Am I looking at this wrong?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Am I looking at this wrong?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I looking at this wrong?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/19/2016 7:56:53 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2016
Status: offline

So pretty new to this lifestyle and even newer to Collarspace. I set up my profile and within one day had three response's yet all dud's... One could barely speak english, another just stopped talking as soon as I displayed little interest towards feminization play and the other said we should chat and never replied. I sent someone who looked like they could be my ideal domme a message but upon reading their journal think they have set their mail controls to ignore males. *sigh*

So as I have been looking at people profiles and reading through them I get the sense that you either have to be willing to pay the big bucks just to get someones attention or go on a waiting list or get extremely lucky.

So my main question is - Am I looking at this wrong? Is this the norm and to be expected or am I just unlucky and need to be more patient.

Also if someone could tell me how to get verified, it would be welcome.

Cheers

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/19/2016 8:17:59 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Well, I'll start out by saying that you're attempting to get the attention of one of the smallest demograaphics within the community, which means that it's ripe for scammers.

Next, I always say that the best way to have success is to get out to your local community. Volunteer to staff events and serve with grace...and you'll gain a reputation and a good nose for truth and fallacy.

Good luck iin your search.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/19/2016 8:20:42 PM

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

Welcome to CS. As this is a free site, unfortunately what you are experiencing is the norm. Like most other free sites, you have the players and the wannabes, with a lot of time invested for little return, for the most part. You just have to be patient, and also keep in mind that the men on this site vastly outnumber the women. So for every email you send, she is probably getting 10 or more in addition to yours. To answer your other question, there is no verification method, although I have seen some profiles where the person photographs themselves (from the neck down for privacy reasons) while holding up a sign with their user name on it.

With the negatives, there are positives as well. I have had mostly good interactions with those that I've met from here. You just have to have enough patience and persistence to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Best of luck to you!

< Message edited by bamabbwsub -- 8/19/2016 8:21:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/20/2016 12:20:52 AM

Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline

Your experience seems fairly typical.

Just on the basis of the numbers game alone
- CS is unlikely to deliver your dream Domme
- Many of the people eager to message you will be primarily interested in your money rather than a relationship or your animal magnetism. Some of these people will be open and up front, others will be scammers (Who knew? Not on the internet surely?)
- Women receive far more messages than men
- Most of the women you message will have been subject to repeated abusive messages from men, many of whom believe they are entitled to a dialogue and who get unpleasant when one is not forthcoming. No matter how fair-minded they are, that fact will affect how they respond to you.

As a result there are a bunch of disappointed men with a feeling of entitlement who blame the site for not being a more effective Domme (or female sub) delivery system. They often blame the women as much as the site, despite the fact that on sheer numbers alone, they were onto a loser from the start.

People will give you all sorts of advice on how to use the site better, improve your profile, even how to change your personality to lure the women on the site into your irresistible web.

On the positive side CS will bring you into contact with lots of kinky people you wouldn't bump into in the normal course of events. It will however always disappoint as a dating site because there are no controls on the numbers of men, making it a strongly sellers market. Sure there are people who meet either play partners or life partners here but they are in the minority.

The best advice therefore is what OsideGirl suggested and that is to get out there. Find your local munch and join in if you want to reduce the odds. There is no substitute for real life.

All the best.

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/20/2016 5:01:00 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

I echo what OsideGirl said.

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/20/2016 7:30:52 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Me too.

I dunno about Hamilton, but Auckland and Wellington have active communities.

Also, don't get discouraged by the numbers. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy doing so, you'll catch Dommes' attention. The ones I know are fed up with "Mistress, will you Dominate me?" messages and would love a cheery conversation.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/20/2016 7:57:05 PM

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

Not really a Domme (I am more of a Switch with Topping tendencies), but what I like is someone attracting me with their mind, a sense of humor, not with their gonads. Someone who will listen to heavy metal one day and a string quartet the next. Someone who understands I am ill and cannot do some things like I used to.

In other words, be human, not a sexual being. You'll be surprised what you'll find.

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/21/2016 8:33:26 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2016
Status: offline

Thanks heaps for the advice, and as said earlier I think local is going to be tough but probably a better option in the long run. Is there a way to browse meet ups/munches in your local area?

I understand that I'm probably in the biggest demographic in terms of m/f ratio but I still hope. And mentioned above I totally agree, personality always trumps body not matter how beautiful because if you truly like their mind you will grow to appreciate them as whole including their body. I would like to think that I'm not one dimensional, but then not many people do think that but many are one dimensional (or come across as) so yeah.....

But I really appreciate the feedback, I think patience is key

Cheers

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/22/2016 3:03:38 AM

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

You're panning for gold here. For every nugget there are a LOT of stones, sand and other sediment.

