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a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 8:12:55 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
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first off please excuse my spelling. I'm having one of those weird days. one of those days when alot of things happen that you dont really dislike but you would perfer not to have to understand them. my girl friend has told me shes a massacist today, and when I asked her how long shes been one, she said she decided she was about a month ago. it was odd but not completly surprising. (I had allways wondered why she jumped at the chance to get hand cuffs) anyway, this was verty bitter sweet to hear from her. you see, I'm a really big fan of bondage and something like this just means shes very close to on my level sexualy. the bad news is I'm not sure what the hell to do with her now. I'm not that mean a guy. and so, the thought of having to hurt and humiliate her is a bit tough for me. I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge. I've been thinking for an hour, and so far, I've only come up with one idea I think is any good. (have her cut out the bottom of the pocket of her jeans, that way, next time we go to a bondage store, I can slide my hand down her back pocket, stick my thumb in her ass, and force her to walk around like that with me the entire time. I dont think the store will mind too much.) so, my question is two fold

1.) how do I know she really is into massacism and not just going through a phase or a bit excited at the idea of being tied up.

2.) anyone have any good ideas of what I could do with her. games I dcould play, ways I could humiliate her, and things I could do to hurt her in bed. the only limitaion, I'm exxtrodinarily jealous so no third party can be involved (ie; bringin in a third male to rape her, having her friends watch, that sort of stuff)

< Message edited by Nalta -- 7/21/2006 8:17:53 PM >

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 8:27:32 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

please, someone help. I'm very confused. I was raised not to hit people and now the girl I love wants me to start whipping her and making her feel used in public. as you can imagine theres a huge conflict with myself going on right now. any kind of advice on what I could do would really be helpfull. anything to get my brain out of shock mode and into gear to be a creative sadist

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 8:39:30 PM

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Joined: 7/10/2004
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First of all, tell her that you're going to take things slowly. She might be anxious to rush right into heavy canings and such, but given that you're both new to it, that's a bad idea.

Try just adding some spanking to your bondage. Then maybe get a paddle. Buy some nipple clamps: it's very hard to use them 'wrong'. You'll get the hang of it with time, and can get gradually more adventurous.

And make sure there's a lot of communication. For example, I note that you're asking how to humiliate her, but you've indicated only that she's said she's a masochist. Not all masochists are into humiliation; it's a kink prevalent in sub males but rarer in sub females. If her idea of masochism doesn't include humiliation, you risk making a big misstep and turning her right off.

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 8:45:48 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

First of all, tell her that you're going to take things slowly. She might be anxious to rush right into heavy canings and such, but given that you're both new to it, that's a bad idea.

Try just adding some spanking to your bondage. Then maybe get a paddle. Buy some nipple clamps: it's very hard to use them 'wrong'. You'll get the hang of it with time, and can get gradually more adventurous.

And make sure there's a lot of communication. For example, I note that you're asking how to humiliate her, but you've indicated only that she's said she's a masochist. Not all masochists are into humiliation; it's a kink prevalent in sub males but rarer in sub females. If her idea of masochism doesn't include humiliation, you risk making a big misstep and turning her right off.

well, I did make sure to ask her about that.......cause when she told me what it meant, she mentioned both humiliation and pain and I asked her if she was ionto both .....she did say more pain thna humiliation but that she also liked the other.......that..plus........I kinda like the idea of humiliation. >.< I didnt join this site just cause it looked fun after all. and umm.....you mentioned nipple clamps and such.....and uh......stupid as this may sound, do those go on the nipples and are there anymore devices like that?

(in reply to QuietDom)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:01:17 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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Okay, take a deep breath.

If you don't even know what nipple clamps are you aren't ready to jump in and use them without hurting someone badly. Before you start using toys use your hands. Spank, pinch, slap...START GENTLY, and then slowly work up to an intensity she still enjoys. Tell he she must tell you what she likes and what feels yucky. Be careful of her face, and neck, practice on fleshy bits like breasts and butts first!

PROMISE YOU WILL STOP when she asks you to, and KEEP THAT PROMISE! She MUST trust you and you MUST be trustworthy or this won't work!

Go SLOW...This is not the time to be the dominant, the master, you are both learning and you need her to tell you what she wants. Do this together!!

Please, please, please, read the books first, look for workshops in your area and consider learning from real people who know how.

Read S/m101, The Topping Book, and The Loving Dominant.

GO SLOW, GO SLOW, GO SLOW OR YOU WILL FAIL!

Good luck and keep asking questions.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:08:40 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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By the way, stores that sell nipple clamps, and other S/m toys, should be able to tell you all about the toys, and how they work. Ask them if they can show you, or explain it to you. If they can't, consider going somewhere else, because there is a lot of shitty stuff out there not really meant for true use. Always try to buy from people who actually do S/m!

You may want to stay away from metal handcuffs as they cause nerve damage if you don't know what you are doing and for gawd's sake read everything you can about bondage before tying someone up!! DEATHS HAVE OCCURRED FROM NEWBIES JUMPING IN, THINKING IT'S SAFE!!!!

If you experiment with ice be aware that insertion can be dangerous. If you play with candle wax be aware that it can burn. Read, read, read!!! Starting slow and easy is always a good bet.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:08:59 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

though those books sound like a good place to start..........I havge a little problem you see....I uh.....I kinda live in a very back woods place. imagine the town napolean dynamite lives in minus the large school and central town place. what I would give for a book store. anywa, is there some site that maybe has a copy of those for folks to read..or somewhere that has stuf comperable to that.?

