AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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FR:
This entire thread has been fascinating and sad.
My opinion added to the many more won't make a difference. Just because OP had "some success" (limited) with the notion that contacting women after the first "no" is ok somehow means the overwhelming number of women saying this is not only a good approach but is not appropriate -- well, these opinions do not matter. You asked for feedback, you got it. You seem to delight in the negative attention from women. You do not care that attitudes like yours are the large, large reason many women do not respond to even the FIRST time a guy - and maybe he's an ok guy - reach out. Because - well, there's the second approach that may come.
No means no. It's the classy way to handle yourself. No means no.
I do not dare trivialize how serious sexual assault is, but this "male" attitude (of excusing it by, hey, procreation, evolution, me tarzan you jane, plus you know, women are not capable of making decisions for themselves so let me circle back and add a creepy compliment) -- it's of the same vein of a guy necking with a lady, fondling, getting hot and heavy, and when he puts her hand up her skirt and she says 'no' he thinks to himself - well, the FIRST no isn't REALLLLLLLY a firm no, it's a "try again later" or "maybe slide my hand into her panties from the backside toward her ass instead and work forward from there" --- because, hey, man = procreation and she IS making out and hot and heavy, and some women NEED to be "asked" twice before they "come around to being ok with it".
It's so entitled, gross, self centered.
Sure, there's some tiny small percentage of women that may be receptive to that second email -- maybe it's sheer luck (she was drunk when she read the first email), maybe it's a lady that is super insecure and loves the attention (wow! a guy is emailing me again and it's SO fun to be PURSUED!), maybe she's emotionally damaged ("I kind of enjoy it when a man ignores my protestations"), maybe she was in a bad mood the first time and a "fuck it, whatever, maybe" the second time, maybe she just talked to her psychic for $75 and the psychic just said, "You are going to meet a wonderful man today!" and she saw the note and went, "oh that guy was not for me at all...but hey I just saw my psychic so let's give it a go."
Maybe she is the type of woman that is not emotionally mature enough, not secure enough to say what she means and mean what she says and she will waffle.
Or it's one of those "a broken clock is right twice a day" scenarios. It's like 100 women say "Hell no, this is NOT a good method," and OP says "but it worked for me!" -- uh, yeah, 1 out of 1,000 attempts if you take OP's approach + the other guys that try it. Hey, what about the guy that had success after emailing a woman SEVENTEEN TIMES and got shut down, and on time 18, she said "fuck it, I am so lonely, I feel good today, let's give this guy a shot." --- does that mean EIGHTEEN is the lucky number?
No means no.
For OP, though, maybe the TYPE of woman that rolls over on the second approach is the kind of woman he needs and connects with. This is clearly one he desires, and maybe it's what works; the woman that can be swayed.
Savvy women on dating type sites that are clear about what they want and need do not have time for bullshit type re-approach stuff and shut that down fast ---- and, as many guys bemoan, most just don't reply PERIOD so they do NOT get that "second" try - 5 minutes later, 5 days later.
Oh, hey OP -- how about this approach you can suggest -- if a woman says she is no interested, then wait one week, change your profile and photo, and reach out AGAIN but change your story a little (fibbing is ok, after all, procreation) so you fit more what she wants. So if she says, "I am not interested, I like men who are taller than me, it's just a preference" then make a NEW profile, change your height, and then by the time she meets you of course she will be enamored and not care that you are not the right height. Because you complimented her hair and stuff and made her swoon, so she will just brush off that you lied.
Back when I was open more to guys online and online dating, I was super into industrial and goth music and going out clubbing was a big deal for me, loved it. I wanted guys who were into that music too. Shallow? Eh, I was in my 20s. It was what I wanted.
Guess how many guys would come back with new profiles or screen names and say, "I love that kind of music too!" So many, SO MANY, that I had to actually ASK guys, "What bands?" to frigging test them. Which made me look like a cynical grump to guys honestly into it.
When I started to go NUTS for hockey, guys would lie to me about liking hockey or even playing hockey. Because, hey, procreation. After all, once I got to know them, I would clearly not care that they were making it all up.
No means no. If you think you can weasel around that using the excuse that some small percent may yield success, it does not mean you are not an asshole. If you push sex on 100 women and 100 do NOT want sex, but 1 of the 100 would statistically say "ok, I guess we can have sex," after the second or third ask, that does not mean you are not a creepy asshole. It means you are playing the numbers looking for the one that will change their mind. And, you don't care if she is changing her mind because she HONESTLY changed her mind, or she is changing her mind because she's been pressured.
If you had a daughter would you want her being courted by a guy who thought this way?
Ugh.
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