As for information on munches and such, (am I allowed to mention... FetLife?)....

Respectfully
Mike
SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/22/2016 9:32:23 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Also, there's no such thing as being verified. That's a scam. If anybody demands you give your credit card number, run.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SnowRanger)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 8/23/2016 2:57:09 AM

Posts: 2
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

So pretty new to this lifestyle and even newer to Collarspace. I set up my profile and within one day had three response's yet all dud's... One could barely speak english, another just stopped talking as soon as I displayed little interest towards feminization play and the other said we should chat and never replied. I sent someone who looked like they could be my ideal domme a message but upon reading their journal think they have set their mail controls to ignore males. *sigh*

So as I have been looking at people profiles and reading through them I get the sense that you either have to be willing to pay the big bucks just to get someones attention or go on a waiting list or get extremely lucky.

So my main question is - Am I looking at this wrong? Is this the norm and to be expected or am I just unlucky and need to be more patient.

Also if someone could tell me how to get verified, it would be welcome.

Cheers

Hi, IDK exactly what you are looking for or what area you live in, but I will chat with you. No I do not want money, no I do not want anatomy pictures. Just perhaps some verbs conjugated correctly.

Mrg1969

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/13/2016 11:11:04 PM

MistressAubreee

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/10/2016
Status: offline

Your best bet for finding a Dom or sub is to join BDSM ad groups on Facebook (there's at least 3 I can think of off the top of my head), fetlife (if you're comfortable there), and browse tumblr blogs to see if there's any singles looking.

_____________________________

FinDom always looking for finsubs!
Fetlife: Mistressaubree
Twitter:: @Mistressaubree
Instagram: Mistressaubree
Facebook: Mistress Aubree

(in reply to mrg1969)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/14/2016 8:23:52 AM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

Thanks heaps for the advice, and as said earlier I think local is going to be tough but probably a better option in the long run. Is there a way to browse meet ups/munches in your local area?

Cheers

Fetlife is a great way to find groups and meetings but has gotten a bit more difficult to join from what I've read. Have you ever tried to use Google? Type in the name of the city where you are searching and the terms BDSM, or munches, or kink groups.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/14/2016 9:26:38 AM

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/13/2013
Status: offline

Indicative
Present
I am
you are
he/she/it is
we are
you are
they are
Preterite
I was
you were
he/she/it was
we were
you were
they were

Infinitive
to be

Imperative
be

Participle
Present - being
Past - been

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/14/2016 12:36:07 PM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

+10!

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to markyugen)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/24/2016 2:21:56 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2016
Status: offline

So I went to my first munch and it was really nice, I probably the youngest person there by about 15 years but it was still really enjoyable and I learnt alot, thank you to all of you who gave me advice it was appreciated.

My question to you is the mental sides of domination vs physical, from what I gathered from the munch and from reading things on here I am more interested in the mental than physical. e.g. if involved in impact play, being more excited about the suspense of it and when the next hit is coming rather than craving the hit itself. Yet among the doms at the munch the physical side was more focused on, is there more of a interest in the physical side of things from the doms point of view or is it something more?

Thanks in advance

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/24/2016 3:59:55 AM

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

You'll find that a lot of people focus on the physical for many reasons:

1. It's more accessible. Physical skills can be learned more easily than mental skills.
2. It's easy to practice with strangers. Topping someone is easier (and more immediate) than dominating them.
3. Many people just don't THINK all that much or want to discover the psychological aspects of WIITWD.

That said, there are many who enjoy the mental. I'm more of a dominant than a top, myself. Good luck! *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/24/2016 6:45:41 AM

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Also, don't get discouraged by the numbers. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy doing so, you'll catch Dommes' attention. The ones I know are fed up with "Mistress, will you Dominate me?" messages and would love a cheery conversation.

Oh yes. Seconded, very much.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/24/2016 8:39:44 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

So I went to my first munch and it was really nice, I probably the youngest person there by about 15 years but it was still really enjoyable and I learnt alot, thank you to all of you who gave me advice it was appreciated.

My question to you is the mental sides of domination vs physical, from what I gathered from the munch and from reading things on here I am more interested in the mental than physical. e.g. if involved in impact play, being more excited about the suspense of it and when the next hit is coming rather than craving the hit itself. Yet among the doms at the munch the physical side was more focused on, is there more of a interest in the physical side of things from the doms point of view or is it something more?

Thanks in advance

I'm the same way. I good mind fuck is so much more engaging than pure brute force.

(in reply to Amorsian)

RE: Am I looking at this wrong? - 9/24/2016 12:21:44 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

About the age difference, ask if anyone knows of a TNG group in your area. Frequently the munch leaders will know what other munches are around.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I looking at this wrong?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.562