male bastard, then I'm an evil male bastard.

Oh, and ad hominem arguments hold as little water as straw men.

This is an interesting discussion and I appreciate the input. I'd like to continue it in real time but unfortunately I have to leave now for the evening.




Lucylastic -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:23:44 PM)

not evil male bastard
LMAO now who is making strawmen
just arrogant and ignorant
gender doesnt come into it.



dreamlady -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:28:51 PM)

Other site do things similarly, with showing views, adding favorites, and so forth (one has a So-and-So Wants to Meet You, but it's meaningless because it counts a Maybe as a Yes).

On this site, whoever shows up on your Viewing list or as an Admirer might not have any significance whatsoever. But it does "flag" that person's profile, or gives you a Polaroid snap shot, which you can then decide if it's somebody who piques you curiosity or catches your interest.

If you don't fit somebody's stated preferences, then you go this circuitous route. You put the ball in their court. If they choose to ignore you, then fine.

If you do fit that person's basic requirements, then by all means, send off a message. In that sense, Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.

Not having anything of substance to say as an ice breaker may not put you out of the running, but having a skimpy and threadbare profile may seal your coffin. If there are obvious deal breakers noted, then that will also factor in.

Seriously, do dudes really need to be told that they simply aren't what you're looking for? If you were, then you would get your return volley. No volley, no game in play. Simples.

DreamLady



DesFIP -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:33:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: betataster

Right. I see nothing wrong with making one polite attempt at changing her mind. And if she responds back, that indicates to me that she is, at least, amenable to the idea of changing her mind. Men have been attempting to change women's minds for as long as there have been men and women. Does that necessarily make it right? No. But it doesn't make it wrong, either. You would have it be wrong? That's your prerogative.



So you see nothing wrong in making a 'polite' attempt at changing her mind by asking her for things she's already made clear she doesn't want to give you.

Logically, you should see nothing wrong in her 'politely' telling all her friends that you don't respect boundaries and she advises them to have nothing to do with you, and instead block you directly.

After all, that's her prerogative.



stef -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 2:46:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: betataster

One is a preference and the other is a hard limit. This is a BDSM site, as someone has already pointed out, and that's a distinction that should be well understood.

That's a distinction that comes into play when you have a RELATIONSHIP with someone. THAT is a distinction that should be well understood.



Kana -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 3:19:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

Ok little bit of a rant but honestly I want to know why someone would do this, outside of being plain rude or insensitive.

3 girls within a period of 3 weeks. I read through their profiles and posts in great detail. I felt there was a potential connection, so I wrote to them. Nothing creepy, plain old fashioned introduction, what I am looking for, why I liked her profile. An invitation to connect if she felt she would like to know me as well.

If they did not respond at this stage I would say its more than understandable. Surely girls get 100s of messages - makes perfect sense. Maybe did not read mine. Maybe read it but did not feel any possible chemistry. Perfectly good reasons. In an ideal world I would have loved it if they wrote a single line saying "No sorry". But forget it, that's just fine.

Here's the problem. They reply back. They exchange a few mails getting to know each other. Sometimes they will say we should chat on Skype, sometimes I brought it up while keeping it completely optional on their comfort level. Often they said yes. If they did not - great, just keep the mails going back and forth until the trust develops.

Then one fine day - boom! Girl 1 stops replying to any emails. Girl 2 blocks me. Girl 3 closes account and runs away. Honestly I am not hiding anything here - it was not that I said something shitty which caused them to do this. Then I would not be asking this question out in the open. It was like a bolt from the blue.

Seriously? For all the time we invested in each other, could I not have expected at least a "Sorry I dont think we'll gel well" ?

I dont mean to say girls are the only ones that do this. I am sure men (boys?) have done it too, just that it would be outside of my personal experience.

I would like to believe these people were not outright fakes. Yet... what is it about an online connection that makes people treat it as so fragile and cheap? I am sorry if I am being silly here but with time we start investing not only time but emotions too. Sometimes I go to the extent of worrying whether something actually happened to her.

Just to be clear that these fears are not unfounded - this had happened previously with a "little" I had been in touch with. Very attached, very sweet, perfectly genuine. Then disappeared for 4 FULL MONTHS. Turns up later. Turned out she had major mental illness (I knew about it) and was borderline suicidal. I wish she had trusted me enough to tell me about it. Nevertheless we are friends now.

Any thoughts gentlemen / ladies?


Thoughts

1-There are different skills involved in hooking a fish and landing one.
2-The old rule seems to apply here-when one person tells you that you have a pink fuzzy bunny tale, its funny. Twice is odd. Three times and its time to turn around and look
3-These people owe you nothing so its silly to expect anything otherwise. Remember the first rule of the net:
4-Everyone, you, stef, everyone* is fake until you lay eyeballs on them in person. And even then you gott watch em close for a few months because the first little bit, you don't see them, you see their sales rep.