Edit: and as a little responce to that second bit. the had cuffs are fuzzy plastic ones.....but I will try to be very very carefull

< Message edited by Nalta -- 7/21/2006 9:14:18 PM >

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:25:04 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

is there some site that maybe has a copy of those for folks to read..or somewhere that has stuf comperable to that.?

Amazon.com has a good selection
My first experience with erotic pain was with clothes pins on my nips, that got me hooked. Start slowly, may 20 seconds at first then increase the time.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:28:57 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

is there some site that maybe has a copy of those for folks to read..or somewhere that has stuf comperable to that.?

Amazon.com has a good selection
My first experience with erotic pain was with clothes pins on my nips, that got me hooked. Start slowly, may 20 seconds at first then increase the time.

and now for the question I bet I allready know the answer to...........is there anywhere thats posts them for free? cause......I have a roommate.........and last thing I want is him finding one of those books. but anyway, thank you for the suggestion, now that sounds nice and easy and practical. of course I'll use cation like everyone is suggesting, but what would the warning signs be if I left them ohn too long and what would happen?

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:30:55 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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There are many online places to buy items do a search and fussy handcuffs can hurt too! Check online for local groups near your home town, sometimes you need to drive aways but it is worth it to learn from those more experienced. Good luck and be safe.

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:37:14 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

While I personally feel it's far better to read the books that are published on this subject, here are a few links that can give you some basic advice if you're truly serious.

Bondage Safety

Safety Cornerstones

Safety Tips

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:40:32 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

now, I thank you all for your help but I dont really think I'm making myself very clear on this one point. going to some kind of group or a book store is not an option....amozon.com is so I may be looking there later but I've allready checked a good bit. I live in an extrodinarily "patriotic" state. basicly everyone who ran for any state postion ran on the platform of for family and god. there are no meetings or such I can go to and even if there were any I couldnt go to them........I'd risk losing my job. maybe I will go one day when I live in a more understanding place......but for now I just cant go

< Message edited by Nalta -- 7/21/2006 9:41:52 PM >

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:46:58 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nalta

is there anywhere thats posts them for free? cause......I have a roommate.........and last thing I want is him finding one of those books.

Buy a suitcase that can be locked. The books will arrive wrapped. Store them in the suitcase.

As for clothespins on nipples...that's a good start. The more skin you pinch the less it hurts. So, naturally just the ends of the nipples will probably hurt like heck.

Check for warmth. If the nipples get cold then too much circulation is getting cut off.

They will usually feel fine for a while then hurt like hell when you take them off. TAKE THEM OFF CAREFULLY. Twisting them, or pulling them will increase the pain. (It's safe to do that, if she likes it...but remember it's flesh, be careful!)

Damaging the nerves can mean she loses sensitivity in her nipples...maybe permanently. Not fun.

Oh, and fuzzy metal handcuff can still do damage. Don't TRY to be careful BE CAREFUL BY LEARNING!! There is a nerve that runs along the bone on the inside of the wrists. rope or cuffs can pinch that nerve against the bone.

Leather restraints are best.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:51:35 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Okay, another good thing to start with...toothpaste, tabasco sauce, or cough drops can create a really burn-y sensation on clit and pussy lips.

Start with just a LITTLE, the first time. You can always add more if she wants more. Some women can't take it.

Keep a washcloth handy in case it burns.

Hair-pulling can also be a safe pain. Just don't yank back her neck though. Slowly slide your hand up through her hair at the nape of her neck, and then tighten slowly and pull...Be careful of her neck.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:53:12 PM

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

Nalta, according to your profile you are in the USA, there is always somewhere to go, yes you are in the south however there is a huge kink world all over. You just need to do some searching to find it.

As suggested go slow, dont do anything unless you have tried it on yourself, and read the suggestions offered. There are a number on this forum who dont feel the online resources are effective however if you are unable to purchase real books online is the next best place to start. It at least will begin your education.

You did mention taking your gf to a bondage store, they will have books, try there. Dont go for the kinky erotica go for the educational how to books.

Good luck and remember have fun

owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 9:55:10 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

Okay, another good thing to start with...toothpaste, tabasco sauce, or cough drops can create a really burn-y sensation on clit and pussy lips.

Start with just a LITTLE, the first time. You can always add more if she wants more. Some women can't take it.

Keep a washcloth handy in case it burns.

Hair-pulling can also be a safe pain. Just don't yank back her neck though. Slowly slide your hand up through her hair at the nape of her neck, and then tighten slowly and pull...Be careful of her neck.

now this kinda stuff, the basics is what I've been looking for. cough drops, wash cloths, and clothes pins. but one quesiotn I do have, do you mean wooden clothes pins or those metal saftey pins?

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 10:03:59 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Wooden or plastic clothespin for hanging laundry. Usually people start with wooden first as they are a little less painful, but watch that they don't have slivers.

You can also put these on the pussy lips...BUT, as tempting as it may seem, don't try it on the clit. There are a few women who can take that but I don't think there are many.

By the way, ruffling the clothespins with your hands or putting a vibrator against the clothespins can feel really amazing. Very ouchy but also erotic.

Again, start slow and get her to tell you what she is feeling and whether she wants more.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 10:07:07 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

well, I'm going to get some sleep now, but I would love more suggestions and help. so feel free to keep posting. but for me, I have a 6AM wake up time I have to adhear to. night one and all. and thank you so much. I will be very safe, and take it slowly.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 10:10:33 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Good night and feel free to ask more questions, anytime.

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Nalta)

RE: a brand new pain lover......my massacist (help) - 7/21/2006 10:20:46 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

These should give you a damn good start...

Topping (Sadist/Dom) Tips

Spanking Techniques

Hot Wax

Pussy Play

More On Safety

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

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