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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Despite your personal errant definitions and private internal separation of the two words or actions, I regret to inform you of the fact you are being respectful to people with your courtesy.

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re·spect
rəˈspekt/
noun
1.
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
"the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor"
synonyms: esteem, regard, high opinion, admiration, reverence, deference, honor
"the respect due to a great artist"
2.
a particular aspect, point, or detail.
"the government's record in this respect is a mixed one"
synonyms: aspect, regard, facet, feature, way, sense, particular, point, detail
"the report was accurate in every respect"

https://www.google.com/search?q=respect&rlz=1CAACAH_enUS674US675&oq=respect&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i59j69i61l3&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

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re·spect (rĭ-spĕkt′)
tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects
1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem or admire: All the other scholars respect her.
2.
a. To avoid interfering with or intruding upon: Please respect my privacy.
b. To avoid violating: I respected the speed limit throughout the trip.
3. To relate or refer to; concern: As respects the rights of land owners, this law says nothing.
n.
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem: I have great respect for your work. See Synonyms at regard.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem: a leader held in the greatest respect.
3.
a. Consideration or appreciation: Can't you at least give me some respect?
b. Due regard for something considered important or authoritative: respect for the law.
4. respects Polite expressions of consideration, deference, or condolence: pay one's respects.
5. A particular aspect, feature, or detail: In many respects this is an important decision.
6. Usage Problem Relation; reference. See Usage Note at regard
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/respect

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Full Definition of respect
1
: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>
2
: an act of giving particular attention : consideration
3
a : high or special regard : esteem
b : the quality or state of being esteemed
c plural : expressions of high or special regard or deference <paid our respects>
4
: particular, detail <a good plan in some respects>

Synonym Discussion of respect
regard, respect, esteem, admire

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/respect

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respect
[ri-spekt]
Spell Syllables
Synonyms Examples Word Origin
See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com
noun
1.
a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in):
to differ in some respect.
2.
relation or reference:
inquiries with respect to a route.
3.
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability:
I have great respect for her judgment.
4.
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment:
respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5.
the condition of being esteemed or honored:
to be held in respect.
6.
respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship:
Give my respects to your parents.
7.
favor or partiality.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/respect

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So this one is creating a huge struggle for me because I have a lot of feelings for this person and respect, but looking at the nature of the text and the situation I was in, I am really struggling with it. Instinct is screaming to drop this one like a hot potato but the history I have is creating a lot of struggle for me.

That situation was part of the reason I made this thread, though I wanted something that would create some interaction sans the inane crap that dominates the boards, the topic is always a grey-wash of various schools of thought.

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so showing courtesy somehow isn’t being respectful

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Only my job to judge his service to me.

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Respect doesn't cost me anything, but disrespect can cost me everything.

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However, seeing that you're one of the people on this board who's opinions I do respect, and I'm not a native speaker of your language, I'm more than willing to consider that I'm in error on this matter.

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If one is disrespectful to that person, surely it reflects on ones own self-respect ?

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ORIGINAL: littleladybug

By definition, one cannot respect someone that they know nothing about.

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I pay respect by default

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ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Despite your personal errant definitions and private internal separation of the two words or actions, I regret to inform you of the fact you are being respectful to people with your courtesy.

Which dictionary are you using?

All of the definitions I've found speak of "high esteem", "esteem for a sense of worth or excellence", "feelings of deep admiration", "honored or esteemed", "deferential regard", etc.

In other words, none of the definitions of respect I'm familiar with describe a feeling that I would have towards an average person. They describe feelings I'd have for people I consider exceptional, and feelings that a person would earn after earning being considered exceptional by me.

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ORIGINAL: Bhruic

In my opinion, courtesy is a form of SHOWING respect. You are showing respect for social conventions of interaction, and respect for another person's right to expect that such social conventions will be observed.

This is very different from FEELING respect for a person, due to the nature of their character or achievements.

You can show respect to a complete stranger, about whom you know nothing... but it is unlikely you will feel respect, as that requires you to know something about them.

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


He is not talking about "feeling" the respect you gain for someone over time, the kind of thing you get from knowing them as a person. He is talking about the "up front" respect you extend to your fellow community members.

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I don't know why others misunderstood.

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
I am ashamed of some of you.

I'm sure it's not the first time in my case. (Yes. Joke. See the smiley.)

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Talk about having some issues . . . wow! Respect isn't a painful thing requiring pretzel logic about young people or authority figures like bosses. When you have to separate courtesy from respect by using errant meanings for the two words, so showing courtesy somehow isn’t being respectful… well, it is hard to understand you say you respect some with courtesy but you don't respect them because it's just courtesy... which actually means respect. Do you see how crazy that sounds?

Two words for you. Customer service. (I swear, I didn't have clown for breakfast.)

I use that one specifically because it's about job requirements in interactions with other people. Whether you feel it or not, it's how you conduct yourself. The courtesy you display doesn't really have much to do with the other person.

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Also I am not prejudice against the BDSM/leather community holding them to higher standards and reserving the free use of words like 'sir' for my vanilla waiter. I can see how some might because of the difference in the formality of the honorifics. But the definition of honorific is also respect... and I respect the leather community as a whole. We are just like the rest of the world, with our share of blowhards and assholes. My waiter might have been an asshole to others, not my job to judge him. Only my job to judge his service to me.

This part is where I think you have a different interpretation than I do. Even if we took away the area that I call courtesy and put it in what you call respect, all of those people under the respect umbrella won't be the same. The category of respect also has as a part of that definition terms as admiration and high esteem, so it stands to reason that some people will meet that higher standard based on whatever criteria elicits that response. Even if you say you respect everyone, there will be people that you respect more because of <insert reasons here>.

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So I always address someone with the title I was introduced to them with or that they call themselves. Respect doesn't cost me anything, but disrespect can cost me everything. I pay respect by default and save my disrespect for those that earn it. And for those that earn it, I still use honorifics and call them 'sir' while calling them out.

In the interest of honesty, I might or I might not. When it comes to my seniors, anybody in the earned leather (not gifted) category, or people with accomplishments, I'll address or introduce them by whatever they've given me and I'll even use the big "M" words. However, I am a bit jaded by the internet. When Mr No-Experience-but-here-Me-Roar comes along and starts demanding that his 19 year old self be addressed by everybody as Master? No, I'm probably not doing that.