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 3:33:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)


HEY! [:@]



Kana -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 3:41:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)


HEY! [:@]

You didn't put out so you're fake too!



Darkfeather -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 3:45:45 PM)

Yes, clearly english is my second language... If you bothered to read anything I posted in context, you would see cop-out is more than the correct term. The original post was simply a question about what to expect when contact is suddenly stopped without explanation. He was given the textbook answer, women deal with a lot of crap, so guys shouldn't expect anything. To this I say, and say, and say, again till I grow horse... IS a cop-out. The polite thing to do is reply. We go into any social exchange, expecting the polite thing. Now, I can hear your teeth grinding at the bit... shh, hear that? Before you blow a blood vessel, I am saying what he should expect. Yes, he should fucking expect a polite response. Am I saying he should get one, is he owed one, is he entitled to one. FUCK NO... sorry for yelling. My point is, from his perspective, it should be, and definitely is expected. What you want, and what you get, are usually far different things. Wishes in one hand, and all that. Can we stop with the notion that I support any of this behavior now, please? I am on my knees here



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:00:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

The polite thing to do is reply. We go into any social exchange, expecting the polite thing.

Yes, he should fucking expect a polite response.


So this guy:

quote:

Mail me your kik slut!


And this guy:

quote:

A slave is not a slave who is not used as a prostitute/whore. Are you truly a slave?


And this guy:

quote:

Do you do k9?


And this guy:

quote:

I like what I see in your profile. Message me immediately after you read this to beg for the favor of being allowed to get to know me.


(I could keep going here, and I've only got an hour worth of mails...)

Should all expect a polite response?

Noted...

Please do share... what exactly is a polite response to that last email?

It seems that not complying with his request to beg him for permission to get to know him would be rude... so enlighten me... how exactly am I to reply to that?





UllrsIshtar -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:04:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)


HEY! [:@]

You didn't put out so you're fake too!


If I recall, you're the one who didn't put out... [:D]



DaddySatyr -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:09:03 PM)


Holy fuck! Talk about a straw man response!

Clearly, you missed the part where people have said "respectful, well thought-out ... "!

How about:

quote:

Hi;

I don't usually send messages to too many ladies on here but I saw your profile and besides the photos, the part in your profile that said you like to bake Playdough© sculptures in EZ Bake© ovens as opposed to kiln firing them really caught my eye.

I do some sculpture. Maybe we could compare notes and see what else we might have in common?


Peace,



Michael



Doesn't deserve some kind of response? EVER ? Seriously?



Michael



Kana -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:10:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)


HEY! [:@]

You didn't put out so you're fake too!


If I recall, you're the one who didn't put out... [:D]


Obviously, since she was the only slave at the table, this is all mouses fault [8D]



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:14:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
How about:

quote:

Hi;

I don't usually send messages to too many ladies on here but I saw your profile and besides the photos, the part in your profile that said you like to bake Playdough© sculptures in EZ Bake© ovens as opposed to kiln firing them really caught my eye.

I do some sculpture. Maybe we could compare notes and see what else we might have in common?


Peace,



Michael



Doesn't deserve some kind of response? EVER ? Seriously?



I've already said, several times now, that guys who are sending a well-thought out, polite message deserve a response (in fact I ran stats on it a couple posts back).

I'm being told (over and over and over again) that if I don't reply to ALL messages, I'm copping-out though. (As in, I'm not meeting my obligations to the social contract I apparently entered into by making a profile here which dictate that I should reply to every single message, and when I don't I'm failing to meet my responsibilities).

I have no issue replying to guys who actually put effort into their messages, but DarkFeather has already admitted that he doesn't bother any longer to put in any effort into a message.

So Michael, considering that we agree that well written, appropriate messages deserve a response, what is your opinion on the messages I posted above... do those guys deserve a reply, and am I copping-out when I don't reply to them?



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:18:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

*Not LP or Sinfix on this thread because I've met them so I know they are real :-)


HEY! [:@]

You didn't put out so you're fake too!


If I recall, you're the one who didn't put out... [:D]


Obviously, since she was the only slave at the table, this is all mouses fault [8D]


You should use that stuff we talked about the other day to teach her a lesson.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Why would someone do this? (3/17/2016 4:26:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

So Micheal, considering that we agree that well written, appropriate messages deserve a response, what is your opinion on the messages I posted above... do those guys deserve a reply, and am I copping-out when I don't reply to them?



Well, one guy was in with half a chance (in my mind) until he used the words "immediately" and "beg for the favor ... allowed".

So, yes, I agree with that particular contention, but I don't think anyone with two brain cells to rub together thinks any of those messages warrant a response.

To Darkfeather's point: I gave up sending those kinds of messages, a long time ago ... well, actually, I gave up sending any messages. Every blue moon I send one just to make sure that my negative view is still justified. In fact, within the last month I sent one and ... drum roll, please ... no response.

Ladies wonder why they can't find quality men? Maybe they're ignoring them?



Michael



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