JeffBC
Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012 From: Canada Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newbiesub1977 my one and only goal is to please Sir. No, it's not. You are not a robot. You are a human with your own goals, hopes, dreams and wishes. It's best to remember that even though it may never change the end-outcome of your decisions. In this case your other goal is to retain your self-respect so you might as well acknowledge that openly. Self-respect is a good thing. From a Master's point of view, what happens when I do not want to do what he wants? I give Carol lots of guidance that she doesn't like. Usually I'm fine with that and I just want her to obey. The fact that she disagrees is unfortunate, but not that big of an issue. Other times I need to her actually change her viewpoint and so I work towards that end. In general I assume (since no two people ever see things identically) that she's going to dislike and/or disagree with some of what I want of her. Within reason I see it as not worthy of any concern or response so long as the feeling doesn't interfere with obedience. With our relationship, obedience was always a given but that's hardly true of all relationships. Even so, sometimes despite her best efforts the internal challenges Carol might face for a given command were daunting and I was faced with reconsidering whether the command was a good idea or working her through whatever the internal problem was. Obviously, I preferred to get my way but I'm also a realist and sometimes reality simply intrudes. Sometimes the benefit turns out to be not worth the cost or it turns out the command wasn't going to achieve the desired result. In those cases, reality wins and I abandon the plan. I want to please him, but feel uncomfortable with the idea of walking around like a dog? So why does crawling seem like such a problem and is it really? Take a look inside yourself and see if you can figure out why it's a problem. Is there some particular trigger there? I crawl around all the time for perfectly normal reasons like fetching something from under the bed. If you crawl around to please your Dom is that a less worthy goal than retrieving the lost flashlight from under the bed? Does it make you less of a person in some way? I'm just encouraging you to look closely at your own internal reactions. In the end crawling is simply a body posture. It is you who's placing the baggage on it. Sure, one way to look at it is "dehumanizing". Another way to look at it is "being a great sub". Yet another way to look at it is, "making your partner happy." Are you sure you're looking at it the right way and placing the right valuations on it? it is a complete mindf^ck for me as i do not want to risk making him unhappy when everything has been going so well. Either decide it is a boundary or don't. Like all decisions in life, there are pro's and con's. Only you can really sort it out. Unless your Dom has indicated that he's looking for a TPE relationship, however, discussion of limits and boundaries is pretty normal. Ultimately, you absolutely have the right to have limits and boundaries and you absolutely have the right to enforce them. If he wants a TPE relationship and you don't then all that means is you two aren't compatible. It happens. Is that sort of thing a dehumanizing exercise or does it invoke respect from a Master? I never set out to dehumanize Carol although I suspect she may have interpreted some of my commands in roughly that way. Sometimes I just plain enjoyed watching Carol submit in the same way one might enjoy taking a hairpin curve a bit too fast in a responsive sports car. But in order to get that thrill, you need to go a bit too fast -- you need to stress the system a bit. For me, that translated to deliberately pushing her to submit in uncomfortable ways and quickly. How it made me feel was proud and appreciative of her efforts, confident in my leadership, and pleased with my property. Such things tighten the dynamic between us and thereby empower the relationship. I am afraid of having the discussion because I so want to please Sir, but also want to retain respect? Have the discussion. In pretty much every single relationship problem that has ever existed, the write prescription is "talk". Talk about your respective desires for boundaries and limits and where such things might be. Talk about your feeling of degradation at being made to crawl "like a dog". Listen to his reasons for wanting it. Be a team. Try to remember that you dumping your problems at his feet doesn't mean you won't obey and it is (at least in my opinion) his job in the same way that's it's my job to fix my car when the check engine light goes on. Look at it this way. If he's unable or unwilling to have that conversation then it's probably best you find that out now. I wouldn't consider that a good sign for his abilities to handle authority and responsibility.
< Message edited by JeffBC -- 6/23/2016 3:10:14 PM >
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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie "You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss officially a member of the K Crowd
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